She Is His Only Need
by SuddenlySandi
Summary: Bella and Edward are high school students at a school for troubled youth. Can they find a way to heal their souls and believe in love? All Human
1. Chapter 1 thru 3

**The Twilight Characters are owned by Stephenie Meyer**

1

When I entered the room I noticed only six chairs set up in a semi-circle. Three were already taken, so I sat on the end, with an empty chair between me and the tall blonde girl. None of us looked at each other, and I didn't raise my head when two other people walked in.

I tried to be very interested in my jeans and played with a small tear on my knee. One girl, a tiny dark haired motor mouth, was making small talk with everyone. I found out the blonde was Rosalie and a big guy, and I mean huge, was named Emmett.

I tried to tune out their talking, but the room was so quiet I couldn't completely ignore them. The door opened for a final time and two adults walked in.

"Hello, kids," the man said, pissing me off. We were not legally adults, but we were far from kids.

"I am Dr. Carlisle Cullen and this is my wife Dr. Esme Cullen. We will be your group counselors and private therapists. We want you to think of each other as a family of sorts."

Like hell, I would never consider these losers family. I was in this stupid school because of how I treated family. I was going to do my time and get out of here.

"Everything we do will be together," the woman said, "So get to know each other and learn to lean on lean on one another."

"Do we get to leave the facility?" the talkative girl asked.

"We will take group outings," Esme said, as she pulled up a chair.

Carlisle remained standing, most likely trying to intimidate us, and spoke, "Let's go around the group and get to know each other. Edward, would you begin by telling us a little about yourself."

"Pass," he said, which caused me to lift my head and look at him.

He was lounging in the chair on the other end of the semi circle, with his arms folded, and a permanent scowl on his face. He kept his eyes on his feet, which were extended far out in front of him. I felt myself smile and quickly pulled it back.

"This will be a safe place to talk, Edward," Esme said to encourage him.

"I have nothing to say," he mumbled.

"I'll go first," the tiny girl spoke up. "My name is Alice Brandon. I am here because I like to shop." She giggled as if making a joke.

"Your parents sent you here for shopping?" Emmett asked in shock.

"Well, I like to shop, I just don't like to pay for it," she laughed again.

Emmett laughed with her and his voice seemed too loud for the stuffy room. "I'm Emmett McCarty and I have a steroid problem," he admitted.

"You know what that does to your nuts, don't you?" A guy with an angelic face spoke up. His hair fell in golden curls around his cheeks and his thick lips made him look like a painting.

"Yeah, but look at my guns," Emmett laughed as he flexed his arms.

The other guy shook he head and said, "My name is Jasper Whitlock and I haven't done anything wrong, I just talk other people in to doing it for me," he chuckled.

"Sheep," I muttered softly and everyone turned to look at me. I kept my eyes down and waited for the uncomfortable silence to end.

"I'm Rosalie Hale, and I'm bulimic," the gorgeous blonde shared.

"Where is that?" Emmett asked and I couldn't help but smile. I looked up just enough to see Edward chuckle and shake his head.

"It isn't a country, you caveman, it is an eating disorder," she explained.

Emmett looked confused, so Jasper explained further, "She barfs up her food."

"Gross, why?"

"It is an illness," Rosalie defended.

"It is an idiot," I said under my breath and Edward looked right at me and smiled softly.

"Why are you here, vampira?" Rose threw at me.

"I drink the blood of stupid girls," I said hatefully to her and Emmett laughed loudly.

"Okay, lets stop giving out insults. We are here to support each other, not to cast dispersions," Carlisle said. "Bella, why don't you introduce yourself."

"I'm Bella," I said quickly.

"Why are you here?" Alice asked, and I realized she had been quiet during the whole exchange.

I shook my head as I folded my arms in front of me. I wasn't going to share a thing with these people. "Pass," I finally said.

"Oh man, these two are going to be loads of fun," Jasper said looking at me and Edward.

"Can't they just be their own group," Rosalie asked Esme.

"They will warm up to the group, just give them some time," she responded.

"Don't talk about us like we are not here," I said angrily.

Edward glared at me to let me know he was not okay with me speaking for him. I took a deep breath and went back to staring at the floor.

"This is Edward Masen," Carlisle said as he nodded toward his chair, "and this is Bella Swan. We are going to have a group session right now and I encourage each of you to share what you feel comfortable sharing. Emmett, can you tell us why you first used steroids?"

"For football, my family has a reputation, I have six brothers and I needed to stick out, you know, get ahead of the pack."

"Do your brothers use them?" Esme asked.

"No, but I want out of my small town. I want a scholarship."

"I can teach you how to hack into your grades and get you a scholastic scholarship," Jasper laughed.

"Yeah?" Emmett asked seriously.

"Alice, tell us when you first shoplifted," Carlisle said to stop the guys from planning criminal activity.

"Okay, I was at the mall, because they were having a huge sale, but most of the good stuff was already picked over. I was trying on some jewelry, not the real stuff, just the cheap crap they keep out, and I put on a gorgeous ring. It had a large ruby in the middle with little rhinestones around it, nothing expensive just cute costume stuff and I had a shirt that would go perfectly with the ruby…"

"God, make her stop," Edward said in irritation.

Alice let her head fall and I thought she was going to cry. It made me mad at Edward. Alice was tiny and yeah, she talked too much, but she seemed harmless.

"Shut up," I yelled at Edward. His eyes flashed to mine and his entire body tensed up, but I kept going. "She chose to share and you didn't, so shut up and listen."

I expected him to call me names or say something hateful, but he only glared at me. It caught me off guard and I tried to focus back on Alice, but Edward had me rattled.

"Anyway," Alice said sadly, "I took the ring and I liked the rush it gave me."

"Rosalie?" Esme asked.

"I was always the pretty girl," she said softly, just on the verge of tears. "It is a lot of pressure and I felt like I had to be the thinnest to keep people interested in me."

"Guys like girls with curves," Emmett said trying to help.

"Girls don't," she said adamantly.

"You're a dyke?" he asked in shock.

Esme laughed and interjected. "Emmett, girls compare themselves against other girls, most of the time they worry more about what other females think than what men think."

"Well, I think your hot," he said to Rose.

She smiled and mouthed, "Thank you."

"Jasper," Carlisle pushed, "would you like to explain your issue to the group?"

"I'm a con man," he smiled. "I learned from the best, my father. I could talk the panties off a nun."

The group laughed and I glanced at Edward to see him glare back at me. I scratched my arm with just my middle finger, and he moved his eyes slowly from my arm up to my face with pure hatred.

"Bella, your turn," Esme said,

"I set my stepfather on fire," I said without remorse.

Everyone's mouth fell open except Edward's. His eyes actually softened a bit.

"I don't want her in our group if she is dangerous," Rosalie protested.

"Bella, do you want to elaborate?" Carlisle asked softly.

I only shook my head and hoped they would actually kick me out of the group. Esme came to my defense, "Bella is not dangerous, and we are not here to judge anyone."

"I like you," Alice said to me with a smile on her face. I couldn't help but smile back. She was infectious, just like Emmett.

"Edward?" Carlisle asked.

"Pass," he stated again.

"If you don't share why you are here, I will be forced to do it for you," Carlisle explained.

Edward sat up a little and finally said, "I beat the piss out of my father."

Our eyes connected across the circle and we understood each other. We were both victims of adults who thought they could do what they wanted, but we stood up. We wouldn't let them continue and it got us both put into this place.

"I think those two should be removed from the group," Rosalie said worriedly.

"If we get out of line, just vomit on us," Edward said hatefully to her.

Emmett's laughter filled the room and Edward actually smiled a bit.

"I don't want you guys teasing Rosalie," Esme said forcefully. "Her issue is very real and we want her to get better."

"So do you like eat, and then feel guilty, so you vomit?" Emmett asked her.

"No, I try to control my eating and if I fall off my diet I take ipecac or laxatives to get it back under control." She was talking just to Emmett as he nodded like he understood. They were both turned to face each other and I noticed how her knees kept bumping his.

"You don't need to diet," he said with a furrowed brow.

Jasper laughed, getting Emmett's attention. "And you don't need steroids you Neanderthal."

"Stop that," Rose said to Jasper, "he was just showing concern, you don't need to call him names."

"Oh Jesus," I muttered. I really needed to keep my smart ass remarks to myself. I was causing way too much attention on myself. When the entire group looked at me I added, "Do you two want to be alone."

"You're just jealous," Rose said and scooted closer to Emmett.

"Yeah," I laughed, "I want my own sasquatch."

"Have you ever heard of the skunk-ape?" Emmett asked in total seriousness. "Back home in Tennessee there is this thing that lives in the hills…."

"Okay, I think we've had enough of a diversion," Esme laughed.

"You're from Tennessee?" Jasper asked Emmett. "I'm from Georgia."

"Alright," Emmett said loudly, "The south will rise again."

"I'm from New York," Rose stated as if that meant something to any of us.

"I'm from Kansas," Alice laughed, "and nobody better call me a munchkin."

Edward and I looked at each other, neither one willing to go first.

"You're from Chicago aren't you," Esme asked him.

I chuckled, enjoying the fact he had to spill before me. He only nodded.

"Chicago has decent shopping," Rosalie admitted.

"Really," beamed Alice. "Like upscale shops or touristy places?"

"Chicago cops will beat you if they catch you stealing," Edward added.

"Are you a cop?" I said and then quickly wanted to kick myself. I swear I need a muzzle or something, but the chance to point out he had beat his father was too much to pass up on.

"No, are you a fireman?" he threw back at me.

_Crap_, I didn't think it through enough. It was going to be harder to get under his skin than I thought. I was truly beginning to like the rest of the group, but didn't like the fact I would be spending so much time with someone like Edward. We couldn't have two people refusing to open up, and I was hoping to be the one to claim that spot.

"You two need to get laid," Jasper said shaking his head.

"Is sex allowed here?" Emmett asked and I noticed how he glanced at Rosalie.

"This isn't prison," Jasper laughed.

Alice scrunched up her face for a second and finally asked, "Does that mean yes or no, because they have sex in prison, but I don't think they are supposed to. And if this is school, you aren't supposed to have sex in school but teenagers do have sex, and…."

"I like you," Jasper said smiling at Alice.

"Are you making fun of me?" she asked him.

"No, not at all. You have….spunk," he pointed out.

"Talk the nurse into giving her a valium," Edward said to Jasper.

I did it, I kept my mouth shut and didn't let his comment bait me into another remark. He looked at me as if he could tell I wanted to say something so badly, and even raised his eyebrows as a challenge. I bit on my lip and remained quiet.

"I have some packets here with room assignments and a rule book. Take time to read it. It also contains your class schedule and therapy sessions. If you need anything learn to turn to each other. We will be together all year, so lets all start getting along," Dr. Cullen glanced and me and Edward as he spoke.

Our room had three bunks, meaning six girls would be living together. Whoever designed the place was insane. I quickly three my packet onto a top bunk and Alice put hers under mine. Rosalie took another bottom bunk and we all got on our beds to read the packet.

"Can I see your classes?" Alice asked me.

I handed her the paper and she squealed, "We have two classes together."

"Wonderful," I said dryly.

She moved over to Rose's bunk and looked at her schedule too. "Wow, we have a lot of classes together," she said happily.

"What do you think of Emmett?" Rose whispered.

"He's cute, but kind of dumb," Alice admitted.

"I think he's sexy," Rose said, deep in thought.

"I think Jasper is so beautiful," Alice sighed. "He should be a model he is so pretty."

"He should be a woman, he is so pretty," I added.

"I hate Edward," Rose said adamantly.

"Give him a chance," Alice said. "He is probably a tortured soul."

"I think he was raised in a trailer, with a drunk as a father, and they beat each other up as a family activity," Rose judged.

I grabbed my back pack off the bunk and pulled out my laptop. There was one way to find out about Edward Masen, but I wasn't about to share with the other girls. They would most likely Google my name, too.

I read about the Masen's from Chicago, they were anything but trailer trash. His father was a wealthy lawyer and his mother was a socialite. They were involved with many charities and every picture showed a loving family. But I knew how pictures could be deceiving.

Edward attended an all boys prep school in the suburbs, most likely wanting attention from his too busy parents. He received many accolades, all documented by articles probably placed by his father. Maybe he didn't pass a class or receive a certain award that caused a fight with his father? Or maybe it was something the Masen's had hidden deep within the walls of the family home.

"Let's head to the cafeteria," Alice suggested and then gasped to Rose. "Is that okay?"

"Oh my God, don't be so melodramatic. I eat food, I just count calories," she explained.

The other three girls walked into our dorm room at that moment. They introduced themselves and a girl named Jessica did all the talking. She was a typical valley girl, every other word was 'like' and she spoke nonstop about all the cute boys.

Angela took the top bunk across from me. She seemed quiet and reserved and I was so happy Jessica was afraid of heights. Lauren was the third girl. She played with her hair constantly and seemed to feel Rosalie would be her main competition, so she watched her every move.

I was happy to leave and head to the cafeteria. I was not happy when Alice and Rose walked straight to the table where our guys sat. "Is the food any good?" Alice asked.

"Vomit worthy," Edward said dryly.

"Got to hell," Rosalie said and headed to the food line. Emmett jumped up to help her, or apologize, or to just stand in her presence.

"Where did you get the salad?" Alice asked Jasper and he stood to show her the salad bar.

It left me and Edward at the table alone and I felt my mouth go dry. He turned to look at me for a moment and finally said, "We never got around to where you are from."

"Arizona," I said as I looked away.

"Do you like the Cubs?" he asked.

"Don't you mean the Diamondbacks?"

"The Cubs have spring training at Hohokam Park in Mesa," he explained.

"Why would that mean shit to me?" I said hatefully. He was a typical preppy kid, thinking his world was the only one that mattered.

He smirked and said, "Because there is a large fire station by the park, I thought you would know the guys or something."

"Sorry, I don't hang out at galas and charity functions as my parent's pet," I sneered, and he tensed.

Rose and Emmett came back to the table and she looked at me. "Aren't you going to eat?"

I stood and looked around the place, "Is there a place to smoke?" I asked.

"You are not smoking in our room," Rose demanded.

"There is a pavilion out back where they allow smoking," Edward said, without adding anything hateful to it.

I headed toward the door he nodded at and heard Rosalie complaining as I walked away about the dangers of secondhand smoke. I was sitting on a picnic table by myself when Edward walked out and pulled a pack of smokes from his pocket.

"Didn't you walk for cancer or some shit like that?" I said hatefully.

"Are you looking into my life?" he asked in anger.

I was embarrassed he actually caught me and looked away from his accusing eyes. He lit a cigarette and took a long draw before nodding at my lighter sitting next to me.

"They let you keep that?" he asked to get even with me.

"I didn't use my lighter," I said to dismiss him.

We both sat quietly and he finally sighed loudly. I looked at him, but he was staring off in the distance at nothing. I finally asked him a serious question.

"Does it seem weird to go to school with girls?"

Just his eyes moved to look at me and he shook his head back and forth slightly.

"Does it seem weird to go to school where it rains?" he asked back.

I looked at the green surrounding me and the drizzle on the sidewalk before answering, "No, my dad lives here in Washington."

He stared at me for a moment and finally pulled something from his pocket and tossed it to me. I looked at the granola bar in my hand and then at him, confused.

"You didn't get anything to eat," he said looking away.

I noticed how my hand began to shake and I felt a lump in my throat. He was so mean and then did something so nice. It confused me and touched me at the same time. I opened the package and took a bite of the bar.

"Thanks," I said with a full mouth.

He only nodded and took the last draw of his cigarette before tossing it in the bucket of sand next to the table. I expected him to leave, but he leaned back on his hands and just stared at me.

"What?" I asked.

"Nothing, I just don't want to go back inside."

"Do you like Emmett and Jasper?" I asked, feeling uncomfortable with his silent staring.

He chuckled and nodded. "Emmett is just a big kid, and Jasper is cool. He's a little deep for me, but whatever."

"Deep?" I asked.

"Yeah, he's a bit of a philosopher."

"How so?" I pushed.

"Well," he began slowly, "he thinks you are tied up with guilt."

"He's philosophizing about me? I asked in shock.

"Not just you, everyone."

"So why does Alice steal?" I asked.

"She is so tiny she isn't noticed, it is her way of being larger than life," he laughed.

"Jasper is full of shit," I said angrily.

"Why do you think she steals?" he challenged.

"Because she wants to feel the adrenalin rush. Shopping got boring so she found a way to make it exciting."

"Maybe she just wants the stuff?" he proposed.

"She could get a job and buy it," I retaliated.

He laughed loudly and said, "I can't picture her working at McDonalds."

I laughed with him until he turned the conversation back to me. "So, are you feeling guilty?"

"Not at all," I said staring right into his eyes.

"Is he dead?" he asked and my whole stomach tied in knots.

"No, I didn't try to kill him," I said and looked away at the rain.

We sat in quiet again and I finally asked, "Did you get hurt?"

"No, he didn't fight back," he offered quietly.

We both sat deep in thought, unwilling to share anything else, when Lauren and Jessica walked up. "Hi Bella," Lauren said and I only raised my hand in answer.

"Who are you?" she said seductively to Edward.

He sat forward with his arms over his knees and his fingers clasped in front of him. Lauren was angry when he didn't answer and grabbed Jessica's arm. "Let's go, there is nothing exciting here."

I watched them storm off in amusement and finished the granola bar Edward gave me. I knew rooming with those girls was going to be a lot of drama and I liked that Edward got them riled up.

"They're my roommates," I explained. "How are yours?"

He shrugged and added, "I haven't really talked to them."

"What classes do you have?" I asked and watched as he pulled a paper from his pocket and began to unfold it.

I moved over to his table and sat next to him to look at the schedule. "We have science and gym together," I said without any emotion.

"I'm not going to gym," he said in disgust.

"Afraid to change in front of other guys?" I laughed.

"I don't find hitting a ball with a stick and running in a circle amusing," he said, but I didn't buy it for a moment.

"You know the name of the park where the Cubs hold spring training," I pointed out.

"I don't play organized sports, it is for guys like Emmett," he tried to explain.

"So what is for guys like you?" I laughed.

He pulled out another cigarette so I said, "No wonder you don't play sports, you probably don't have the lung capacity."

"Look around, love," he said out the side of his mouth as he lit the cigarette, "your habits are just as bad as mine."

I moved away from him and sat back on the other table as he smoked in silence. Emmett and Rosalie walked past us, completely oblivious to anything around them, as they chatted and laughed. A guy walked out the cafeteria door and saw Edward and headed over to him.

"Hey, Masen," he smiled and then looked at me with a bigger grin.

"I'm Mike Newton," he said and held out his hand.

I nodded but didn't take his hand. For some reason I felt unable to really talk to the guy in front of Edward. I felt like I would be betraying him by becoming friendly with someone he knew. He pissed off Lauren, and I felt it was for me, so I had to reciprocate.

"What's your name?" Mike asked.

"You don't need to know," I said and looked away.

"Her name is Bella," Edward told him and I felt anger build inside of me. I glared at Edward and got up to leave.

"Don't go," Mike said nicely.

"Nothing against you Mike, but your buddy is a real ass."

I walked away and heard Edward chuckle. He was so infuriating and I was glad something reminded me we were not friends. I went back to my room and found Angela lying on the bunk. I climbed up on mine and looked at my schedule.

I moaned when I realized I had therapy in less than an hour. I was not looking forward to sitting in a circle with Edward again.

"Do you like your group?" Angela asked nicely.

"Most of them, but it is only the first day," I admitted.

"Yeah, mine's good," she smiled sweetly.

"What in the hell are you doing here?" I asked, thinking she had lost her way to church camp or something.

"I….I self mutilate," she said as her eyes filled with tears.

"You're a cutter?" I asked in shock.

She nodded and I wasn't quite sure how to respond, so I decided to leave her alone. I pulled out my laptop and tried to find more information on Edward. He was such a liar. I found information about his school baseball and soccer team, which he was a member of. He also swam freestyle for a club team.

I looked up Emmett and found his family was quite famous in their small town. The McCarty boys were great athletes and I understood his temptation to muscle dope. Jasper's name provided no information at all and it made me wonder if it was actually his real name.

Alice and Rose returned to get me for session and I followed reluctantly behind them. Both girls were smitten with the boys in our group and I cringed at the thought of being paired off with Edward. When we got into the room the guys were already there.

Edward was sitting in the chair I had used earlier and it made me hiss at him.

"What's your problem?" he said hatefully.

"You," I answered honestly.

"Deal with it," he said as he crossed his arms over his chest.

I was glad the two Dr. Cullen's walked in to save me from ripping his throat out. I sat in the chair opposite him, that he used that morning. We both looked hatefully at each other. It was going to a long, long year.

2

Everyone got very quiet and waited for Carlisle and Esme to begin. I could tell we were all nervous no matter how cocky we acted.

"Is everyone settled in?" Esme asked.

We all nodded and I rolled my eyes at the way Rosalie looked at Emmett for validation for her every move.

"We want to talk about safe zones," Carlisle explained. "This room is a place you can feel free to express anything, without worry of it being spread around campus. That means you are all to keep your mouths shut about things you hear in here."

"Private sessions are also safe zones," Esme continued. "We will not share anything you tell us with the rest of the group."

"And my bed is a safe zone, too," Emmett laughed and Rosalie smacked him.

"Now I want to vomit," I sneered.

Alice laughed at me and turned to Jasper, "Are we allowed in your rooms?"

"You can always feign ignorance if you never ask permission," he explained to her naïve little mind.

"You need to read the rule book, Alice," Carlisle said authoritatively.

Edward began biting his nails as if he was completely bored and I forced myself to stop watching him. Something about his mouth and tongue made me uncomfortable.

"Today we are going to delve into our feelings about authority," Esme began. "How do you feel about the stress of being almost an adult, but still under the authority of others?"

"I don't understand how our parents want us to be all grown up, but they won't allow us to make our own decisions," Alice complained.

"Are you sure they aren't just guiding you to make the right decisions and you view it as control?" Carlisle asked.

"Well, my dad gives me a credit card, but then he goes over my charges and complains about them," she offered.

"Maybe you should offer to sit down with him once a month and explain the charges to him, so he doesn't have to ask, and he knows you are aware of what you are purchasing," Esme suggested.

"Or maybe you should just steal more," Edward said nonchalantly.

"How would that help?" Carlisle asked him.

"She wouldn't use the card and he couldn't complain," he said.

"I wish I had a credit card," Emmett joked.

"I can get you one in several different names," Jasper offered.

"Emmett, how do you handle your expenditures?" Esme asked him.

He shrugged, "When I have a good game people around town just buy me stuff."

I looked at him sadly and knew his steroid use was being accepted by the whole town. How would he be able to walk around with his head held high if he stopped using and his performance faltered? I felt very sorry for him.

"What if you asked someone in town for a job, something flexible that you could work into your sports schedule?" Esme suggested.

Emmett nodded like it was something to be considered.

"Japer how do you view authority?" Carlisle asked.

"Well, my authority figures are not the most scrupulous people. I guess I view authority as something to be conned."

"Are you a religious person?" Esme asked.

"That's the biggest con around," he laughed.

I thought about my own beliefs and had to admit I never put much thought into personal ethics or values. I just did what felt right and stayed away from what felt wrong. My step dad Phil was certainly a wrong.

I thought it was a mistake for my mother to marry someone so much younger than herself, but she constantly made the wrong decisions. She should be the one in here talking about authority, I never saw her as my role model or authority figure. I was always the adult and she was the child.

"What's wrong with you?" Edward asked me and stunned the group into silence.

I looked up with a nervous gasp and wondered what I had missed while I was so deep in thought. I looked at Edward as he continued to bite his nails.

"Nothing is wrong with me, but you were weaned off the bottle too early," I stated to him. "You smoke and you bite your nails."

He put his hand down from his mouth and spit something onto the floor. "You smoke too, and I don't see a recent pedicure on your hands, so what's your point."

"My point it you are a fucking liar," I said angrily. "You played baseball and soccer."

Everyone was staring back and forth between us and even Drs. Cullen, male and female, were take aback.

"We want to keep the conversation civilized," Carlisle interrupted.

Edward smiled mockingly at me and said, "Bella's not into civilized, she's more into native things."

My entire body froze and I felt my heart beating out of my chest. He knew about Jake and I had no idea how he could. I had looked up my own name on the internet and came up with nothing. How did he know about a childhood friend I had dated recently?

"Daddy too busy to play with you?" I said, knowing full well it was hitting below the belt. "What fun would gym be if daddy isn't here to put it in the paper?"

"At least he's not trying to screw me," he threw back just as hatefully.

I couldn't move, I felt like he had stabbed me right in the heart, but I suddenly knew exactly what had happened between Edward and his father. My gut told me what the internet didn't.

"No, he's just screwing everyone except his wife," I lashed out.

Edward jumped up in anger and Carlisle had to hold him back from attacking me. I moved behind my chair in case I had to defend myself. Edward was cussing and calling me names, but I stared unemotionally at him. He started the whole fight and I wasn't about to cower from him.

It took several minutes for everyone to calm down and the other students were in shock. Alice had tears down her face as she looked at me. "Did your father molest you?" she asked.

"No, my father's a great man, he's a policeman here in Washington," I said to defend my wonderful dad.

"So it was your step dad?" she clarified.

"I didn't let him touch me," I said as I began to shake. I crossed my arms to hide my hands and glared at Edward for bringing my situation into the open.

"Man, Bella, I don't blame you for setting him on fire," Emmett said shaking his head. "I would have done the same thing."

I felt tears begin to fall and I hated Edward so much at this moment. Rosalie had her own tears falling and she said, "I had a guy at school try to rape me. My parents called the police and they didn't do anything to him. He said I wanted sex and then changed my mind, he lied," she cried.

"Some men believe woman dress a certain way or speak a certain way to solicit their advances," Esme said to the girls. "How do you feel about that?"

"I don't care if I am naked, no means no," Alice said.

"If you are walking around naked I doubt you are saying no," Edward pointed out.

"Maybe I am naked for someone else and not you, so yeah, no means no," Alice said smartly.

I laughed at how she was able to embarrass Edward, causing him to glower at me.

"Why didn't you just tell your mother to divorce him," I said looking directly at Edward.

He shook his head and refused to answer. It angered me even more. "Come on, you made me admit to my step dad trying to stick his dick in my mouth, be a man, Edward."

He raised his eyes and I could see how much he regretted pushing me. He was apologizing and I had to look away so I wouldn't fall for it. He finally said it out loud, "I'm sorry, Bella."

"Yeah, sure, so why did you hit him," I pushed back.

He took a deep breath and said, "I love my mother."

Alice and Rosalie both sighed loudly and began telling Edward what a wonderful son he was, but something made me think it wasn't the entire story. He had already lied too many times for me to believe him about this.

We were all given a piece of material and told to divide into partners for a game. Rosalie and Emmett instantly partnered up as did Alice and Jasper. Edward and I remained sitting across from each other, neither one moving closer to the other.

"Okay," Esme began to explain. "First one person wears the blindfold and is led on a tour by the other. You have fifteen minutes to end up back here, then you switch. Try to make the walk as difficult as possible so the blindfolded partner must learn to trust the person leading them."

Alice began jumping up and down and begging to go first. Rosalie insisted Emmett go first because she didn't want her hair messed up by the blindfold. Edward and I ignored each other.

"Bella do you want to lead first?" Carlisle asked me.

I shrugged and Edward finally stood and tied the material around his head. The others quickly walked from the room, but I only took hold of the material on Edward's sleeve and pulled him forward.

Once we got onto the walkway he pulled from me and lowered the blindfold. We walked toward the trees surrounding the school and Edward stepped behind one and lit a cigarette. I stopped and leaned against another tree, staring at my shoes.

"I'm sorry, that was really shitty of me," he said earnestly.

"Whatever," I sighed.

"You should have tried to kill him," he said forcefully.

"She is still with him," I admitted stupidly.

He narrowed his eyes as he looked at me and then said, "You didn't deserve it."

"I know," I said, trying to sound certain.

"No you don't, you're blaming yourself," he said still looking at me.

"You're psychic now?" I said without humor.

He chuckled and nodded at me again, "You are way too easy to read."

"What am I saying right now?" I smirked at him.

He continued to stare and I felt myself become uncomfortable, so I looked away.

"I thought so," he said softly.

"You thought what?" I asked nervously.

"You are into me," he said as he took another drag.

"You are mentally handicapped," I sneered.

"I have a girlfriend," he announced.

"Writing letters to the magazine you jack off to doesn't make her your girlfriend," I said snidely.

He laughed loudly and pointed at me, "You're quick."

"That's what your girlfriend says," I said sarcastically and began heading back to the class.

Edward followed after putting out his cigarette and laughing to himself. He placed the blindfold on right before entering the door and held out his hand.

I grabbed the material again and pulled him through the door.

"What did you learn?" Esme asked.

"Bella hates handicapped people," he said.

"Edward is handicapped," I offered.

"Let's see if you can learn something about trust with the next round," Esme instructed.

We switched blindfolds and I held out my hand, thinking he would take the material of my shirt but instead he took my hand in his and led me from the room. I tried to pull it back when we got to the walkway but he held it tightly.

"We're not seriously doing this, are we?" I asked when he wouldn't let me remove the blindfold.

"Why not?" he said softly and kept walking.

"You didn't do it, with me," I pointed out.

"You didn't ask me to."

I planted my feet firmly on the ground and stopped our forward motion before reaching up with my one free hand and pulling off the cover.

"If you didn't do it, I'm not doing it," I demanded.

He laughed at me and said, "You're spoiled rotten."

"I am not," I said in anger. "You are the one with a silver spoon sticking out of your mouth."

"You don't know one thing about me you didn't pull off the web. Don't act like you know me."

"So how did you find out stuff about me?" I asked, actually extremely curious.

"I have my ways," he said cryptically.

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. I had not even been here a full day and I was so exhausted, emotionally and physically. I looked around the place and saw in the distance Emmett and Rosalie locked in a steamy kiss.

I made an unconscious tisk sound and Edward followed my gaze. He looked angry for a second and then said, "She wouldn't give him the time of day in the real world."

The real world, something so far removed from this place of misfits. Life seemed so surreal at the moment and I felt tears in my eyes. I ran my fingers through my hair and noticed Edward staring at me. I turned to face away from him, but he took hold of my hand.

"Feeling lost?" he asked, and I wondered how he could read me so easily.

"I'm just counting how many more days I have to stay here," I said, still looking away.

"It might not be so bad," he offered.

"What makes you think that?"

"You don't have to be afraid here," he said softly.

I couldn't even find it in me to tell him he had no idea what he was talking about. I only raised the blindfold to hide myself from him and held out my hand.

Once classes started the days moved a lot faster. I studied hard and tried to stay out of all the drama going on in our dorm room. Jessica liked a boy Lauren liked, and the boy, didn't know either one existed. Rose talked about Emmett nonstop and Alice changed her clothes at least three times a day.

I was sitting outside smoking when Edward walked by. We had both been very quiet in our sessions and let Alice do most of the talking. We already proved we knew each other's secrets so we didn't have much else to say.

He walked up to me and handed me a note with a red sticker on the top. I laughed when I read he was being put on notice about not showing up for gym.

"I guess you better become interested in hitting a ball with a stick and running in a circle," I teased.

He sat down next to me and I handed him my cigarette. I watched as his mouth formed around the filter and then forced myself to look away.

"What do you wear to gym?" he asked seriously.

"Sweats or shorts," I told him.

He nodded a then handed me back the cigarette before leaning back on his elbows. I laid my head on my knees and looked over at him.

"I feel like a caged animal," he said as his eyes darted around. "I need to get out of here."

"Planning on going AWOL?" I asked him.

"No, I just need to see something new." He chewed the side of his mouth for a minute and then leaned over to speak quietly to me. "Do you want to go somewhere tonight?"

"Where?" I asked a little piqued.

"I don't know, a movie or something."

"A date?" I asked in shock.

"Hell no, I told you I have a girlfriend. I just need to get away from the walls that are closing in," he explained.

"Okay, I'm game. I know a little club that has local bands, they don't card."

He smiled and said, "Meet me by that tree we stopped at on the first day. I'll have someone pick us up."

"What time?" I asked him.

"Midnight," he said and looked at me to see if I was going to object.

I wasn't sure he would be able to pull this off and thought I would show up only to have to come right back to the room. I dressed in jeans and pulled them up under my nightgown so I could sneak out easily. Rosalie was out with Emmett and I would threaten to turn her in if she ratted me out.

I showed up right at midnight and Edward was standing by a small car on the roadway outside the gate. I climbed over the fence easily and got into the car next to Edward. A guy was driving and a girl with long red hair was sitting next to him.

"This is my cousin James," Edward said, "and his girl, Victoria."

I said a soft hello and Edward asked me to give directions to the club. James knew exactly the place I meant and the car grew quiet. Edward held out of cell phone saying, "You can call your guy if you want."

"Your information was out dated," I said to let him know I had no reason to call Jake. "Why don't you call your girlfriend?"

"It is two a.m. in Chicago," he said quickly.

"She's made of sugar or something?" I pushed.

"Who are you talking about?" James asked.

"My girlfriend, Jane," Edward answered.

James gave him a funny look through the mirror but didn't say anything. We pulled up to the club and I jumped out and walked ahead of the rest of them. A man at the door smiled and said, "I didn't know you were back, Bella."

"I'm on the DL tonight, don't tell my dad," I instructed.

"Are you singing tonight?" the man asked.

I shook my head and looked at my feet, hoping the guy would stop saying stuff in front of Edward. I found a table up front and asked for just a glass of ice water. Victoria sat next me and huffed as if she was already bored. The next amateur stepped onto the stage and we all tapped along with the song.

"Hey," Edward said to me softly.

I looked at him and he smiled, "Come on, sing."

"I don't have a guitar," I said to get him to let it go. A piano was on the small stage but I didn't know how to play it.

Edward stood and asked a guy at another table if I could borrow the guitar. He handed it to me with a huge grin and nodded to the stage. I took it in irritation and pulled a chair up to the mic and lowered the stand.

I played for a moment and finally closed my eyes and added vocals to a slow rendition of the tune I was playing.

_The keeper of the gates of wisdom  
>Please let me in<br>'Cause I just can't go through  
>Another heartache again<br>Pretty lies and alibis  
>How could I be so blind?<br>Now I'm all alone and scared to stay  
>Slowly going out of my mind<em>

I was letting the chords hang in the air as I held the notes just a little too long. I was feeling the song deeply and kept my eyes closed as I began the chorus, but the piano picked up the pace and a soulful voice began the next part ahead of me. My eyes shot open to see Edward at the piano, with his own eyes closed, singing.

_She was my strongest weakness  
>I surrendered heart and soul<br>It's gonna be a long, long time  
>'Til I regain control<br>I'm still a prisoner  
>Held captive by her memory<br>she was my strongest weakness  
>And I'm afraid she'll always be<em>

I continued to follow him with the guitar and played louder so he slowed the tempo of his playing. We both sang the next verse. I used the word 'he' and he sung 'she,' we didn't harmonize but his rough guttural voice was haunting over my higher octave.

_I gave my faithful heart to someone  
>I couldn't understand<br>How he held my little world  
>In the palm of his hand<br>Now he's gone and life goes on  
>So if this pain will ever end<br>Will I be afraid to risk it all  
>Ever fall in love again?<em>

The crowd began clapping and whistling in approval with our performance and I looked over at Edward, but he refused to look at me. We stood and walked off the stage and Edward motioned for James to head out.

"Come again, Bella," the doorman yelled to me as I followed Edward out the door.

We got in the car and nobody spoke. Victoria and James seemed to be mad about something and I felt like I had experienced a black-out of time.

When we got back to the school Edward climbed the fence ahead of me and then waited for me to climb. He walked with me to the dorms but never spoke. I finally said, "Thanks for the ride."

He looked at me like he was going to say something, but just turned and walked away. The next morning I got called in to speak with Carlisle. He was angry and I knew we had been caught. I didn't say a word and never denied or confirmed a thing. Pretty soon Edward walked in to join us.

"I am very upset with the both of you. The rules are clear about leaving the campus without a chaperone."

"Listen," Edward said politely. "I want to talk to you about getting me and Bella out of gym and into a music class."

My mouth fell open and Carlisle sat and thought for a moment.

"We didn't drink, do drugs, or have sex," Edward clarified. "We sang, that was it."

"Am I supposed to just take your word for it?" Dr. Cullen asked.

"No, you can call the club if you want," Edward said angrily.

"Wait a minute," I interjected, "I never said I want out of gym." I actually did, but I never told Edward that and I didn't like him supposing things for me.

He gave me a disgusted look and said, "You sing much better than you run."

"How do you know?" I asked in shame.

"I know," he said and turned back to Carlisle.

"Let me see what I can do," Carlisle offered and looked at Edward sternly. "No more field trips, understand?"

Edward nodded and I got up to leave but Carlisle stopped me. "Have you two discussed the reasons you are here?"

"Why?" Edward demanded.

"I want to know if you are finding someone to open up with," he explained.

We both remained quiet giving Carlisle his answer, so he told us both to have a seat. I sat in a huff but Edward seemed resigned to his situation.

"Bella, do you have nightmares about the fire?" he asked.

"Nope," I said honestly.

"How do you feel about your mother staying with him?" he pushed and I noticed Edward look at me, wanting to hear the answer, too.

I shrugged, "It's her life."

Edward laughed mockingly and shook his head. I glared at him and had to fold my arms so I wouldn't reach out to slap him.

"You should hear her sing, doc. The pain is all there."

"Me," I accused, "You should talk about your own tortured intonation."

"I was backing you up," he yelled angrily.

"You were not, we were not even harmonizing, you took over the song."

"Oh my hell," he said throwing his arms in the hair, "Were you even paying attention last night?"

"Yes, I was paying attention to you singing out your broken heart," I said incredulously.

"I don't have a broken heart," he sneered.

"What happened to how much you love your mommy?" I said accusingly to his angry face.

He was so mad and stood to loom over me, "I admit my father is an unscrupulous son of a bitch, but he's not a pedophile. Your whore of a mother chose him over you, and that has to hurt."

I felt the tears begin to form and I stood up to face him. "You have no idea what you are talking about. I handled the problem; it has nothing to do with my mom."

"I fought for my mom," he said with a softer voice, "who is fighting for you?"

"I can fight for myself, your feelings of inadequacy have nothing to do with defending your mother, she was an excuse to knock daddy down a peg to make yourself feel better," I said with disgust.

"Judge me however you want, but you shouldn't have to set some fucker on fire to defend yourself," he pointed out.

"Shut up," I screamed into his face.

"Make me," he said forcefully.

Dr. Cullen finally stood and placed himself between us. "This has got to stop. You should be confiding in each other, not adding blows."

"I'm not confiding in him," I said adamantly.

Edward chuckled and said with absolution, "You already did, I heard it all in your song."

He turned and walked out of the room and Dr. Cullen let him leave. I was shaking with anger, and sorrow, and wanted to get out of that room and smoke a cigarette.

"Bella, it is not a weakness to feel pain," Carlisle said softly.

I was breathing heavily and felt trapped. I didn't want to talk about it; I didn't want to even think about it. "I took care of it," I said in a panic.

"Did it happen several times, or just the once?" he asked.

I looked away as I shook my head furiously. My leg was bouncing up and down and I felt sick to my stomach.

"We'll talk later," he finally said and let me past him.

I made it out the door and began to run back to my room. I flew around a corner and ran smack into Edward. His hands reached out to steady me and our foreheads crashed together in a loud crunch.

I burst into tears and held my head in pain. Edward backed up moaning and holding his own head. He looked up after a moment and saw me crying my eyes out. His eyes widened and he reached out to touch me.

I screamed and moved away from him as I muttered, "Don't touch me," over and over again. Other students began to gather to watch, thinking Edward and I were having a fight. He yelled for them to leave and I turned toward the wall to block out all the staring faces.

He came up to the wall to talk to me and I tensed in total fear. I knew it wasn't Phil, I knew I was in Washington, but my mind was confused. I felt the same fear I had felt when I would lock myself in my room to hide in my laundry basket.

I began scooting my way down the wall toward the dorm doors. I stopped when I saw a group of students waiting there. I heard a very soft voice speak to me. "Bella, nobody will touch you, you're safe."

I closed my eyes tightly and heard very soft singing. It was a soothing lullaby I had heard my mother sing to me as a child.

_Baby mine, don't you cry baby mine, close your eyes._

I turned to look at Edward leaning against the wall singing so quietly only I could hear him. I took a deep breath and said, "I'm okay?"

He nodded and said, "Yes, you're okay."

"What happened?" I asked as tears fell from my eyes.

"I think you had a panic attack," he said confidently.

"I'm so tired," I whispered.

"Can I take you to your room?" he asked.

I nodded so he held out his hand for me. I hesitantly took it and he pulled me to his side and wrapped his arm around me protectively. I closed my eyes, so I wouldn't have to look at the faces of my peers, and let him lead me to my room.

I was surprised when he climbed up on the bunk to lie next to me. I vowed at that moment I would never be mean to Edward again. I didn't realize how hard it would be to keep that vow.

3

I woke up to screaming and laughing and saw Lauren and Jessica staring at me. I sat up and saw Edward's leg across mine as he slept soundly. Jessica narrowed her eyes and said, "I'm telling."

"Go ahead," I said and fell back onto the bed.

Edward stirred and looked over at me. "What's going on?" he asked.

"Jessica is telling on you," I told him.

"What did I do?" he asked.

"You're sleeping," I said with my eyes closed.

"Shit, that's nothing," he laughed.

"Don't tell Jessica, she thinks something major is happening," I said in anger.

He laughed and said, "Take your shirt off and really get her worked into a tizzy."

I looked at him and laughed loudly, "Did you just say the word 'tizzy'?"

"Why can't I say that word?" he questioned.

"You have a penis, don't you?"

He looked down and lifted up his jeans and then looked back at me and smiled, "Oh yeah."

I rolled my eyes and pushed him, so he rolled onto his side, leaning against the wall. "You better leave, she really went to tell on you," I warned him.

"So what, I didn't do anything," he said with a yawn and closed his eyes again.

"What will Jane think?" I asked.

He opened one eye to look at me and then reached into his back pocket to pull out his wallet. He tossed it to me and said, "Look inside."

I opened it to find some money, condoms, and pictures. I counted seventy eight dollars, laughed at the colored condoms and looked at a picture of a little girl about eight years old.

"What am I looking for?" I asked him and he only moaned at my voice waking him.

I looked at the picture again and turned it over to read, 'I love you Edward. Jane.' I laughed at the realization his girlfriend was a child with a crush. I pulled out the condoms and looked closer at them. It was that moment Esme walked in the room with Jessica.

I dropped them from my hand and moved them behind my back. I pushed Edward to wake him up and he looked at Esme and sighed. "I'm sleeping and that is it," he insisted.

"You have your own dorm room," Esme said.

"I'm following Carlisle's orders," he said and I looked at him in confusion.

"He told us to confide in each other," Edward smiled at me.

"I want to talk to you both, please come down here," Esme instructed.

"Can you wait in the hallway?" I asked her nervously.

"Why?" she insisted.

"I just need to tell Edward something, privately," I said.

She stared at us both and Edward raised his hands to say he had no idea what I wanted. She finally stepped from the room and I quickly grabbed the condoms and began putting them back in his wallet.

"What were you doing?" he asked as he watched me.

"Nothing, she just walked in at the worst moment."

He laughed and took his wallet from my hand and began rearranging the condoms. "I thought you would steal my money not my protection."

'I'm not Alice," I said in irritation.

He laughed and jumped down from the bunk. We walked into the hallway to find Esme talking to a very pale Rosalie. I had been so busy with my own rule breaking I had no idea what was going on with her. We waited our turn for a tongue lashing and she didn't disappoint.

She threatened us, warned us, and made us feel awful, before allowing us to head to the cafeteria for dinner. We walked in silence, trying to feel the remorse we were supposed to feel, and both broke into laughter.

"You slut," Edward laughed.

"You man whore," I threw back at him.

"I'd need Viagra to keep up with you," he laughed. "Shit, you wanted to use four condoms in one afternoon."

"Maybe you're just used to dating children, like Jane," I laughed. "Big girls like sex."

"Jane loves me unconditionally," he said truthfully. "And what are you trying to tell me?"

"Who is Jane?" I asked him.

"She is the daughter of our cook."

"You have a cook?" I asked in shock.

"Don't change the subject," he said, "Get back to the big girls liking sex."

"Do you have your own concubine?" I asked shaking my head.

"No, but my dad does," he said hatefully.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean, you know."

We grabbed a tray of food and sat together at a table by ourselves. I couldn't believe how much things had changed between us in such a short amount of time. I hated him just the other day and now he was my only friend here.

"Let's go grab a smoke," he said as he kicked my foot. I followed him outside to the dark patio and when I sat on a table top he sat on the bench right under me between my legs. I felt my heart pounding and I couldn't look at him.

He lit a cigarette and handed it to me. I took a puff, and handed it back, so he rested his arms on my thighs. I was so afraid he would be able to tell I was shaking so I leaned back on my hands to move further from him.

He chuckled and stared at me while he took a long drag. I was feeling my arms shaking so I sat up again.

"Am I bugging you?" he asked.

"Bugging me?"

He moved his arms off of my thighs and looked away. I instantly missed the feeling, but was too afraid to say anything. I took a deep breath, angry at myself for being such a baby, and reached for his cigarette. He handed it to me and watched me put it in my mouth. Our eyes locked and he smiled softly.

"Horrible habit," I said to him.

"I almost had it licked and then my dad…." He stopped talking and I put the butt in the sand bucket and looked back at him.

He put his arms around me and laid his head on my lap. I stared at him for a moment and then hesitantly reached out to touch his hair. He sighed and I put both of my hands in his hair and massaged his head.

He tightened his arms around me and I felt him kiss my thigh. I began shaking again and he noticed. "Bella," he said as he kept his head on my lap.

"Yeah?" I said with a nervous voice.

"Are you a virgin?"

I made a loud gasp and he quickly said, "Never mind."

"Why would you ask me that?" I asked him in shock.

"It was easier than asking what I really wanted to know," he said sadly.

"What do you want to know?" I said hesitantly.

"I want to know what happened to you," he said.

I pushed him off my lap in anger. "I told you I didn't let him touch me," I said forcefully.

"Okay, that's all I wanted to know," he said trying to calm me down.

"Why did you ask, do you think I lied, do you think I would let him slobber all over me…"

"Because I lied to you," he admitted. "My father broke my jaw."

I looked out into the darkness as the tears fell down my face. "I fought him," I said in tears.

"I believe you," he said softly.

He stood and looked down at me and waited for me to look at him. He placed his hands on my face and said directly into my eyes. "I wouldn't hurt you, ever."

I nodded and more tears began to fall so he pulled me to him. I put my arms around his neck and lay my head on his shoulder.

"You are so soft," he said with his mouth against my head.

I pushed him away and headed to my room. He didn't try to follow and I was glad. I couldn't explain to him that his kindness and gentleness made me feel unworthy of him. I didn't want him to be mean or physical; I just needed him to move very slowly with me. How was I supposed to explain that? It was easier to just walk away.

At the next group session we were told the Cullens had arranged for us to spend an evening at their house. They promised us they wouldn't hover, as long as we behaved, and would let us use their big screen for a movie night.

Something so lame would have been laughed at last month, but we were all so excited at the prospect of seeing something beside the tall walls around this place that we were ecstatic.

We arrived at the Cullen's house in a school van and walked nervously into the house. Esme had food all over the place; bowls of chips, candy, cookies, and trays of all different kinds of sandwiches. Emmett began scarfing the food and Rosalie looked at him in disgust.

"We want you to feel right at home, so please dig in," Esme offered.

We all grabbed a plate and filled it high with the junk food we had been missing so much. We settled in front of a huge television and began fighting over which movie to watch. The girls wanted a mushy love story and the boys wanted action.

We ended up watching a comedy. I was sitting on the floor with my back against the couch when Edward nudged my shoulder and motioned for me to scoot over in front of him. He placed his legs on either side of me and I pulled my knees up, so he couldn't see my legs shaking.

After several minutes he began playing with my hair, lifting it into his hands and letting it fall on the couch between his legs. I felt like the entire room could hear my heart beating and I couldn't even concentrate on the movie. I was staring at the screen, but only aware of Edward playing with my hair.

When the movie ended Carlisle was in his home office and Esme was cleaning up in the kitchen. Alice climbed on Jasper's lap and they began kissing as Rose and Emmett whispered quietly to each other. I felt so out of place and noticed Edward began to bite his nails.

I began to stand, wanting to see if Esme needed any help, when Edward grabbed my hand. "Don't go," he pleaded.

I sat back onto my knees and looked up at him. He smiled nervously and then gave me a quick flip of his head showing me he wanted to go outside. I followed, feeling terrified at the prospect of him possibly kissing me. I wanted him to, but at the same time I wanted him to stay far from me.

We stood on the covered deck and he pulled out a cigarette and handed it to me. I shook my head, afraid he would notice my hands shaking if I took it. He lit one and turned to lean against the railing and looked at me.

"Why are you afraid of me?" he asked pointedly.

"I'm not afraid of you," I challenged.

"I would never hit a girl," he said with sadness showing in his voice.

I gasped and my eyes went wide. "I am not thinking you will hit me, that doesn't even enter my mind."

"Then wh….. Oh," he laughed.

"What does 'oh' mean?" I said in anger.

"It means, I get it now," he chuckled.

"You're delusional," I said and walked to the other side of the deck.

"If you asked me, I would," he said but remained on his side.

I ignored him and pretended to be very interested in the dark forest before me. He remained quiet and continued smoking. Carlisle opened the door and looked from Edward over to me and seemed very surprised to find us on opposite sides of the deck.

"We're heading back soon," he said and went back inside.

I turned to follow him and Edward called out for me. "Bella, come here," he said softly.

I walked up to him with my arms folded and he looked at my defiant eyes. He reached out and took hold of my arms and pulled them from the tight hold I had them folded into. I felt a shiver go down my body when he ran his fingers down my arms and he chuckled lightly.

"What are you doing?" I finally asked him in almost a whisper.

"I have no idea," he said honestly.

"We have to go," I pushed.

He leaned in and I froze, so he moved to my ear, "I don't want you to be afraid of me," he whispered.

I didn't know what to say, I didn't know what he wanted to hear, and I didn't know how to articulate the feelings he stirred in me. I stood there like a statue and he finally took my hand and led me inside.

Rose and Alice smiled at me, like they all knew we were humping in the woods like rabbits. I looked at the floor and tried not to cry. We drove back to the center in silence. Emmett was rubbing Rosalie's neck and Alice was tucked tightly in Jasper's side.

Edward and I sat like mannequins without even moving our heads. When we headed to our rooms Rose and Alice got on either side of me and laughed, "Okay, spill it."

"Spill what?" I asked.

"You and Edward, is he a good kisser?"

"I have no idea," I admitted.

They both pulled me to a stop and stared at my face in shock. I tried to act unaffected but tears began to form and I couldn't keep up the pretence.

"We are not a couple, we are just friends," I tried to explain.

"No way," Rose informed me. "A friend doesn't look at you like that."

"Like what?" I asked quietly.

"Like he wants to devour you," she said as she crossed her arms.

"You're just hungry," I told her and watched as her face grew angry.

"That was mean," she said and walked away.

I looked at Alice and shook my head, "I didn't mean it."

She smiled and locked her arm in mine and began walking with me, "It was mean, but most likely true."

I dreamed of Edward that night. He held me in his arms and said sweet, beautiful things to me. His touch was tender and loving, nothing like Phil, and I wanted more from him.

I was nervous to go to science, and hoped Edward was late, so I wouldn't have to pass him when I walked to my desk. I wasn't so lucky; he was sitting with his book out and watching the door. When I walked in he smiled and called me over.

"Guess what?" he beamed.

"What?"

"We are out of gym and into independent music study. We actually get to sing for a grade," he laughed.

I smiled, but it wasn't genuine, and he could tell right away. "I thought you would be happy," he said in irritation.

"I am," I said and looked away.

"Calm down, you may piss yourself," he said angrily.

I walked away and heard him kick the chair next to him. I couldn't tell him I didn't want to sing with him, that it was too hard to feel all those emotions with him. I felt exposed and vulnerable. I felt like Phil made me feel and I didn't want that.

I could feel Edward's eyes on me during class but I didn't look at him. I didn't show up for music either. I went to gym and acted like I had no idea I had been released from the class. When I got to the room for a session, Edward was there glaring at me.

I sat down in defeat and he turned to me and said, "You didn't show, I went to a lot of trouble and you didn't show."

I looked away and refused to answer.

"Bella," Esme said softly, "Edward would like an explanation."

"Yeah, I would like a lot of things, life is tough," I said hatefully only talking to Esme.

He reached over and kicked my chair and yelled, "Don't ignore me, Bella."

I slowly turned to face him and I expected to see anger in his expression, but he was hurt. It disarmed me and I dropped my head.

Esme moved her chair closer and took my hands, "Bella, tell me what you are feeling."

"I want him to leave the room," I said softly.

"Edward, can you step out for a minute," she asked.

"No," he said with force.

"I'm not asking, I am telling you," she said with her own force.

He stood and marched to the door with heavy feet and after the door slammed I began to cry. I felt so…female. A gorgeous, interesting, great guy who I had a crush on liked me, and I was crying in despair over it.

"I feel so stupid," I admitted to Esme.

"Honey, your feelings are valid no matter what they are. What has gotten you so upset?"

"I like Edward," I said out loud.

"He seems to like you," she said sending me into loud sobs.

She chuckled and squeezed my hands as she said, "I understand."

"Well, I don't," I admitted.

"Didn't you have a boyfriend?" she asked me, "A native American boy?"

I looked at her in surprise and she smiled, "It is in your file."

I knew then Edward had somehow looked at my file. My anger was winning over my heartache and I lifted my jaw, ready for a fight. "I'm just being stupid, I'm fine," I lied to her.

"If you want to talk, come to me at anytime," she said kindly and then rose to open the door and let the group in.

I didn't turn away from Edward; instead I glared at him as he walked over and took a seat. He stared back with his own anger, but I didn't falter this time.

"How did you do it?" I said angrily to him.

"You need to be a little more specific," he seethed.

"You read it, don't bother trying to deny it," I accused.

The group was watching us both and everyone remained quiet to let the quarrel escalate.

"So what, I read it, big deal."

"It is a big deal," I screamed at him. "That is private, personal information."

"I was curious," he shrugged.

"You wanted the details," I said as my voice rose. "You wanted to find out the answer to your question, to know if I was damaged goods."

His eyes almost popped out of the sockets and he leaned forward in his chair. "That is not true," he screamed.

"Yes it is, and then you threw it in my face during session."

"You landed some pretty tough blows yourself," he yelled even louder.

I stood and my legs felt numb as I walked up to where he was sitting. I could tell he was trying so hard to control his anger and my urge to slap him fell away. "I didn't want you, of all people, to know that stuff," I said softly and walked out the door.

He came running into the hallway and got in front of me so I couldn't walk out of the building. "Bella, I was an angry mess when I got here, you know that. I'm sorry I invaded your privacy, but things are different now."

"What else did you learn?" I asked him.

His face grimaced and he huffed as he dropped his head and began rubbing his neck. I felt like cold water had been thrown in my face and I began breathing heavily. I wanted to crawl in a hole and disappear, but he was standing right in front of me and he knew all my secrets.

"Do me a favor, and leave me alone," I begged him.

Carlisle opened the door and called us both back inside. "We have some information you both need to hear," he said with authority.

I walked behind Edward and wouldn't look at anyone. I saw a form on my chair and picked it up to see we had to write someone's name on it.

"We have a visitation day coming up," Carlisle explained. "You need to choose a person who would be supportive and not confrontational. It can be anyone, so don't think you have to invite your parents."

I quickly wrote 'Charlie Swan' and handed Esme the paper. She was sitting right next to me and smiled kindly. I noticed when Edward turned in his paper the name 'Elizabeth Masen' was written on it. When everyone had them turned in Carlisle opened the session.

"We are going to discuss why you chose the person you did. Rosalie, can you start?"

"I chose my sister, because she has some of the same issues I have about body image, so I want to tell her what I have learned."

"That is a wonderful idea," Esme said to her.

"Alice."

"I picked my mom, because she will go shopping first and bring me new clothes," she giggled, making us all laugh.

"Emmett."

"I picked my coach, so he can see I am staying in shape," he admitted and we all groaned.

"Jasper."

"I chose a good buddy I've known for awhile," he said cryptically and I noticed how Carlisle looked concerned.

"Bella."

"I chose my father," I said without any further explanation. Edward glanced at me and I looked away.

"And finally, Edward."

"I chose my mother, because I want to make sure she is okay," he said softly, making Alice and Rose sigh.

"Our private sessions will center on these specific relationships this week. You are all free to leave, but I want to meet with Bella," Carlisle announced.

I noticed how Edward tensed up and glanced in my direction before heading out the door. I sat frozen to my chair and played with my fingers. Carlisle stood and got something out of a cabinet and walked over to hand me a guitar.

I looked at him in shock and he smiled gently. "I would like to hear you sing, Bella."

I began to shake my head, but he stood again and explained. "I will be working on some files, just play around a bit and forget I am even here."

He sat at a desk and opened some folders. I began playing small bits of various songs trying to find something that I could feel. I began playing 'At Last' and it resonated, so I added the lyrics. I played slower than usual, which was my style, and I could hear Etta James in my head so I followed behind her.

_At last my love has come along  
>My lonely days are over<br>And life is like a song  
>At last the skies above are blue<br>And my heart was wrapped up in clover  
>The night I looked at you<br>I found a dream that I can speak to  
>A dream that I could call my own<br>I found a thrill to press my cheek to  
>A thrill that I have never known<br>You smiled, and then the spell was cast  
>And here we are in heaven<br>And you are mine at last_

I was completely gone in my head, transported to a dark, smoky club, where a bright light hid the patrons from my sight. I felt the longing in my heart for someone to call my own and finally opened my eyes to see Carlisle staring at me from his desk, and Edward staring from the doorway.

My hand dropped making a loud echoing thud on the strings and I moved the guitar off my lap. Edward huffed loudly causing me to look at him.

"Why won't you come to music class?" he demanded.

"Because I feel exposed when I sing," I admitted.

"That is what makes it so beautiful," he said with frustration.

I felt tears form and I admitted something so painful it hurt when it broke free from my soul, "It always brought him to my room."

Edward looked at Carlisle and I don't know what passed between them, but Edward walked over to sit next to me. "I think it would be a good thing if you made some memories of singing that didn't bring him to your room. Memories just for you to enjoy," he said softly.

"I hate him," I admitted in a whisper.

"I hate him, too," Edward added.

I leaned my head against his shoulder feeling totally exhausted. Just facing the little things took an emotional toll. He said very softly, "Are you upset that your singing brought me in here?"

I smiled to myself and said softly back, "No, I'm glad it brought you."

"Will you come to music class tomorrow?"

"Yeah," I answered.

"You can go now, Bella," Carlisle said with a smile. I looked at him and stuck out my tongue. He knew what he was doing and Edward and I fell for it hook, line, and sinker.

I walked alongside Edward and he reached out and took my hand. It wasn't anything romantic, just soothing. When I got to the dorm door he walked through with me, so I stopped and looked at him with raised eyebrows.

"Let's piss off Jessica," he laughed.

"Okay, but Esme's going to get tired of dragging you out of here," I said, and then tried to back pedal. "I just mean twice….not that you will…."

He laughed at my embarrassing attempt to rephrase and pulled me to my room. He jumped up on my bunk and patted the area next to him. I climbed up and he laid his head right next to mine. "Sing something," he said and I immediately began to laugh.

"I am not singing to you," I announced.

"Fine, I'll sing to you," he said and cleared his throat. He began singing a soft, Gaelic tune I had never heard before, and I closed my eyes and began to feel my entire body begin to relax. When he finished I looked at him and smiled.

"My mom used to sing that to me," he said with emotion.

"You really do love your mother, don't you," I smiled.

"She's so wonderful, she just doesn't know it," he said sadly.

"How did she deal with the whole fight thing?" I asked him with trepidation.

"She's not….well….mentally," he said slowly. "I think my dad screws around so he can remain in denial. I think when you vow for better or worse, you can't take the better, and run out on the worse."

"What happened?" I asked and quickly added, "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

"Well," he said with a smirk, "I did look at your file."

"How?" I asked him.

"Dr. Cullen left it sitting on his desk and I came to talk to him, but he was gone."

"So you know what I did?" I asked in shame.

"He deserved it," he said forcefully.

I grew quiet and he knew I was not ready to talk about it, so he answered my question instead. "I was up all night with my mother, she was so upset and feeling abandoned. My dad walked in smelling like perfume and booze, so I grabbed him by the collar and threw him out of the house. He called the cops and tried to come back inside. I warned him I would stop him, but he tried anyway. We yelled at each other and I told him he would have to hurt me to get me to back off, so he did. He knocked me down and then kicked me in the face. I didn't even feel the pain, I was so enraged. I probably would have killed him if the police hadn't show up when they did. He got it all swept under the carpet and I got sent here."

I stared at him and he suddenly looked so young. He was a sixteen year old child who loved his mother, and got beaten down for it. He looked at me and we stared into each other's eyes. I could see the self doubt and the insecurity he usually didn't allow to show.

"You are so brave," I said in a whisper.

"No I'm not; I gave into my rage and lost control. You are the brave one; you did the one thing you knew to stop him."

Jessica walked into the room at that moment and put her hands on her hips as she glared at Edward. He jumped off the bunk and headed out the door as he casually tossed out, "love ya, Bella."


	2. Chapter 4 thru 6

4

Jessica stared at him in shock as he walked away and then turned to look at me with her mouth still hanging open. I felt like she looked, and couldn't move, so I remained still on my bed. She walked up to the bunk and stood on Alice's mattress to stare face to face with me.

"Did you hear him?" she asked.

"That was for your benefit," I said, hoping it wasn't true.

"You guys aren't doing it in here, are you?" she said angrily.

"Would you shut up," I said as I got down from the bunk. "Don't you have anything better to do than spy on me and Edward?"

"This is my room too," she yelled.

"Great, have fun in your room," I said as I left the room. I went outside and sat on the walkway as I tried to determine what Edward meant by his words. Maybe it was a buddy thing, like something I would say to Alice.

I saw Alice skipping up the walkway and she smiled as she sat next to me. "What's up, Bella?"

"Nothing, Jessica is buggin," I said with irritation.

"Jaz said Edward has a thing for you," she said as if it was big news.

"Jaz? He lets you call him that?"

She laughed and bumped my shoulder with hers as she said, "He would let me call him anything I want."

"So, he's like your boyfriend?" I asked.

"No, this is true love, I'm going to spend forever with him," she said seriously.

"That's crazy, you are only a junior and he doesn't live anywhere close to you."

She looked out into the darkness and her smile began to fade. I could tell I made her sad and should have let her keep her fantasy. This place wasn't real and it didn't make sense for people like Rose and Emmett to be together just as much as it didn't make sense for Alice and Jasper.

"Alice do you feel like you are getting help?" I asked her to change the subject.

"Yeah, I learned a lot about why I steal things. I thought they would just teach me to have better control, but we are getting into some really deep stuff to show me why I steal."

I realized the only help I was getting came from Edward. I had the one panic attack when Carlisle tried to get me to open up; I needed to put in more of an effort and that scared me.

"What about Rosalie?"

Alice looked sad again and shook her head. "I heard her throwing up the other night."

"Really, did you say anything?" I asked in shock.

"No, I just went back to bed."

At that moment Rosalie came walking up carrying something in a small bag. She opened it and handed us both a large cookie. Alice took hers, but I confronted Rose.

"Are you having one?"

"Yeah, I got three," she beamed.

"Why don't you just throw them in the trash and save the enamel on your teeth," I said as I stared into her eyes.

"That's not funny," she said back to me.

"You're right, it isn't. And I'm putting you on notice that we will be watching you, so decide right now if you want the cookie or not."

She narrowed her eyes in anger, but I never flinched. She finally looked at the bag and slowly handed it to me. I smiled at her and scooted over so she could sit with me and Alice.

"It is so hard to be around Emmett and not pig out, he makes me feel so small," she confessed.

"He makes you feel so happy," I corrected her.

Her smile grew and she sighed, "I am so crazy about the big, dumb guy."

"Yeah, your tongue constantly down his throat gives it away," I teased.

"Rose," Alice asked. "Do you and Emmett talk about the future or is it just something for here?"

"He says he is going to marry me," she announced and I let out a huge gasp.

"Are you kidding me, you guys are so young and you have nothing in common," I said aghast.

She gave me an angry stare and finally said, "You don't know anything about him, we have tons in common."

"Yeah," Alice threw in, "He adores Rosalie, and she does too."

We all began to laugh and I knew I needed to make an effort to fit in with the group, too. In my opinion everybody here was in various stages of broken and I couldn't imagine finding things in common and feeling loved, but it worked for Alice and Rose, so maybe it would work for me.

I got up early the next morning and went to see Esme before class. She was surprised it was me walking through her door and I wasn't sure where to start. I sat down and tried to find an opening sentence, but the whole reason I was there was because I was so confused. She finally helped me out.

"Are you finding someone to confide in, Bella?"

"I talk to Edward a little, no details, but we talk around it. I have feelings for him so I hold back, and I don't know why," I said sadly.

"Do you hold back the details or your feelings?"

"Both."

"Well, Edward is a very open person when you get past his walls. I think you should consider opening up to him. Maybe you can start by telling him what you just told me," she smiled lovingly.

"He scares me," I admitted softly.

"Do you think he would ever hurt you?" she asked.

"No, but I thinks he wants….physical things," I said with tears.

"Does that make you think of Phil?" she pushed.

"I don't think so, I had a panic attack when I spoke to Carlisle and Edward was the one to calm me."

I watched Esme's eyes widen and she reached out for my hands. "Bella, you have to tell us these things. We have medication we can give you to help deal with the anxiety your feelings are going to produce. Coming to terms with what happened will be difficult, but we have ways to help you."

I nodded as the tears fell and watched as she wrote out a prescription for me.

"Last night," I began as she wrote. "Edward said, 'love ya.' What do you think he meant?"

"I think you need to ask Edward what he meant. Can I ask about your other relationship, the one with the boy in Forks?"

I laughed and rolled my eyes. "He was a childhood friend who took me on a couple of dates when I moved in with my dad after….you know."

"Did you express feelings for him?"

"No, it was nothing like that."

"Have you kissed a boy, Bella?" she asked me directly.

I froze and wasn't sure what to say until she clarified. "Have you willingly kissed a boy?"

I shook my head back and forth and she smiled gently. "If you decide to kiss Edward I want you to concentrate on him. Keep your eyes open if you have to. Notice how his lips feel , how he smells, where he places his hands, and it will block out other thoughts."

"I feel so…out of control around him. I get angry if he says the slightest thing to me, things other people could say without making me mad. I feel like I'm not me anymore, I'm someone he knows. Does that make any sense?"

"Yes, Bella, it makes a lot of sense. Relationships change people, they grow together and become a couple. I changed the day I met Carlisle," she smiled, and when I looked at it that way it did make sense.

"Thank you," I said and began to stand when she put her hand out and kept me seated.

"Bella, do you feel guilty, and I am not talking about the fire."

I let my eyes drop to the floor and sat perfectly still. She continued to talk and I finally interrupted her. "I know I didn't do anything wrong. I know he is a sick creep, but I don't know why I didn't get help from the people around me. My dad would have helped me, and I feel guilty for not letting him."

She pulled me into her arms and hugged me tightly as she whispered, "It gets easier from this point forward." I guess she felt I has some type of breakthrough and I could only hope she was right.

I got to Science after Edward, so I walked up to his desk and smiled at him. "I ran into Jessica. She is pissed at you," he told me.

"She thinks we're having sex on her bunk," I said as I shook my head.

He laughed and kicked my shoe with his, "Let's hide a condom in her sheets."

I laughed and then decided to be forthright, "Why do you have those?"

"Why?" he asked me as if I just fell off the cabbage truck.

"I know what they are for, I just wondered why you brought them to school."

He gave me an awkward chuckle and looked away as he said, "I didn't plan on sticking around most nights."

I felt my heart drop in my chest and I wanted to cry. "Do you leave at night?" I asked in a hushed whisper.

"Only once," he smiled and I felt instant relief.

"About what you said, um, last night…."

"Have a seat Ms. Swan," the teacher said and I noticed I was the only one standing. I could feel my face turn red from being singled out and from what I was asking Edward. I walked quickly to my seat and didn't look at Edward until class was halfway over.

He was deep in thought and biting on his pencil. He looked up and our eyes locked. I felt a weird sensation of emotions run through my body and refused to look away as I tried to identify them.

He was so handsome and I enjoyed looking at him. He knew my secrets and that made me feel like I somehow belonged to him. He heard me sing, and saw me at my most vulnerable, and that made me love him.

I smiled and he smiled back sending my heart racing. When the bell rang he waited at his desk for me. I walked up to him and he asked, "About last night, you were saying?"

"Oh, um, that was what Jessica got all bent out of shape over." I chickened out and that made me so angry at myself.

"Did you?" he asked.

"Did I what, get bent out of shape?"

"Yeah, I mean it just came out, I didn't plan it or anything," he said awkwardly.

"I called Jane, she cried all night," I teased to take the pressure off.

"Jane will be the only child for me," he said putting his hand on his heart.

"You perv," I laughed and he suddenly looked at me with a worried expression.

"I didn't mean….I mean I was just kidding," he stuttered.

I wasn't even thinking about Phil until he began apologizing. The realization that it would always be there between me and Edward made me pull back. I didn't want him worrying that his kisses would make me think awful things. Maybe the fact he knew would come between us, instead of bonding us. I headed to my next class without even saying goodbye.

I walked in the room and looked around for Angela. I usually sat with her, but she wasn't there. I got my book out and began reading when a feeling in the pit of my stomach just wouldn't let up. I walked up to the teachers desk and asked if I could run to the rest room.

She gave me a disapproving look so I added quietly, "I think I started my period."

She excused me and I ran to my dorm room. It was empty, I went into the bathroom and saw a line of blood snaking its way to the drain on the floor. I ran up to the stall but it was locked. I looked under to see Angela's feet, and one arm hanging down, dripping blood onto the floor.

I screamed for help at the top of my lungs as I climbed over the stall and grabbed her arm. I pulled off my shirt and rolled it into a ball to press against the deep cut in her armpit. I unlocked the door and pulled her into the open area, as I continued to scream.

I held her on my lap, keeping pressure on the seeping wound, my camisole becoming drenched in blood. When someone ran in the room I begged for help. The woman pulled out a whistle and began blowing it as she remained in the room, echoing it off the walls.

Adults came running from all directions and someone pulled Angela from my arms. I backed away against the wall, and sat staring at the blood covering me. It seemed like too much blood, like her body would be completely drained, but I had to hope I got to her in time.

I felt someone reach out and touch me, but I pushed away and moved further down the wall. I was mumbling incoherently and heard a soft voice my heart recognized, "Bella, look at me."

I looked up from my bloody hands to see Edward kneeling in front of me, as Esme stood behind him. He held out his arms and I looked back at my body. "It's all over me," I said to him in tears.

He smiled gently and said, "I don't care."

I dove into his waiting arms and he held me tightly as I cried out in horror. I felt a sharp stick in the arm as Esme injected something into me.

I was lying in bed, staring at the empty bunk next to me, angry for not trying to reach out more to Angela. I had no idea she was in such trouble and it made me disappointed in myself. Jessica and Lauren were so much alike they naturally excluded Angela. I promised if she returned to school I would not make that same mistake.

Alice walked into the room and handed me a cup of tea. Rose walked up to my bed and asked, "How did you know to come find her?"

"I just had a funny feeling when she wasn't in class," I admitted and then sipped the tea.

"You are like a hero," Rose said shaking her head. "You saved her life."

"I just hope she wanted to be saved," I said softly.

"She'll be grateful, someday," Rose said.

"It could happen to you," I pointed out to her.

"I don't cut," she said angrily.

"No, you'll just pop a vessel in your throat or stomach and bleed internally, if your heart doesn't give out first," I said back just as angrily.

"Well, you smoke," she threw back at me.

"Fine, I'll stop smoking and you stop vomiting," I challenged her.

She stared at me for a second and finally smiled, "Deal," she said extending her hand.

"I'll give you a manicure, Bella," Alice offered, "and I'll…..steal you a new wardrobe, Rosalie."

We all laughed and I knew it would not be that easy. If Rose felt her jeans getting tight she would be right back to worshipping the commode, and one kiss from Edward and I would be right back to smoking to relieve my stress.

"Are you coming to group?" Alice asked.

I sat up and felt the room spin a bit, "Yeah, Esme said I could skip, but I feel better."

We all walked in together and I saw Edward's relief written all over his face. "You missed music, again," he said jokingly.

"Sorry, but I got high with Esme," I teased.

When I sat next to him he reached out and took my hand. I felt like we were sitting under a spotlight and the entire school was looking at us. When I finally found the courage to lift my head I realized everyone else was into their own little worlds and nobody looked at me and Edward.

Carlisle walked in and blew out a long breath. "Well, it has been quite a day."

"How's Angela?" I asked.

"She's fine, she will be in the hospital for a few days and they will decide if she is stable enough to return."

"I'm not sure if putting a bunch of troubled kids together is a good idea. I mean, we all have our own issues and we can't watch out for people with bigger things," I admitted, to ease my own guilt.

"Angela's problem seems bigger because she had a crisis, but Bella, everyone's issue is big, nobody is more important than the next person. And this is a perfect example of why it is important for you guys to lean on each other. You need support and teens open up easier to other teens."

I nodded and felt the desire to punch Jessica and Lauren in the face.

"Bella, can you share with us what happened and the feelings it produced in you?" Esme asked.

I sat in thought for a moment and felt Edward squeeze my hand for support. "I just reacted until I got her in the open. As I held her I was so scared that I did something wrong, that moving her might have been the wrong decision, but…."

I felt the tears begin to fall and I struggled to continue.

"But…." Carlisle encouraged.

"I didn't want her to die alone. I wanted her to feel arms around her if she died."

Alice and Rosalie burst into tears and Edward began rubbing my arm.

"Does anyone want to share their thoughts?" Carlisle asked.

"Yeah," Jasper said quietly. "It made me wonder if I ever pushed anyone over the edge. I used to think my cons didn't really hurt anyone, and they only lost stuff. Stuff can be replaced, but maybe I did damage to their psyche and that isn't so easily replaced."

"That is great insight, Jasper," Carlisle said. "When someone is violated, whether it is economically or physically, it leaves an emotional scar. If you think of your marks as people, with families and responsibilities, it will make it harder to scam them."

"Bella pointed out the damage I am doing to my body," Rose offered. "We are going to work together, she will stop smoking and I will stop purging."

Edward looked at me with a shocked expression and I shrugged as I mumbled, "You said it was a horrible habit."

"You don't worry about what it is doing to my body?" he asked a bit put out.

"Your body's fine," I said softly, with my head down, as my mouth formed a smile.

His hand tightened around mine and he chuckled.

"Is anyone having anxiety about the visits next week?" Esme asked.

Nobody admitted anything so she continued. "There will be a school dance before the Thanksgiving break. It is optional, and not a formal, but you will need a permission slip from either Carlisle or myself to attend. It is a reward for working hard in sessions, so keep that in mind."

We were finally released to go to dinner and we walked in a group toward the cafeteria. We picked up trays and Rosalie made sure to situate herself by me as we made our way through the line. She pointed out the calorie content of each item until I finally had to yell at her.

"I'm not on a diet, Rosalie, I'm working on smoking not eating," I pointed out.

"But I heard when you stop smoking you gain weight," she said with terror in her eyes.

"I don't care," I laughed and she gasped.

"You have a great figure, you don't want to damage that," she said.

"I'll take up jogging if I have to," I said to relieve her stressed mind.

She finally put some jello and a salad on her tray and looked at me with disgust when I sat a plate of spaghetti on mine. Edward threw a large piece of garlic bread on top of the pasta causing Rose to walk away as she mumbled about carbs.

"I don't like that," I said to his laughing face. "Garlic makes me sick."

"You just don't want garlic on your breath when I kiss you," he said nonchalantly.

I stopped walking and he turned to look at my stunned face as he laughed. "Are you ever going to let me kiss you?" he asked as we stood in the middle of the cafeteria with trays between us.

I felt my face turn red and Edward looked around the room for an empty table. He led me to a back corner and sat his tray down. I stood next to him and he finally took my tray and placed it on the table next to his.

"Sit down, Bella, before you fall down," he teased.

I sat and he straddled his chair backwards and faced me. "Let's talk," he said adamantly.

"About what?" I said stupidly.

"Us," he clarified.

"Oh," was all I could say.

"I like you, and I think you like me, right?"

I nodded and looked at the spaghetti, which suddenly looked disgusting.

"I try to make some moves on you, but you shut me down, why?"

"I just need to go very slowly," I finally admitted to him.

"I understand that," he said as he ducked his head to make me look at him.

"This is all really new for me," I said as his eyes gave me confidence.

"Are you still with that other guy?" he asked and I saw his own nerves breaking through.

"No, that was only a friendship, my dad probably asked him to take me out."

"So explain why you are afraid of me," he asked and his eyes dropped from mine.

I tried to think of the best answer, I wanted to be honest with him, but I wasn't sure I really knew the reason.

"I don't think it has anything to do with Phil, I think it is the fact I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know how to show you I care without it seeming…..I don't know," I said in frustration.

"Wrong," he offered and I thought about it.

"Maybe, or superficial. I look at Rose and Alice and I keep thinking they are just playing. I mean how do you just suddenly love someone? And then I worry that you know things about me and how that plays into your feelings."

He thought about it for a moment and said, "The things I know just help me understand you. It doesn't make me like you any more or any less. I like you because I think you are beautiful and smart and talented. You interest me, and the more I am around you the more I care for you."

"You see inside of me, like when I sing, you see me."

"Is that a bad thing?" he asked.

"No, it is just a little….intimidating," I admitted.

"When you care for someone you want them to know you on a deeper level, maybe you don't care for me," he said sadly.

"I think about kissing you all the time, Edward," I said and his face pulled into a smile. "And then I feel nervous, or scared, and I fear I will disappoint you." I closed my eyes so he couldn't look right at me. "What if you laugh at me?" I whispered.

"Laugh at you?" he said in shock. "When have I ever laughed at you?"

"I don't know how to explain it Edward, I'm just trying to find the words to express how I feel."

"Maybe that is the problem," he offered. "Maybe you shouldn't be trying to use words and you should just show me."

I laughed and assumed he meant he wanted to me to jump him in the middle of the cafeteria. He laughed too and tried to clarify what he meant, "I meant you can use music, or hold my hand, or confide in me about stuff."

I knew exactly what he meant by 'stuff' and took a deep breath. I wasn't ready to go there yet, but there were things I could share.

"When you sang to me, when I had the panic attack, I thought you were amazing," I admitted with tears in my eyes. "And when you held out your arms in the bathroom, it was the only place I wanted to be."

He reached out and placed a strand of hair out of my face before saying, "Thank you."

I looked around the cafeteria to see if anyone was watching and Edward grabbed the bread off my plate and took a big bite. "God, I want a cigarette," he said.

"You don't have to quit for me," I told him, "this is just something I agreed to in order to help Rosalie."

"No, I need to do it," he said. "I just need to be distracted."

He grabbed my fork and wound some spaghetti around the tines and held it up to my mouth.

"You're going to feed me?" I laughed.

"Yeah, and it would help if you moan loudly," he laughed.

I opened my mouth and placed my lips around the fork as I closed my eyes and moaned in pleasure. I continued as I chewed the pasta and finally opened my eyes to see him staring at me with pure lust.

"You told me to do that," I pointed out.

"I think I need a cigarette for a whole other reason now," he said as he sat the fork back on my tray.

"That's it…only one bite?" I protested.

"Feed yourself, as I try to think of baseball stats in my head," he said with a wink.

I had to admit it felt good to know I was able to excite him. He didn't make me feel dirty like Phil did, he made me feel natural and innocent. I decided to give his suggestion a try and I reached out and rubbed my hand down his back tenderly.

He smiled from ear to ear and I had the urge to lean over and kiss him, but that was pushing my comfort zone so I picked up my fork instead.

5

The week was passing quickly. Angela had not returned and Edward and I were getting closer through our music. He would play as back up at times and then would make me follow him some days. His style was fast and loud and he pushed my limits. He always chose upbeat songs and I always chose slow, soulful songs. It was the perfect representation of who we were down deep.

The only time I saw him get emotional was when he would play something his mother loved. He would close his eyes and pour his heart out in the notes. I would always drop off part way through the song and let him play just for her.

The day before visitation day he was particularly emotional and I noticed how he would miss a note or two.

I finally sat my guitar down and looked at him, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, fine," he said quickly. "I just need a smoke."

"Are you scared to see her?" I asked.

His head spun around to look at me. "No, why would I be scared?"

"Maybe that wasn't the right word," I admitted.

He rubbed his eyes and closed the lid on the piano keys as he leaned his elbow on the wood. "I worry about my mother. She gets confused sometimes and I don't want her to wonder why I am here."

"Did you tell Carlisle or Esme?" I asked him.

He shook his head and said, "I'm only telling you."

"She is used to you being away at school, do you think she will question why you are here?" I asked him.

"If she does, should I tell her?"

I thought for a moment and finally said, "I don't see why you should upset her, if she will only forget about it later."

He nodded and rubbed his eyes again. I felt an overwhelming need to share something with him, to give a little since he was so giving with me.

"He asked me to call him daddy," I said softly and looked at the floor.

Edward scooted to the end of the piano bench to be closer to me. "Did you?" he asked.

I nodded, "At first, but I felt awful for doing it because I have a great dad."

"Why did you?"

"I wanted my mom to be happy," I said.

"Are you sure?" he pushed.

My eyes flashed in anger at him and he quickly explained what he meant. "No, I mean your mom married him, so obviously she was happy. Maybe you just wanted to feel like a family or something."

I thought about what he said and finally admitted the truth I had not realized before. "I wanted him to take care of her, I was tired of doing it. You protected your mother and I just wanted to be done with mine."

"Bella, my dad hired the best people to take care of my mother, it never fell on my shoulders. He broke her heart, and that was what I wouldn't stand for."

"I spent summers with my dad, and he asked me every year how things were going, why didn't I tell him?" I asked Edward rhetorically.

"Because you were used to being in charge; you didn't know how to be the child," he offered.

"He's a policeman, I should have gone to him right away."

"One time, I was with some friends in the city and some homeless guy approached us. He was pretty aggressive and we tried to talk to him, but he backed us into an alley. Looking back we should have seen the danger at first, but things happened slowly, and by the time it escalated into real danger we kept thinking we could control it."

I nodded and understood what he meant.

"I used to hide from him when my mom was wasn't home," I said as memories flooded my mind. "I had certain places he never looked."

"Can you tell them to me?" he asked gently.

I lowered my voice to just above a whisper and said, "In my clothes hamper and under my bathroom sink."

Edward held out his hand and scooted back on the piano bench to make room for me to sit by him. He wrapped his arms around me and leaned into my neck. "I think you are so amazing," he said and then yawned.

"You are not sleeping well, are you?" I asked already knowing his answer.

"I'm having withdrawals," he said in disgust.

"Let's go to my bunk," I suggested and he raised his head to look at me.

"Serious?" he asked.

"Yeah, I'll hold you while you sleep," I offered.

He quickly stood and pulled me up with him. I took his hand and led him to the dorm room and onto the bunk. He pulled me right up against him as he laid on his side, and I rubbed his arm that was across my stomach.

I began to hum softly and heard his steady, deep, breathing within just a couple of minutes. I turned my head to look at him. He was so beautiful. His hair and clothes were the latest fashion and his jaw always had just the right amount of stubble.

His mouth was relaxed and his lips protruded out just a bit, so I leaned in very slowly and ran my mouth lightly over his. He didn't stir and I smiled at the thought of having my first kiss without fear of him laughing.

I don't know how long I stared at him, but the next thing I knew Jessica was yelling loudly in the room. I jumped and Edward groaned as he rolled over.

I looked at her angry face and held my finger up to tell her to be quiet.

"He is not supposed to be here," she whispered angrily.

I climbed down quietly from the bunk and motioned for her to follow me into the hallway.

"He needs sleep," I said forcefully.

"He has a bed," she threw back.

"Why in the hell are you always in the room?" I asked, suddenly curious.

Her face turned pale and she quickly mumbled, "It doesn't matter, he shouldn't be here."

"Look," I said hoping to appeal to her sympathy, "he has not so much as kissed me, he is trying to quit smoking and he isn't sleeping well. I'm only trying to help him."

"Why don't you go to his bunk?" she asked, and I began to wonder myself.

"I asked him to come here," I explained.

She stared uncomfortably at the door for a moment and then asked, "How do you spell his last name?"

"What?" I asked in confusion.

"Does it have an E or an O?"

"Why, are you turning him in?" I asked in anger.

Her eyes got watery and I was so confused. I reached out and touched her arm and she immediately pulled back and began touching various places on her body as she counted out loud.

"Jessica?" I said softly.

"I need to know what vowels he has in his name," she said hatefully.

I narrowed my eyes and asked, "Do you have OCD?"

Tears began spilling over her eyes and she look at me pleadingly, "Why won't you tell me?"

"It's spelled with an E," I confessed and watched as she instantly began to calm down.

"When Angela comes back he can't come to the room," she said forcefully. "There can be six, but not seven."

"Okay," I said to keep her calm. "And if you need to go in the room I understand, just don't wake him."

She nodded and opened the door quietly. I gave her some privacy and waited until she left before I went back in.

I climbed onto the bunk and snuggled up to his back. When my arm moved over his stomach he pulled my hand up to his lips and kissed it gently. I moved tighter against him, lining up perfectly to his body and felt him begin to relax again.

I knew we were most likely in trouble for missing afternoon classes, but I didn't care. I learned a lot today, about Jessica, about Edward, and about myself. I didn't want to sleep again, afraid I would be up all night if I did, so I worked out musical arrangements in my head.

It was a good hour before Edward stirred. He stretched and I hugged him tightly as I said, "Good afternoon."

"Man, I feel like I partied all night," he said with a yawn.

"Do you want some Tylenol?" I asked.

"No, I'm good," he said still facing the wall.

"Turn around here and let me see you," I said as I loosened my grip.

"Um…I…can't, just yet," he laughed uncomfortably.

"Why?" I asked stupidly.

"I'm pretty aroused right now," he admitted and I felt humiliated.

"Do you want me to leave?" I asked him.

He laughed loudly and said, "No, that is the opposite of what I want right now."

I held perfectly still and wasn't sure what to do. Edward thought he had offended me, or scared me, so he turned over to face me. "You okay?" he asked.

"I just feel stupid," I admitted.

"Why?"

I shrugged and wasn't about to admit my inhibitions when he was so open with me.

"Did I make you feel uncomfortable?" he asked.

"No, I just don't know what to do," I said softly.

"Do about what?" he asked.

I covered my eyes with my hands and begged, "Can we just drop this."

"No we can't," he said and pulled my hands away from my face. "Do you think I expect you to get me off?"

I felt my face turn red and I began biting on my lip. He sat up and looked at me, waiting for an answer. I finally decided to talk openly to him, like Esme suggested.

"My only experience with men was Phil, and it consisted of me hiding from him and fighting him, so I am not sure what to expect."

Edward's eyes looked very sad and he spoke softly, "Bella, I want you to trust me and know I wouldn't try to take advantage of you."

"This is already so much more than I ever thought I would be capable of, Edward, and it is because it is you. I'm learning to trust you," I said truthfully.

"I want you to understand I am physically attracted to you because of the feelings I have. You do get me excited and I don't want to feel like I am upsetting you."

"Sometimes I feel like you worry about it more than me. Like you are afraid I will suddenly freak out or something," I said.

"I guess I worry about that happening. I want to make sure you are ready and you don't lump me in with Phil."

I looked at him and felt tears form. He was so sweet and I couldn't imagine ever thinking of him like Phil, but the truth was I wouldn't know how I would react until it happened. The possibility scared me to the point of holding back.

"I don't think I could ever lump you in with Phil. He assaulted me. I just don't know if I can handle the emotions of loving someone on top of all the other stuff I am dealing with," I said honestly.

"Do you ever think about me, you know, like someone you could love?" he asked nervously.

"When you were asleep, I kissed you," I said softly and watched his smile grow.

"Why did you wait until I was asleep?" he asked tenderly.

"It was easier," I admitted.

He moved back to a prone position and kept his head turned to me. "Do it again, I promise I won't move at all."

I turned onto my side and looked down at him. He looked so gentle and his eyes watched my mouth closely. I leaned over his face, he shut his eyes and I noticed how he was shaking. I moved in slowly and just barely touched my mouth to his. He sucked in a breath and his hands flinched, but he kept them on his chest.

I did it a couple of more times and had to force myself to move away from him. My body felt like it was on fire and I wanted to feel his body against mine so desperately. I brought my fingers to my mouth and ran them over my lips as Edward opened his eyes to watch me.

I slowly put my fingers to his mouth and he parted his lips and licked my fingertips lightly. I was actually aching from the need I was feeling. My body didn't shut down and want to flee, it came alive and called for him. I began moving my mouth towards him and planned to kiss him passionately when the door flew open.

"You two are in so much trouble," Rosalie warned.

We sat with our heads down as Carlisle and Esme stood behind the desk with the center director. I knew Edward was pretending to be remorseful, just as I was. I thought any punishment was worth the strides we were able to make today. We had kissed, kind of, and it was wonderful.

"You understand there will be consequences," the director yelled at us.

We both nodded and Esme interjected. "Bella has had some major upsets with her roommate. I'm afraid she was not thinking correctly."

"She was having a panic attack and I was afraid to leave her alone," Edward said sadly.

It made me mad, why did I have to be the weak one? So I spoke up. "Edward is going through withdrawals and I was afraid I would end up with another Angela on my hands."

He glanced at me and I saw his jaw tighten. "Bella is prone to hysterics and I needed to stay there," he offered.

"Edward is an addict and I didn't know what his mindset was," I quickly added.

He lifted his head and turned to glare at me. I did the same and crossed my arms for effect.

"It was your idea," he said with clinched teeth.

"You jumped at it and almost sprinted to the dorms," I said openly.

"You kissed me when I was asleep," he said in a loud voice.

"You woke up with an erection," I countered.

"Everybody wakes up with an erection," he screamed.

"Good to know," I screamed back at him.

We suddenly realized we were being watched and we both froze and let our eyes moved to the peripheral to see the three adults staring at us. Emse was trying not to laugh, Carlisle didn't even try, and the director looked absolutely stunned.

"You can both forget about attending the dance," the director said angrily.

We both nodded and hoped that would be the extent of our punishment. Esme promised to make sure we both made up our missed classes and Carlisle asked us both to follow him for a session together.

We followed him to his office and sat quietly in mortification.

"I think we need to explore the dynamics of your relationship," Carlisle said.

We didn't respond.

"You both obviously have feelings for each other and we need to know if they are within healthy parameters," he continued.

Not of peep from either of us.

"Edward you feel very protective of your mother and Bella you have fear of men," he began.

Nothing.

"Come on you two, help me out here," he begged.

"I don't have fear of men," I corrected. "I have fear of one man."

"And I don't have a mommy complex, if that is what you are getting at," Edward said snidely.

"Are you two sharing?" Carlisle asked.

"Sharing what?" I asked.

"Feelings, memories, experiences…"

"Yeah, we're sharing," I said softly.

"Yeah, it's like pulling teeth," Edward mumbled.

"I spilled my guts to you," I yelled.

"No you didn't, you give me a peek and then pull away," he said angrily.

"A peek, I told you how I feel about you," I said appalled.

"You did not, you told me you kissed me in my sleep and I asked you to do it again. That is not a confession."

"Fine, I like you Edward, I want you to be mine. I think you're gorgeous; I dream about you and think about you constantly. Is that better?" I said as I began to cry.

He smiled and looked at Carlisle and shrugged. "Yeah, that is a lot better," he laughed and then put his arm around my shoulder and pulled me closer to him. "Was that so tough?" he asked.

"I hate you," I mumbled with a small smile.

"No, too late, you can't take it back," he laughed.

"Edward, it is not your job to protect Bella, do you understand that?" Carlisle asked.

I saw a look of confusion move into Edward's eyes but he nodded like he understood.

"Bella, Edward likes you, he does not want to victimize you, is that clear?"

"Of course," I answered.

"Now I want you both to spend the evening reading the rule book. I want you to understand it backwards and forwards."

We both nodded and stood to leave.

"Bella, I need you to remain," Carlisle said to make me begin to worry. Edward gave me a long look and slowly walked from the room.

I sat back down and waited for the discussion I feared was coming.

"Bella, have you considered pressing charges?" he asked pointedly.

"No, he can't do anything," I said in a panic.

"It would be justice for you," he said calmly.

"I got my vengeance," I said.

"He shouldn't be able to continue on without proper punishment. Are you afraid to face him in court?" Carlisle asked.

"He can't just continue on," I pointed out.

"What if medical science makes it possible for him to have reconstructive surgery, wouldn't you want him to have a record because of what he put you through?"

I was shaking and I stood up to get a full breath. "Everyone would know, it would be in the papers and in court records. I don't want to repeat anything. I took care of it, he won't hurt anyone again."

"Okay, sweetheart," he said and smiled at me. "Are you taking your anxiety medicine?"

I nodded and he stood to walk me to the door. I walked outside and saw Edward sitting, waiting for me.

"You okay?" he asked.

"Fine," I said, feeling like a child.

"I want to ask you something," he said nervously.

"I don't want to talk about it," I screamed loudly.

His eyes widened and he stopped walking beside me. I stopped and began rubbing my forehead.

"I wanted to know if I can introduce you to my mother tomorrow," he said softly.

I broke into tears and didn't turn around. I let my head drop and took a deep breath, "Why would you want her to meet me?"

"Are you kidding me?" he asked angrily.

I turned to look at his angry expression and his eyes instantly softened when he saw my face. "This is a school of freaks; you don't want anyone from here, Edward."

"You think I'm a freak?" he asked sadly.

"No, you're not, but I am," I said as I turned and headed to my room.

He didn't follow right away, but showed up just as we were all going to bed. He knocked on the door and when Alice opened it Jessica turned to me in a huff.

"Angela isn't here and I told you how to spell his name, so unclench," I said in anger.

I walked into the hallway and stood across from Edward. He stared at me and finally spoke. "You really hurt me, Bella. I thought we were past all this shit."

"I talked to Carlisle about….him," I explained.

"I'm not him, and I don't want you treating me like I am," he said forcefully.

I felt my emotions getting out of control and I began breathing heavily. I looked at the floor and it angered him. "Look at me when I talk to you," he said.

"Don't act like I have to obey you," I said with less force than I wanted.

"I want to know what you talked about with Carlisle," he demanded.

"No," I said with finality.

"Goodbye, Bella," he said and walked away.

I went back to my bunk and pretended to fall asleep, but I really cried my heart out. He was moving too fast for me and I didn't know how to ask him to slow down. I needed him to let me move at my own pace, but he needed more.

I tried for over two hours to get some sleep and finally got up and headed outside to smoke a cigarette. I knew it wasn't fair to Rosalie, but this was too much stress to handle without a bit of help.

I sat on the table under the pavilion and pulled my legs up tight to keep warm. I jumped when I heard footsteps and spun around to see Edward walking toward me, smoking.

He stood against a pillar and narrowed his eyes as he blew smoke towards me. "I guess we're weaker than we thought," he said softly.

I nodded. "I couldn't sleep," I explained.

"Me either," he added. "Are you excited to see your dad?"

"Yeah, but that isn't what kept me awake," I admitted.

"I would ask you what it was, but you wouldn't tell me," he said sadly.

I let my head fall between my outstretched arms and sighed loudly. When I lifted my head I had to wipe the tears away and noticed he had moved to sit across from me. I looked at him without blinking and finally caved.

"Carlisle wants me to press charges."

"Why wouldn't you?" he asked,

"A trial, a jury, newspapers, I can't tell strangers what happened."

"You have nothing to be ashamed of, Bella," he said softly.

"I handled it myself," I said once again.

"You only handled half of it," he said painfully.

"What do you mean?" I said as my mouth went dry.

"When someone is a predator it doesn't start and stop with his junk, it's in his head, too. He'll do it again."

"I should have killed him," I whispered.

"No, you're a good person," he said staring right at me.

"I want it to just go away, I want to forget it all," I cried.

"It's never going away, it is a part of you now," he said and I began to cry harder. He got up and came over to put his arms around me. "And it doesn't matter one bit, because people still love you."

"Edward, what if I'm ruined, what if I can't separate it from…"

"From me?" he asked.

I looked at him and bit my lip as I pleaded, begged with my eyes, for him to assure me I wasn't ruined. He decided to share something from his life. "I had a friend from Naperville who invited me to a party one weekend. I got so drunk, and I was with this girl. I don't remember any of it," he said in shame.

"I tried to…he was too strong," I whispered as tears fell down my face.

"Bella, love, you are not ruined. You are a survivor, and that is incredible, you are incredible," he said into my hair.

"Edward," I said in just a sigh, "please kiss me."

He put his finger under my chin to hold me steady and softly put his lips to mine. I inhaled shakily and he pulled back for a second. I closed my eyes and he moved forward to put his mouth to mine again, with more pressure this time.

I concentrated on him, on the pressure he used, on the smell of his cigarette on his breath, and how he ran his fingers gently through my hair. I automatically moved closer to him and he wrapped his arms around me, putting one hand on the back of my head and running his tongue across my lips.

I sighed loudly as I let his tongue move against mine and my hand wandered to his cheek. I felt the course stubble on his jaw and gasped loudly as I pushed him away.

I closed my eyes and pulled into a ball. "No, I'll tell, I'll kill you," I screamed.

"Bella, I'm sorry, I went too far," he said in fear.

I looked up and grabbed him to me, holding on tightly, "I want him dead, Edward. I should have killed him," I said into his shirt.

"He deserves to die for what he did," he said with his own rage. "I'm going to kill him."

I wasn't sure if I heard him correctly, and when I pulled back to clarify I heard Rosalie call my name. "Bella are you smoking?" she asked me in anger.

I looked at her in shock and couldn't concentrate on what I had been doing or saying. I backed away from Edward and turned to run back to my room.

6

I woke up so tired and couldn't even get excited about seeing my dad. I felt heavy, like my body took too much energy to make it move. I got out of bed only after Alice insisted and picked out clothes for me to put on after my shower.

"Here," she said, "this will be perfect with your skin tone." She handed me a lipstick she had hidden under her pillow.

"Where did you get this?" I asked her.

She winked at me and I knew she had stolen it. Nobody was getting fixed and I was so frustrated. I needed to know it was at least possible for someone to get better. I took the container of lipstick and threw it across the room. Alice jumped and her usually happy face looked so ashamed.

"We're all freaks," I screamed and ran from the room.

I headed to the session room where we were all going to meet. I opened the door to see Emmett laughing and talking loudly with his coach. A young girl was sitting properly in a chair and she looked identical to Rosalie.

I felt my heart pounding like a hammer, Emmett's voice was echoing around me and the girl sat there, perfectly. I turned to run out and ran into my father's chest.

"Bells, are you okay?" he said with concern.

I clung to him and sobbed. He assumed they were tears of joy at seeing him, and I didn't correct him. We moved to the back of the room and spoke softly in the corner.

"How are you doing, are you getting help," he asked.

"I'm good, Dad," I said to reassure him. "I've made some good friends."

"I talked to the school in Forks and they said since you will already be eighteen by next Christmas you can just get your GED and go on to college."

"I'll think about it," I smiled.

"I talked to your mom," he said hesitantly.

"Is she okay?"

"She pretends to be, she finds it easier to ignore the truth," he said in disgust.

"Is he…still…."

"Yeah, he has more surgeries lined up. Did they talk to you about…um…pressing charges?"

"You put them up to that?" I asked in shock.

"Okay everyone, please take a seat," Carlisle asked.

My eyes locked on Edward's and I looked at the woman standing next to him. She was so beautiful, tall and thin with copper hair and green eyes. She held onto him like he was her world, but his eyes were so sad. My hand rose as if to touch the ache he had consuming him.

I followed the crowd and sat in a chair next to my father. Carlisle and Esme stood in front of us and smiled cheerfully.

"We want to welcome you all here. I'm very proud of the students I get to work with and think they are making remarkable progress. You have all been chosen as people of support. I would like to go around the circle and have you say something about the person you are here to visit."

"Coach, can we start with you?"

"I think Emmett is a winner, on and off the field," he said with a pat to Emmett's back.

"Peter."

"I have known Jasper for many years, he is the type of friend anyone would want to have."

"Lucy."

"Rosalie is not only my sister but my role model."

"Mrs. Brandon."

"Alice is my best friend, we do everything together."

"Mrs. Masen."

"Edward is my son, and I will always know him."

"Mr. Swan."

"I think Bella is very brave, more so than she knows."

"That's the truth," Edward mumbled and Charlie turned to look at him.

I looked around the circle and wanted to yell, this isn't support; this is why we are so messed up.

I looked at Emmett's coach; he was killing him just so he could win. He had to know what was going on, look at Emmett's size, he would have to know. And Peter, he has no idea who Jasper is, because Jasper doesn't even know. "

Lucy was in as much trouble as Rosalie, she would watch her hair fall out and her teeth rot just to be thin. Alice didn't need a friend, she needed a mother.

I was almost hysterical as I turned to look at Edward. He wouldn't be able to fix it, he can't make his mother well, and he can't put me back together by hurting people who hurt us."

I faced my father and realized why he wanted me to press charges, but I felt shame. I had set Phil on fire just to make him feel the shame I had felt, it wasn't justice.

I could no longer remain sitting there and jumped up and headed out the door. Someone came running after me and I expected it to be my father, but it was Jasper. He caught my arm and pulled me around to look at him.

"Don't run from it, Bella. It hurts before it gets better, think of it like pulling off a Band-Aid."

"Nobody is getting better, Jasper. We are still just as screwed up as the day we walk through the doors," I cried.

"You're wrong, you can't stand back and see the progress, but others can," he assured me.

"Rose is still throwing up, and Alice is still stealing things," I said in my defense.

"Yeah, they are working on it. It used to happen every day, now it is once in awhile. That is pretty good, don't you think?"

"What about me?" I asked quietly.

"You're talking to me, aren't you? That is progress," he chuckled.

I took a deep breath and looked at him with a smile, "Are you conning me?"

"I don't do that anymore," he laughed and reached out for my hand.

I let him bring me back into the room and saw how Edward relaxed a bit. I sat next to my dad and he put his arm around me. We were told to take our parents on a tour and meet together for lunch.

I brought my father to the room and showed him my bunk and then took him to the music room. I was playing around on the guitar, not playing anything specific when Edward and his mother walked in.

"Oh, we'll get out of your way," I said uncomfortably.

"No, I would like it if you played something with me, my mother would like it," he corrected.

"Yes, I would love to hear you play," she offered.

I nodded as I smiled and then looked at Edward for direction. He began playing an old Sinatra song and I joined in, leaving the vocals out. He looked over at me and mouthed, "Sing."

I shook my head and then heard his mother begin to sing softly. I harmonized with her and she lit up with joy. She had a beautiful voice and I smiled at her as we sang.

When the song ended Edward wiped tears from his eyes as Charlie looked on nervously. I'm sure he thought we expected him to join in, but Edward began playing lullaby's for his mother. I watched them interact and her love for him was so obvious. She must have been a wonderful mother to have such devotion from her son.

She stood and asked Edward where the ladies room was. I stood and offered to go with her. Edward smiled at me with relief and I held my hand out for Elizabeth's. I escorted her down the hall and she pulled me close, "You like Edward, don't you."

"Edward's a great guy," I answered honestly.

"He worries too much," she said with a furrowed brow, "especially about me."

"He loves you," I assured her.

"He needs to find his own love and know I will be fine. I love his father, I wish they could get along," she sighed.

I wasn't sure what to say and only nodded. She looked at me sideways and asked, "Did he tell you about the fight?"

"A little," I mumbled.

"He thinks I don't know the reason, but I do. I don't want them to ever fight over me," she said with a tight jaw. "Edward always wants to do the right thing, but some things he just can't understand yet."

"Sometimes he scares me," I admitted to her and quickly added, "not that I think he would hurt me, I'm afraid he sees into my heart, you know?"

She smiled and gave me a courtesy hug. "Your heart would be very safe with Edward," she said as she walked into a stall.

I thought about her words. I spent so much effort pushing Edward away and maybe I should make the same effort at letting him close. He wasn't Phil, I knew that. I also saw how tenderly he treated his mother.

We walked back to the music room and Charlie was talking sports with Edward. I laughed and said, "He hates sports dad."

"Maybe I misspoke a little to get you into music class with me," Edward laughed.

"Maybe you just lied," I emphasized.

"I spoke the truth when I said you sing better than you run," he threw at me making my father laugh in agreement.

We all made our way together to the cafeteria and I noticed how Edward kept looking at me, maybe because I kept looking at him. When he pulled my chair out for me I purposely put my hand over his as I moved in front of the chair. I sat and he ran his finger across my neck as he moved to the next chair.

Carlisle was at the head of the table and as we all turned to listen to him speak Edward placed his hand on my thigh under the table. I felt chills run through me and I pulled my hand under the table and interlocked my fingers with his.

It felt so intimate and private, right in the middle of a big group. As we all ate Jasper went to work, charming Mrs. Brandon to the point Alice was beginning to get mad. Emmett had Lucy wrapped around his huge finger as Rosalie stared at him with total adoration.

Everyone would think Edward and I couldn't stand each other by the way we only spoke to the person next to us and never turned to speak to each other. But they couldn't see the way our legs were intertwined and how Edward would run his hand up my thigh until I was almost panting. It was the longest lunch of my life.

After lunch we had sessions with either Carlisle or Esme and our guest. I could tell my father was very nervous and expected his head to actually shrink.

I knew the subject which would be foremost on everyone's mind, so I brought it up myself. "I will give it some thought to prosecute Phil. I can't give an answer right now, but I will honestly think about it."

Charlie looked at Esme and asked about other visitors, I quickly interrupted, "I don't want to see mom right yet."

"Oh, no, um…Jake wants to visit," he said a bit embarrassed.

I could feel my face turn red and hoped Esme didn't bring up the subject of Edward. She only smiled politely and told my father that wouldn't be possible at this stage of treatment, I was so relieved.

We discussed my plans to come to Forks for Thanksgiving and Charlie said he would tell Jake he could visit me then. I wanted to groan, but I held it in. The last subject Esme brought up was a low blow, "Are you aware, Charlie, that Bella smokes?"

He turned to glare at me and said, "I thought you stopped taking my cigarettes."

"I did, I just got my own," I added.

"It is an awful habit," he said harshly.

"Yeah, I know, I'm trying to quit, are you? I said angrily at him.

He decided to drop the whole subject and I was glad. When it came time for him to leave I hugged him tightly and hoped I could feel like I had changed in some way the next time I saw him.

I walked back to the dorm and saw Edward standing outside the door with a huge smile on his face.

"What?" I asked.

"You have a surprise," he smiled and began to walk away.

"Are you going to tell me what it is?" I asked, wondering why he would walk away.

"No, go see," he smiled and continued walking.

I watched him for a bit and headed into my dorm. I opened my room door to see Angela sitting on her bunk. I screamed for joy and ran to leap onto her bed as she ducked for cover.

"How are you, is everything good?' I asked.

She smiled shyly and wiped the tears from her eyes as she thanked me for saving her. I wanted to give her space, but I felt she owed me an explanation, since she bled all over my clothes.

"What made you do it, Angela?"

"I didn't plan it, I was only going to take some of the pressure off, but once I started I couldn't stop. I'm an awful person," she admitted.

"I'm convinced nobody in the world is a decent person," I said.

"My dad is a minister," she said as if confessing something horrible.

"Mine's a policeman," I laughed.

"I just can't live up to his expectations," she said softly.

"Ministers are not perfect, Ang. Every parent wants perfect kids and every parent gets disappointed. You need to lighten up on yourself," I said, pretending to be full of wisdom. She smiled and hugged me tightly.

"What is new with you?" she asked.

"I've been fighting with Jessica," I teased.

"I hope you've been winning," she laughed.

"I kissed Edward," I admitted. Her eyes grew wide and she leaned in closer to me to hear the scoop. "It didn't go well, I mean the kiss was great, but I kind of freaked out a bit."

"Why?"

"I'm just stupid," I said sadly.

"What did he say?" she asked.

"He was great about it, the stupid jerk," I laughed.

She tensed a little and gave me a really funny look and then asked, "Do you like him?"

"I'm crazy about him, I think I might be in love with him," I said as I shook my head.

"Does he know?" she pressed.

"I don't know, I have no idea how to tell him," I admitted.

She smiled widely and nodded toward the door, "I think you just did."

I spun around to see Edward standing in the doorway smiling at me. I instantly turned red and looked at the floor as I said, "You can't be here, Jessica can't handle seven."

"Seven what?" he asked and me and Angela laughed.

I climbed off the bunk and walked over to where he was standing. He nodded with his head toward the outside and I followed him out the door and down the walkway. I tried to stay a step behind him so he couldn't see how nervous I was.

He walked purposefully and I wasn't sure what he was up to. He finally stopped at the far end of campus and turned to face me. "Bella, thank you for being so kind to my mom, it meant a lot to me."

"Yeah, sure, she's really nice," I said trying not to look at his eyes.

He took a step closer to me and laughed, "So, you're crazy about me?"

I rolled my eyes at him and crossed my arms so he couldn't see them shaking. "Everyone here is crazy, don't get a big head," I tried to sound unimpressed.

He didn't respond and I finally looked at him. He was grinning and had his own arms crossed in front of himself. I reached out to smack his arm and he quickly grabbed my wrist and pulled me to him. I stared at the button on his shirt until he finally said softly, "Hey."

My eyes slowly looked up at him and he leaned down to be level with me. "Tell me," he said sweetly.

"Tell you what?" I said with a pounding heart.

"Tell me how you feel about me."

"You already know," I said and went back to staring at the button.

"You've said it only in jest, tell me seriously how you feel," he pushed.

"I like you, Edward, more than I should," I confessed.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean this is so temporary, we are all here for only one year and then we go back to reality. You will be invited to parties in Naperville and I will be stuck with Jake's forced attention. "

His back tensed and he inhaled deeply before he spoke. "Why are you even thinking about stuff so far away? Can't you just enjoy being with me, getting to know me."

"Maybe it is having to be the grown up for so long. It is hard for me to look at the short term," I admitted, sad that he only thought of the short term.

"I am not planning on using you for the year and then moving on, and I don't like you bringing up the girl in Naperville, I don't throw Phil in your face."

I chuckled incredulously and looked at him in anger, "It is not the same thing and you know it."

"I didn't mean to imply it was, it is a humiliating experience I shared with you and I don't …."

"I'm sorry," I quickly added.

He nodded and I could feel him shutting down so I threw my arms around his neck and said again, "I'm sorry."

His arms tightened and he put his head in my neck and sighed painfully.

"Dude," Emmett yelled. "Carlisle is looking for you."

"Why?" Edward asked.

"I don't know, he just asked me to find you."

"Can we talk later?" Edward asked me and I nodded. He gave me a squeeze and walked away. Emmett remained and walked over to give me a pretend punch.

"Let me see your skills," he said and took a defensive stance.

I let my mouth fall open and tried to produce some tears, causing him to instantly put his hands down and gasp with shame.

"Works every time," I laughed and turned to walk away.

"You are evil, Bella," he laughed loudly and quickly caught up with me.

I asked him about Rosalie, "Do you think this thing you guys have going will last?"

"I'm not letting her go," he said with conviction.

"Are you moving to New York?"

He looked at me and I noticed how his jaw set and his neck muscles flexed. "I can't have her right now, but later, when we're older, she will be mine."

I wondered if that would be possible, to love someone enough to be together years later. I believed once we all got healthy we would move on with our lives, but I didn't tell Emmett that.

I walked with Angela to the cafeteria for dinner and looked around for Edward. I figured he must still be with Carlisle and went ahead and ate. When I showed up to group for the evening Esme was there, but Carlisle and Edward were not.

Jasper walked in with a stunned look on his face and looked at me and then Esme with a worried gaze. She nodded in understanding and I began to feel very nervous. "Where's Edward?" I asked Jasper.

"Bella, let me get group started and we'll talk," Esme said.

I felt panic building in my chest and looked at Jasper with total desperation. "Is Edward okay?" I asked him loudly.

He didn't respond and looked at Esme again. I jumped from my chair and ran from the room. I headed right to his dorm room, not exactly sure which one was his. I ran down the hallway yelling his name and ran into Mike Newton.

"Where's Edward?" I asked.

"They took him away," he shrugged.

"Away, where?"

"I don't know, he tore his room apart and they came and took him away."

I backed away from him as I felt the hallway closing in on me and ran back to the therapy room. Esme had finished with her instructions and motioned for me to follow her into the office. I was panting from running and from the fear building inside of me.

"Honey, Edward got some bad new and Carlisle is trying to help him deal with it," she said in sorrow.

"Where is he?" I demanded.

"He is at our home with Carlisle," she told me.

"Can I go see him?" I asked.

"No, dear, let Carlisle handle this."

"What bad news did he get?"

"I can't share that Bella. Edward will have to choose to tell you or not."

"Why did he destroy his room?" I asked in confusion.

"Edward gets angry and just reacts. He needs to learn better coping skills," she said, sounding like a therapist.

I couldn't concentrate on anything, and I was so worried at what could have possibly made Edward so upset he would have to be taken from the school. I decided to go the Dr. Cullen's house and find out for myself. I climbed the school fence and ran down the road to a filling station. I used the pay phone to call a cab and ripped the map out of the phone book to show the driver where I needed to go.

I arrived just as it was getting dark. I could see Dr. Cullen's car in the driveway and I moved quietly around to the back of the house and onto the deck. I saw Carlisle on the phone and Edward sitting in a chair with his back to me.

They spoke for a moment and Carlisle picked up his keys and left the house. I waited for a few moments to see what Edward would do, but he never moved. I finally knocked softly to get his attention. He walked to the door and opened it with red swollen eyes. He grabbed onto me tightly and began to cry with a depth that terrified me.

I tried to pull back and look at him but he continued to cling to me. I finally held him tightly and rocked us back and forth as his loud sobs ripped from his chest. I soon joined him with my own tears and cried just as desperately.

It was almost ten minutes later when I finally asked him to talk to me. "Please tell me why you are here, I am so scared, Edward."

He wiped his eyes on the sleeve of his shirt and walked back to the chair in the living room. I was going to sit on the couch, but he pulled me onto his lap, and laid his face on my chest.

"Are you going home?" I asked him, fearing he would say yes.

"She's dying," he said in a monotone whisper.

"Who?"

"My mom, she has a brain tumor," he said as tears fell from his eyes again.

It had only been a few hours since I saw her singing and laughing with her son, what could have changed in such a short time?

"She told Carlisle to tell me after she left, she couldn't do it," he said, the pain evident in his voice.

I didn't know what to say and I had so many questions running around in my own head. He finally took a deep breath and began talking.

"I knew something had changed her from the woman she used to be, I thought it was my father's treatment of her."

"Does your father know?" I asked.

"I just spoke to her, she said he knows and she wants us to make peace before she passes."

I couldn't stand the thought of Edward leaving, even though it was for the best. I selfishly wanted him to stay with me.

He looked up at me and said, "I can't face him, Bella. I can't look at him and know everything he has done and make peace with him."

"Can you pretend, for your mother?" I asked.

"Could you pretend, for your mother?" he threw back at me.

I tensed and he let his hands drop from my waist. "If I see him, I will lose it," he said adamantly.

I knew at that moment rage was an issue for Edward, more than I had realized before. He couldn't control his anger and that realization made me nervous. He finally looked into my eyes and asked me why I was there.

"I was worried when I heard you left the school…after you tore up your room," I said as I looked away.

"I can't lock my emotions up like you do," he said with anger.

I got off of his lap and moved to the couch without him attempting to stop me.

"At least I don't freak out," I mumbled.

He stared at me with mad eyes and I noticed the blood on his knuckles. "Do you need to have your hand looked at?"

"Don't worry about it," he answered.

"Do you want me to leave?" I finally asked.

"No Bella, I want you to stop being so damn afraid of me," he yelled.

"I came here to comfort you," I said.

"Well, sitting over there isn't very comforting," he said staring directly into my eyes.

I began biting on my lip nervously and I wanted to cry. I heard him exhale in frustration and when I looked at him his eyes were closed and his hands were drawn into fists.

"Tell me what to do, Edward," I said with tears. "Tell me how to comfort you."

"Forget it," he said.

I moved onto my knees and crawled over to him, scooting between his legs. "Edward, I'm not…I mean I don't know how to...I feel awkward," I finally settled with.

"I'm hurting, Bella. I need you to be here for me. I can't worry about your flashbacks right now, so just go."

I knew he was feeling raw and emotional and his words were cutting me like a knife. I wanted to reach out and pull him into my arms, offering him anything that would make him feel better. But I didn't have to faintest idea what he would want.

I stood and looked into his sad eyes and my heart was breaking. I knew it was a mistake to come here and I knew I should walk out the door this very moment. But I also knew I would lose him if I left, so I remained.

I held out my hand for him and watched him slowly reach out and take it. I pulled him from the chair and brought his hand around my waist, his other arm followed.

"I'll be here for you, tell me what you need."

He looked at me for half a second before descending on my mouth with a fury. He pulled me so tightly to him I could feel his entire body on the length of mine. His mouth moved against mine with so much force our teeth clinked together. He was breathing loudly and moving his hands over my entire body.

I tried so hard to stay in the moment with him, but darkness came for me. _Only a sliver of light was shining from under my bedroom door as a large body moved slowly toward me in the dark. I didn't scream, I never screamed. I waited for him to come closer and then I would kick and flail with all my might._

_But this time I didn't fight. This time I knew I would make him pay, so I waited for him to crawl into my bed. I could hear him screaming as the flames spread quickly from the lighter fluid I had sprayed onto his naked lower body._

I could feel the tears running down my face as Edward continued to paw me, touching me in a way that was not soothing, or comforting, but wanting and needing.

His hand held my head tightly in his grasp as he begged into my ear, "Take the pain away for me, Bella, and make me feel good."

His other hand ran up my shirt and under my bra and I bit down hard to stop from screaming. He was panting and pushing me down onto the floor and I let my body fall freely. I stared up at the ceiling, noticing the swirls in the plaster above me. They moved around with no pattern, just as his hand was.

The tears began to fall down the side of my cheeks and into my ears as he pulled on the fabric of my shirt. He mumbled something over and over again into my neck, finally making his way to my ear.

"I love you, I love you," he was saying.

I could only think of one thing to say, "I want to die."


	3. Chapter 7 thru 9

7

I was frozen inside my own mind. I couldn't respond or recognize anything around me. I had no idea how long I lay on the ground or what I said. I felt a sharp stick and could focus on a face in front of me, but I didn't know who it was.

"Bella, can you hear me?" The face asked.

I nodded and felt hands adjust my clothing and pull me into a sitting position. I stared at the woman assisting me and knew I should know her name, but I could get past the fog covering my brain. I looked around the messy, broken room and wondered where I was.

"Bella, where is Edward?" I was asked.

Things began to click into place and I remembered the loud, out of control screaming coming from Edward's mouth. I remembered the slow, locking of my limbs as I fell deeper into my mind.

"Edward," I screamed loudly.

"Do you know where he went?" a man standing behind me asked. I spun around to see Carlisle's worried face. I turned back to Esme and spoke with fear, "Did I hurt him?"

"I don't think so, I don't see any signs of injury," she assured me.

"I didn't burn him?" I clarified.

"No, dear, did you think he was Phil?"

I shook my head in shame and she helped me to the couch after Carlisle reattached the cushions.

"Why did you think he was Phil? Was he rough with you or did he force anything on you?" Esme asked softly.

"No, he needed comfort and I ruined it," I sobbed.

"Bella, look at me," she insisted. "Did Phil tell you it was only comfort when he touched you?"

"I fought him," I screamed in frustration. "I didn't let him touch me."

"I know you fought him," she said firmly. "But he did touch you, that is why you set him on fire."

"I wanted to hurt him; I wanted him to live with the shame he put onto me, that is why I burned him." I could feel the panic building and I tried to push away from her.

"Bella, you were a child, of course he would be stronger than you," she said, trying to break through my denial.

"I was smarter," I yelled at the top of my lungs.

"Then use that brain now," she screamed back at me as she held me firmly in her grasp. "Admit he was a horrible man, who took advantage of a child. You fought hard and you finally stopped him, but he hurt Bella, he touched Bella."

I shut my eyes tightly and screamed in pain at the deeply buried memories bubbling to the surface with each breath. I was shaking my head in the negative but the word 'yes' roared from my mouth as I arched backwards, trying to keep my brain from remembering.

Esme pulled me into her arms and hugged me tightly, "Yes, Bella, he hurt you, he did this to you, and we're going to make you all better now."

I collapsed against her and cried with a force I never knew I had. I let all the things I had allowed to build up come rushing out.

I cried to the point of total exhaustion and finally relaxed enough to hear Carlisle talking on the phone. He was speaking with someone about Edward and I sat up in order to hear better.

"Did he find Edward?" I asked Esme.

"No, do you have any idea where he would go?"

I tried to think of anything, but I was at a lost…unless, "He told me he wanted to kill Phil. You don't think he would…"

Esme jumped from the couch and ran to talk to Carlisle. I was running through the events of the night trying to pull anything I could from my dark consciousness. I remembered wanting to comfort him, trying to get him to tell me what to do, feeling his hands on my body, and the slow sinking feeling coming over me. I could barely register yelling and shattering noises. He was ranting about something…about me…about taking away the women he loved.

I got off the couch and ran to where Carlisle and Esme were talking. "He's going to kill Phil or his father," I said in fear.

"We have authorities looking at the airport and bus stations," Carlisle told me.

"This is my fault," I cried.

"No, it is nobody's fault," Carlisle assured me.

They were both making constant phone calls and I finally sat on the couch and eventually fell asleep. I felt a warm hand touch my arm and I looked up to see Esme gently waking me. "Let me take you to your room, dear."

I expected to get in a car and go back to the school, but she led me to a room down the hallway and handed me a nightgown and a new toothbrush.

"Do you have any children?" I asked her, thinking what a wonderful mother she must be.

"No, our son died shortly after birth. I can't have any more children," she said sadly.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled.

"Don't be, I get six new children each year, and I consider every single one of you a blessing."

I hugged her and vowed to be a better member of the group. When I was changed and settled into bed, she came back to talk to me.

"Bella, I know you think it is easier to keep the bad memories buried. But as you saw tonight, you can't move forward unless you deal with the past."

I nodded and understood what she meant. "I want to be fixed, so I can help Edward," I sighed.

"We will start tomorrow, okay?" she asked with a sweet smile.

"Okay," I agreed.

I was dreaming of my mother and she was stuck inside a mirror. I wanted to get her out, but if I broke the mirror she would crack into a million pieces. I sat in front of it, and stared at her, as she tried over and over again to come to me, each time bumping into the see-through glass.

Someone sat on the edge of the bed, pulling me from my dream, and I opened my eyes to see Edward. I lunged at him and wrapped my arms tightly around his neck. He didn't move his arms, keeping them limply at his sides.

I pulled back to look at his tortured face. "I am so sorry," he said sadly.

"You did nothing wrong," I tried to emphasize.

He tilted his head to the side in disbelief. I noticed his raw knuckles, much more battered than when I had last looked at them, and I brought his hand to my lips and kissed them gently. His eyes were full of tears and I ran my finger over his lids as his tears spilled over.

"Edward, why do you take everything onto your shoulders?" I asked him. "You are just a kid."

"I get so angry," he said softly.

"That's stupid," I said forcefully. "That is like Jessica not allowing seven people in the room."

I could tell by the way his eyes widened he wasn't expecting that response.

"I was stupid too, Edward. I tried to ignore what Phil put me through, so I could pretend to be normal. I'm not normal, and I need a lot of help," I admitted.

"I'm not normal, and I need a lot of help," he admitted right back to me.

I smiled at him and watched his own mouth smile back at me. I began to giggle and I could not stop no matter how disapproving Edward glared at me. I fell back onto the pillow in laughter and he laid down next to me, remaining above the covers.

"What's so funny, are you laughing at me?" he asked.

"I'm laughing at me," I said through the giggles. "You get all hot and bothered and I end up in a trance."

"Comatose was more like it," he said shaking his head.

"So, was the room rage because I froze or because you didn't get any?" I roared with laughter.

His face turned pale and I pushed his shoulder, "Oh stop it," I said. "If you can rip up a room, you can deal with a little teasing."

"You do have great breasts," he said with a wink and my laughter stopped immediately. "Oh, now you can't deal with the teasing? If you want to dish it out, you better learn to take it," he said seriously.

I lifted my head and looked at my chest. "Do I really?" I asked.

He pushed my forehead back down, so my head went back to the pillow. "You are trying to kill me aren't you?" he complained.

I laughed and then looked at his beautiful face and sighed. "Where did you go?" I finally asked.

"For a run," he said simply.

"You're a smoker, you can't run," I pointed out.

"I'm a young smoker, so I can run," he explained.

"I thought you went to kill Phil," I said softly.

"I wanted to, you have no idea how badly I wanted to get on a plane and stop him from breathing," he admitted.

"I'm glad you didn't. I want to be the one to put him away," I said.

He looked at me for a long time and finally nodded.

"You need to confront your dad, and not with your fists either," I added.

"I will, at Thanksgiving," he said.

I didn't want to think about that week. I would be at Charlie's, dodging Jake, and Edward would be so far away. I missed him already and put my arm around him. "Maybe we will be in so much trouble we will be stuck at school for the holiday," I wished aloud.

"I'm not in trouble, you are," he laughed.

"You tore up the dorm room," I reminded him.

"I was looking for something," he lied.

"What?"

He pulled a wrapper from his pocket and I laughed. "You were looking for a granola bar? They have plenty in the cafeteria."

"No, I was looking for this wrapper, it is the one you ate on our first day," he smiled.

I looked at the thin foil in his hand and then back to his face, "Are you serious?"

"I keep it with me all the time," he admitted as I felt tears burn in my eyes.

"How can you be so sweet and then so violent? It is like you have two personalities," I said only half kidding.

"You bring out both emotions in me," he smiled.

"I'm sorry for how I responded this evening," I said embarrassed. "I really did want to comfort you, and you weren't rough or harsh." I lowered my eyes and forced myself to say what I was feeling, "You felt amazing."

He placed his battered hand against my cheek and whispered, "You felt amazing."

My heart was beating wildly and I wanted to pull him against me and ask him to touch me all over again, but we would end up right back where we were, me freaking out and him feeling guilty. So I decided to use my words and tell him how I felt.

"It is hard for me to separate my desire for you and my deeply buried emotions about what Phil did to me. Esme said they can help me, and I want that now. I want to feel only you in my mind."

He nodded and said, "I hope you understand my desires are so different from Phil's. I don't want to take, I want give. I want to give to you the amazing feelings you give to me."

"You look up romantic lines to say on the web, don't you?" I accused him as my heart melted.

"Get your ass out of trouble dot com," he laughed.

"I think I need to check it out," I admitted. "I owe you a few."

"Well," he began, as he turned on onto his back and pulled me to his chest. "I can save you the time and tell you there is only one line I need from you."

"Touch whatever you want?" I laughed.

"Not even close," he said softly as his eyes closed.

I looked up to see the visible smile as he relaxed. I could see how tired he was and the circles under his eyes were growing darker. I stared at his face as I forced my hands to run along the stubble of his chin. It wasn't Phil's face scratching my body, it was Edward's, looking stylish and manly, something most teens couldn't pull off.

His eyes remained closed as I put my cheek to his and let the growth scrape long my sensitive flesh. I moved to his neck and traced my finger along his adam's apple. His neck was thin and so different from any memory of Phil, so I concentrated on that area.

I turned his jaw and watched as the muscles stretched from his collarbone to his ear. He smiled and I noticed how the sides of his mouth crinkled just like his eyes. "What are you doing, Bella?"

"I'm memorizing you," I said as I continued to stare.

"In case you have to pick me out of a lineup," he teased.

"No, so I can remember with absolute detail what you looked like the first time," I answered.

"The first time for what?" he asked, finally opening his eyes.

"The first time I tell you, I love you."

Before Edward could respond to the declaration, the door opened and Carlisle stood there with his arms crossed over his chest, glaring at Edward.

"This isn't the room I sent you to," he said forcefully.

"Oops," Edward laughed, "I guess I got lost."

"As a punishment, make he stay through Thanksgiving," I offered.

Carlisle's eyes moved to me with a reproving stare and I felt my smile fade. "I kept telling him to leave," I lied.

"She kept telling me to take off my clothes," Edward said as I gasped.

"I'm not running a brothel," Carlisle said in anger and Edward laughed loudly.

He rose from the bed and looked back at me, "I didn't offer to pay her."

"You don't have enough money," I said hatefully.

He laughed even louder at that comment and said, "I have tons of money, it's anger control I lack."

"You better tie him to the bed, so he doesn't destroy another room," I said to Carlisle.

"See, she keeps offering me sex," Edward accused and I threw a pillow at him.

Carlisle laughed at us both and turned to leave, so I called out to Edward. He stuck his head back in the room and I smiled at him.

"I love you," I said softly and watched his face soften into a loving gaze.

"Hold that thought, I'll be back," he whispered and left the room. The door opened back up and Carlisle stuck his head in, "No, he won't."

I fell back onto my pillow and laughed.

I had a hard time going asleep and wished Edward would return, but I was sure Carlisle was sleeping in the hallway to catch any private rendezvous. When morning came I showered and dressed in my same clothes before coming to the kitchen.

Esme was there alone and handed me a bagel and a banana before sitting across from me. "Carlisle is working with Edward this morning, and I will work with you," she said.

I nodded and took a bite of my bagel, noticing how my hands were shaking.

"Tell me about the very first time Phil made you uncomfortable," she said getting right to the point.

I chewed slowly and she waited patiently.

"Um…my mom was sick with the flu and he came in my room to hear the song I was playing. He was very complimentary and then started saying things about my voice and my playing that made me nervous."

"What did he say?' she pushed.

"That my fingers could…do things…for him," I said as I looked down at my plate.

"Did he touch you?" she asked.

"No, he just laughed and said I was stupid and he would have to teach me things, so I would be ready for high school."

"Bella that is a classic tactic of a pedophile, he wanted you to feel degraded. They push you down until they are sure you are so repressed they can make a move. You were not stupid. You felt something wrong in your gut and that was why you felt uncomfortable. It was very smart of you," she smiled.

"I should have told my dad," I said softly.

"Bella that was actually part of the problem, you were raised to view men as authority figures who are there to keep the law and help people. It was most likely very confusing for your psyche that your mother brought a predator into your life."

I looked up at her and thought about what she said, "I was confused," I admitted. "I even wondered if my dad did the same things with his girlfriend's daughter."

"Had you started menstruating yet?" she asked me pointedly.

"Yeah, just barely," I admitted.

"That would lead to even more confusion. Your body was raging its own hormonal war inside, much like how you feel with Edward. You are attracted to him, but those feelings of repression are more dominate right now. We will change that eventually, but you will have to learn to open up to your partner, no matter what age, and build a feeling of trust."

"Edward's anger scares me," I admitted.

"It should, he has no control right now, and Carlisle will be working with him on that very issue."

"Is there anything I can do?" I asked.

"Yes, work hard on your own recovery."

I nodded and worried about his bloody knuckles. I wasn't sure how much more damage he could do to his already raw hands.

"Bella, I want you to skip ahead in your mind and tell me about the fire," she pushed.

Tears instantly sprang to my eyes and I crossed my arms tightly. I was shaking my head back and forth as I spoke. "I was done, I didn't want him to ever touch me again. I had considered killing him, but my mom loves him," I said with disgust.

"Did you plan it?" she asked.

"I don't know, he used the grill for some hamburgers and I snuck the lighter fluid into my room. I think I only wanted to spray it in his eyes, so I could get away from him, but when he got into my bed, I just reacted."

"Did you have a lighter?" she asked.

"No, I had a candle lit by my bed. My window had been open and the smell of the hamburgers filled my room, so I had a scented candle burning."

"What did your mother say?"

"She wanted to know why I didn't help him," I said angrily. "She never asked why he was in my room without clothes on, or why I had the lighter fluid."

"Did you tell her?" Esme asked.

"No, my dad might have. He thinks it was the first time," I admitted quietly.

"Bella, your father is a professional lawman, he knows it was not the first time," she informed me and I burst into tears. I couldn't stand the thought of Charlie knowing.

"Bella, has your father treated you any differently?"

I thought about her question and realized he didn't, he even pushed me to date. I shook my head and thought about Edward. He didn't treat me any differently either. He still wanted me and tried to make me see how much he cared for me.

"People who love me don't care," I said with amazed realization.

Esme smiled and reached out to touch my nose, "I think you just had a breakthrough," she laughed.

I felt like I was soaring. I just admitted my biggest fear and I felt wonderful. I knew many harder sessions were to come, but I felt ready for the first time in my life. I wanted to run and tell Edward, but we could hear loud voices filtering down the hallway.

I looked at Esme and she only smiled, "Boys deal with therapy differently than girls."

"He can't punch one more thing or his hands will never heal," I said with concern.

"Sometimes it is easier for men to feel physical pain instead of emotional pain. It is how Edward admits what his heart is feeling," Esme said sadly.

"I don't know how he will deal with his mother dying," I said sadly too.

"His mother poured all of her life into her son, it was not a healthy thing to do, for either one of them. I am telling you this because you need to be careful that Edward doesn't pull you in so completely it stops your growth, and his."

"I don't understand," I said with confusion.

"His mother made him her entire world, that is his view of love, but it is not healthy to build your entire life around another person to the point of excluding others. She should have turned to her husband and friends. Edward needs to learn people can love him and still be emotionally attached to other people. You can't be his only need."

I didn't understand, I longed to be his only need. I wanted to fill his heart with my love, I just needed to be capable of it first.

When they finally came into the kitchen I could tell Edward was agitated and upset. He ate quickly and never looked directly at me. We drove back to the school in silence and when I entered my room the other girls attacked me with questions.

"I just had a session with Esme at her house," I admitted which was true, just not entirely the truth.

Angela walked over to hug me and asked quietly if he was okay. I nodded and was thankful for her discretion.

Alice waited for me to change and walk with me to class. "Jasper was very worried about Edward," she told me.

"He found out his mother is dying," I told her. "He is very close to her."

"Yeah, Jaz said he talks about her like she is a saint or something."

"I think he believes she is," I said.

"I think he believes she is," I said.

By the time I made it to science I was dying to see him. He smiled right as I entered the room and stuck his leg out when I walked by, almost causing me to trip.

"Do you still love me?" he whispered.

"Everything except your leg," I teased.

"I'll take it," he smiled.

I sat at my desk and looked over to see him staring at me. He sat his chin on his hand, which rested on his elbow on the desk, and continued to stare.

"What?" I mouthed silently.

"I love you, too," he mouthed back.

"Stop," I whispered as I looked around the room. Nobody seemed the least bit interested in our little bubble.

He smiled bigger and winked at me, causing me to turn red and turn toward the front of the room. Halfway through class the kid behind me tapped me on the back and handed me a note.

I looked over at Edward and he wiggled his eyebrows at me.

I unfolded the paper to see some music notes. He was writing a song and I hummed it in my head before looking at him to smile.

I looked at the bottom of the paper to read, _You seriously do have great breasts_.

My mouth fell open and I turned to glare at him, but he only laughed.

I picked up my pencil and wrote, _Does everyone really wake up with erections?_

I watched his face as he read the words and quickly began writing. _I'm not telling you, the last thing I want is you thinking about other guys. I dream of you every night, so for me, the answer is yes._

He sent the note back over and I sighed before writing, _You've been on the romantic sayings website again, tell me about a dream. Your smile lights up my day._

He read the note and looked over to smile at me, my heart went into overdrive and I had to force myself to stay in my seat. He took his time writing and I was getting anxious by the time the note arrived.

_I have been dreaming of you for a very long time. You arrived in my world when I needed you the most and I don't know how I could ever go on without you. It isn't just your beautiful face, or your gorgeous body, or your amazing voice that makes me love you, although those things make it easier, it is the spirit you carry within you. You calm me, you thrill me, you make me trust in love, and more than anything you are my only need._

The note was not what I was expecting. I thought he would write some erotic dream of me dancing around a pole or something. He wrote from his heart and I was shocked by it. I felt the tears blur my vision and I had to work very hard to blink them back.

I could feel his eyes watching me and I noticed how my hand was shaking. I picked up my pen and wondered if I had the nerve to speak from my heart. I decided to give it a try.

_You are a gift I never knew I wanted; I didn't dare to dream, because my world consisted of only nightmares. I closed my eyes and gave into the horror, only to awaken and find love with you. I long for night now, I long for you, and I long for the ability to be what you need._

He didn't send the note back and I was too afraid to look at him. I feared seeing him laugh, when I had tried to give him my heart. I waited for class to end before I finally looked toward his desk. He was still sitting and he had a really odd expression on his face.

I instantly thought I had done something wrong and wanted to just disappear. I began taking my time packing up my books and hoped he would leave without me. I turned to see him coming toward my desk and I let my eyes drop.

He walked up to me and stood very close, almost touching, and waited for me to look at him. He stared into my eyes and my heart took off speeding again. I couldn't look away, I was held mesmerized by the look he was giving me.

The room emptied, which was what he was waiting for, and he put his hand on my neck and pulled me to his lips. He was gentle, keeping the kiss light, and when he pulled back he spoke with labored breath. "You are everything I need, and all I will ever want."

He would have produced the same affect if he would have punched me in the gut. I literally couldn't breathe by the force of his love. My hand reached out for the desk and I leaned over as I gasped for air.

"Are you okay?" he asked looking worried.

"Why do you turn my world upside down?" I asked him as I struggled to calm down.

He laughed and took my arm to assist me in walking from the room. He escorted me to my next class and then kissed me again and said, "I'll see you in music."

I watched him walk away and I felt like a lost puppy. Esme was wrong, it was fine to be his entire world and I would willingly make him the center of my every thought.

8

We talked about the upcoming dance in class and Alice was adamant to find a way to get a new outfit. I didn't tell them I would not be attending and tried not to offer too much to the conversation.

"I wish they would let us go on real dates," Rosalie complained.

"Real dates?" I asked.

"Yeah, away from this place and by ourselves. If I don't get Emmett alone more often I am going to spontaneously combust."

"It's a big campus, be creative," Alice offered.

Rose looked at her with narrowed eyes and then grew angry. "You better spill Alice. Where are you and Jasper going?'

I looked at her in shock and couldn't believe they were being intimate here at school. She laughed with her high soprano voice and shook her head, "Find your own spot."

"When do you find the time?" I asked her.

She rolled her eyes and said, "It doesn't take much time, and most of the students need way too much sleep."

"You sneak out at night?" I asked her.

"Wait a minute," Rose demanded. "Emmett and I sneak out too, but none of the doors are unlocked."

"Maybe we don't use doors, maybe we make sure windows are not locked," Alice smiled.

"Oh my God, you are a genius," Rose said with a laugh. She got very quiet and I could tell she was planning out a romantic night with Emmett. I wished I had the nerve to do something like that with Edward.

I had no idea how much therapy I was going to need before that could happen. I thought about it all during class and showed up to music almost panting from imagining making love to Edward. I dropped my backpack the moment I entered the soundproof room and pushed him against the wall before kissing him passionately.

He was hesitant and held back until I moved even closer, pinning him between me and the wall. He tightened his grip and began to put more energy into his kiss. I moaned and sighed with every change in angle of his head until he finally pushed me away from him.

"Stop, Bella," he said as he tried to steady his breathing.

My entire body was on fire and I had to force myself to step back.

"Shit, I won't be able to walk all day," he complained.

"I'm sorry," I muttered, knowing full well I was not sorry at all.

"What brought that on?" he asked in confusion.

I smiled as I looked at my feet, "Do you ever think about us…I mean not just kissing, but like, you know, doing everything?"

"I thought you said to go slow," he pointed out, still not sure where I was going with the whole conversation.

"I know, I did, and I do," I took a deep breath. "I was just asking if you ever…imagined us."

He laughed and leaned over to look directly into my eyes, "Is Bella a little horny?" he teased.

I tried to turn away from him, but he pulled me back into his arms and I could feel the affect I was having on him against my hip. "I think about that day constantly," he admitted.

"What day?" thinking he meant something that had already happened.

"The day I make love to you," he said with total confidence.

"I just hope you remember it," I said, making fun of his experience with the girl from Naperville.

"Are you kidding me? It will be engraved into my memory."

"I wish I wasn't so…broken," I said sadly.

"You're not broken, Bella. Just let me know when you are ready," he smiled lovingly.

"Do you think we are too young?" I asked.

"Of course," he said with a laugh.

I rolled my eyes and couldn't believe I asked him when he was the one who brought condoms to school. I looked over at the piano and nodded. "Play the song for me."

His face lit up and he moved right to the bench and motioned for me to sit next to him. He played softly but as the melody progressed he closed his eyes and played from his heart. It was haunting, the way it moved up and down the scale, going from a light, fast tempo, to a slow, dark ache. The song felt like a smile that fell into tears.

When he finished I hugged him and said, "She will love it."

He looked at me and asked, "Who is 'she'?"

"Didn't you write it for your mother?"

"No, for you," he admitted and I was stunned.

I had no idea what to say. I felt so touched that he wrote a song for me, but I felt awful for making him feel those dark notes. I looked at him and asked, "Do I make you sad?"

"Yes," he said honestly. "I want to fix everything in your life and make sure you are happy at all times, but I can't."

"Of course you can't, you have to make yourself happy, Edward, not me."

"That sounds really perverted," he laughed and began playing around on the keys.

"You are such a degenerate," I said as I smacked his arm. "Did you know Alice and Jasper sneak out at night?"

"Yes," he said to my shocked face, "and I know where they go."

"Really" I laughed, "because she wouldn't tell Rosalie."

"Jasper won't tell Emmett either," he laughed.

"So how do you know?"

"I told him where to take her," he answered as if talking about the weather.

"How did you know where he should take her," I pressed further, getting a little ticked.

"Because it was where I was going to take you," he admitted softly.

I stared at him in complete shock and wished I was all fixed so he could take me there right this moment. I was a bit flattered that he was thinking about it, but also a bit insulted that he was thinking about it.

He finally stopped playing on the piano and looked at me. "We kept getting interrupted in your room," he pointed out.

"Edward, I'm sorry I keep disappointing you," I said sadly. "I really wish I could be more…open with you."

"We'll get there, Bella," he assured me.

"I'm going to miss you over Thanksgiving," I admitted.

He instantly tensed and I worried about his knuckles again. "Yeah, about that," he said. He looked over my head and then back into my eyes and I could tell there was something he wanted to talk to me about and I figured it was either his mother or his father, so I brought them up.

"Your mom told me she knows all about your fathers...decisions."

"No she doesn't," he said firmly.

"She said you don't under…..

"No she doesn't, Bella, God do you think I would let her know what he does?"

"Maybe he confessed to her," I pushed.

"I would kill him if he did," he said, filled with anger.

"Edward, their marriage is not your concern."

"Not my concern, are you insane? I am her son, and if he hurts her, it is my concern."

"Not if she forgives him, it's not," I said loudly.

"is that why you won't press charges against Phil, because you forgive him?" he screamed at me.

My blood turned to ice and I tightened my jaw in anger. "We weren't talking about me, you ass. Your mother wants you to make peace with your dad, so maybe she already has."

"I won't ever make peace with him, I hope he rots in hell," he yelled.

"That doesn't mean your mother can be at peace with it," I yelled back.

"She's mine," he screamed as he stood and threw the music off of the piano.

I stood and faced him with my own rage, "She is his, she chose him, she vowed to love him, and she stayed with him. She is his," I screamed louder. "And he comes first because you are nothing; you are just in the way, something for him to knock around."

My tears were falling down my cheeks and I pushed him hard in the chest. "Do you hear me, you are nothing to her. If she loved you she would believe you and she would protect you."

He grabbed my hands, which were hitting him over and over again as I yelled. He pulled me into his arms and we both cried. I cried from the realization I blamed my mother for everything, and he cried as he realized he blamed his mother for nothing.

I didn't know how much longer we could continue to have these emotional breakdowns before it broke us down. We were learning about our own issues, but it placed so much pressure on our relationship. I hugged him tightly and he calmed down and spoke quietly.

"Bella, I just don't want you to dump me for Jake during Thanksgiving, that was all," he said earnestly.

I chuckled and remained buried in his chest. He laughed lightly and put his chin on my head. "I'm sorry," I said.

"I'm sorry, too," he answered.

The bell rang and we both looked at the unused instruments and laughed. "We should have stayed in gym," I said.

"I'm a smoker, I can't be in gym," he said as he reached for my backpack.

"You're a young smoker, you can absolutely be in gym," I laughed.

"I wish we could go to your dorm," he said with remorse.

"We need to be careful or we'll both end up getting kicked out of here," I said with my own sadness.

"There is nothing that says we can't eat lunch in your room," he said looking at me sideways.

"Only the rule book," I pointed out.

"Okay, but nothing that says you can't eat in your room."

"Why would I want to be in my room alone?" I said, not getting his point.

"Come on Bella, work with me here," he laughed.

"Oh, yeah, right, I should eat lunch in my room," I agreed.

"Can you get rid of The Count?"

"What's that?" I asked.

"Just a mean reference to Jessica," he laughed.

"I know," I gasped, "get Mike Newton to talk to her and keep her occupied."

He laughed loudly and said, "Do you know what a letch Newton is?"

"Who cares, we can be alone," I pointed out.

He turned me sharply against a pillar and kissed me hard, "I like the way you think," he said and then turned to walk away.

"You better work it out after doing that," I yelled after him.

I felt optimistic and full of hope that I could not only separate my feelings for Edward from Phil, but that I could get better with Esme's help. I had a hard time concentrating in class and began to wonder why Edward would be worried about Jake. Maybe my holding back made him think I wanted to see Jake before putting forth an effort with him.

After class I headed right to the cafeteria and ran into Rosalie. She was upset about something and couldn't decide on what to eat. I finally grabbed her by the arm and she screamed out in pain.

"I'm so sorry, Rose, did I hurt you?" I said in fear.

"No, you didn't," she said with tears in her eyes.

"Did someone hurt you?" I asked.

"They never have anything good to eat," she complained looking over the buffet.

"What do you want?" I pushed, totally confused why she couldn't find anything in the many choices offered.

"I want cereal," she complained.

"For lunch?" I laughed.

Her eyes narrowed and she acted like she was going to cry. I finally motioned for her to follow me and I went to the kitchen door. A man in an apron came over and I asked him if we could get some cereal. He handed me a small one portion box and Rosalie angrily handed it back to him. "Just never mind," she said and headed back to the buffet line.

I filled my tray with a sandwich and chips and headed quickly to my room. Edward came about ten minutes later and asked me if I had talk to Rosalie.

"Yeah, she seemed really weird," I told him.

"Emmett is pissed and working out in the weight room like crazy," he said with worry.

"I think he hurt her, I mean bruised her," I said sadly.

"Seriously?" Edward asked with wide eyes.

"I touched her arm and she yelled in pain," I explained.

"Should we tell Esme?" he asked.

"I think so, but can we do it after lunch," I asked, too selfish to miss a minute of alone time with him. He smiled and climbed up on my bunk, before reaching for my tray.

I handed it to him and climbed up. We both had no interest in eating but had to do something to keep out of trouble. We nibbled on our food until Edward finally asked, "What did you and Esme talk about this morning?"

"She said I had a breakthrough," I smiled. "I realized people still love me, even after dealing with Phil."

He nodded so I asked, "What did you and Carlisle talk about?"

"He wants me to work on my anger."

"Do you think you need to...work on it?" I asked.

He chewed for a moment and then said, "I think breaking things is better than hurting people."

"It scares me, Edward."

"Why?" he asked in shock.

"Look at your hands, what do you mean, why?"

"I would never hurt you, Bella, you know that."

"Yeah, but will you tear apart my house, or my car, or hurt yourself more?" I asked.

He smiled and I didn't understand why until he said, "You believe we have a future, Bella Swan."

"I'm talking figuratively," I said with a red face.

"Kiss me," he said with a huge grin.

"We're eating," I reminded him.

He grabbed the tray and jumped off the bunk to set it on the desk and then climbed back up. He lay back on my pillow and held his arms out, "Now, kiss me."

I moved over him and he pulled me on top of his body, wrapping his own legs around mine, holding me to the bed. I leaned in and just as my lips touched his I pulled back locking my arms. I moved in again and this time let my lips rest against his a bit longer and then pulled back.

His breathing picked up in pace and his eyes were wild. "You're driving me crazy, Bella."

"You need to learn patience," I chastised and moved over his mouth once more, this time staying put.

He began to roll us, so he would be on top, just as Jessica walked in the room.

"Bella," she yelled.

"I swear to God, Jessica, I am go…"

"It's Rosalie, she's in the bathroom and she needs help, there is blood everywhere," Jessica yelled.

I jumped off the bunk and Edward followed right behind me. He didn't hesitate when I ran to the bathroom and entered with me. I saw a stall door open and Rosalie sitting against the wall with a small amount of blood on her mouth.

The toilet was full of blood and I panicked. I stepped away from her as images of Angela flooded my mind. Edward ran up and pulled her into his arms, getting her to stand. He helped her take a couple of steps and then picked her up.

"Jesus Rose, you don't weight anything," he said in disgust.

I held the door open and he carried her to the school infirmary. He laid her on the exam table and I notice how she had on layers of clothing. I had never noticed that before, because I just viewed her as stylish. She was trying to hide the fact she was so thin.

Jessica stood in the doorway with her eyes wide until Edward yelled at her to get Emmett. She turned and ran to the weight room.

The nurse began examining Rose and removed her thick sweater to reveal bruises up and down her arm, some of them made actual handprints. I noticed how Edward tensed and his hands drew into fists. Rosalie closed her eyes and began to cry.

I was terrified what would happen when Emmett arrived. He was so big and he could easily hurt Edward, but he wasn't angry to the point of rage that Edward was. I turned to look at him and suggested, "Why don't you go get Carlisle or Esme?"

He nodded and slowly turned to leave. I moved to the table and picked up Rosalie's hand. She was ice cold to the touch and I breathed on her fingers to warm them. Her beautiful eyes looked up at me in fright and I smiled at her.

"You're going to be fine, Rosalie."

"They wouldn't give me cereal," she said as she cried.

"Yes, they did, you didn't want it," I reminded her.

"No, I need a lot of cereal, it is easier to bring up," she explained as if talking about something as normal as homework.

I looked at her and my heart ached. She was so beautiful and she didn't know it. She thought her outside was more important than her inside, and she would end up dying because of it.

"How did you get the bruises?" I asked her quietly.

"He didn't mean too, he is just so strong."

I looked at her purple arms and shook my head, "No Rose, that is not an accident."

Emmett came running into the room at that moment and I cringed. His massive body left little room for mine so I stepped away from the table.

He kissed her as the nurse placed an IV in her arm and I couldn't keep my mouth shut. "Look at her arms, Emmett," I said harshly.

He ignored me and spoke softly to Rosalie so I yelled louder.

"Look what you did to her," I pushed.

"Stay out of it, Bella," he said without looking at me.

A soft voice came from the doorway. It was frightening in its calm, and I became terrified. "You're going to pay for hurting her," Edward said.

Emmitt stood, looking like a mountain, and turned to face Edward. I jumped in between them and put both of my arms out stretched. "Stop this right now," I demanded.

Luckily, Carlisle came running into the room and instantly could tell what was going down. "Edward and Bella, leave," he instructed. "Emmett go sit in a chair."

I tried to push Edward back out of the doorway but he wouldn't budge. He was breathing hard and his eyes were so cold as he stared at Emmett. I grabbed his face and forced him to look at me. "Edward, you better listen to me, damn it, you better listen," I yelled.

"Go to your room," he said in the frightening calm.

"No," I said with force and watched his eyes flash with anger. "What are you going to do, hit me?" I asked.

I knew I was playing with fire and a part of me truly wanted to know if he would ever hit me. I thought somewhere deep down he was capable of it. His whole body was so tense, I felt like he would explode into a million pieces.

I moved even closer to his face and spoke in the same scary calm he used, "You either turn around and leave with me, or you hit me, those are your only choices."

His eyes changed and I could tell he was really looking at me now. He was angry but for a different reason. I followed him from the room and walked behind him for about ten steps, when he suddenly spun around to face me.

"You know I would never hit you," he yelled with his finger in my face.

"No, I don't know that. You were completely out of control in there," I yelled back. "Do you seriously think you can take on Emmett?"

"He hurt her," Edward said with clinched teeth.

"Not nearly as bad as she just hurt herself," I pointed out. "We have no idea what happened and we can bring it up in group, God, what is wrong with you, Edward?"

He looked at me for a moment and suddenly turned to punch the brick pillar, causing his hands to bleed again. I snapped myself and pushed him hard in the chest causing him to take a couple of awkward steps backwards.

"Why can't you just say it? Just say 'I'm scared for Rose and for Emmett and for us.' Just admit your heart hurts when you see how messed up we are. Punching something is not manly, it makes you a total ass," I screamed and walked away from him.

I saw Jessica standing outside the building and I lashed out at her, "Do you want to go count the bruises on her arm, or measure the amount of blood in her stomach, or maybe you want to see how many layers of clothing she wears to hide her protruding bones?"

"I just….I just want to see if she was…you know, okay."

"No," I chuckled hatefully, "none of us are okay, Jessica, including you."

I walked toward the dorms and hoped to find Alice, but she was most likely off screwing Jasper somewhere he conned her into going. I climbed onto my bunk and cried until Lauren walked in.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"Why are you here?" I demanded to know, "At this school."

"My parents sent me here," she said with an attitude.

"Why, are you some black hole of neediness or what?"

"I lie," she said and crossed her arms.

"Everybody lies," I told her.

"That is what I told my parents, but they disagreed."

"What does your father do for a living?" I asked her.

Her eyes began darting back and forth and she looked terribly nervous. I began to wonder if her father was a minister, too. She finally looked back at my face and said, "I don't have a father."

"Did you just lie about having a father or about not having a father?" I said in anger.

"Well, at least I wasn't some perverts favorite toy," she threw back at me.

I jumped off my bunk and walked right up to her face. She looked terrified and braced herself for my reaction. I said very softly, "Why don't I walk away, and you just lie and tell everyone I beat the shit out of you."

9

Walking out of that room was the hardest thing I had ever done, but I couldn't hit her and expect Edward to learn to walk away. I needed Esme to help me handle my emotions and I ran to her office looking for her.

I was surprised to find Carlisle instead. "How's Rosalie?" I asked him.

"She's having some tests run, Esme is with her," he said to explain everything in one sentence.

"I'm nervous for group, Edward is really mad at Emmett," I told him.

"Emmett won't be at group this evening, so I will talk with Edward," he informed me.

I stood in the doorway trying to find the words I wanted to say when Carlisle pushed out a chair and asked me to sit down.

"Is there something on your mind, Bella?"

"Edward's anger," I said softly.

"Are you afraid of him?" he asked.

"No, he has never tried to hurt me, he is very loving to me, but I had to get really angry with him to get him to leave Emmett alone."

"I will address Emmett specifically to Edward and help him understand that situation, maybe he can see jumping to conclusions is not the right thing to do."

I nodded and then added, "Lauren just pushed my buttons and I wanted to hit her so badly, but I kept my control. Why can't he learn to do that?"

Carlisle smiled and chuckled a bit, "We are trying to teach him, but things take time."

I exhaled loudly and shook my head before saying, "I don't know how you handle all of this. I don't think there is hope for any of us."

"You will be surprised in May, dear," he laughed.

I was nervous for group and I could tell Edward was still angry when he entered the room. We sat on opposite ends of the semi circle causing Jasper and Alice confusion as where to sit. They finally sat in the middle with empty chairs on either side of them.

Carlisle didn't smile when he stood before us this day. He seemed serious and a bit disappointed. "Rosalie is going to be just fine. She is meeting with a nutritionist along with Emmett."

Edward gave an annoyed tisk and folded his arms.

"She wanted cereal because it is easier to vomit," I said sadly.

"Gross," Alice mumbled.

"Where were you during lunch?" I asked her.

I watched as they both got a little nervous and Jasper cleverly changed the subject.

"Will Rose be back soon?" he asked Carlisle.

"Yes, in a couple of days. Emmett will be back this evening."

I looked at Edward and saw his jaw tighten. Carlisle pulled a chair closer and sat in front of us. "Emmett and Rosalie have a unique dynamic to their relationship. Rosalie uses Emmett to control her eating, by that I mean, she instigates arguments to make her lose her appetite."

We all let our mouths drop open and Carlisle ignored our reactions and continued explaining. "Emmett is having withdrawals from Anabolic Steroids and his moods are volatile right now."

I almost let the words, 'what's your excuse, Edward', leave my mouth, but I was able to control it for once.

"Emmett has never hurt Rosalie on purpose," Carlisle continued. "He pushes her away when she tries to bait him, but his strength, along with her vitamin deficiency, leaves some pretty nasty bruises."

"So if someone wanted to blame Emmett, they would be wrong," I spewed with no control. I wanted to slap my own face.

"Every one of you needs to understand you are here for help. Judging each other will only cause more problems. You are learning to lean on each other, but that also leads to codependent relationships. Once Rosalie and Emmett understand their problems better, they can learn to look for warning signs in their relationship, too."

We all sat quietly and I finally raised my hand to speak. "If we notice things, dependencies and stuff, should we say something?"

"Yes, but be prepared to have your own frailties pointed out, too."

"Say it," Edward yelled across the circle.

"Say what?" I asked.

"What you want to say to me, just say it."

"I do say it, I say it to your face," I told him.

Edward turned to Carlisle and asked, "If we think someone is holding back, should we call them on it?"

"Of course," Carlisle offered softly.

Edward turned back to me and asked, "What did you talk to Esme about?"

"We talked about Phil, what do you think we talked about?" I said hatefully.

"And…" he said waiting for more.

"And it is my therapy not yours. And just so you know, I don't yell at her like you do with Carlisle," I threw in, to up the ante.

"I think it is my business when I kiss you and it makes you comatose, so stop holding back," he demanded.

"Why, so you can bloody up your knuckles some more? Save it for your own father," I said in anger.

"Can you guys take it outside?" Alice asked.

Edward and I both turned to glare at her and Jasper. "Why aren't you in the dorms stealing Rosalie's stuff while she's gone?" Edward said to hurt Alice.

Jasper jumped up and Carlisle quickly got between them. Alice was not one to cower from a fight; she quickly giggled and said, "Just because Bella can't give you any, don't get mad at us."

"Jasper is playing you, and you are too stupid to realize it," I said to defend myself.

"Maybe Edward will love you more, once his mommy dies," Jasper threw at me.

For the first time all year Carlisle yelled loudly at us. His face was red with anger and his lips were pulled into a tightly clenched scowl.

"I will not stand for this; if you want to attack each other do it on your own time, not mine. You are all here for a reason, so grow up and get to work."

The guys sat down and we all sat quietly with our heads down. Carlisle took a moment to calm down and then began the session.

There was only one thing Carlisle planned to focus on and that was the Thanksgiving holiday.

"When you go home over the holiday you will naturally regress. The goal is to remain trying and notice the emotions that trigger your behaviors. Alice, you need to stay out of the malls," he said forcefully.

"I have to do Christmas shopping," she said with wide eyes.

"There will be no exchanging of gifts allowed at the school, so you don't need to shop," Carlisle pointed out.

"Jasper, you will have a hard time since you are the only family member getting help. You need to remove yourself from any discussion involving a con."

Jasper nodded his head, still too angry to speak.

"Bella, work on staying social. Go out with friends and spend time with your father when he is available."

"You're kidding, right?" Edward asked.

"Excuse me," Carlisle said.

"You just told her to go out, I don't want her going out," he said with a hint of panic in his voice.

"She needs to make emotional attachments to friends," Carlisle explained to Edward.

Edward looked at me with such a forlorn expression. "Are you going to cheat on me?"

"Define cheating," I said, truly wanting to hear his definition.

His mouth fell open and he paled a bit, "I think you just answered my question."

"If I go sing at a club, am I cheating?" I asked him pointedly.

"Hell yeah," he yelled at me.

"If I go to a movie with a friend, am I cheating?"

"Jake?" he questioned.

"You know I do not like Jake," I said to calm him down.

"You said you loved me," he said with a pleading voice.

"So loving you means I have to stay in the house for the entire Thanksgiving weekend, missing you?" I asked for clarification.

"It sure in hell doesn't me you go whoring around at clubs," he yelled.

I felt sick to my stomach and felt my lip began to tremble. "Easy for you to say, as your knuckles drip blood," I said back.

Carlisle cleared his throat and said, "Edward, Bella is seventeen and she needs to work on social skills and feeling safe in a crowd. If you love her, you want her to be the best version of Bella she can be. If she centers her life on you, she will sit home all weekend and make no progression in her treatment. Do you want that?"

"Will you call me and tell me everything you do?" Edward asked me as he stared, terrified, into my eyes.

"No, I won't," I said softly, knowing now what Esme was trying to warn me about. "You will be spending time with your family; you don't need me interrupting you."

I could tell the thought of his mother put him a little off guard. He wasn't sure who to demand attention from and it flustered him.

"Edward," Carlisle instructed, "You need to sit down with your mother and father together and talk things out as a family."

"I'm not letting him near her," Edward said angrily.

"She loves him," I said.

"He doesn't deserve her love," he said back to me.

"Why is it up to you?" I pushed.

His jaw tightened and I could see the vein in his neck pulsating with anger.

"You make me so angry sometimes, Edward, and I still love you. You say things that hurt me, and I still love you. You make the wrong choices constantly, and I still love you. Why do you get to be so special and your father doesn't?"

"It is not the same thing," he sneered.

"You're right, I've only known you a short time, and the only thing we have shared is a cigarette. Your parents have a history that doesn't even include you, and they share a child, and a lifetime of memories."

Edward folded his arms and refused to look at me, knowing on some level I was right. Carlisle nodded his approval at everything I said, but remained out of the conversation.

"It is my job to protect her," Edward said softly.

"Whose job is it to protect me, from you?" I asked just a softly.

"You don't need protection from me," he said lifting his eyes to mine.

"Look at your hands and say that."

"Can I shop for gifts for my family?" Alice interrupted, growing tired of the conversation being about Edward.

We all laughed and it lightened the mood dramatically. Carlisle shook his head and said, "No shopping whatsoever."

Alice huffed and stuck out her bottom lip. Jasper whispered something in her ear causing her to smile and I felt a bit jealous. Edward and I were still so stagnant in our relationship and I wanted to be further along physically.

I looked at him and noticed how he stared lovingly at me. It melted my heart and I wanted to kiss him so badly. I smiled and let a little sigh escape as I looked back at him.

We were asked to take part in an exercise where we close our eyes and imagine being confronted by our particular weakness over the holiday and how to deal with it. I imagined being with Edward instead.

I imagined him taking me to a secluded place in the school. I knew he would be so cautious and say romantic things to me, as he slowly removed my clothes. He would kiss me and remind me often he was Edward, not Phil. I imagined the feel of his lips on my skin as he made his way around my body and I felt the tension grow inside me. It wasn't terror like I knew with Phil, it was the love I felt for Edward.

I was having trouble keeping my breathing steady, so I opened my eyes to stop my overactive mind. Edward was looking at me and I took a deep breath as he smoldered at me. I wanted to scream to him that I would stay home; I would lock myself in my room and refuse to even speak if he wanted.

I glanced at the clock and back at Edward's eyes to see him nod in understanding. I was so tempted to tell Jasper and Alice to keep their mouths shut, so the session would end early. It was totally agony to remain in my seat and so far from him.

We were given paper to write down some goals and I chuckled at the thought of writing down the ones I was thinking. I made it easy and just listed the things Carlisle had mentioned. I was curious to see Edward's and didn't care if he questioned me on mine this time.

I looked back at the clock as I walked my paper to Carlisle's desk and laid it upside down as he instructed. I turned around and ran into Edward's chest. He didn't back up and I didn't move as he reached over me to put away his paper.

His body pushed against mine and I inhaled deeply the scent of him I was learning to recognize. His hand moved from the desk to the small of my back, and then to my butt, to pull me tighter against him. He made a sound, sucking in air through his teeth, and it was the sexiest sound I had ever heard.

He leaned down to talk softly in my ear, "You are driving me crazy."

"We need to get out of here," I said with a desperate voice.

"Can I take you somewhere tonight?" he asked.

I nodded and he used his finger to lift my chin so he could look into my eyes. "You know what I'm asking, right?" he said in almost a whisper.

"I'm hoping you are asking what I think you are asking," I said with a shaky voice.

His arms came around me and he kissed his way from my ear to my mouth. I gasped as his lips locked onto mine and I wrapped my arms around his neck tightly. His hands moved to my bottom and pulled upwards as he inhaled deeply against my lips.

"Edward and Bella," Carlisle called out and I pulled away from his mouth.

"We're working on an issue," Edward yelled from the tiny office.

"Finish quickly," Carlisle advised and we both began to laugh.

"Finishing at all would be a relief," Edward said as he stepped back and adjusted his jeans.

"We're making progress, right?" I asked him.

"Oh yeah, tons of progress," he laughed and placed me in front of him as we walked back to the group.

Carlisle talked to us about keeping our rooms neater and finally agreed to let us go a bit early. I wanted to sprint from the room, but I also got a little nervous. We exited the building before Edward asked, "Are you hungry?"

"No," I said quickly.

"We need to grab some food, just in case, so we have an excuse," he said and I didn't understand what he meant.

I walked quickly through the line as he placed random stuff on our tray and then followed him from the building. He walked purposely to a room in the music department I had never seen before. The entire room was covered in carpet, even the walls, and a large beanbag was in the corner.

"How did you find this place?" I asked him.

"I go for walks when I get angry," he informed me, "Carlisle's orders."

"The man is a genius," I laughed.

He grabbed a chair and locked it under the door before turning to look at me. I smiled as my entire body shook from fear and desire. He turned off the light and we were cast into total darkness. "Are you okay?" he asked as he reached out and pulled me into his arms.

"Yeah," I said with a shaky voice.

He pulled me to the soft beanbag and I wondered how he could see so easily. I straddled his body and when he let his torso fall back, I followed along with him. He positioned me over him, where he wanted me the most and moved his hips up against me.

"Oh, God," I cried out at the sensation it gave me.

I pushed up on one arm to get the angle I needed and my hair fell forward around him. He let his hands run up my thighs and under my shirt before hesitating. I could feel the shaking of his arms through his hands and decided to let him know I was good with what was happening so far.

"I love your hands," I said, causing him to thrust upwards and tighten his grip.

"You seriously do have great breasts," he said with labored breath.

I lowered my mouth to his and kissed him with wild abandon as I continued to move against him. He suddenly arched back bringing his lower body completely off the ground as he moved his hands back to my thighs to hold me tight.

I could no longer even think straight. I was lost in the sensation of him and pulled my shirt from my body, before unhooking my bra. He made a sound that was almost animalistic in nature and pulled his own shirt off, tossing it across the room.

He sat up and pulled my chest tightly to his as he kissed my collarbone aggressively. I let my head fall back with relief he was bringing to my hungry flesh. My panting was moving into needy moans and he began moving me to the side so he could roll onto me.

"Are you okay?" he panted, as he hovered over me.

"Yeah," I said and pulled him down to me.

He knew exactly how to move to send my eyes back into my head and I gasped in shock at the depth of the feeling he was producing. He kissed me deeply as his hand moved to my jeans and he expertly unbuttoned and unzipped them.

He let his hips raised to the side and tried to slow down a bit. I wanted to do something, but I wasn't sure what he would want.

"Edward," I said with much difficulty. "Tell me what to do."

"Touch me," he said and moved my hand to feel him.

I was amazed at the sounds it produced from him and I wanted to hear that forever. He didn't need me to tell him what to do, he was able to continually surprise me by bringing me more pleasure with each step he took.

I found courage in my love for him and touched him skin to skin. I could feel a bit of fear sneaking in and I quickly asked him to kiss me. He grabbed my hand with his; showing me how to move and kissed me with all the love he could give.

He grabbed his wallet out of his pocket and opened it in the dark. I could feel him searching through the folds as he opened it several times. He suddenly fell onto his back away from me and I wanted to cry from the physical pain his absence left me with.

"Shit," he screamed in the air.

"Did I do something wrong?" I asked.

"No, but I am going to kill Alice," he said angrily.

I had no idea why he would be thinking about Alice when my mind was incapable of thinking at all.

"Why?" I asked.

"She stole my condoms."

"So we had to just stop and Edward needs to get more condoms," I said to Esme, as I told her the whole story.

I could tell by the way her eyes locked with mine she was a bit stunned by the news. She sat up straighter in her chair and finally said, "Bella, I really don't think you and Edward should be having sex just yet. He is still working on his anger, and more importantly, his possessiveness."

"I thought it would be a good thing if I could have sex with him?" I said in confusion.

She chuckled uncomfortably and shifted in her chair. "Honey, the point of the therapy is to help you separate your experience as a victim from a loving relationship; it isn't just to be able to have sex. It is wonderful that you feel arousal for Edward, but I don't think you are ready for the commitment a sexual relationship requires."

I stared at her feeling so conflicted, so she said something to give me pause.

"Bella, if a condom failed, are you ready to become a mother?"

"No," I said with a choking laugh.

"Then you are not ready for sex," she said pointedly.

"Other girls do," I said sadly.

"I counsel many young women trying to raise a baby as their boyfriend, who promised to always be there, has moved on to another girl."

I looked at my hands and tried not to cry.

"I heard you are an amazing singer, don't you want to pursue your talent?"

I nodded slightly so she kept going, "You have so much ahead of you, so many wonderful experiences, and don't let Edward hold you back. Right now that is what would happen, he would consume your entire world."

I wiped the tears that began to fall and spoke softly, "When I'm with him, he is all I want in the world."

"Only because your world is so small right now, when you go home for Thanksgiving you will see how separate your two worlds really are," she explained.

"Do you think his father will hurt him?" I asked, not really sure if she would give me an answer.

She exhaled sadly and said, "I think Edward will grow angry, and I hope his father can stop him without hurting him, but you've seen how narrow Edward thinks. It isn't his fault, his mother taught him incorrectly. I don't think Edward will change until his mother passes, he would be too worried about pulling away from her."

I was mad at myself for getting in so deep with Edward and messing up his therapy. I was an obstacle between him and the two Dr. Cullens. He needed to focus on his own family dynamic and I had to push him away to make him do it.

I walked from my session and ran into Angela. "Are you okay?" She asked.

"Do you have a boyfriend?" I asked her.

"Why? She asked and looked away.

"I just need some advice, I didn't mean anything by it," I clarified.

She took hold of my arm and led me to our dorm room. We both climbed onto her bunk and sat across from each other to talk.

"I used to sneak around to see a boy, my parents wouldn't let me date," she admitted.

"Did you have sex?" I asked outright.

She hesitated and finally nodded yes.

"Did it change things?" I asked.

"It ruined my life," she said staring right into my eyes.

"You don't have to tell me stuff," I said as I began playing with my fingers.

"Bella," she said, "I'm here, so obviously I'm messed up."

"My therapist says Edward is too possessive, and I need to step back from him," I said as my tears fell. "I love him so much."

"Have you had sex with him," she asked.

"Almost, that little thief," I nodded to Alice's bed, "stole his condoms."

"Okay, think about this, what if you told Edward you wanted to spend the evening with me, how would he react?" She asked.

"I don't know, should I try asking him?"

"Yeah, just so you know if he is as controlling as people think. Maybe they don't know him as well as you do."

I formed a plan in my mind, but I was so nervous to carry through. I didn't want to know for sure, it was easier to believe everything was fine and we could be together forever. I walked with Angela to the cafeteria for dinner and worried about seeing Edward.

I was looking into a vat of soup when I felt two arms weave around my waist. "Hello, love," he said into my ear.

I smiled at the sound of his voice and my heart began to race. He kissed my hair and then spoke into my ear again, "I have a new supply."

I turned toward him, using my tray to separate us, and tried to keep my smile in place. "Great," I said and then nodded toward the table where Angela sat. "Do you mind if we sit with Angela, I promised to hang out with her tonight."

"I was hoping you would let me take you somewhere," he said nervously.

"I don't think that is a good idea," I said as I stepped toward the table.

He grabbed my arm and pulled me back around to look at him. "What's going on, Bella?"

"I need to take more time," I said hesitantly.

"Why?" he pressed.

"I just want to be sure, and I need to reach out to my roommates more," I tried to explain.

He looked over at Angela and then back at me. "Is she having problems?"

I laughed without any humor and said, "Aren't we all?"

"Something is different, Bella," he said as he looked into my eyes.

"Can we talk later?" I asked, noticing how people were watching us.

His eyes widened in surprise and his jaw tightened. "Sure, go hang out with the girls, I'll be busy with my own stuff," he said angrily.

I wasn't sure if it was a good sign or a bad one. He was willing to let me be away from him, but I had no idea what 'his stuff' meant.

"What are you going to do?" I asked.

"I'm going to use my new supply," he said as he walked away.

I watched him retreat and he never once looked back at me. My heart was racing and I sat my tray down and ran after him.

"Why would you say that to me," I screamed at his back.

He didn't stop, but turned to walk backwards as he yelled, "You rejected me, sweetheart."

"I was going to hang with Angela, for only one night, how is that rejection?"

He threw his hands into the air and continued walking, so I forced myself to return to the cafeteria. Angela looked worried and just a bit guilty. I assured her she was not to blame and tried to eat dinner. I could feel the anxiety building in me and began to imagine all sorts of things Edward was busy doing.

"If he cheats on me we're done," I said with determination.

"Do you think he would do that?"

"Jasper and Emmett have girls sleeping with them, I'm sure that is what Edward wants, too," I admitted.

"He could have that without having a girlfriend," she pointed out.

I shook my head, "With Edward it is all or nothing. I didn't give him all, so he will give me nothing."

"That is not very healthy," she pointed out.

I laughed and smacked her hand, "Yeah, just like cutting isn't very healthy."

"Or burning men's genitals," she threw back.

"It was fine for my health, just not his," I laughed.

She laughed along with me and it felt wonderful to make light of something I had carried as a burden for so long. I could tell therapy was really helping, and had to hope it wasn't just Edward, because I was terrified I just ruined that.

Alice ran up to me with a terrified expression, "Edward is freaking out, he is in the music room destroying things."

I turned to run, but I didn't run in the direction of the music room, I ran to Dr. Cullen's office. I found Carlisle there, and even though I was looking for Esme, I sat in a chair and cried.

"What's wrong, Bell?" he asked with concern.

"Edward, he's at it again. I can't take it anymore. I can't watch him bleed from anger.

Carlisle's phone rang at that moment and he spoke to someone about Edward. He gave instructions for sedation and turned back to finish his conversation with me.

"Do you need to go?" I asked him.

"No, Edward will be out for awhile, and I refuse to respond every time he pulls a stunt like this."

"How can I help him?" I begged.

"Do exactly what you are doing. Don't reward him for this behavior."

"I'll lose him," I cried.

"I know you can't see this now, but it would be better to lose him than be imprisoned by him."

"Is he getting better at all?" I asked.

"His situation is difficult, it is the relationship with his mother that is the problem, but her illness makes it hard for Edward to work on things right now. We have to focus only on his anger at this point."

I went back to my room and Angela showed up with a big bowl of popcorn. We sat on my bunk and talked all evening. I really liked her and enjoyed talking about girly things. I also admitted my love of music and she got me to sing a few songs.

We were both shocked when an hour before lights out, Rosalie walked into the room. She ended up lying on my bed with me and Angela talking about everything but our problems. I noticed she didn't eat the popcorn, but I didn't want to make a deal out of it.

I also noticed how she didn't bring up Emmett and wondered if she noticed I didn't bring up Edward. The entire evening was just what we needed.

The next day I was afraid to run into Edward. I knew seeing his bloody knuckles would terrify and anger me. I was stunned when he didn't show up for science and wondered if it was worse than I thought. I continued on with my day, trying to act as normal as possible.

I was playing randomly on the guitar when he walked into the music room. My heart felt like I had run a mile. "Hi," I said and tried to smile.

He walked over to the piano and began to play without responding. He played a few stanza's and then beat harshly on the keys and pushed away.

"I don't like it," I said, still messing with my guitar.

"You don't like what?" he asked.

"That song you just played. It was too tribal."

He looked at me with such a stunned expression and then laughed as he moved his hair out of his eyes. I noticed the raw hand and looked away.

"I feel like I'm sinking, Bella," he admitted.

"I can't save you Edward, you have to swim yourself," I said sadly.

I saw tears form in his eyes and he said softly as he looked away, "I want you to be my savior."

"I wish I could," I whispered, "but I have to save myself."

"Did you stop loving me?" he asked and my heart burned with pain for him.

"No, I started loving you more," I confessed.

He held out his arms, and his eyes were so full of ache I jumped into them, and held him as tightly as possible.

"Tell me what to do," he begged, "tell me how not to lose you."

"You have to get rid of the anger, Edward. It hurts me too much and I can't deal with it anymore."

"I'll try," he promised, "but I need you. I need you to love me, and need me, and fill me."

"No," I said with a loud sob. "I love you, but I can't be your whole world."

I felt him tense in my arms and begin to pull back. I tightened my hold and refused to let him separate us. "Did you hear me Edward, I love you."

"You're not capable of love," he said harshly. "You have no idea what love is."

I let my arms fall and I nodded in agreement. "We were both messed up by sick people."

I could see the anger rise like a mist through his body. His eyes were wide with rage and he backed to the very edge of the piano bench. "Watch what you say, Bella."

"I'm done letting people who can't think straight tell me what to think about love," I said harshly to him. "Phil tried to make me believe I was trash and you try to make me believe I can't exist without you. You are both wrong."

I stood and walked from the room. He didn't follow and I was glad, I wouldn't be able to control my own anger this time. The closer I got to my room the more my soul was filled with resolve. I was not trash and I knew that with a certainty. I also knew I would be fine without Edward. I wanted him, but I didn't need him.

All the girls went to the dance that night and I remained in my room doing homework. I was actually looking forward to Thanksgiving break and hoped to sing at a few clubs. I was singing softly as I typed on my lap top and heard the door open.

I looked up to see Edward standing in the doorway. "Bella," he said as tears began to fall, "please, help me."

And he collapsed onto the floor.


	4. Chapter 10 thru 12

10

I actually thought Edward was kidding and stared at him, waiting for him to begin laughing. I saw the side of his face and noticed how pale he was, so I jumped from my bed. I turned him over to see his face clearly and saw his eyes flutter before opening.

"Edward, are you okay?" I asked him in fear.

He made a funny sound and I began looking around his body for any injuries. I couldn't see anything and grabbed a pillow to place under his head. I couldn't remember if I should elevate his head or his feet but I was too afraid to leave him to get help.

"Edward," I yelled, trying to get him to open his eyes.

He finally looked at me and I watched his eyes focus on my face.

"Bella," he said softly.

"Are you hurt?" I asked him.

"She's gone," he whispered and I saw his face begin to pale.

"Edward, tell me what's wrong, stay with me."

"She's gone, I won't see her ever again, she died," he cried.

"Your mother?" I asked.

He pulled his legs up, trying to roll into a ball, and cried out in pain. I pulled his raw hands to my mouth and kissed them as I cried too.

Esme came running into the dorms and saw us still halfway in the hallway and halfway in my room. She shook her head and came over to check Edward. She checked his vitals and then held his face in her hands to speak to him.

"Edward, dear, it is okay to be upset. It hurts, honey, you are so young to lose your mother and it hurts."

He nodded in agreement as more cries broke free. She continued talking and he seemed to be listening to her.

"Remember the wonderful things; they will be in your heart forever. She isn't in pain any longer and she isn't confused anymore."

"I wasn't there," he cried out in his own pain.

"She wouldn't want you to see her like that; she wants you to remember how beautiful she was. Edward, she wants you to be happy and healthy and live a wonderful life. Show her what a great mother she was and make her proud."

He nodded and Esme helped him stand. I stepped forward to help him walk and he surprised me by pulling me into his arms and holding on with all his might. I ran my hands up and down his back as I tried my best to sooth him.

"Bella, can you stay with him tonight?" Esme asked.

I thought she meant in my bunk, so I said, "Um, Jessica can't have seven in the room."

"I'm taking him to my house," she explained and I quickly agreed to come with them.

I packed up my backpack with a change of clothes and toothbrush and went to Edward's room to get the same for him. I was surprised when I went into the empty dorm room. It was nothing like I expected. Jasper had a thick quilt on his bunk and pictures of Alice all over the wall next to his bed.

Emmett had motivational posters all over his area, and Edward had sheets of music all over the wall. I grabbed some jeans, a clean shirt, and his shaving kit before running from the room.

When I got in Esme's car Edward was sitting in the back leaning against the door, but quickly moved to lean on me. I pulled his head to my lap and caressed his him as we drove.

I helped him walk to the room I had stayed in before, and began removing his clothes. He was lying there without talking or moving, letting me move his limbs for him.

I removed my jeans, but kept on my shirt and climbed into bed. I held him and couldn't feel him move, but I could feel his wet tears soak through my shirt. I finally began to speak, talking from my heart and having no idea what I was saying.

"I don't know what love is, but I know what I feel for you is real, and it makes me hurt when you hurt, and happy when you are happy. I want the best for you, and the best is to get the anger out of your heart and try to heal. I had to do that, too. "

"Phil touched me, he destroyed my childhood, and broke my trust, but I have to believe he didn't spoil my ability to love. He left just enough for you to find your way into my heart and make me believe again. If there was a way I could love you enough to fix it all, I would, but that isn't possible."

"Your mother made the innocent mistake of loving you too much. I don't blame her; you are so easy to love. You need to open yourself up to all the people out there who deserve to love you too, not just me. You are a gift Edward, and I need to share you with others."

"I have my own hopes and dreams, I want to sing and I want to go to college. I want to have a family with a man I love. I want friends who support me and a father who makes me feel safe. You need to have your own dreams too, Edward. Loving your mother made you a wonderful son, blaming your father made you angry and bitter; don't let that be her legacy, Edward. Live and love, for her."

"Bella," he said softly, "it hurts so much."

I rubbed his back and let my tears fall freely. "I know, and it is going to hurt for a long time."

"What if it takes too long to get fixed and I lose you?" he asked with such a small voice. It was the voice of a broken heart.

"Then I was never meant to be yours and you will find somebody so much better," I told him honestly.

"There isn't anyone better," he said adamantly.

"I know," I said with a smile and he actually chuckled a little.

"I worry so much, I'm tired of always worrying," he said with a sigh.

"Be happy, Edward, you are such a bright spot in my life, I just wish you knew it."

"You didn't want me tonight," he said sadly.

"I want you every night, but it isn't healthy. I saw your room, and all the music you wrote. Your talent deserves attention, too."

"Carlisle told me to use a journal to get the anger out, I tried, but writing just didn't do it for me. I found if I composed music it calmed me."

"See, just knowing you do that, has made me love you more," I said and kissed his head.

"You just want me to be a rich composer," he challenged.

"You said you are already rich," I teased.

"Would it matter if I was poor?"

"No, because I am going to be a rich singer," I assured him.

He lay in my arms silently for a few minutes and then said, "I have to leave tomorrow."

"Are you coming back?" I asked.

"Carlisle is going with me," he said to my stunned mind.

"Really?"

"I think he is afraid I will commit murder," he said seriously.

"Please don't," I said softly.

I knew he most likely thought the idea of seeing his father without resorting to violence was pretty slim, so I said something to give him hope, "I'm going to press charges against Phil."

He sat up and looked at me. "What made you change your mind?"

"People who love me don't care what happened," I said with a smile.

"You amaze me," he said shaking his head.

"No, I'm trying to get better; I have faith in Esme and Carlisle. They see so much pain and fail from us during the year, but they never give up. They must know what they are doing, or it wouldn't be worth it."

"Are you going to see Jake?" he asked hesitantly.

"His father is my father's best friend, so I am sure they will be at Thanksgiving dinner, if for no other reason than to gawk and the broken girl who has to go to a special school to get better."

"I'm glad you were broken," he said, not realizing how it would sound.

"You have no idea how badly I want to pour alcohol on your knuckles right now."

He laughed a genuine belly laugh and said, "I would just rip the room apart."

"You do and I will set your balls on fire," I retaliated.

We both laughed together and it was what we needed, the laugh and the together. We talked off and on, with the intervals becoming longer and longer, until we both fell asleep. I slept in his arms, peacefully, without desire or fear.

The next morning Esme woke us up at ten in the morning. She informed us both Edward would spend the day in sessions and would leave in the late afternoon with Carlisle for Chicago. We ate breakfast and all returned to the school.

When we reached the area where I would turn for the dorms and he would turn to the session room, we both stopped. He looked scared and I wanted to find just the right word to bolster him, but that word didn't exist, so I hugged him tightly and said, "I love you, Edward Masen."

"Believe in me," he said and I nodded with understanding. If anyone could turn this around, he could.

I watched him walk away and wondered if I would ever see him again.

Two days later I walked out of the school with a suitcase and climbed into my father's truck. I could feel the changes I had made begin to slip the further we got from the school. I felt sick when I thought of the others, especially Edward. He didn't have enough control to slip.

We were not home for more than half an hour when Jake showed up. He was happy, in an annoying kind of way, and began asking me to go various places. I ignored his request until he brought up some amateur nights at different clubs.

I agreed to go with him that night to check one out. I brought along my guitar and made sure I wore something performance worthy. Jake signed me up to sing while I found a table at the side of the stage. I was more nervous this time and I couldn't figure out why, until I reached the stage.

I had so many more emotions closer to the surface and as soon as I began to sing they came rushing to the top. I cried through my song and it changed the tempo and the feel. It wasn't meant to be biographical, I just liked the Amy Winehouse song, 'You know that I'm no good.' But I soon began to sing it for me, and for Rose, and for Alice, and for Jessica, and Lauren, and Angela.

It caused my heart to bleed and I left it torn and mangled on the stage. I tried to head back to our table but the crowd moved forward for me. They had tears in their eyes and wanted to thank me for singing for them, too. Something profound happened to me that night, and I changed forever.

I wanted to hold out hope something could change for Edward, too.

"Bella, you should drop out of school and go into music," Jake said on the ride home.

"Yeah, because there aren't any unemployed musicians," I laughed.

"You have talent, girl, and you need to start working on it."

"I have more important things to work on first. I need to get my stepfather put in prison."

His head spun to the side and he stared at me in shock.

"Watch the road," I yelled.

"I thought you were the one in trouble, not him," he said in confusion.

"There was a reason I set him on fire Jake. It wasn't because he made me clean out the fireplace and wouldn't let me go to the ball," I said in anger.

"He did stuff," he said hesitantly.

"Yeah, he did stuff," I said back quietly.

"Does Charlie know?" he asked.

"I need to talk to him about it, I think he only suspects at this point."

"What made you decide to say something?"

"I met a guy, Jake, a really great guy, but I can't move forward until I deal with the past. He has to do the same thing, I just don't know if he can," I said sadly.

"Now I understand the singing tonight. You really need to write your own material, you would be awesome," he said with pride.

"Thanks, Jake. That means a lot to me." I suddenly felt inspired to get my hands on the sheets of music in Edward's dorm room. His music with my words would make an incredible combination. I couldn't wait for Thanksgiving to be over and go back to school.

I just didn't realize the remainder of the weekend would put a huge road block between me and Edward. If I could turn back time I would have let Jake drop me off that night and locked myself in my room until time to return to school. But life doesn't work like that and one innocent mistake ripped Edward from my arms.

I was pacing back and forth in my dorm room, waiting for group time, and my chance to see Edward. I tried to focus on the talk going on in my room. Alice was thrilled to report she stayed out of the mall, and returned something she took from a small boutique. Rose was happy to let us all know she ate some mashed potatoes and actually kept them down.

Angela seemed quiet, and when I pulled her aside to see how she did away from school, she sadly shook her head. "There is just so much pressure in my home," she said sadly.

I didn't share my big news yet, I wanted Edward to be the first to hear, and if the clock didn't move faster I would run into his dorm room and drag him out.

"Let's head to group," Alice suggested and I bolted from the room.

I got to the session room and saw Emmett already there. He looked very different. His muscles were still huge, but he seemed smaller and tighter than before. I heard him telling Rosalie he was working out more and doubling up on lean proteins. She was naming different vitamin combinations and quickly lost me in the conversation.

The door opened and I looked up in anticipation, only to see Jasper walk in. He picked up Alice and spun her around as she kissed his cheek several times. They huddled together and spoke only to each other.

When Esme walked in I was just about ready to burst. I rushed up to her and asked if Edward had arrived yet. Her face changed slightly, but I noticed it, and my heart plummeted.

"Everyone take a seat," she said loudly.

We sat and waited for the obviously bad news.

"I'm afraid Edward is not back yet, and might possibly not return until after Christmas break," she announced.

I could feel the blood draining from my face and everyone turned to look at me.

"Why?" I asked barely above a whisper.

"He is dealing with personal matters," she said vaguely.

"Where's Carlisle?" I asked.

"He is still with Edward," she said refusing to look directly at me.

I could feel my eyes begin to tear up and I yelled at myself for falling apart just because Edward was taking a bit longer to return. I gave myself a quick pep talk and sat up a little straighter.

"Who has good news to report?" Esme asked.

I raised my hand and decided to tell everyone what I had been keeping concealed.

"Bella?"

"I got a job, singing at a club over Christmas break, and the owner is trying to get a music executive to come hear me sing."

Everyone began offering their congratulations and Esme seemed particularly proud. "How did this happen, Bella?" She asked.

"I sang there Saturday night, and they asked me back for Sunday night and then offered me the job," I said with a smile.

"Wonderful," she said with a laugh.

"I wish we could all be there," Emmett offered.

"I hoped Edward could come," I said sadly. "Is the funeral over?"

"Yes," Esme said shortly and moved to another subject.

"Jasper, how did it go for you?"

"Well, I got sucked into a plan to con companies out of donations to an Appalachian Santa scheme, but as soon as the first firm agreed and got my ass out of there."

Alice squealed and began jumping up and down. "I did the same Jaz, I took something but then returned it," she said proudly.

"I went down ten pounds with what I was able to bench press," Emmett said sadly.

"But, hun," Rose offered, "you will most likely gain minutes in stamina, so it equals out."

He smiled and nodded, made happy so easily by a simple suggestion from Rosalie.

We spent the session setting goals and I was having a hard time concentrating. When Esme walked into her office I followed her. "What's going on?" I asked.

She looked at me for a minute, trying to decide if she wanted to tell me something. "Edward has had a bit of a setback," she finally offered.

"Did he fight with his father?" I asked.

"No, his father refused to speak to him." I noticed how her eyes saddened.

"Was he at the funeral?"

"Yes, but…" She took a deep breath and finally said, "Bella, Edward is staying at our home. Carlisle brought him back to stay with us."

"Why isn't he at school?" I asked as tears formed in my eyes.

"He had another violent episode last night. I'm concerned about sharing some information with you because you are moving forward in your recovery; I don't want you feeling blame for his issues," she said as she pulled out a chair for me to sit.

I swallowed hard and prepared myself to hear something about Edward and his father.

"Did you have a friend with you when you sang at the club?" she asked politely.

My heart dropped in my stomach and my mouth went dry. "Jake gave me a ride, I don't have a car," I said in a shaky voice.

She reached out and took my hand, "Bella, I'm afraid Edward's cousin was in the audience and misunderstood. He told Edward you were there with another boy."

I remembered hearing the news about the music executive and hugging Jake in joy. I think Jake even kissed my cheek, but I couldn't be sure. I was so immersed with my own happiness I didn't think about how it would appear to others.

"I have to talk to him, I need to explain," I said in panic.

"No, you have nothing to explain. Edward needs to learn to handle his emotions without violence. He is emotional right now, his mother died and his father rejected him."

"Why would a father reject his son?" I cried.

"He is very hurt by his wife's obvious preference for her son over her husband. He has his own bitterness to work through."

"But parents are supposed to be better; they are supposed to love us unconditionally."

"Sweetheart, that is why it is so important to get control of your issues now and not drag them into a relationship with children. You keep working hard on you, and let me work with Edward."

I moved from my chair and hugged her tightly. "Can I ask a favor?" I begged.

"Sure."

"Can I go to his dorm and get the music he wrote?"

"Yes, dear, go ahead."

I walked slowly to his room. His pillow still held the dent of his head and I ran my fingers over it. I inhaled and could smell his hair product and my arms began to ache from want. I had to force myself to remove the sheets of music from the wall and leave before I fell apart.

I went to the music room and began working my way through his notes with my guitar. I found one that resonated with me and began to let words fall from my mouth. I didn't try to rhyme or find a particular hook; I just let my heart open up.

I felt like I had been there for only minutes when the cleaning crew opened the door. I looked up to see it was past midnight and made my apologies as I hurried to my dorm room. Angela was still up and whispered across to my bunk.

"Are you okay?"

"I feel like I am looking over the edge of an abyss. I don't want to fall in, but going back the way I came is…hard," I tried to explain.

"I feel like I am a hamster on a wheel. I keep running, but I don't get anywhere," she admitted.

"Do you feel loved?" I asked her.

"No," she admitted. "I feel like I only disappoint people."

"Angela," I said with emotion, "I love you."

She smiled at me and said, "My parents tell me the Lord loves me, they don't understand I want them to love me first."

"Do you think the Lord loves me?" I asked her, never having a religious upbringing beyond a couple of church camps and a few Sunday school lessons.

She was quiet for a moment and looked to be deep in thought. "I don't think I know what that is supposed to feel like. Sometimes I hurt so badly and I can't point to a spot, so I cut and I can understand where the pain is. I don't know where the love is, I can't point to it."

"I don't think it has a spot, I think it encompasses you. I feel consumed by Edward's love, just like I felt consumed by Phil's evilness," I tried to explain, but came nowhere near saying it right.

We were quiet for a moment and then she whispered, "Bella?"

"Yeah?"

"I think the Lord loves you, and I love you, too."

"Thank you, Angela."

"Okay we all love each other, now shut the hell up and go to sleep," Lauren said angrily.

"Lauren?" I whispered loudly.

"What?" she answered back.

"Your pants are on fire," I giggled, alluding to the liar, liar, phrase.

"Shove it, Bella," she said as she turned over in bed.

Angela and I laughed and I finally climbed under my covers and sang Edward's song in my head as I drifted off to dream of him.

The next day we attended regular classes. It was painful to sit in science and look across the room at Edward's empty chair. I had considered writing him a letter to explain Jake was only my ride to the club, but then I grew angry and didn't feel like I had to explain myself.

I spent the entire day going back and forth in my mind. During lunch I noticed Rosalie and Emmett analyzing every morsel of food for its health benefit. I was amazed when she came to the table with a loaded plate of food and ate it all without leaving for the restroom. They were working together and I was jealous of their trust in each other.

I spent music class working on the lyrics to the song Edward wrote and felt a lot better when I walked into the session room to work with Esme.

"Bella, let's set up a timetable of events in relation to testifying against Phil," she suggested.

"Okay, I need to talk openly with my father and then tell my mother, after that I will call the Arizona police."

She looked at me in stunned silence and a smile grew slowly on her face. "Okay, who are you and where is Bella?" She laughed.

I laughed and scooted to the edge of my chair to talk. "Esme, I sang one night and all the pain came spilling out of me, and guess what? Other people needed me to sing for their pain, everybody has something that hurts. I'm not alone," I admitted.

"How will your mother respond?"

"She will deny it, that is her forte in life, but I can't let her weakness ruin my strength."

"It will be painful," she pointed out and I chuckled.

"That is why you're here; helping me deal with pain is your forte."

"Did you get abducted by aliens over Thanksgiving?" she teased.

"Can I ask about Edward?" I said as my smile faded.

She took a deep breath and I noticed how her brow furrowed. "I guess the closest analogy would be a toddler who is learning how to walk. He falls easily and sometimes goes back to crawling, but we keep standing him back up and help him take a step."

"Does he hate me?" I asked.

"Honey, we aren't addressing his relationship with you, yet. I'll let you know when we do," she promised.

"I've been thinking about writing him a letter," I admitted.

"Not just yet, dear. You keep moving forward and stop looking behind to see where he is. One day he will be moving right next to you."

I nodded. "Will you be with me when I talk to my dad?" I asked feeling a bit nervous.

"Would you like me to be with you?" she asked.

"Yes, it would give me courage and I think it would make my dad more comfortable, too."

"I will call him and set up a meeting," she said as she wrote in her day planner.

"Esme, I just want to tell you, I think you are a wonderful mother. I know we aren't your children but you make us feel loved."

She looked at me and set her pen down before grabbing a tissue off her desk. "I do love you kids, regardless of any issues. I looked into your scared, angry, faces full of attitude, and I see the loving, confident, successful adults you are going to be. It is getting you to see it that gives me so much joy."

"It would have been a mistake for me to have sex with Edward and I want to thank you for your advice," I told her. "But," I added with a smile, "It will happen when we're emotionally ready."

Esme stuck her fingers in her ear and began saying, "la, la, la, la, la,"

I laughed and hugged her again before leaving the room. I ran into Jessica coming out of our dorm and I passed her before calling out, "Your shoes are untied."

She gasped loudly and looked down at her lace-less shoes before screaming a profanity at my retreating form.

11

The days began to pass quickly and I was resigned to the fact I could not fix Edward, he had to do the hard work. I could only work on my own issues, so I worked hard with Esme, telling her the truth that I had kept buried so deeply.

We talked about every detail locked in my subconscious. I began to feel a sense of relief in my soul and the need for justice in my mind. We discussed how to talk to my father and when the morning arrived for our meeting I didn't feel the dread I had expected.

I walked into Esme's office to find Charlie, sitting with a cup of coffee, smiling at her charm. He stood and gave me a big hug. I wondered what she told him to make him appear so relaxed. I would think getting called to the school for emotional misfits would make a dad a bit nervous.

I sat in the chair next to him and turned by body toward him. Esme began the conversation by saying, "Mr. Swan, Bella is ready to discuss the motivation behind the fire. She will not necessarily go into detail, but she will make sure you understand the entirety of the situation."

"Dad, I want to start by saying you did everything you could to get me to open up, I chose not to say anything, so none of the guilt falls onto your shoulders."

He swallowed hard, and I could tell by the look in his eyes he had hoped this day was never coming.

"Phil was abusive to me. I tried to pretend I could handle him and fight him, but I couldn't. I set the fire to stop him once and for all, it wasn't an accident like I he said it was. I purposely hurt him and I purposely wanted to hurt him in that spot."

"Does your mother know?" he asked without much shock.

"Yes and no. I told her he came into my room, and scared me, and made me feel uncomfortable. He told her he was parenting me and I didn't like the discipline. She never asked me, dad."

"How long?" he asked with a very tense jaw.

"Slowly escalating over the past four years."

He nodded and finally looked down at his lap. I watched as he struggled to come to terms with what he was hearing. His hands were clinched and his leg was bouncing furiously.

Esme smiled softly at me, letting me know it was okay to give him a moment to compose himself. He finally looked at me again and said, "Tell me what you need me to do."

"I need you to tell mom," I said with determination. "And then help me press charges."

"Charlie, I would be willing to help you find the right way to talk with Renee, if you like," Esme said to him. "I would even be willing to be there."

"Does Bella have to be there?" he asked with concern.

"Yes, for her own closure. Of course you can talk with Renee alone first, if you think that would be best for Bella."

"I can't see Phil," he said with hatred seething in his words. "I wear a gun, and I know I would use it."

"Would Renee agree to come up here alone?" she asked.

"No, we would have to go down there."

I knew my mother harbored resentment for being moved to a small town where it rained constantly. She swore she would never return to Washington. I also knew she wouldn't agree to leave Phil when he was still receiving medical treatment.

"School is out in a few days for Christmas break, but I know Bella has plans. Why don't you set up something for January and I will take a few days off to go with you," Esme offered.

He nodded and turned back to me. "I love you Bella, I am so proud of you and I think you are extremely brave. I wish…." He broke into tears and covered his eyes.

I jumped from my chair and wrapped my arms around him. "Dad, I made it though this because I knew I had the best dad in the world. You never let me down," I assured him.

He kissed my head as he pulled me tightly against his chest. "Let me say it, Bella, let me tell you how sorry I am."

"I know, Dad," I cried into his shirt.

He simply held me, refusing to lessen his hold as I closed my eyes and let his love surround me. One thought broke through into my mind, 'I wish Edward could feel a father's love.'

"Bella," Esme said when we finally broke apart. "Let me talk to Charlie and you run to class."

I smiled and gave him one last hug before leaving the room. I began looking for Angela. I wanted to tell her how everything went, but she was not around. I checked the bathrooms and any hidden places I could think of. I was beginning to panic when she came walking around the corner holding hands with Ben.

Her hand instantly pulled from his and I laughed. "I'm not your mom, Ang. If you want to hold Ben's hand, hold it for heaven's sake."

He blushed a bit and gave her a light peck before walking away. She straightened her stance, not trying to appear shorter for Ben, and smiled like a girl in love.

"When did this happen?" I asked her.

"We met at the dance, but don't tell anyone. I don't want my father finding out," she said in fear.

I felt lucky for having Charlie and sad that she didn't.

"Why is he here?" I asked.

"He killed a litter of kittens," she said sadly.

"Angela, that is a sign of a sociopath," I said with wide eyes.

"He was raised on a farm," she explained, "and people drop off stay cats and dogs all the time. They were losing chickens and he was told to kill the kittens, so they didn't have to take them to the pound."

"And he did?" I said with a scrunched up face.

"He sees it was wrong now, but he was raised to believe it was okay."

"Man, I'm glad his parents let him come here, instead of just killing him," I said trying to joke, but not finding it funny.

"How did it go with your father?" she asked.

"Great, we will go to Arizona in January."

"Any news on Edward?" she asked knowing it would most likely upset me.

"No, but as long as Esme doesn't tell me he is punching walls or kissing girls, I have hope," I admitted.

"What if he is kissing walls and punching girls?" she giggled.

"Lucky walls," I sighed as I pulled her off to class with me.

At lunch I sat with Alice and Jasper, letting Angela spend time alone with Ben. Alice stared at me and finally asked, "Can I give you a make over?"

I gasped and got offended. "Do I need a make over?"

"No, I just want to play with your hair and makeup. You have great skin and hair, and it would be fun to experiment," she said as she stared at various places on my face.

"Can you give me a look for the club?" I asked, suddenly excited. "Nothing too extreme but something a little special?"

Alice squealed and began throwing out tons of ideas. She began telling me all the stuff I would need to buy and I shook my head, telling her I would not be willing to shop with her. I assured her I had stuff in my closet at Charlie's that would be fine.

Jasper sat quietly and seemed to find joy in just watching Alice get excited about something. I was missing Edward more each day. By evening session I needed a moral boost from Esme, and hopefully a little insight into what she said to Charlie.

I walked into the room to find Carlisle standing in front of our chairs instead of Esme. I hurried over to him and began asking about Edward.

"Calm down, Bella," he smiled, "Edward is fine."

"Fine? Fine is what adults say when they don't want you to know just how bad things are," I said in a panic.

"Okay, let me rephrase, Edward is working hard and making progress."

"Does he ask about me?" I asked.

"He hopes you are doing well," he lied. I could tell it was a lie right when it left his mouth. It would have made more sense if Edward told me to kiss his ass. That, I would have believed.

"Can you give him a message, please?"

"Sure," he said just a little too fast.

"I want you to tell me if you will give him my exact message?" I demanded to know.

"If it is detrimental to his therapy, I won't."

"I just want him to know I am going to Arizona in January to press charges against Phil. I want him to know I am facing it, and I am doing really well with the decision."

"I will tell him, Bella," he promised.

I know he kept his promise because three days later I got a letter in the mail. I had never received mail at school before, and I would be going home for Christmas break in only two days. I opened the simple white envelope to find a letter from Edward.

I looked around at the people passing me in the hallway and knew I needed privacy to over analyze the letter. I went to the music room and sat on the piano bench, feeling a spiritual connection to Edward as I read.

Bella,

Carlisle told me you are going to Arizona. I am glad Jake could give you the courage to face Phil. I only gave you heartache. I didn't handle the news you were dating Jake very well, but I won't make that mistake again. I learned how to step back emotionally and become detached from toxic people. At least my father was honest in his disdain for me, you led me to believe you loved me, and then went behind my back

I realized I was being unfair to you. I am hurting and I wanted you to hurt, too. I am sorry; I still have a lot of work to do. Good luck in Arizona, you deserve your justice.

Edward

I stared at the hateful message he wrote first and felt sick inside. I needed to see him and explain, or at least get a letter to him. I had no idea how to make him listen to me or believe me. Suddenly something came to mind. I would send him a song. I would use his music to write lyrics from my heart just for him. He wouldn't know where they came from and surely he would play the song and feel my heart speaking to him.

I played through his sheet music and found a song the matched the message of my heart. I began writing down the words that I wanted him to know. I wrote of my admiration of him, my passion for him, my concern for him, and most of all, my love.

I tried to work the song until I had it just the way I wanted, but something was missing and I couldn't quite figure it out. I shut my eyes and played my guitar very softly, holding the notes just a bit too long and tried to 'feel' the hole in the lyrics.

It was hope, the song lacked hope that everything would work out for us in the end. I didn't want Edward for just this school year, I wanted him forever, and so I added one simple phrase to the song.

_Tomorrow, is a constantly moving day I want to spend my life chasing, with you._

I placed the sheet music in an envelope and mailed it to the Cullens home in care of Edward Masen. I packed up my clothes and prepared for Christmas break. I tried to concentrate on the idea of singing in the club and not in the hope a music executive would discover me.

I headed to the front of the school and passed Alice and Jasper climbing onto a bus for the airport. I gave them a tight hug and heard Emmett call out to me.

"Hey Bella, did you see Edward? He's in Carlisle's office."

I dropped my suitcase and ran to the session room as fast as I could. It was empty, so I ran to his dorm room to find it cleared out for break. I began to cry and could only think of one more place to look. I ran to the music room and threw open the door, but it was empty.

I finally went back to the front of the school feeling frustrated and rejected. I picked up my abandoned suitcase and saw my father's truck. He got out of the cab and came over to pick up my bag and give me a hug.

I walked to the passenger side, and Jake surprised me by jumping out and smiling widely, as he yelled 'surprise. '

I laughed, smacking his arm away, when he reached over and messed up my hair. He held open the door and as I climbed into the cab I looked across the parking lot to see a car waiting to pull onto the main road. Edward was sitting in the back and staring right at me.

His look said it all, he was not happy to see me.

I wanted to run after the Cullen's car and beg him to stop and listen to me. Instead, I climbed into my father's truck and pouted the entire way home. I knew Edward had not received the song yet, and had to hope he would soften after hearing it. My dad thought it was the idea of going to Arizona that had me so upset.

"Bells," he said, "you don't have to come with me to Phoenix."

"I want to come, dad," I said, quickly growing irritated at his concern.

"Are you and Jake fighting?" he asked. I had only barely registered the fact we had dropped Jake off.

"Why would I care if I was fighting with Jake? He is just a friend, dad. Don't read anything into it," I said with a loud voice.

"Well, are you going to clue me in, or just sass me for two weeks?' He responded just as loudly.

"Sass?" I laughed at his choice of word.

"Yeah, you're acting like you are five, so I thought I would talk to you like a five year old."

"I like a boy from school," I finally admitted. "It's complicated."

"Is he pressuring you to get physical?" he asked with a nervous voice.

My mouth fell open and I looked at him in shock, "Dad!"

"I know how teenage boys can be, I was once a teenage boy," he pointed out.

I gave him a disgusted look and shook my head. "Don't gross me out, dad."

"Gross, I'm gross?" he laughed. "The girls in school thought I was pretty cool."

"Of course they did, everyone looks better by candlelight," I teased him.

We pulled into the driveway and Charlie turned to look at me before turning off the engine. "Seriously Bella, boys think very differently from girls, I may be able to give you some insight."

I thought for a moment and decided to give it a try. "The boy I like was extremely close to his mother and she just died. He gets….really angry," I admitted. "He is a musician and great at expressing such beautiful, tender feelings, but he can't control his rage."

"There are a lot of great young men, full of promise and possibility, serving time in prison because of rage. My advice would be to stay away from him. You can't love him into changing."

"I know, Dr. Cullen made that very clear. I just wish I knew what he needed to feel peace."

"I'm not a therapist, but as a cop I can tell you what he needs, he needs to learn self control. I pick up volatile punks who can't control their mouths, or addictions, or actions, every day."

"The school is full of us, and I said us because I am one, too," I pointed out. "There is a reason we have problems with control, and it usually has to do with the adults in our lives."

"You can't blame your problems on others Bella. You rise to the occasion or you quit, it is that simple."

I nodded and felt like he was talking about me, but he quickly added, "Like you Bella, you are rising to the occasion and I am very proud of you."

I let him pull me into a tight hug and then we headed into the house. I unpacked my bag and spent the evening decorating the small Christmas tree Charlie set up in the family room. It grew dark and Jake showed up. I was irritated at first, but he began making fun of the ornaments I made as a child and had me laughing like crazy.

I finally got my guitar and began planning the order of the songs I would sing. Jake was giving me suggestions and when I sang the song I wrote for Edward he sat quietly.

"Where did you get that song?" he asked.

"I wrote the lyrics, and a kid at school wrote the music. Do you like it?"

"I think you should sing that if the music guy shows up," he said.

"Don't even bring that up, I don't want to know if he shows or not," I said in fear.

"If you get famous will you introduce me to hot chicks?" he laughed.

"I plan on pretending I don't know you," I laughed and stuck my nose in the air.

"I plan on selling a story to the gossip rags," he informed me. "Remember that night when we got high and broke into a bank and had sex in the vault?"

"You liar, it doesn't even sound real," I laughed.

"Well, I remember it clearly," he said as he ducked from the guitar pick I threw at him.

Jake left and I stayed up to watch a movie. I sat in front of the blinking lights on the Christmas tree and thought of Edward. I was so afraid I was going to lose him forever, even if Charlie thought he was someone to keep away from, I loved him anyway.

When I finally headed off to bed I could hear my dad speaking to someone on the phone. I stopped walking and listened in the hallway. He was setting up a meeting with my mom; I learned we would meet at a hotel on January third.

Lying in bed thinking of Edward was actually painful. I wanted to see his crooked smile, his messy hair which somehow always looked perfect, and his amazing lips. I was too afraid to hope I would see him soon. I had to fix the things with Phil first.

The next day I went Christmas shopping with Jake. I wanted to buy something for Edward, but gifts were not allowed at school and I had no hope of seeing him over break. I bought a fishing lure for my dad; Jake assured me it was something Charlie would love to have.

I pretended to buy a shirt for Jake, but actually snuck off to get a seat cover for his car. He had been complaining about wanting one for months. I was walking past a kiosk in the mall when something caught my eye. It was a silver clip, used for holding sheet music. I got it engraved with a B and E inside a heart. I hid it deep in my bag so Jake wouldn't see it.

When evening came I began getting ready for the club. I dressed the way Alice told me and began putting on makeup the way she showed me. I stood back and looked in a mirror. The straight legged jeans made my legs look longer and the layered tee was a comfortable combination.

Jake showed up to give me a ride and when I opened the door he burst into laughter. I instantly felt the tears begin to form and blushed deeply. "Does it look bad?" I asked softly.

"Hell no," he laughed, "You look hot."

"Why are you laughing at me?"

"Because you're just….Bella," he explained.

"I can't be hot?" I said beginning to get angry.

"I just think your music is good enough, you don't need the get up," he said in a serious voice.

"But if I need a little confidence, does it look okay?" I asked him honestly.

"Yeah, you look okay," he said shaking his head.

"What?" I asked as I followed him out the door.

"I just have a feeling I will be getting in a fight tonight, protecting your honor."

"Shut up," I said, but secretly loved the compliment.

We entered the dark club and I found my way to the owner, Sam. He smiled and nodded toward the stage, "Anytime you're ready, it will be a small crowd tonight so don't worry about feeling any pressure."

I got my guitar out and Sam played with the sound system before introducing me to the crowd. As soon as I walked onto the stage I felt all the nerves disappear. I played the songs I was used to performing and didn't have the guts to try my own stuff until the end of the night.

Jake remained at the table in front of the stage and smiled encouragingly at me throughout the night. The applause slowly grew louder as the set went on, and my confidence increased. I ended the night with the song for Edward, which was a big mistake.

My joy slowly moved to pain, as I sang out my heart about the guy I loved. I could feel the tears making their way down my face, but I couldn't stop to wipe them away. I held the final note long after the guitar quieted. When it faded to quiet, the crowd erupted in whistles and cheers.

I walked from the stage, feeling sad and lonely, when I should be on top of the world. Jake came running over to lift me off the ground in celebration, and I forced myself to smile. Sam was grinning like a mad man and told me he would increase my pay, if I would promise to show up every night over the break.

I had people wanting to buy me drinks and Sam made sure to keep the alcohol far from me, knowing Charlie would shut him down. I headed out the door with Jake's arm protectively around me as we ran for the car.

"You are going to be so freaking famous," he laughed.

"I had a good night in a small club in western Washington; that is about as far from famous as you can get."

"I can't wait for your E true Hollywood story; I am going to look so great on television," he said with confidence.

"Why are you going to be on television?"

"I'm the guy who helped you find fame, and was then tossed aside for some Jonas brother," he laughed.

"That is disgusting," I said as I pretended to vomit.

"At least tell me what to leave out when they pay me to spill my guts."

I froze in realization my life could not be shared with the world. I looked out the window and Jake reached over to touch my arm. "I'm sorry, Bella, I wasn't thinking."

"It's okay," I said softly.

"Are you still pressing charges?" he asked.

"Yeah, I'm going with my dad to Arizona after Christmas."

"You're brave," he said staring at the road.

"No, I'm pissed," I admitted.

"Do you have to see Phil?" he asked.

"No," I said loudly. "I couldn't look at him. I know my dad couldn't handle it."

"I would love to see Charlie take the guy out, it would be justifiable."

"I don't want to turn my dad into a killer," I said sadly.

"Do you think the school you go to helps?" he asked.

"I think having Carlisle and Esme Cullen helps, I'm not too sure about the school."

We pulled into my driveway and I was surprised when Jake got out and followed me inside. Charlie had just returned from a call and was sitting in front of the television. Jake gave him a play by play of the night and his pride in me was infectious.

When Charlie went to bed I walked Jake to his car. "Thanks so much for coming with me," I told him.

"It was a blast, don't forget me when you become a diva," he laughed and pulled me into a hug.

I squeezed him and when I began to pull back he leaned in and kissed me. At first it was gentle, but it began to build and I was lost in the memory of Edward. My arms tightened, thinking of Edward, as I pictured him in my memory.

I was suddenly aware it was not Edward in my arms, but Jake. I pulled away harshly and covered my lips with my hand and began to cry.

"Sorry, Bella, I didn't mean to bring up bad memories for you. I hope you know I wouldn't hurt you like Phil?"

He had no idea it was not Phil that caused me the pain I was experiencing. It was the memory of Edward, and I felt like I just cheated on him. The one thing he accused me of doing, just happened.

I said a quick goodnight and ran to the house. I fell onto my bed and cried until I got angry. I was fixing my life so I could be with Edward, but he still wasn't strong enough to fix his life for me. I cussed him, and then instantly regretted it. He needed time, and it was the least I could give him.

I promised myself I would tell Jake all about Edward, before it got out of hand.

12

For the rest of the week, Charlie let me use his truck to drive to the club each night. I was enjoying the limited celebrity and began learning the names of some of the regulars. I always ended the set with Edward's song, and started using that title. By the fifth night people began requesting 'Edward's song.'

I got home late one night to find Jake waiting for me. I groaned and got out of the truck. "Hey," I said with little enthusiasm.

"I haven't seen you much, are you mad at me?" he asked.

"No, I'm mad at myself," I admitted.

He leaned down to look into my eyes, and his smile made me laugh. He was such a happy go lucky guy, nothing I would ever be able to deal with.

"It was wrong to kiss you, Jake," I said as I headed to the house.

"Why?" he asked with a sad tone.

"I have a lot of work to do and to be honest; I've already given my heart away to another guy."

"Did you meet someone at the club?" he asked.

"No, at school, I would tell you about him, but it is really messed up right now." I pointed at him and continued. "You just made it a lot more messed up by kissing me."

"You kissed me back, Bella," he pointed out.

"I know, and it was wrong, please don't make me explain," I begged him.

"Is it the guy from the song?"

"Yeah."

"Does he know?" he pushed.

"Yes, but he has his own issues to deal with," I said sadly.

"What did he do, to be put in the school?"

"He killed a guy who kissed his girlfriend," I said with a straight face.

"No shit?" he asked as his eyes shot wide.

I laughed loudly and he moved to tackle me onto the couch. "That isn't funny," he yelled

It made me uncomfortable, and I wasn't sure if it was memories of fighting Phil, or that fact he wasn't Edward. My smile faded and I began to push him away. He seemed embarrassed and quickly got up.

We sat on the couch, neither one of us speaking, until I finally said softly, "Jake, I really need you to be my friend. I need you to be yourself, and not weird around me. I need you…."

I broke into sobs and he put his arm around me attentively. "I'm sorry, Bella, and I promise not to be weird around you."

We sat huddled together for several minutes and I finally told him I needed to get to bed. I put my pillow over my face, trying to block out the memories of Edward, but I ached so badly I decided to go see him. It was Christmas Eve tomorrow and I wanted to take him the gift, and see if he would even speak to me.

I spent the morning making gingerbread cookies and packed up a box for Edward. I had spent so many Christmas Eve's making cookies with my mom, but this time they had to be just perfect. I used my dad's truck to drive to the city and began to shake as I pulled into the Cullen's driveway. I didn't even know if Edward would still be there, so I put his gift in my coat pocket, and carried the cookies to the door.

Carlisle answered and I smiled nervously. "I made cookies," I said stupidly.

He reached out for the box and I pulled it back slightly. "Is Edward here?" I asked.

"Come in, Bella," he said sadly.

I entered the familiar house and saw Edward helping Esme wrap some gifts at the kitchen table. He looked up and his smile faded instantly. My heart sank and I looked down at the tiled floor.

"You have a guest, Edward," Carlisle said.

"Hello, Bella," Esme said as she came over to offer a hug. I snuck a peek at Edward and he was staring at his shaking hands.

Both Dr. Cullen's left the room and I was frozen to my spot. I could hear my own heart beating loudly and I waited for him to say something. The silence was uncomfortable and I wanted to run from the room.

He finally scooted the chair, and the scraping noise made me lift my eyes up to look at him. I crossed my arms around my waist to stop the sick feeling I had inside. He was looking up at me, keeping his head lowered and I wanted to reach out for him, instead he motioned to a chair and I felt my feet begin to move.

When I got to the chair I unfolded my arms and handed him the box. "It's just some cookies," I mumbled.

"Thanks," he said without emotion.

"How are you?" I asked him.

"Totally screwed up in the head, how are you?" he asked sarcastically.

"Did you get my song?"

"You mean my song?" he corrected.

"Yeah, that was what I meant," I said lowering my head.

"I didn't say you could use my music," he said hatefully.

"I didn't know what to say in a letter," I explained. "It was my way of trying to say I'm sorry."

I reached out and touched his hand and he pulled it away.

"I don't want to talk to you right now," he said, but his eyes said something different.

"Fine, just listen then, I miss you, Edward. I miss you and I think about you always. I'm sorry for what happened in Chicago," I added.

"Are you?" he said angrily, "Are you really sorry for cheating on my while I buried my mother?"

"I didn't cheat on you," I yelled loudly.

"Don't treat me like I'm stupid," he said with a disgusted look on his face.

"You are stupid," I screamed. "You know what happened to me, do you really think I would be going from one guy to the next?"

"Maybe you didn't hate dear old stepdad as much as you pretended," he said to hurt me.

"Really, you're really going to say that to me on Christmas Eve?" I said, as I stood and made my way to the front door.

He didn't follow me and I tossed his gift under the tree before leaving the house. I climbed in the truck just as Esme came to the driver's door.

"Bella, honey, please don't leave," she said sweetly.

I sat in the driver's seat and stared forward as I said, "I understand we are going to Arizona on the third."

"Yes, are you feeling okay with the whole thing?" she asked.

"I was, now I'm just…." I took a deep breath and she opened the truck door.

"Bella, you drove all this way, please come in for a bit longer," she begged.

I didn't want to leave, and the more I thought about it, the more I wanted to spend time with Edward, even if he was a total ass. I followed her into the house and sat down next to Carlisle and far from Edward. He wouldn't look at me; which was fine. Esme asked about the club and I noticed Edward tighten.

"It's great," I smiled. "I'm making lots money, and people come just to hear me."

"Yeah, right," Edward mumbled.

The anger exploded within me and I yelled loudly, "If you have something to say, be a man, and say it to my face."

"You do a lot more than just singing from what I hear," he yelled.

"And of course what you hear can't be wrong, because I'm just some whore Phil produced, just like you are an emotionally stunted mamma's boy, who can't get his daddy to love him."

"I never cheated on you," he screamed.

"No, you betrayed me in a much worse way," I said as I shook my head. "You doubted me; I have never doubted you, Edward. I learned to trust you intimately, and I let you show me what love was, but you never put your trust in me."

"I saw you with him," he said appalled.

"You saw me with a childhood friend, it was all he was. I can't make you the only person in my life, because I can't trust you."

He jumped up to demand an explanation and I stood to face him. "Are you going to break things every time you misunderstand something?"

"Are you going to stand there and lie to my face?" he said angrily.

I shook my head sadly, "I've never lied to you about Jake."

Esme finally interrupted the verbal sparring, "Edward, why don't you tell Bella some of the changes you are making."

"It doesn't matter," he said hatefully.

I chuckled in anger, "It does to me."

"Go home, Bella," he said softly.

"Go to hell, Edward," I answered and turned to leave.

He grabbed my arm and spun me around, just as Carlisle jumped up to intervene.

"Are you going to hit me?" I asked in shock. I pulled my arm from his hand and pushed him in his chest. "Are you seriously going to hit me?" I screamed.

"I don't want you to leave," he said as his head fell in shame. "I wasn't going to hit you."

"You want me to stay for more verbal abuse?"

He was quiet, so Carlisle prompted him, "Tell her why you don't want her to go, Edward."

"I miss you," he mumbled.

"Why didn't you try to call me, or see me, or come to me?" I asked as my voice broke.

"I was mad," he admitted.

"You have to change, I can't keep wondering if something will set you off."

"I'm learning to channel the anger. I work out punching a bag instead of punching walls."

It was so great to hear him admit he had a problem with punching things. I visualized him, wearing a tank top and silk shorts, fighting in a ring like Rocky Balboa.

I felt a smile grow on my face and his matched mine. He reached out for my hand and I let him take it. He pulled me to the couch and Carlisle and Esme excused themselves. We sat together and I felt my body shaking for another reason.

"The song was amazing," he finally admitted.

"Your music inspires me. I used another song too, I hope you don't mind."

"Can I hear it?" he asked.

"You have to come to the club," I smiled.

He nodded and I saw a look of concern build on his face.

"So, Arizona?" he said softly.

"Yeah, on the third, my father will tell my mom and then I will have him arrested."

He reached out and ran his finger down my cheek. "I'm sorry, love."

I moved closer and put my cheek on his shoulder and sighed as he pulled me closer. "Tell me about the funeral," I whispered.

"She looked so beautiful, dressed in yellow and holding my childhood blanket," he whispered back.

"You were so loved," I told him.

"I would have gladly given my life for hers," he said through tears.

"She would have never allowed it, and I am so glad you're still here," I admitted.

"My father hates me," he said softly.

"No, he doesn't hate you; he is hurting and lashing out in ignorance."

"The Cullens have custodial responsibility for me, my father signed the papers."

I pulled back to look at his sad eyes and held his face in my hands. "You are lucky, Edward. The Cullens are wonderful people."

"I don't feel angry about it, I feel sad sometimes, but there isn't any anger," he confessed.

"I am proud of you and I love you," I said in hope he felt the same way.

"I wish you could stay here tonight," he said.

"My father wears a gun," I laughed. "And Carlisle wouldn't get any sleep guarding the door."

He leaned in slowly, coming closer and closer to my mouth, sending my heart pounding away. When his lips touched mine I inhaled and melted against him. He pushed my coat off my shoulders and I let my arms fall to wiggle out of the thick material.

We kissed for several minutes and he finally stood and pulled me toward the piano. "I wrote you a song," he smiled.

He stepped on a small button and the Christmas tree lit up in its entire splendor. I smiled and sat next to him on the bench as he played the most beautiful tune. I closed my eyes and felt the music penetrate my soul.

When it ended I opened my eyes and looked into his beautiful face. He smiled and said, "I love you."

"Thank you for such a great gift, Santa can just pass my house," I laughed.

He leaned over to speak softly into my ear, "I've got a package I would love to give you."

"You're depraved," I laughed, and pushed him back.

"No, deprived," he corrected.

I turned to straddle the bench and he pulled me over his own legs, so I was tightly against him. He kissed me again and it was nothing like the other kisses. It was filled with need and passion. He was moaning and moving deeper into my mouth.

I was panting loudly and moving my hands over his body when someone coughed. We both jumped and pulled away. Carlisle smiled and shook his finger at us, "You are both minors."

"And at this rate we won't become majors," Edward laughed.

"Not in my house you won't," Carlisle said adamantly.

I waited for him to leave the room and turned to Edward, "Are you coming back to school?"

"Yeah, the school wouldn't let me in until my dad signed over guardianship. He refused to pay the tuition for the next term," he said angrily.

I looked into Edward's eyes and tried to judge his ability to control his anger. There was only one way to find out for sure, and since Esme and Carlisle were so close, I decided to give it a try.

"I have to tell you something Edward, and I know it is going to make you mad."

His jaw tightened and he stood to move further away from me.

"I want to preface it by saying how much I missed you. I think about you every day, and each night, when I sing, it is like a part of me dies. I was thinking about you late one night, and Jake kissed me."

I looked at Edward and noticed how he took another step further from me.

"I kissed him back, because I wanted it to be you, so badly. But even with my eyes closed I could tell it wasn't, so I pushed him away. I told him all about my feelings for you, and even if I showed up here and you no longer wanted me, I wouldn't choose Jake."

Edward stood there, as if he was listening to something only he could hear. He was breathing in and out purposefully and stared at a fixed spot on the far wall. I watched as he slowly came back to life and moved his eyes to look at me.

"He touched you?" he asked with the frightening calm I had learned to recognize.

"He didn't know anything about us, Edward. You can't blame him for his ignorance," I pointed out.

He wrapped his hands tightly around his waist as he struggled to keep his cool. I watched silently, feeling my heart about ready to explode.

"Edward, I didn't have to tell you, you never would have found out. I am being honest with you, because I love you so much."

"I need to work out," he said softly and headed for the doorway.

"Hey," I yelled after him. He spun around ready for a fight, but was shocked to see me grinning at him. His demeanor softened and my smile widened.

"Can I watch?" I asked him.

He laughed and gestured with his head for me to follow him. I mistakenly thought the subject had been settled.

I watched Edward work-out on the equipment in Carlisle's gym, but soon grew tired of his total focus being off of me. I played with the hand weights and became completely bored.

"You're not going to look like Emmett are you?" I asked him, as he bench pressed.

"You don't like Emmett's body?" he laughed.

"He can't even put his arms all the way down to his sides," I complained. "I like your body."

He stopped lifting the bar, and sat it on the holders, before sitting up to smile at me. "Come here," he said raising his eyebrows.

"No, you're sweaty," I said in disgust.

He laughed and said louder, "Come here."

"No," I said and moved toward the door.

He jumped from the bench, and I screamed as I turned to run. He caught me before I could get the door open and pulled me against his sweaty chest. I tried to push him away as I continued to yell for help, but he was laughing hard and rubbing against me.

Esme came running into the room in fear, killing the playful mood we were in. "Sorry, we were only playing," Edward said sadly.

"Don't be sorry," she said, "I apologize to you."

"I have to be going anyway," I offered.

"Wait, Bella, I want to show you something," Edward said, so I turned to look at him.

He quickly raised his arm and pulled me into his arm pit, causing me to scream at the top of my lungs.

"I'm never kissing you again," I said angrily.

"You smoked, that was worse," he accused.

"Smoking is not as disgusting as licking your arm pit," I pointed out as I slapped his stomach.

"You licked it?" he laughed.

I walked out of the gym and grabbed my coat, with him following close behind. "Bella, I seriously quit smoking, aint that great?" he laughed.

"Don't talk to me," I said forcefully.

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry," he laughed. "Tell me how to make it up to you."

I turned to look at his smug face and said, "Take off your shorts."

"That's it?" he asked. "I have a jock on, so it won't bother me."

"Then you have to wear a pair of my panties one full day of school," I finally offered.

"I thought you were going to make me do something awful, not kinky," he laughed.

"I get to pick the day and the pair," I demanded.

"I'll even model them for you. Kiss me before you go," he said holding out his hand.

I grabbed a jacket of his off a hook, and held it in front of me, before leaning against him and kissing him hard. I moved to place my hand in his hair and as soon as I felt the wet, sweaty locks I pushed away.

"Do you have a phone in your room?" he asked out of the blue.

"Yeah, why?"

"Call me at midnight, so you are the first person I talk to on Christmas," he said as he grabbed a pen and wrote down a phone number.

I couldn't wipe the smile off of my face as I drove back to Forks. I planned on inviting Edward to hear me sing. I didn't want it to be the night the agent came, but I had no idea when, or if, he was coming. I put Charlie's gift under the tree and waited in my room for the stroke of midnight.

I dialed the number and Edward answered after the first ring. "I miss you," he answered.

"Merry Christmas, Edward, I love you," I said as heartfelt as I could.

"Ah, you just made my whole holiday," he whispered.

I snuggled lower into the bed and pulled my comforter up tight as I tried to imagine him right in front of me. He exhaled and it made me nervous.

"Is something wrong?" I asked.

"Can I tell you something…painful," he asked softly.

"Sure."

"Last Christmas I bought my mom a charm bracelet. I tried to put charms on it that would help her remember things."

"Did she like it?" I interrupted.

"She loved it, but my father bought her a car and she wouldn't even drive it. He must have been so disappointed, and I never once imagined how he must have felt."

"Edward, he was the adult, it was his job to make amends with you."

"I wish she could be here now, so I could tell her to act like she loved the car," he sighed.

"Can I tell you something…painful?" I asked quietly.

"Please do," he whispered.

"Last Christmas, I hid behind the tree. I knew Phil would be looking for me and I piled up presents to hide me."

"Did he…find you?" Edward asked hesitantly.

"No, he drank a bunch of eggnog and passed out. It was a great Christmas."

"Aren't we a pair," he sighed.

"I think you are wonderful," I admitted.

"I love you, and I wish you were here in my bed at this moment," he said causing goose bumps to cover my body.

"Carlisle would be lying between us," I laughed.

"God, I want you," he said and I could hear the need in his voice.

"It will happen for us, someday," I promised. "I would love for you to come to Sam's and hear me sing."

"Yeah, that would be great."

"Will you?" I asked.

"Sure, just tell me when," he said as he yawned.

"Go to sleep, Edward," I laughed.

"Can I call you later today?"

"Yeah, Merry Christmas, Edward.

"Merry Christmas, Bella, I love you."

"I love you, too, goodnight."

The phone ringing woke me up to bright sunlight filling my room. I looked at my radio and it was ten o'clock. I was sure Charlie got called in to work and didn't mind the extra sleep.

"Hello," I answered.

"Bella, why didn't you tell me you gave me a gift?" Edward asked.

"It was nothing big, I just saw it and thought of you," I admitted.

"May I give you something?" he asked.

"You don't have to do that," I assured him.

"There is something I really want to give to you, promise you will let me," he said adamantly.

I laughed loudly and said, "Carlisle said not in his house."

"Not that, Bella, man, you are horny," he laughed.

"What is it?" I pressed him.

He was quiet and finally said, "It is something my mom gave me, and I want you to have it."

"Edward, I don't know what to say. Are you sure?"

"Positive."

I heard the door open downstairs and told him I had to go. He thanked me again for the gift and I ran downstairs to find Charlie, Jake and his father Billy, and my dad's best friend Waylon. We had a great Christmas and it felt so good not to worry about nightfall and if I would have to hide or not.

My life seemed to be coming together and I was anxious to get back to school where I could see Edward every day. I invited him to come to Sam's the following night and waited nervously for him before heading to the stage.

Jake sat in the back and I could tell he could read the disappointed expression on my face. I was in the middle of the set when a man in a three piece suit came in and was given a table right in front of the stage. Sam smiled and gave me a thumbs up.

My mouth was dry and I hesitated so Jake yelled, "Sing Edward's song."

The crowed all cheered in unison and I closed my eyes and began the slow painful song. I tried to picture Edward as I sang, and block out the man sitting in front of me. I was in the zone and feeling the emotion I was trying to emote. I wasn't even halfway through the song when I opened my eyes for some reason.

It was a huge mistake. My eyes wandered to the back of the room, to where Jake was smiling proudly at me. I saw a body lean on the small circular table, and move to speak directly to Jake. It was Edward, and although I couldn't see his face, Jake's told me all I needed to know.

I didn't know what to do and felt panic build as Jake stood and they headed out of the club. I felt sick inside and worried Edward's rage would get Jake hurt, or Jake's huge body would pummel Edward. Either way, someone was going to be hurt because of me.

I could hear my voice begin to shake and I looked at the agent in panic. He furrowed his brow and I was screaming at myself to calm down. I closed my eyes but I couldn't find the emotion I needed. I could only see a horrible image of what was most likely happening outside.

I finally dropped my guitar and ran from the stage. Sam grabbed my arm, but I pulled away and ran outside. I looked around the parking lot and finally saw the barely visible image of someone standing just inside the forest area off of the lot.

I ran over to see Edward and Jake standing a few feet from each other. I got between them and put my hands up, to keep them at a distance, and I noticed how much my arms were shaking. Who was I kidding; I couldn't do anything to keep them from tearing each other apart.

"I'm not letting you guys do this," I screamed. "I am not worth it."

Jake looked at Edward with a stunned expression and they both broke into laughter. I was confused, letting my arms drop; I stared back and forth between them.

"Sorry, dude," Jake laughed, "Bella is not worth changing your flat tire."

"What?" I asked.

"I asked Jake if he would help me change my tire. I thought you would want us to get to know each other better," Edward said while shaking his head.

I wasn't convinced and narrowed my eyes at Edward, "Why are you standing here, and not by your car?"

"We're looking for a couple of rocks to put under the front tires, I'm parked on an incline," he explained.

I heard a car engine turn over and look back toward the club just in time to see the music executive drive away. The tears fell with the realization I had blown my big chance. I fell to the wet ground, not caring if my jeans got damp, and cried with frustration.

"What's wrong….oh," Jake said, putting the pieces together.

"What?" Edward demanded to know.

"The music dude was here to listen to her sing," Jake said, and then nodded for Edward to comfort me.

Edward remained where he was and looked at me for an explanation. I wasn't quite sure what to say. I didn't want to stack more guilt on his shoulders, and I didn't want to admit I was so sure he hadn't changed, that I ran during my big break to save Jake.

I let my head fall back and screamed at the top of my lungs, "Life just sucks." It echoed off the dense forest, and scared the hell out of the two young men who were not fighting over me, but bonding with each other.

Something began to work its way into my brain, my pig-headed brain, and I smiled at the thought. Edward was reaching out to someone other than me. He was looking for a friend separate from us. I stood from the wet ground and began walking back to the club.

"Where are you going?" Edward demanded to know.

"I'm going to sing, you guys can bump chests, or whatever macho thing you do, as you change a tire." I was glad Edward couldn't see my face because I was smiling and filled with hope. I wasn't sure if he knew what this all meant, but I did, and I was soaring.

When I finished for the night, I made my way to Edward and Jake. They were making plans to work-out together, I assumed it was the male equivalent of shopping, and it was hard to get Edward's attention. I finally leaned over to speak directly into his ear, "Hey, I'm the one with the great breasts, remember?"

He smiled and rose from his chair, "See you later, Jake."

We walked arm in arm to Charlie's truck, and Edward climbed in with me as I turned on the heater. He kissed me several times and laughed as the windows began to fog over.

"You have so much talent," he whispered as he kissed my ear.

I swooned at the degree of his talent and sighed. He said, "I have something for you."

Surely he didn't want sex in my father's truck. Not that I would have been able to turn him down. My knees were weak just from his gentle kisses. "Edward," I moaned and he went right back to kissing me.

I worked my way down his neck and onto his chest as he took a moment to catch his breath. "Bella, you have to stop, I don't have any condoms with me."

His statement woke me right up. I didn't think that was where I was headed, but maybe I was. I scooted away from him and we stared at each other, both looking like we just finished running a mile.

"Sorry," I whispered.

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small wrapped gift. I smiled and took it with my shaky hands. "It was my mothers, she got it the day I was born," he explained.

I opened the small box to find a beautiful pearl ring surrounded by blue gems. He reached out a picked it up to put it on my finger. It was a perfect fit. "I was born in June and my father searched for months for the perfect pearl. The moonstones around it mean spiritual understanding. It was a sacred stone in ancient civilizations."

"Edward, I can't accept this," I said in shock.

"I want you to have it, even if you hate me someday, I will always know the greatest girl in the world has it." He kissed my hand and said, "You understand me, Bella, only you."

"I love you so much," I said into his eyes.

"I need you so much," he said back to me.


	5. Chapter 13 thru 15

13

I would constantly stare at the ring on my finger and daydream of Edward. I didn't get to see him for New Year's, since I was leaving with Charlie for Arizona. But I called him right at midnight and we talked about our hopes for the New Year.

I knew Esme felt Edward and I should wait until we were completely healthy to have a physical relationship, but that was not going to wait much longer. The more we were apart the more desperate our need for each other became.

I decided to talk to Esme in Arizona about getting on birth control. I would just have to find somewhere to hide it, so sticky fingers Alice couldn't rip me off, and obsessive Jessica wouldn't constantly count them.

I was fine on the flight to Phoenix, but as soon as we landed the fear set in. I grew tense and nervous, causing Charlie to watch me like a hawk. His protectiveness made me feel vulnerable and weak. I could hardly wait for Esme to come, so I could have her explain what I was feeling.

We spent the first day walking around the zoo, something we had done often when he would visit me. I loved the brown mountainous surroundings in contrast to the overreaching green of Washington. The next day Charlie made a trip to the police department to set up a time for me to talk to them.

When the morning of the third arrived, I just wanted to get it all over with. Charlie met Esme at the restaurant downstairs, since she only flew in that morning. Renee was going to meet them in less than one hour, and I positioned myself at the top for the staircase, overlooking the lobby, to catch a glimpse of my mother.

My heart lurched when I saw her car pull up and she quickly walked to the other door to aid someone. I watched in terror as Phil rose slowly from his seat, holding onto my mom for assistance. He pulled out a quad cane and walked very slowly with a hunched back.

I ran as fast as I could down the stairs and got to them just as they entered the lobby. My mother ran to me, and hugged me tightly as she cried for joy. I couldn't let my father see Phil. He wouldn't be able to control his reaction and I didn't want to put him in jeopardy of losing his job, or worse.

"Mom, dad needs to see you alone," I blurted out in a panic. "My school counselor is with him and it can only be parents."

She looked worriedly at Phil, not wanting to leave him alone in the presence of the girl who disfigured him. I let my eyes drop to the floor and I mumbled, "I won't hurt him."

"I'll sit on the bench and wait," he said in a weak voice and began shuffling toward the padded lobby seat.

I pointed my mom in the direction of the restaurant and watched her walk away from me. I turned very slowly to see Phil smirking. He stood and walked perfectly normal toward me; his cane still standing alone by the bench.

He did a little jig and laughed as my body turned to ice. He leaned in to speak softly in my ear and I turned numb. I wanted to punch him, or at least push him away from me, but his smell and his voice held me totally paralyzed.

My heart beat wildly and I felt sick to my stomach. I couldn't hear anything around me except for his heavy breathing in my ear.

"You look like you could use some…loving…attention from Phil's drill," he said with a chuckle.

I pulled my hands into fists, but it wasn't to fight him, it was an attempt to shrivel up and disappear. Tears began to fall from my eyes and he reached out with a finger to lift my chin, so I would have to look at him.

He wore a huge smile and I bit the side of my mouth trying desperately to feel something besides the consuming numb.

"Tell daddy how much you missed him," he said with a sneer, and ran his palm across my cheek, and then slowly to cup my neck.

I didn't see anyone else in the lobby. I couldn't hear anyone around me. My surroundings were completely void of anything but Phil, until a foot came out of nowhere and hit him on the side of the head, sending him falling sideways.

My eyes were watching something my brain couldn't understand. Edward was dragging Phil up from the ground and out of the lobby. His rage was so out of control, Phil was like a doll in his hands. He threw him against the large pillar under the covered veranda and punched him over, and over, again in the face.

Phil was bleeding and just barely conscious when several security guards descended on Edward. He tried to fight them off as he struggled to get his hands back on Phil. "Don't you ever fucking touch her again, I'll kill you, do you hear me, I will kill you."

I felt soft arms come around me and looked up to see Esme's distraught face. "Are you okay, Bella?" she asked.

I nodded, and looked at Edward's enraged gaze as they pulled him away. An ambulance had been called for Phil, but he refused to wait and headed to Renee's car. I looked around for my mother and found her wrapped in my father's arms.

"Can you help Edward?" I asked Esme with a soft voice.

"I'm sorry, Bella, he wanted to surprise you, I didn't realize he was planning this," she said apologetically.

"He wasn't planning this," I told her, "Phil wasn't supposed to be here."

"Did he hurt you?" she asked, looking into my eyes.

"No, Edward stopped him," I answered with a monotone voice.

She led me back into the hotel, and when I saw his cane I tensed and moved away. She tightened her hold and took me to an elevator and then to her room. I sat in a chair and watched my parents come in, with guilty looks on their faces.

Renee ran to my side and hugged me tightly. I wanted to hug her back, but I couldn't. She brought him here, just like she brought him into my life, and I was angry.

"Dad," I said with pleading eyes, "don't let them hurt Edward."

"I'll do what I can, Bella, but this isn't my jurisdiction," he admitted to my broken heart.

He took Esme's arm and they left to save the brave boy who just saved me. I turned to my mother and let my tears fall. "Why didn't you help me?" I asked.

"I didn't know, Phil told me you were a difficult teen and he was helping me with discipline," she cried.

"Why did you believe him?" I asked incredulously.

"Because I already messed up your life by leaving Charlie, I was terrified to do it again. He told me you loved him and wanted him to be your father," she said shaking her head.

"You don't burn people you love, mother."

"You said it was an accident," she accused.

"No I didn't," I screamed, "he did. You never once asked me what happened. You just sent me away."

"To get help, your father suggested the school to help you with your anger."

"Didn't you wonder why I was angry, mom? Didn't you stop to think I was never angry during the summers with dad?"

"I thought you were upset about the divorce, and acting out so Phil would discipline you, so you would know he loved you," she tried to explain, but I pushed her away.

"Loved me, he ruined my life, mother. He took away my childhood and made me terrified to love anyone. I felt dirty and used, and he called me trash," I screamed louder. "Can you imagine being at a school where everyone is so screwed up, and you know you belong there?"

"I didn't know," she cried out again.

"You should have known," I screamed at her, "It was your job to know."

"Honey, please, don't hate me. Please let me fix it," she begged.

"If Edward gets in trouble for this, I will never forgive you," I said and headed out the door.

I found my dad talking with the security guards and several police officers. I walked up and took Charlie's hand. "I'm ready, dad."

He squeezed my hand and told the officer I needed to make a statement. We all entered a small conference room at the hotel and I began my story from the beginning. Charlie was amazing; he never broke down and kept a poker face the entire time. I knew he was dying on the inside, but he was my rock, just like a real father should be.

When I finished the officers left and Esme came into the room. "Charlie, tell me what you are feeling, don't keep it pent up."

"Feeling…um…I'm feeling sick to my stomach, angry as hell, proud of my amazing daughter, and jealous Edward got to do what he did."

I laughed at the ease in which my dad summed it all up and hugged him tightly. Esme reached out and took his hand. "Charlie, Bella is healing and that is why she came forth. She is not the girl who kept it from you, that girl was too afraid to tell you. Don't look at the girl she is now and judge her for past situations."

"Judge her? I would never do that," he insisted.

"Not consciously, but deep down you are going to begin to feel guilty. I want you to think of the guilt as shit, a waste product you produce and don't want to keep carrying around."

I put my hand over my mouth to contain my laughter and Charlie's face looked stunned. Professional, sophisticated Esme, just told me father to think of shit.

"Speaking of shit," I laughed, "Where's Edward."

Esme gave me a reproving glance and told me they decided not to arrest him unless Phil pressed charges. Edward told them Phil had roughly manhandled me and threatened my life, so he was saving me. I would go along with that story.

I walked to the door and opened it to find Edward standing against the wall. He looked ashamed of himself, so I walked over and put my arms around his waist. He hugged me and kissed my head. "I lost it," he admitted.

"Yeah, you did," I agreed.

"He touched you, I wasn't about to let him touch you," he said through clenched teeth.

"I wasn't strong," I admitted. "One look at him and I became instantly weak."

"I need a cigarette," he said with a sigh.

"Oh man, that would be heaven right now," I agreed.

"No, this is heaven right now," he said as he tightened his hold. "I wanted it to be a nice surprise."

"It was a wonderful surprise," I whispered.

I saw a police car pull up front and two officers walked into the lobby. I held on tightly to Edward, refusing to let them drag him from me, if he was what they wanted. They approached Charlie and I watched as my dad blew out a breath of frustration and rub the back of his neck.

He turned to look at me and time stopped. Something bad was coming and I could feel it. "Edward," I said as I grabbed a fist full of his shirt.

"It's okay, Bella," he assured me, and tried to pry my hand away as my father walked toward us.

"Don't let them take him," I begged my dad.

"They don't want Edward," he assured me as he pulled me into his arms. I stared up at his stressed face, trying to imagine what he could possibly need to tell me.

"You're kidding me," Edward said in disgust, understanding something I couldn't, "what a coward."

"Dad?" I asked hesitantly.

"Bella, Phil killed himself. The police went to arrest him and found him dead in the home."

I felt overwhelming relief and was not sorry at all for feeling that way.

"That's good, right?" I asked. "I mean, I don't have to testify now, it's over, and he can't hurt me ever again."

"Yes, Bella, it's over," he said as he hugged me tightly.

I was safe in my father's massive chest when I saw my mom. She was crying hysterically and Esme was trying to comfort her. I didn't understand why she would cry. She should be happy, or at least relieved, unless she didn't believe me.

I pushed away from my father and walked up to my mother and Esme. I was just about to say something really awful when my mom spun around to see me. She grabbed me into her arms and said, "That bastard is dead, thank God, he is out of this world."

It was just what I needed to hear and I melted in tears along with her.

Two days later, I was sitting in the semi-circle again in the session room. Carlisle and Esme stood in front of us as we all hung our heads low, obviously miserable failures when left to deal with the real world on our own.

"I ate like a pig, and lost three pounds," Rosalie admitted first.

"I made three thousand dollars," Jasper said in shame.

"I have all new clothes," Alice chimed in.

"I beat the piss out of someone," Edward said, trying to feel an ounce of remorse.

"I folded like a house of cards when I face my abuser," I said shaking my head.

Emmett stood and threw his arms high into the air as he announced, "I won. I didn't give into temptation once, and even met with a college recruiter, although it was before the allowed date, so keep that quiet."

"Are your balls back to normal?" Jasper asked in jealousy.

"Yes," Emmett and Rosalie answered at the same time, causing us all to laugh.

"Well," Carlisle said, "it seems we have a lot of work ahead of us, let's get started."

After hearing what failures we were I was nervous about seeing Angela. When she walked into the dorm room a huge sigh of relief fell from my lips. She smiled and came over to hug me.

"How was Christmas?" she asked as she looked around nervously.

"Not as good as yours obviously," I said looking directly into her eyes.

She smiled and mouthed to me, "I saw Ben."

"Really? Where?"

"He has a cousin who lives in San Francisco, so he made a little visit," she said raising her eyebrows.

"Like an intimate visit?" I asked quietly.

She nodded and giggled. I was so jealous. I got to see Edward several times and we didn't get any intimate escapades.

"How's the…um…you know…the cutting?" I asked.

"Only one fresh cut," she smiled. "I think that is pretty good, don't you?"

"I think that is amazing," I said and hugged her tightly.

Lauren walked in at that point and I saw she had a huge black eye. "What happened?" Angela and I asked at the same time.

"Nothing," she said hatefully.

"Just tell me if someone hurt you," I demanded.

"I didn't do this to myself," she announced.

"Well, how do we know, maybe you are lying about that," I said and we all began to laugh.

"Go screw your mom's husband," she threw back at me.

"I can't, he's dead," I said bluntly.

Angela looked at me in surprise, but Lauren wasn't going to be softened. "Then go screw that psychopath you want so badly," she sneered.

"I wish," I said with a sigh and Alice and Rose laughed loudly.

"We are going to have to help you two out," Alice said, "Come on girls, let's come up with a plan."

"You are disgusting," Jessica said to Alice.

"Maybe, but I'm satisfied," she laughed.

"It's your fault we had a major booty fail," I said to Alice.

"I know, but he wasn't using them, they don't last forever you know…oh, I guess you don't know," she teased.

Rosalie stepped up and took control. "Okay, Bella, we need information about your cycle, we don't want any mistakes, and what your view of romantic is."

"My view of romantic is not having my crazy roommates plan out my first tryst with my boyfriend," I informed her. "And I am not telling you shit about my cycle."

"Come on, we are trying to help," she insisted.

"No you're not, you are planning to video it," I pushed back.

Rosalie went to refute my argument but suddenly began to laugh, "Emmett would so want to do that."

"Just leave us alone, we'll work it out by ourselves," I said before heading out to find the man I was missing so much.

I somehow knew exactly where to look and walked straight to the music room. He was playing furiously, and forcefully, and I hated to interrupt him. He knew I was standing against the wall and let the music slowly fade instead of just stopping.

"What was all that for?" I asked him.

"Demons," he said and raised his hand for me to come over to him.

"I'm sorry," I offered.

"Don't be," he said softly and moved my hair off of my shoulder before kissing my neck.

"I came to talk to you, but I can't think when you do that," I admitted.

"We get in trouble when we talk; let's spend the semester in silence."

"You seriously don't want to talk to me?" I asked in anger.

He exhaled and let his head drop, "See," he said.

"Fine, I won't talk. And just so you know that includes sex, I will just keep my mouth shut," I said crossing my arms.

He smiled and looked at me with his sexy crooked grin, "You talk during sex?"

"We'll never know, will we?" I said forcefully.

He put his mouth to my ear and asked, "What would you say?"

I turned to face him and scooted up against his side. "I would say stuff like, oh yes, right there, harder, more…"

He swallowed loudly and pushed me away, "You are so cruel."

"Edward," I said honestly, "I do want to talk about it. I mean, it is going to happen and I want to make sure we are doing it for the right reason."

"What is the right reason?" he asked.

I looked at him in frustration and flippantly said, "To see if you are as good as Jake."

His back stiffened and he gave me a warning glance. "That isn't funny, Bella."

"Well, work with me here, open up, talk to me," I said as my head fell.

"I told you I love you, I gave you my mother's ring, I kicked the crap out of a man for touching you, what else do you need to hear?" he asked.

"Will it change your mind about me?" I asked with a quiet voice.

"It will only make me love you more."

"Do we tell Esme and Carlisle?" I asked.

"Hell no," he insisted.

"Why, she asks me all the time?"

"Because I am practically their son now, I don't want them knowing who I'm fu…" his eyes widened and he quickly said, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that."

"Maybe you're right, we shouldn't talk all semester," I said shaking my head.

"I was definitely not right," he laughed, and pulled me onto his lap. "Talk dirty to me."

Instead, I kissed him lovingly, and he kept the kiss soft and sweet. It told me everything I needed to know. He loved me and he was allowing me to set the pace. I wanted to spend forever with him, but that was silly to think about at our age. So I decided to concentrate on the next five months instead.

When we got to group that evening, Carlisle handed out our schedules for the semester and I was happy to see I had more classes with Edward. I'm sure he had something to do with it, and I was grateful. He also told us of a Valentine's Day dance and looked directly at me and Edward.

"It would be nice if everyone could attend," he said forcefully.

"Why don't we talk about some goals, specific things we want to accomplish," Esme began.

"I want to go the whole semester without getting into a fight," Edward announced. I was so proud of him for speaking up first. He had changed so much from the sulking boy I met in September.

"I want to work on my self esteem," I said.

"I think you need to work on something else," Alice mumbled.

"Alice wants to work on getting Bella laid," Rosalie said laughing.

"I want to work on that, too," Emmett offered.

"Okay, let's all stop teasing Edward and Bella," Carlisle instructed with his own chuckle.

"Who said anything about Edward?" Jasper asked.

Edward jumped up and pretended to punch Jasper, ruining his first goal. We all laughed and it felt wonderful to tease about our problems. Even though we struggled over Christmas break we were getting healthy and it showed.

"I think I want to get a job," Alice said in seriousness. "I took things, but it bothered me this time. I think if I worked in a mall I would appreciate the things I could buy."

"That is a wonderful goal, Alice. We will work on being around money and items without giving in to temptation."

"I don't know how you can help me, doc," Jasper said as he lowered his head.

"I have a very special treatment plan for you, Jasper," Carlisle said. "You are going to be working with a charitable organization that helps the homeless. You will see firsthand that your choices create victims."

"I'm good, right?" Emmett asked.

"Yes," Carlisle laughed, "But, I have some younger students I want you to help."

Rosalie sat quietly, too afraid to ask about her treatment, so Esme gave her the news, "Rose, you will be volunteering to work with burn victims, to learn beauty comes from the inside."

I tensed and couldn't help the words that spilled from my mouth. "Not all burn victims are beautiful, some deserve it."

"I'm sorry, Bella, I didn't mean to allude to anything regarding your situation. Rose will be working with children."

I nodded and refused to meet anyone's gaze.

"Edward will continue with the plan he is already working on, and Bella, you will be assigned to work with a victim's advocacy group."

"Yeah, all the people we screw over will be calling you," Jasper laughed.

"Your free time will be limited this semester and if you are not progressing at the pace we feel necessary it will be even more limited. This is a one year program, so let's remember that," Carlisle said with authority.

I didn't want to remember it, I felt like time was moving too quickly already. I felt Edward's foot bump up against mine and I looked over to see him wink at me. I relaxed and tried not to fall into a funk. We all headed off to dinner together in a group, and Edward took hold of my hand. I squeezed his and smiled.

"Are you sad?" he asked.

I brought his hand to my lips and kissed it softly and said, "Not now."

"You know the dance Carlisle told us about?" he whispered in my ear as I walked in front of him with my tray. I nodded so he continued. "Carlisle and Esme will be out of town that weekend."

I didn't understand what he was telling me and I gave him a blank stare. He glanced around in frustration and leaned in to my ear again, "I will have the house to myself."

I spun around in shock, still not getting his meaning, and said, "You're not living here?"

"No, I thought you knew that?" he said in surprise.

"How would I know that?"

"I didn't tell you?" he asked.

"No, you didn't."

"I have a specific treatment routine of working out and relaxation exercises," he explained.

"There is a gym here," I said in anger.

"Um…a…" he gave me an agonizing look and finally pulled my arm to lead me away from any listening students. "I am working on issues, you know, family things. Carlisle and Esme are parental figures, showing me what a healthy family is like."

He seemed embarrassed and I didn't know why he would want to hide that information. He was so lucky to have people like Carlisle and Esme to be role models, I was a bit jealous, although I had a wonderful father of my own.

"Did I tell you about Jake?" he added, sending me into a full blown hissy fit.

"You don't tell me anything, Edward. Just assume I know nothing and start spilling your guts. Maybe we wouldn't fight so much if you actually confided in me once in awhile."

"I was going to tell you in Arizona, but if you recall, it was a bit hectic down there," he said in anger.

"So, what about Jake?" I asked very loudly.

"I'm going Salmon fishing with him this weekend," he yelled back at me.

"You're going Salmon fishing?" I asked, refusing to believe him.

"Why can't I go Salmon fishing?"

"For the same reason Jake can't play the piano."

He looked at me for a second and then narrowed his eyes, "I get it," he mumbled and headed back to the food line.

"You get what?" I asked running after him.

"You think I am stealing your friend," he said knowingly.

"No I don't," I said in shock.

"You're afraid we will talk about you, compare notes," he chuckled.

"There is nothing to compare," I said adamantly.

"We both kissed you," he pointed out.

I could feel my body shaking with anger. I was so mad and didn't know what to say or how to get back at him. I finally spun around and grabbed a random boy by the shirt and kissed him hard. "Compare that," I yelled and stomped off.

I went to my room, and climbed on my bunk as I tried to keep the tears from coming. I had to find out why I was so mad. It wasn't that Edward was becoming friends with Jake, I thought that was great. It wasn't even that I worried about him living with the Cullens, I thought that was great, too.

I finally had to admit it was my fear of Edward getting better. He wouldn't want me if he was well. He would find out how wonderful he was, and I would just be the garbage Phil left. I began to cry and heard a soft knock in the doorway.

Edward was standing with a tray and waited for me to invite him in. "You have to eat," he said, handing me a plate of food.

I sat up and took the plate. He climbed up next to me and picked up a grape to put it in my mouth. I laid my head on his shoulder and said, "I'm sorry, I'm glad you are going fishing with Jake."

"So, what was all that about?" he asked.

"I don't even know what we were fighting about," I admitted.

"I was trying to tell you I will have the house to myself on Valentine's weekend, and I want you to spend it with me."

I looked at him, finally understanding, and felt my heart speed up. "Oh," I said and tried to swallow.

"That's it, just 'oh'."

I let a weird laugh escape and looked at my lap. "Bella," he said softly, "I don't expect anything, I just want you with me."

"Sorry I kissed that guy," I said in shame.

"He will be thinking about you in the shower, I can guarantee it," Edward said angrily.

"Gross, now you just ruined my whole apology," I shot back.

He laughed and sat the plate behind him on the bed. "Come here," he breathed, and I tilted my head sideways to let him kiss me as he held my jaw in his palm.

"No, no, no," Jessica yelled loudly. "Not this semester."

I climbed off the bunk and got right in her face. "If you breathe a word of this I will stick something of yours in the toilet and not tell you what it was, understand."

Her bottom lip began to quiver and I motioned for Edward to follow me out of the room.

"I'm still telling," she said angrily.

I grabbed the grapes off my plate in Edward's hands and dropped them onto the floor. My foot rose high in the air, reading to crush the juicy fruit, when she finally relented. Edward and I ran laughing from the dorms and knew we were going to have to find someplace else to be alone, or Valentine's weekend was never going to happen.

"Oh, wait," I said to him and ran back to my room. I dug through my drawer, finding the perfect pair of panties, and ran back outside to Edward.

14

I was trying not to laugh as Edward squirmed in his seat uncomfortably. He would frown, and slide down his chair, only to sigh, and slide back up again. He finally stuck his hand down the back of his jeans trying to readjust the silk that was riding up his butt.

"Edward, do you have something you would like to add?" the teacher asked him.

"No," he said angrily.

"I suggest you sit up and pay attention."

He sat up in the seat and turned to glare at my laughing face. I got caught, and the teacher's attention turned to me. "Bella, do you have a comment?"

"Yes, I think Chaucer meant to leave the Canterbury Tales incomplete. It was supposed to be a pilgrimage, in and of itself. I think we are supposed to add our own tales as we make our own journeys in life. Some will be sad, others inspiring, and some will be crude and terribly funny."

I glanced at Edward, and noticed how his folded arms were showing his middle finger prominently displayed, and I laughed loudly.

"That is a very interesting premise," the teacher said, pleased with my response.

"It's bull," Edward offered.

I narrowed my eyes and dared him to disagree with me; he took the dare and made his own case. "Chaucer was put in the king's court during a tumultuous time. His wife also died during those years, he just didn't have to time to finish his work."

"I don't think men ever put off their true passion, they make time to do the things they want, even if it is something ridiculous, or humiliating, or uncomfortable," I tried to say with a straight face.

"Women continually hound men," Edward said quickly. "If he didn't finish his writing, you can bet a woman was keeping him away. They always want proof of love, no matter how consuming it is."

"I don't believe it is proof of love poet's talk about, I think it is more of a need for object lessons, doing means more than just saying."

"What the hell are you two talking about?" Emmett said in confusion.

The class erupted in laughter, and the teacher complimented us both for being so invested in the reading. When the bell rang Edward jumped from his seat and headed straight to the bathroom. I waited outside the door for him to return.

"Here," he said, handing me back the wad of silk.

"You were supposed to wear them all day," I said with force.

"No way, I give up," he said angrily.

"So, you have nothing on?" I asked, trying not to visualize him.

"I have jeans on," he laughed.

"I can't sit next to you all day knowing you are commando," I complained.

He looked around to see if anyone was listening and nodded toward the silk in my hand, "Go put them on."

"Why?" I asked.

"It will turn me on," he smiled.

I looked at my hand and headed into the ladies room. It was crazy to think he was just wearing the exact panties I just put on. It was hot, in a kinky sort of way. When I came out of the restroom Edward was waiting, and pulled out the waistband on the back of my jeans, to see if I had the fuchsia cloth.

"Hey," I yelled, "you promised to model, not me."

We headed to history and sat next to each other at a table for two. I moved my chair closer to his and let my hand rest on his thigh. We were going over questions for a quiz and I moved my hand just slightly up and inward.

He didn't notice at first, and when my little finger lightly brushed the inseam of his jeans right where the legs connected, he jumped.

"Bella," he warned in a whisper out the side of his mouth.

My hand froze and I continued to stare forward. He was breathing in long labored breathes, and pretended to cough as he moved his hips back further in the seat.

I waited for five more minutes before I began moving my hand slowly again. He leaned on one elbow and placed his free hand on top of mine, holding it tightly to his leg.

I looked at him and smiled, but his look sent a shiver down my spine. He was smoldering, and his nostrils flared as he breathed. He licked his lips as his eyes moved to my mouth and then down to my chest. I had to breathe through my mouth to get enough oxygen into my lungs.

He continued to stare at me as he slowly moved my hand under his, upward. I felt my face turn red when I made contact with him, and his eyes closed for a second. I quickly looked around; feeling like the entire class must be staring at me. Nobody was even looking in our direction and I added a little pressure to my hand.

Edward leaned over to pick up a pencil he purposefully dropped and said into my ear, "For God's sake, you're killing me."

"You're the one who didn't wear the panties, after making me lick your armpit," I laughed.

"Don't use the word lick right now," he cautioned.

"I didn't mean to _rub_ you the wrong way. I really _suck _at history and don't want to look like a _jerk _by failing."

"I'm breaking up with you," he said in a pained voice.

I laughed, and the students closest to us turned to see what was so funny. Edward stared at his history book and tried his best to ignore me. The quiz discussion continued until there wasn't enough time to actually take the test, so we were released to go to lunch.

Edward grabbed my hand and pulled me away from the cafeteria and to the music room, the one with the beanbag chair. As soon as we were inside the room, he pushed me against the door, and kissed me as he leaned into me.

I was gasping for air as he kissed his way around my neck. He moaned and ran his hands down my body pulling me closer to him. I finally lifted my leg to his waist, so he pulled me off the ground and let me wrap my legs around him.

His hand moved up my shirt and I gasped at the feeling of his hot palm on me. A bell rang and I screamed causing Edward to laugh at me. I pulled my legs back to the ground and tried to calm my racing pulse. He put his hand against the door, and let his head fall with his eyes closed tightly.

"I forgive you," I said with a chuckle.

He growled and ran his hands down his face. "I can't take this anymore," he complained.

"Only five more weeks until Valentine's," I said to comfort him.

"Why don't you just kick me in my balls," he groaned.

"I'm sorry, I don't want to make you suffer, I just can't control myself around you," I admitted.

"I don't want you to think I will be attacking you all the time, but I will pretty much be attacking you all the time."

I stepped forward and put my hand on his cheek, "You don't attack me," I said sweetly.

"I didn't mean to use that word," he said looking into my eyes for a reaction.

"I know."

"I love you, Bella. You can feel free to push me away," he offered.

At that moment someone opened the door carrying a large bass. Edward and I excused ourselves and headed to the cafeteria to eat something quickly. We sat with Rose and Alice and they gave us a funny look.

"Still need assistance?" Alice asked.

"Shut up," I said with a breadstick in my mouth.

"I can tell you how Emmett and I have quickies," Rose offered.

"Every time with Emmett is a quickie," Edward said as he chewed his food.

"That's not true," Rose said in anger.

"Think about it," he continued. "If you are constantly worried about getting caught or fitting it in, how do you expect the guy to give you everything he's got?"

Rose and Alice looked at each other and I could tell they were really thinking about what Edward said. He swallowed and continued tormenting them.

"I'm just saying, if I ever get to be with Bella, I don't want it to be a quickie, or make her keep quiet. I want her to scream all she wants," he said, giving them a sad look.

"It's better than nothing," Alice said in anger.

"Man, I hope Bella doesn't settle for something just 'better than nothing.' I plan on making her forget her own name."

"You're so full of shit," Rosalie said to dismiss him.

"Do you want another bottle of water, love?" he asked me.

I nodded and he stood, but before walking away he pulled my head back and kissed me with his tongue so deep in my throat I almost choked. He pulled back and ran his tongue over my lips before kissing me tenderly.

We all watched him walk away and I couldn't even speak. Rosalie and Alice finally turned to look at me and both girls glared.

Emmett came walking over to the table and said, "Hi, babe," before giving her a quick peck on the mouth. Her eyes flashed with anger and she stood so fast she knocked over her chair.

"What's wrong?" he asked her.

"You are such a Neanderthal," she yelled and walked away. He looked at us in shock and quickly ran after her.

Edward came walking back and Alice grabbed her books. "You are such a prick," she said to him and walked away.

"What did I do?" he tried to say innocently.

I laughed and leaned over to talk seriously to him. "Edward, don't talk to Jake about us," I said. It wasn't that I didn't trust Jake; I wanted Edward all to myself. I wanted him to know me in ways nobody else did and making jokes about us in front of Jake would break my heart.

"I wouldn't do that. I love you, I'm not just trying to get in your pants," he said as he looked into my eyes.

"I just, hear guys, and sometime they can be so disrespectful."

"It goes both ways, I hear the way girls talk, too."

Right then, a girl walked by and said hi to Edward. She was tall and voluptuous, with thick lips and a lot of makeup.

"Who is that?" I asked him, trying so hard not to let my jealousy show.

"She's screwing Ben Johnson," he said nonchalantly.

"What?" I said in shock and spun around to look at the girl. "Since when?"

"Since the school year started. I've walked in on them twice," he said before taking a drink from my water bottle.

"He's with Angela," I protested.

"It's only for show, Tanya is Jewish, Ben's dad is an Aryan nation fucker, or something redneck like that."

I felt tears form in my eyes and I stared with hatred at Ben across the room, eating with Angela. I wanted to tell Angela so badly, but her recovery was at stake. I didn't know what to do and decided I would ask Esme in my next session.

"Are you okay?" Edward asked.

"I want to thank you, Edward," I said adamantly, "For not having sex with me at the school. I love that you want me to spend the weekend with you, that you are making it about us, and not about the sex."

He smiled and looked up at me through his lashes. "I'm not a saint, Bella. I would take you fishing and have you in the woods if I could," he admitted.

"You will have to make do with Jake," I said shaking my head.

"He does have that gorgeous long hair," Edward teased, and I smacked his arm.

The bell rang and I headed to the music room with Edward. I was playing the guitar randomly when Edward reached out and stopped my hand from moving.

"Did you hear me?" he asked.

"Sorry, I'm distracted," I admitted.

"I asked you to play the song you sang at the club, the one Jake calls 'Edward's song.'" He repeated.

"In front of you?" I said nervously.

"Turn around if it helps, I just want to add some piano back up," he pushed.

I actually turned around and began playing a couple of verses before I added the lyrics. Edward never joined in, but I didn't notice until the song was over. I turned to look at him and he stared at me in absolute shock.

"You changed a couple of notes and stretched the hook," he said, as if I didn't know.

"Do you mind if I use it?" I asked him.

I can't add anything to it," he whispered. "That was perfection."

I blushed and shook my head, loving the compliment, but knowing full well he could add a lot to it. He was only feeding my ego and I hated being 'that' girl, the kind that needs reassurance to know if something was good or not.

"We need to stop messing around during this hour. You have some serious talent, Bella. It's not just your voice, a lot of girls can sing, it's your ability to connect to a song. They lyrics you write meld into the notes; they don't overpower them, or move along with them, they become the music."

"I already agreed to sleep with you, lying doesn't help," I said, trying not to let him see me blush. "Why the sudden need to wax poetic?"

He sat quietly looking at his piano. I could tell he was deep in thought, and whatever he was thinking bothered him. I put my guitar down and walked over to sit on the bench next to him.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

His eyes raised and he said softly, "You don't belong here."

"In music class?"

"No, with me."

I expected Edward to get over the attitude he was giving me, but it seemed to linger on. He didn't avoid me, but he seemed to be pulling away. Emse pulled me aside after a couple of days and wanted to talk.

"I know Carlisle has been meeting with you, but I just wanted to check in and see how you were doing," she said.

"I have a couple of things to ask you about," I said with a furrowed brow. I wasn't sure how to bring up Angela's situation. The last thing I wanted to do was get her in trouble, and I wasn't sure if it was any of my business.

"Bella, you have a question?" Esme said to remind me she was waiting.

"If you know something that would hurt someone, should you tell them?" I finally asked.

"The truth is always best; if it hurts them make sure you are there to help them with the pain. Is there something specific you had in mind?"

"I think your advice is good for normal people, but what about students here?" I asked.

"You are all normal people," she said. I wasn't fishing for acknowledgement. I wanted to know if I should consider someone's mental state. I sighed in frustration and she knew exactly where I was heading.

"Bella, students here have a lot of support. If somebody is purposefully hurting another student, we need to know, so we can help them deal with it in a healthy fashion."

"I know….a girl, who likes a guy, who is secretly…spending time…with another girl." I fought my way through the sentence.

Esme took a deep breath and shook her head slightly. "If the boy is sexually involved with these two girls it is important to know if they are using protection. It is a health issue if he doesn't wear a condom, but if you are a friend with this girl, you should tell her."

I nodded and thought about hurting someone as sweet as Angela. Esme leaned over and looked into my eyes. "Anything else?" she smiled.

"Um...yeah…Edward," I blew out a big breath of air, and looked at her with tears in my eyes.

"Honey, we think you are very good for Edward is some ways, and detrimental to him in other ways," she admitted to my stunned face.

I felt the tears spill over my eyes and down my face.

"Bella, Edward is thinking about putting what is good for you above his own wants. That is huge progress. I know it hurts right now, but for someone like Edward to consider anything beyond his own desire is a great step forward."

"I don't think it is mutually exclusive. Why can't I get serious about music and still be his girlfriend?" I said as I played with my hands.

"It is a very delicate balance, we are working with Edward to learn the difference, I'm afraid he will swing like a pendulum in both directions as he learns."

I nodded and kept my head down.

"I want to talk to you about a group outing we will be taking next week," she said, getting my attention. "We are going to take part in a group therapy session to release anger. It gets pretty intense and I want to make sure you are ready."

"Why wouldn't I be ready?" I asked in fear.

"It brings suppressed feelings to the surface, puts you right in the moment, so you can confront those feelings."

I knew what she was talking about. Setting Phil on fire was a desperate attempt to protect myself. It wasn't confronting him. Then when he stood right in front of me I couldn't bring it to the surface, Edward had to intervene.

"If we get there and I don't feel ready, can I back out?"

"Carlisle and I will be there, we will try to make sure you are ready."

"Is Edward ready?" I asked.

She laughed loudly, like I just made the funniest joke in the world. "Edward has no problem bringing his anger to the surface."

I laughed and agreed.

"You can run along," she said patting my knee, "have fun at your work study tonight."

I was heading to the front of the school for my arranged ride when I ran into Edward. He hesitated, like he wasn't sure if he should talk to me or not. He walked up to me, but kept his head down.

"Talking to me outside of class? Won't it ruin my chance for a Grammy?" I said sarcastically.

"I wasn't talking," he pointed out.

"You make me want to scream," I said loudly.

His mouth twitched, like he was going to make a joke, or some double meaning.

"Yeah, speaking of making me scream, are you cancelling Valentine's Day?" I asked in anger.

My ride honked at that moment and I looked over to see a large panel van, with the logo of some outreach group on the side. I let out a loud huff and began walking to the van. Just as I reached the door I turned to look at Edward.

"Tell Jake I said hi."

"I thought I couldn't talk about you," he said, making me mad.

"I doesn't matter anymore, you're both just my friend now anyway."

"I'm trying to be mature here," he yelled at me.

"No you're not, you want to dump me and you don't have the balls to do it," I yelled just as loudly.

"I'm giving you room to make the best out of your life, I'm not being controlling, because I love you so much," he screamed, remaining where he was, but gesturing wildly.

"You don't get it you ass, you can do both. I want to share my music with you, not exclude you, why can't you do that? Why can't you say, 'I love Bella and I like to hear her sing, and hey, maybe I'll compose a song for her.' Why can't it be part of us?"

A man climbed out of the van and came up to my side hesitantly. "Is everything okay, here?"

I looked incredulously at him and waved my arm at the school, "Do you see where you are? Of course everything is not okay."

"Just get in the van," Edward instructed.

"Oh, now you want to be all in?" I screamed in absolute fury. "You can't kiss me anymore, but you can tell me to get my ass in the van?"

"I never told you to get your ass in the van, but now that you mentioned it, get your ass in the van." He was boiling with anger and his jaw tightened in rage.

"Don't tell me what to do, you don't own me." I wasn't aware of a crowd gathering to watch our melt down. The poor man from the center got back in the van and drove away.

"See what you did," I screamed as I pointed at the disappearing van.

Edward's mouth fell open and he grabbed his head in disbelief. "Oh my hell, you get pissed if I don't want to tell you what to do, and then more pissed when I do. What do you want from me, Bella?"

"I want you to act like you used to, when you were normal," I shut my mouth and stomped my foot with frustration. I didn't mean to say normal; I meant to tell him to act natural.

"Normal?" he laughed in anger and yelled even louder. "Wearing your, you know, and getting pretend hand jobs under the desk is normal?"

"I didn't even attempt a hand job, because if I did, there would be nothing pretend about it. And you only lasted one hour in my panties."

"Dude," Emmett yelled, "You lasted an entire hour? You're my God."

We both began looking around at all the laughing faces and wanted to die of humiliation. Edward stuck his hands in his pocket and let his head fall. I realized the van left without me, and I would most likely be in big trouble for missing my work study.

I pushed my way through the taunting crowd and ran into Esme. I gave her just a brief overview of what happened and she drove me to the center where I would be volunteering. Edward would be gone fishing all weekend and she assured me we would discuss it in group on Monday.

I could tell when I walked into the center I had been the topic of conversation. Everyone looked at me like I had a third eye, so I tried to keep my mouth shut and help out as much as I could. I listened in on several calls, and made arrangements to ride along with a girl on Tuesday, to support a young girl testifying in court.

When I got back to the school it was quiet and everyone was already in bed. I changed and brushed my teeth and climbed into bed. I heard Rose and Alice laugh and I tried to ignore them. Then Angela, Jessica, and Lauren joined in, all laughing hysterically.

"What?" I finally yelled.

"Edward has to get in your panties for two hours, so Jessica can sleep," Alice laughed.

"Emmett misunderstood," I said and put my pillow over my face in humiliation.

"Dang, I was planning on giving Edward a try," Rosalie laughed.

"Touch him and I will pour sugar down your throat," I threatened.

"I think you're both disgusting," Jessica said softly.

"Nobody gives a damn about what you think," I yelled unnecessarily.

"You would think after an hour of sex she would be in a better mood," Lauren chimed in.

I jumped down from my bunk and grabbed my pillow, before walking out the door. "Bella, where are you going?" Angela yelled after me.

I had no idea where I was going, but I was not about to stay in that room and let them make fun of Edward, even if I did hate him right now. I tried various doors to the buildings, but nothing was open. I remembered Alice saying they purposely left windows open, so I began trying windows.

I finally found one, and climbed into the biology lab. I found a coat left on a hook and put it over me for warmth. I was just about asleep when I heard the window slide open. I moved against a wall so I wouldn't be seen and watched as Tanya and Ben climbed through the window.

They were quickly going at it, so I reached up and turned on the light. Ben jumped away from her, but Tanya just tilted her head back on the desk and looked at me.

"Wow, you must be exhausted, Ben," I said and then tilted my head to look at Tanya, "I'm willing to bet you live somewhere around San Francisco."

"So?" she said without a hint of curiosity.

"I just think it is smart of Ben to keep his girlfriends contained to a certain geographical region, that's all."

"He's not my boyfriend," she said dryly.

"Well, he is somebody else's, so maybe you should step aside," I suggested.

She finally sat up and turned to face me. I had to admit she was intimidating and I swallowed nervously. "Bella, is it?" she asked me.

I nodded.

"Since you seem to have the only guy who can screw for an hour, I have to take the next best thing, and that is Ben. So unless you plan on letting me have Edward, I suggest you leave us alone."

I chuckled to myself, unable to believe I unknowingly gave Edward the reputation of a lifetime, and we hadn't even gotten close to sex.

"Since you have chosen to use my friend's boyfriend as your personal vibrator, I can't leave you alone. And if you even look at Edward wantonly, sex addiction will be the least of your problems." I crossed my arms and tried to appear threatening.

"You're not going to tell Angela, are you?" Ben asked in a panic.

"Definitely not," I said with wide eyes. "You're going to tell her."

"No, I'm not," he said forcefully.

"Ben, she is a really sweet girl, don't do this to her," I pleaded with him.

"I know, I know, but look at her," he said pointing at Tanya.

I raised my hand in disgust and said, "I'm done, do what you want."

I climbed back out of the window and headed back to my room. Everyone was asleep and I climbed onto the bunk and missed Edward. How did anything ever work out for couples? I was so tired of going back and forth with Edward, but nothing shocked me like the news I received the following morning.

Esme sent for me before breakfast, and I was sure something happened to Edward. I ran to her office in a total panic only to find my mom and dad sitting in her office. "What's wrong?" I asked before even saying hello.

They all laughed and hugged me to put me at ease. "We want to talk to you about something, Bella," my dad began. "I have been spending a lot of time trying to help your mom adjust, and we decided we want to give our marriage a try again."

"You're getting married?" I asked in shock.

"Not right away, but your mom is moving back to Forks."

"Mom," I said in a stunned voice, "you hate Washington."

"I was so young Bella, it wasn't Washington I was running from, it was responsibility," she said with a smile.

I looked at Esme and notice how she watched my every move, looking for….something. "Okay, fine," I said.

"Fine?" Esme pushed.

"I mean it's your life, maybe you can find a realtor to rape me this time," I couldn't believe the words fell from my mouth and I wasn't expecting them, but Esme was.

"Don't hold back," Esme prompted.

I looked at my hurt mother, and my terrified father, and I threw my hands in the air. "Do what you want, I have my own problems," I said as I headed out of the room.

"Bella," Esme said with authority. "You can sure manage to yell at Edward and tell him how you feel. I think your parents deserve the same courtesy."

"When did they ever care how I felt?" I yelled. "Not when they shuffled me back and forth between states, not when I was dressed up and handed a bouquet of flowers and told how lucky I was to get a pedophile for a new dad, and surely not when I set another human being on fire and neither one bothered to ask me why."

"Bella, I was there for you," Dad said with tears in his eyes.

"You sent me here, dad," I pointed out. "I needed you, and you sent me away."

"You can come home right this second," he said quickly.

I shook my head and wiped my tears. "I need this place now; because of you two I need to be here. I love you both, very much. I just don't like you very much right now."

I turned and walked out the door, feeling like I had somehow turned a corner that I wouldn't be able to see for years to come, but deep in my soul, I knew today changed everything for the better.

I was not about to let Edward slip away from me. I was going to fight, and hold on tightly as he maneuvered his way through his treatment. I wasn't going to end up looking back years from now, and wishing I had done things differently.

15

I was so anxious for Edward to show up Monday morning, I grabbed a banana from the cafeteria and waited out front. He rode with Carlisle, and the moment he saw me a big smile came across his face. It did not please me, since spending the weekend with Jake he must have heard something funny about me. I glared at him as he walked towards me.

"I haven't done anything, so wipe that look off your face," he laughed.

"Then stop smiling at me," I said back.

He wrapped his arm around my waist and kissed me so hard he actually leaned me back in his arms. When he pulled me back to an upright position, I huffed in anger.

"What?" he laughed.

"You were mad at me when you left, what changed?"

"I spent a weekend freezing my ass off, wet, bored, and dreaming of you. I'm so happy you aren't just a dream," he said with a sweet smile.

I grabbed his shirt with my fist and pulled him back to my lips and kissed him with everything I had. This time he was the one looking suspicious.

"Okay, spill it," he ordered.

"I decided we aren't going to fight anymore, we aren't going to feel undeserving, and we aren't breaking up, ever."

He laughed hard and said, "How will I recognize you, if you aren't giving me shit all day?"

I opened my mouth to give it to him, but hurried and shut it, making Edward laugh harder. "I get the undeserving thing, and the breaking up thing, but come on, if we don't fight we won't be Bella and Edward," he said as he took my hand in his.

I knew what he meant. We spared constantly, and it kept the relationship fun and full of tension, something sex should be doing.

"Um…I have to tell you something. You are going to owe me big time, for your new reputation," I smiled.

"You mean I'm not just an ass?"

"Apparently you can have sex for an hour, Tanya asked if she could have you," I said with distain.

"What makes you think I can't?" he smirked.

"Prove it," I challenged him.

"Fine," he said looking around, "Where's Tanya?"

I pushed him hard, sending him stumbling back a couple of steps. "I deserve better, I'm breaking up with you," I yelled as I walked away. He ran to catch up with me and seemed relieved to see the smile on my face.

We passed Ben and Angela leaving the cafeteria and I couldn't contain my anger. Ben had no idea how lucky he was to have her, and he didn't appreciate it. "You're looking tired Ben, maybe you should get more sleep," I blurted out.

Angela looked up at his face and Ben glared and pulled her away from me. "He is such a prick," I mumbled to Edward.

"You didn't say anything to him about Tanya, did you?" Edward asked in surprise.

"No, I got to see it first hand, and again, thank you for not screwing me on a desk," I said shaking my head.

Edward walked for a few steps in silence, and I finally turned to look at him accusingly. He only moved his eyes to look from the side at me and smiled widely. "I would love to screw you on a desk," he admitted.

Rose and Emmett walked up to us and I couldn't respond. "Hey there, Robofuck," Emmett said to Edward.

Edward laughed, but didn't try to refute Emmett's comment, so I rolled my eyes at him. I had no idea how I was going to put up with his new rep for the rest of the school year.

"Jessica is so mad at you," Rosalie said to me.

"What else is new, what did I do this time," I sighed.

"Did you mess up her shoes last night?" Rose asked.

"I mess with her shoes every night," I admitted. "She has got to get over her stupid obsessions. Everyone seems to be making progress, but her."

Rosalie laughed and shook her head, "Lauren told her she was the one doing it, but I guess Jess saw you last night, going to her closet."

"I don't get Lauren's lying thing; she would lie even if the truth was better."

"I'm sure she doesn't understand my desire to stick my finger down my throat either," Rosalie admitted.

"You have great fingers, babe," Emmett added.

"Shut up," we both threw at him.

"How was fishing, dude?" he asked Edward, ignoring both me and Rose.

"I don't get it," Edward said in confusion. "What are grocery stores and restaurants for, if not to keep you out of a freezing river in the middle of winter?"

"No, dude, it's about man versus fish, the battle of the species, and overcoming nature," Emmett said with wide eyes and way too much enthusiasm.

"I thought man already won, by polluting all the waterways," Edward laughed.

"I have to take you bear hunting with me. It is such a rush when you stare down the barrel of a gun at a huge bear coming at you."

Edward turned to look at me, like I was his mother, and would refuse to let him play with the psycho kid. I addressed Emmett and said, "Edward is writing music for me, not playing king of the jungle with you."

My eye caught Jasper walking behind Emmett. His head was down and he seemed very troubled. It was odd to see Jasper upset, he usually only had two emotions, calm and calmer.

We naturally followed him into the session room, each one of us nervous about the field trip we were taking for anger therapy. We sat in our chairs waiting for Carlisle and Esme and I noticed how Alice was giving Jasper his space.

Esme stood in front of us first, dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, instead of her usual dress suits. She seemed so much younger dressed this way, and I felt sorry for her having to deal with crazy teens.

"Anything we need to talk about before we head out?" she asked.

"Are you aware your house guest has quite the reputation?" Rosalie said, causing both Edward and I to snap our heads around to glare at her.

"Oh?" Esme said turning to Edward.

He chuckled and shook his head as he dropped his eyes.

"It's nothing," I tried to assure her.

"Let me decide if it's nothing," Esme insisted, sending us all into hysterics.

"Dude, you're going to have to tell your figurative mom how you fu…screw," Emmett laughed.

I noticed even Jasper smiled a bit.

"Seriously, Esme, it is a stupid rumor due to a misunderstanding," I offered.

"Edward can keep it up, and working, for an hour," Alice finally said as she shook her head in disbelief.

"Are you taking pharmaceuticals for that purpose," Esme asked him pointedly.

"Oh. My. God," Edward said as he dropped his head in his hands.

"If you are, give some to Emmett," Rosalie demanded. Emmett stared at her in shock, and finally scooted his chair further from her as she just shrugged.

"Jasper?" Esme finally acknowledged his mood.

"I'm fine," he said.

Alice let her eyes dart over to him and then back to Esme, telling her something was not fine.

"Are you feeling ill?" Esme asked him.

He let out a slow breath and finally answered with his southern accent, "My pa got arrested."

Tears formed in Alice's eyes and I wasn't sure if it was sympathy for Jasper, or fear from her own prosecutable actions.

"Honey, come with me, Carlisle will finish with group," Esme said leading Jasper to her office.

Carlisle came into the room and said, "Where were we?"

Emmett opened his mouth, but Edward jumped in first, "We were moving on to a new topic."

"What exactly will we be doing today?" I asked to spare my love more humiliation.

"We are going to a junk yard, where you will each get a car to beat with a bat," Carlisle informed us.

The guys lit up with joy, but Alice stuck out her bottom lip. "I'm not messing up my manicure," she complained.

"Yeah, because those are hard to steal," I laughed.

"No, Bella," she said hatefully, "Some of us are not into violence, and since we are on the subject, don't bring your lighter because a car will explode."

"Get over it, Alice," Rosalie demanded. "The guys will beat the car to death, and we will take a couple of whacks, so unclench."

"Two whacks or four, not one or three," I added making Alice and Rosalie laugh.

"And then we will tell everyone we stripped it for parts and made tons of money," Alice added, making fun of Lauren.

Our minds all turned to Angela and our smiles faded. Joking about cutting with the metal was not funny. I had wondered about something all year and finally found the nerve to ask about it. "Dr. Cullen, we always talk about our roommates, how come the guys don't?"

"Cause ours are douche bags," Emmett said softly.

Carlisle smiled and explained, "Girls are naturally more social then boys; they are hard wired that way. Girls problem solve by talking and comparing with other females, sometimes guys think of it as gossiping. It's not; it is a natural way for girls to work through their thought process with their own issues."

"Huh?" Emmett said, trying to purposefully sound dumb.

"Let me give you an example. If Bella notices some shoes with very high heels Rosalie is wearing, she may discuss it with Alice, saying how uncomfortable they would be or the message they are sending. It isn't about Rosalie; it is about Bella working through in her mind if she could wear heels that high."

"Stay out of my shoes," Rosalie warned and I laughed.

Carlisle continued, "Boys problem solve by doing, wanting to get from point A to point B. It doesn't matter _how_ to get there, it only matters _if _they get there. For example, a boy hears someone talking about his girlfriend and he wants it to stop. He could speak to the person, he could ignore the person, or he could punch the person. All solve the problem and guys don't see the difference between any of the choices."

"I say punch the person," Edward mumbled.

"It is my job," Carlisle explained, "To get you to choose to ignore the person, and to get the girls to stop comparing themselves to others."

"Your job sucks," Alice laughed.

"Indeed," he said and nodded for us to head out the door. Jasper got into the van and sat next to Alice. He seemed much happier and I realized I truly loved Esme.

"How long does it take to get there?" Rosalie asked.

"About fifteen minutes," Esme informed us.

"Dang, Edward won't have enough time for sex," Emmett laughed with his booming voice.

"You will," Edward threw back at him, making Rosalie fall to the side in laughter.

Edward put his arm around my shoulder and hugged me tenderly. I looked into his green eyes, and wished we were both thirty and living in a house of our own.

When we got to the wrecking yard we were given coveralls and eyes shields. The guys were giddy with anticipation, but the girls hated the outfit and the exercise.

"Okay, listen up." Carlisle called out to us. "We want you to dig deep and bring out any buried anger you have. Let it out as you beat on the car. You can scream and cuss…"

"Cuss?" Emmett asked.

"You cuss all the time," Esme laughed, "Don't act like this is a treat."

"Say whatever is buried inside, you will be amazed how good it is going to feel to let it out," Carlisle added as he handed us each a bat.

We walked over to an area where chairs were set up and several cars were in a line. I assumed we would be assigned a car and all begin at the same time, but instead we were asked to sit and watch each other. I became instantly nervous and could feel myself shutting down a bit.

"Edward will go first, since he has no problem letting the rage out," Esme smiled.

He patted his bat proudly and walked over to the car. "Where should I start?" he asked the group.

"The windshield," Jasper yelled.

Edward held the bat over his head and Carlisle interrupted him. "Edward, what is the windshield going to represent? What makes you so angry you want to hit it?"

"My father," he said quietly.

"Okay, as you hit it, tell him what you want to say, scream at him, get it all out."

Edward stood still for a moment as we watched his breathing become more and more labored. He finally brought the bat down hard as he yelled, "I was just a kid."

The bat quickly rose again, making contact as he screamed, "You should have stopped her."

He was beating furiously on the car hood, and I could feel the tears running down my face as his words began to sink in, "Why didn't you fight for me? I was your son too and you should have tried to save me from her. I deserved a childhood. It wasn't my job to save her."

His anger wasn't about his father, he was angry at his mother. He had the resentment buried so deeply that once it came to the surface, it exploded out of him. He screamed, and cussed, and beat on the car until he fell to his knees in exhaustion.

When the bat rolled from his hands Esme ran over to hug him, and speak softly so only he could hear. He talked to her for a few minutes, and finally nodded and rose from the ground.

He headed towards me with his head down and I jumped from the chair and into his arms. I couldn't explain how much I loved Edward at that moment. He held me tightly and I could feel his entire body shaking. When we sat down I kept his hand securely in mine and I could tell he was emotionally drained.

Rosalie was next and she didn't hesitate at all. She walked up to the car behind us and began striking it furiously. "I don't want to be pretty. I'm smart and funny and talented, why can't you see that. You never see me. You look at me, but you don't see me. I want you to see me, mother, look at meeeee."

"You tell her, Babe," Emmett yelled in encouragement.

"I don't care if I'm fat, I don't care if you think I'm ugly. I don't care, I don't care, I don't care," she said as she finally leaned onto the bat to catch her breath.

Esme ran up and kneeled under Rosalie to speak to her. Both women finally laughed and stood up, walking back to the chairs arm in arm. Emmett pulled Rosalie onto his lap and smiled like it was Christmas.

Alice was next, and she seemed so tiny next to the big SUV she approached. She went right for the side mirrors, hitting them several times before she finally spoke. "I'm right here," she screamed. "I exist and I have feelings. Talk to me, acknowledge me. Ask my opinion."

"Who, Alice?" Carlisle yelled to her.

"Everybody," Alice screamed as she moved to the front bumper.

I looked at Jasper and chuckled. He was right; Alice was trying to be larger than life, trying to get a big world to notice her tiny body. She even chose the biggest vehicle to hit, not making even a dent on the large frame.

She finally moved to the lights and smashed the headlight in one hard blow. Her face lit up and she smiled profusely at us. We all began to cheer her on as she moved from one light to the next, front and back. When she finished we all stood and applauded. She ran and jumped into Jasper's arms, wrapping her legs around him.

"That's my energizer bunny," Jasper said with pride.

Emmett was up, and everyone moved back a bit. He pushed his sleeves up, reveling huge forearms, and the bat looked tiny in his hands. He swung hard and the bat split in half as we all gasped.

"I'm done," he laughed.

Carlisle stood and grabbed a sledge hammer to offer to Emmett. His face responded with pure joy. He took the hammer and swung, shattering the windshield.

"I'm not dumb," he yelled. "I'm not a redneck. I deserve an education because I study hard, why do I have to be a freak to get one? Why do I have to stick needles in my muscles to be worth something? I'm not a freak," he screamed before bringing the hammer down on the roof of the car, and making a huge dent.

His tears were such a contrast to his dimples and large body. Esme walked up slowly, holding her arm out for the hammer, and then held Emmett's face in her hands. He resembled a bear, being tamed by a princess. He finally leaned down and let Esme kiss his cheek before coming back to his chair.

Rosalie grabbed his hand and kissed it softly. "You're not a freak," she said. "You're the wonderful man I love."

And just as quickly Emmett smiled and was over his rage.

Carlisle called out my name and I looked at Edward in fear. He nodded in encouragement, and swatted my butt as I walked away.

I took a new bat in my hands and tried to think of something to say. I felt the familiar numb spread through me and I looked at Carlisle for help.

"Don't think about it, just swing and say whatever comes out," he said with a persuasive smile.

I walked over to the car and held the bat as if I was playing softball, and swung hard. I felt the vibration run through my hands, up my arms, and into my body. The numbness left and something much more powerful took its place.

"You bastard," I screamed. "You coward, I should have been the one that put the bullet in your head. I deserved to be the one to kill you. I hate you, I hate your face, I hate your body, I hate your smell and your touch, and I hate everything about you."

His face bubbled up into my mind as he would hover over me, telling me how much I enjoyed what he was doing to me. I swung at the face only I could see, as I finally found my voice to stand up to him. "I don't enjoy it, I don't deserve it, and I don't want you. You're dead, stay dead, God, make him stay dead!" I screamed into the air.

My pulse was racing and I was not in the wrecking yard, but in my home, smelling the burned flesh. It was so real and I wanted him to dare to touch me, I wanted him to be right in front of me, so I could beat his face to a bloody pulp.

"Bella," Esme said softy, taking the bat from my hand. I was sitting on my knees in the dirt and she sat in front of me. "You won, your still here, and you feel love for Edward. You won, champ," she smiled. Her words filled the places in my soul left empty by the ejection of the anger. I won and I needed to move forward and leave the broken Bella here in the dirt.

We rose, and I stood in front of her as she looked lovingly into my eyes. "Feels good?" she asked.

"Yeah," I laughed through tears, "Feels really good."

I headed back to my seat and Edward stood and held open his arms. I clung to him with the capacity to love so much more, now the anger was gone.

Last to go was Jasper. I couldn't imagine him having rage. It would be more believable to hear he could convince the car to dent itself. He walked up to a small Volkswagen Beetle and tapped it a few times with the bat. We all smiled, until he suddenly let loose with a vengeance. Edward's anger was nothing compared to Jasper's.

"I'm a Whitlock," he yelled loudly. "That should mean something, that used to mean something good. We're nothing but liars and thieves. I want to be something. I want my good name back. I'm a Whitlock," he screamed over and over again.

When he finally dropped the bat Esme ran over to him, and ran her hands up and down his arm as she spoke. You could see him calm with every word she said. I looked at Alice to see she was crying hysterically. Jasper walked leisurely back to her side and held her against his chest.

We all took a deep breath, too exhausted to even speak. Esme looked worn out too, and I couldn't help but wonder what she would say if she took a turn with the bat.

Carlisle spoke softly. "Can you imagine keeping all of that inside of you? It is a huge weight to carry, and now it is gone. Don't let it build up again, stay rid of it and grow from this point."

We all got into the van and traveled back to the school in silence. We were all sitting as couples, leaning on each other for love and support. Nobody spoke until we were seated at the lunch table.

"The Whitlock's were an old southern aristocratic family. I think I want to restore the name, run for office or something," Jasper said.

"Governor Whitlock," Alice beamed.

"Wouldn't that make you still a liar and thief?" Emmett teased.

"Ah, but a respectable one," Jasper laughed.

"Do you ever wonder what would have become of us, if a place like this didn't exist?" I asked the group.

"Two things, dead or in prison," Edward said seriously.

We sat quietly again.

"Edward, talk the Cullens into another movie night," Rosalie suggested. He nodded and ran his fingers across the back of my neck and I actually sighed.

Everyone assumed it was my thoughts causing the sound, but when I looked at Edward his eyes told me he knew what his touch did to me.

"Do you feel up to working on some music?" he asked me, seeing the bell was going to ring soon.

"Sure," I said, wishing he could carry me to the music room so my lead legs wouldn't have to move.

I was shocked when he handed me my guitar, I thought for sure we would just talk. "I want to try something, Bella. Play this song," he placed it in front of me, "like you normally do. Keep it slow and hold the last note in each verse extra long."

I began to play and his fingers moved manically over the keys. I stopped and looked at him. "Don't stop, and don't pay attention to my pace, just keep yours," he instructed.

I tried again, but I was distracted by his playing. He finally rose and grabbed the earphones off the wall and put them over my ears. I could still hear him, but it was easier to concentrate. I turned around to face the opposite direction and played the music on the sheet at my own pace.

I soon noticed what he was doing. His fluid movements rapidly played in support of the notes I was lingering. At the end of each verse we were perfectly synchronized. The complex confusion of fast and slow harmonizing together was amazing and I began to smile.

When we reached the end I pulled off the earphones and laughed. "How did you do that?"

"It came to me when I was fishing. I was watching Jake pull in a Salmon from the stream, the fish was moving so fast and Jake was pulling the line in slowly, it was like a dance or something."

"Do you have any idea how hot you are?" I asked him seriously.

He winked and began playing on the piano again as I stared at him. I couldn't blame his mother for wanting to keep him all to herself, he was so wonderful, and so beautiful, and so…"

"Stop it," he said with a laugh.

"Stop what?" I blushed, wondering how he knew my thoughts.

"Stop trying to seduce me, we're busy," he smiled as he continued to play.

"I am not trying to seduce you, you are so arrogant."

"Do me a favor and add lyrics to that song," he said, going right back to composer mode. I looked at the sheet music and began adding words in my head. The anger exercise was still fresh in my mind and the pain we all felt was spilling onto the page.

I began writing furiously and after several minutes I glanced up to see Edward staring. "Do you have any idea how hot you are?" he said.

"Stop it," I said this time.

"Come here," he smiled.

I wasn't going to make him ask twice. I moved onto the bench so we were facing each other, and he put his arms tenderly around me. "I love you, Bella Swan," he said with a smile.

"I love you, Edward Masen," I announced.

"I didn't cancel Valentine's," he said and then licked his lips as he looked at my mouth.

"I'm glad," I said and leaned in to give him a gentle kiss.

He inhaled through his teeth and closed his eyes, so I pulled his head to my chest and ran my fingers through his hair. "I could spend forever like this," he sighed.

"You're on," I smiled.

The bell rang and we both groaned loudly. "I need a nap," I complained as we walked toward our next class.

"Do you think The Count is busy?" he asked.

"I would love to see what she does in there. I think they should lock her out and make her face…something," I said with disgust.

"Let's do it," he offered.

"Do what, change the locks?"

"No, let's go to your room and make it where she can't get in. We could actually have some alone time without worry of someone walking in on us."

"I thought we were waiting until Valentine's weekend?" I asked him, hoping he wasn't suggesting a quickie on my bunk.

"I didn't say sex, just…you know?" he gave me his sexy look and I could feel my resolve failing.

"I said I need a nap," I pointed out to him.

"We'll nap, afterwards."

"What if Jessica has a meltdown or something? I don't want her jumping off the roof because she can't touch her padded bra a certain number of times."

"She wears a padded bra?" he asked with a curious look.

"Every girl in this school does, except me," I laughed, hoping I could stop him from looking at other girls.

"Tanya doesn't," he said adamantly.

I stopped walking and he continued forward, lost in his own thoughts. I was sure I knew exactly what those thoughts were, and I folded my arms in anger.

He finally turned back to see where I was, a good fifteen feet behind him.

"What?" he asked me.

"How do you know?" I demanded.

"How do I know what?"

"How do you know she doesn't?" I could hear the anger in my voice, and knew he had a limited amount of time in which to give me a suitable answer.

He walked back to me with his head down, kicking himself for opening his mouth, and said quietly, "Let's not do this, Bella."

"Wrong answer," I screamed.

I noticed how his jaw tightened and he gave me his stubborn look, "Drop it; I don't want to fight with you today."

"Have you seen her breasts?" I demanded. "It's a yes or no question."

"Yes," he yelled at me.

"When?" I pushed.

"Bella, you don…."

"When?" I screamed in his face.

"When she climbed into my bed, naked," he screamed back just as loud.


	6. Chapter 16 thru 18

16

I sat in class picturing the entire thing. I could feel the bat in my hands, as it flew gracefully in the air towards Tanya's head. I could feel the crunch of her skull and the snap of her neck, as her head soared from her shoulders. Then I would walk over to her open mouth and wide eyes, to stomp on her decapitated melon.

Tanya had become public enemy number one, and I was determined to make her pay. I looked at Angela and she smiled sweetly. I would do it for Angela, she deserved to have someone stand up for her. Edward didn't, but innocent Angela did.

"Edward," I said under my breath in anger. He didn't have a clue why I would be so upset. He almost dumped me over Jake, who never, ever, attempted to remove his clothing around me. But he didn't feel it necessary to tell me about some whore climbing into his bed when he first got here.

Just thinking about it made my blood boil, and then to know I had her all to myself when she asked about giving Edward to her…..I was ready to explode.

By the time evening sessions came I was too angry to even speak to Edward. I pulled my chair away from his and he cussed at me under his breath.

"What did you do, Bro?" Emmett asked.

"I didn't do shit," Edward said angrily.

"Edward has selective amnesia," I informed the group.

"So do I," Alice offered with her high voice, "When people say, 'where did you get that', I tell them I can't remember."

"You're adorable," Jasper said to her as he scrunched up his nose.

"If a naked man climbed into your bed, I'm sure you would remember," I glared at her.

Everyone looked at Edward, and Emmett boomed with laughter. "You don't remember Bella climbing into your bed naked?"

"Everyone shut up," Edward warned, but I didn't listen.

"It wasn't me, it was Tanya."

The girls gasped and the guys suddenly got very quiet. They all lowered their heads and wouldn't even look at each other. There was more to the story than I imagined. I turned to face Edward and gave him a look that said I demanded to know the story.

"Bella, I am begging you, stop right now," he pleaded.

Rosalie looked around the half circle and slowly stood. She walked to the front and looked back with a pale face. "Don't you get it, Bella? They all slept with her."

I looked around the circle and stood to face the three sheepish guys. "Safe zone, right Emmett," I yelled at him. "And just feign ignorance, right Jasper."

Jasper looked at Emmett and finally spoke up, "Don't be made at Edward, he didn't do anything."

I looked over at him and he was leaning on his forearms against his thighs, with his head down. I couldn't reconcile the admission she had been in his bed with the knowledge he didn't do anything. The room was perfectly silent until Esme walked in. Rose and I quickly went back to our seats and let our heads drop, too.

"This was not what I was expecting after today," she said warily.

Nobody would respond and she finally pulled up a chair and sat in front of us. "Who has the courage to start?" she asked.

I knew it should be me; I had caused the whole thing in the first place, so I raised my hand slightly.

"I think we need to talk about guys and why they do certain things," I said stupidly.

"Why can't it be girls, and why they do certain things, she did it," Edward said angrily.

"She's a sex addict, dickwad," I retorted.

"We didn't know that the first week," he defended.

"The first week?" Alice asked, "Then I forgive you, Jaz."

Rose and Emmett looked at each other and didn't say a word, telling us all they became physical right from the beginning.

Esme cleared her throat and tried to intercede. "I want you all to remember how scared and angry you were when you first arrived. Many of you acted out in your issues, so you could feel in control. I think it would be more appropriate to talk about today, not months ago."

I couldn't believe she was going to let the guys off the hook like that, I wanted Tanya burned at the stake for making Edward even look at her naked. And he obviously got a pretty good look if he knew the size of her breasts.

Group that night was anything but productive. Esme had to fight like crazy just to get a few words out of each of us. Edward finally came up with a solution.

"Esme, why don't we have another movie night, and take a breather from the drama?"

"Great idea, plan on Saturday evening. We will have a barbeque and movie night. You are all excused," she finally relented.

I began walking towards the door and Edward grabbed my arm. "I want to talk to you," he insisted.

I followed him to the back of the room and he leaned in to talk quietly. "I was going to explain it all, but I didn't want to get Jaz and Emmett in trouble."

"Will you tell me honestly why you didn't do anything with her?"

"I had my eye on someone better," he said, with a shy smile.

"Who?" I asked, wanting to make sure he was talking about me.

"A smart ass brunette, who got me hard by simply looking at me."

"You were mean to me back then," I accused with a blush.

"Yeah, well, you held your own, believe me," he laughed.

"If I ever catch you even looking in Tanya's direction, I'm going to set you on fire," I threatened.

"There is not enough antibiotics in the world to make me consider Tanya," he promised.

"I'm sorry I jumped to the wrong conclusion. You didn't deserve it."

He fell back and put his arms out to hold steady against the wall, pretending to be stunned, and said, "I think hell just froze over, Bella apologized."

"Why do you put up with me, I am an awful person," I said sadly.

"What happened to no more talk of being undeserving," he asked softly.

"You're right, damn you're lucky to have me," I laughed.

He pulled me against him and chuckled as he leaned over and kissed me. I put both of my hands in his hair and leaned all my weight against his body, pinning him between me and the wall. I could feel every detail of his body against mine and my good judgment quickly fled.

I arched back, pushing into him as he held my body securely in his arms so I wouldn't fall. Carlisle walked out of his office so Edward brought me back up, but didn't end the kiss. "I'm leaving," Carlisle announced, "get in the car or be left."

"You can leave him," I said to Carlisle when Edward pulled away.

"Jessica can jump off the roof," he said letting me know how difficult it was for him to leave.

Esme walked from her office and looked at us, "Bella, I was just coming to find you."

"Edward's having a sleep over and you might want to place a net under the dorm roof," I answered her.

"Edward is going home and you are going to your room, alone," she corrected.

"Why does Tanya get to whore around and nobody says a word," I complained.

"She is the subject of much discussion, I can assure you," Esme admitted. "I got a call and you won't be shadowing at court tomorrow. It has been pushed back."

"Okay, when do I go back?" I asked her.

"Friday, at the phone center again," she told me and I nodded.

"Can I tell Bella goodnight?" Edward asked.

Esme gave him a knowing glance and grabbed his arm, pulling him with her. "Go ahead and tell her," she said.

"Goodnight Bella," he yelled as he was pulled through the door.

I made my way back to the dorm room and found all the girls in deep discussion on what to do about Tanya. Rosalie was suggesting permanent disfiguration. Alice suggested stealing all her vibrators, but we were sure the school confiscated them when she arrived, and Alice really shouldn't be stealing.

"Maybe she needs a friend," Angela suggested, and it broke my heart.

"Don't be stupid," Lauren said angrily to her, "She's probably sleeping with Ben, too."

It was the perfect opening, the chance I needed to step up and tell her what a creep Ben was, but the memory of her lying bleeding on my lap, kept me quiet.

"I think we should do something to stop her from preying on guys," Jessica suggested, "Something that will keep her hiding in her room."

"Like what?" I asked.

"Like, shave her head," Jessica suggested.

"And her eyebrows," Lauren squealed.

"That would be too difficult to do and not get caught, but we can cut her hair," Rosalie said with an evil smile.

"Perfect," we all agreed.

We waited until three in the morning before we made our way up two floors and into Tanya's room. We used the light from Rose's compact and let tiny Alice make her way into the room. Angela gave us a long razor she snuck into the school after Christmas, and I was going to make sure she didn't get it back.

Alice came out less than two minutes later holding a long ponytail in her hand. We all jumped up and down and ran back to our room.

"What should we do with this?" Alice asked as she showed her trophy proudly.

"I know," Rose said, "grab a shoe lace."

"Not mine," Jessica yelled.

"You can use mine," Lauren offered and began pulling it from her shoe.

We all made our way to the front of the school, where a bronze statue of Lewis and Clark with a horse, stood proudly.

We tied Tanya's hair to the horse's tail and made our way back to the dorm before erupting in laughter. It was childish, and mean, and wouldn't solve anything. But we felt like we ruled the world, and girls like Tanya would think twice before messing with our guys.

The next morning we sat in the cafeteria waiting for Tanya to arrive, or word of her leaving school. She walked in wearing a really cute hat and we all wanted to scream with disappointment. The news slowly spread through the school and everyone began guessing who did it.

Tanya was convinced it was Angela and walked up to confront her. "Do you think I won't retaliate?" She said.

"I didn't do it," Angela said honestly.

"Do I look stupid?" Tanya sneered.

I stood and looked at her, smiling, and said, "Yeah, you do."

"I'm not talking to you," she said loudly.

"Then walk away from our table," I insisted.

"I'm not letting this go, and Ben enjoys me more than you," she said before walking off.

Angela looked stunned and I sat down and put my hand on hers. I didn't say anything and waited for her to put the pieces together.

"She had sex with Ben?" she asked me.

I nodded in shame and watched her eyes get wet. "Angela, don't let this set back your recovery. You are doing great and you don't need him."

"What would you do if it was Edward?" she asked me.

"I would dump him and be glad I was done with him," I said, but even I didn't buy the lie. "Why don't you talk to Ben about it, see what he says."

She nodded her head and stood to walk towards his table. He was laughing and joking with the guys, but his face became very serious when he saw Angela walking towards him.

Tanya jumped in front of her and grabbed Ben by the shirt and kissed him. She then pushed him away and turned to smirk at Angela. Jessica was headed to the table holding two glasses of juice when Tanya bumped into her, causing her to drop one of the glasses.

Jessica's eyes widened and her face molded into a look a pure rage. She threw the orange juice still in her hand right into Tanya's face, before pushing her so hard she fell onto a table, getting eggs and pancakes stuck to her clothes. Jessica wasn't done; she grabbed the hat from Tanya's head, revealing the butchered haircut, and began pulling her by the hair.

"You want your hair, look on the horse's ass," Jessica screamed at her.

It took three teachers to pull her off of Tanya, and Alice, Rosalie, and Angela all got their revenge. It became known as the 'hairy horse' incident, and Jessica was sure to go down in school history.

The week passed quickly and we were determined to stay out of trouble when Esme threatened to cancel movie night. We studied hard, worked hard in therapy, and stayed on our best behavior. When it came time to go to the barbeque we were so ready for a little fun.

It was amazing to see Edward in his home. He seemed relaxed and comfortable in his surroundings. Carlisle was busy with the grill on the deck and Esme was cutting up some fruit, when Edward put on some music.

The girls instantly began to dance and we soon had the guy's attention. They watched like we were pole dancing when we were only bouncing with each other to the beat of the music. I leaned close to Rosalie's ear and said, "I think Emmett is drooling."

"Let's give him something to drool about," she laughed. She leaned in and kissed me on the lips. All three guys jumped up from where they were sitting, and we fell over in laughter.

"You guys are so lame," Rosalie said. "We can be physical without seeing it as sexual and you guys can't even hug each other with becoming homophobic."

"That's not true; we are supportive physically all the time. We just don't do it in front of you," Jasper announced.

"You liar," Alice said.

"Yea," Edward chimed in. "It feels nice to be held by someone larger than me. It comforts me to be in Emmett's arms."

"Prove it," Rosalie challenged.

Emmett grabbed Edward and dipped him back in his arms, kissing him passionately as Edward raised his leg and wrapped it around Emmett's hip, causing Emmett's hand to run up Edward's leg and settle on his ass.

I began screaming in protest only to see Emmett bring Edward up to reveal his large hand over Edward's mouth. He was kissing his own hand not Edward's lips. "Stop, stop," I begged. "That isn't hot at all."

"Eddie can please me for an hour," Emmett teased.

"Come on Jaz, give me some sugar," Edward teased holding his hands out. Jasper grabbed his own crotch and said, "I've got your sugar right here."

"That is MY sugar," Alice objected.

"Why do guys like to see girls together, but it doesn't do the same for us?" I asked Esme as she entered the room.

Esme's brow furrowed and she looked around the room, "What has been going on in here?"

"Emmett and Edward are humping," Jasper announced.

"Don't pressure each other for sex, boys," she said as she set a bowl of chips on the coffee table.

"It is true love," Emmett said.

"You can both do better," she teased and we all roared in laughter.

Carlisle brought in the burgers and we all gathered around the table to make a plate and head back to the home theater.

"I want you to sit in the dining room," Carlisle instructed. "We are going to have a session as we eat and then you are free to do as you wish."

We were instructed to sit girls on one side, guys on the other, with Carlisle and Esme on the ends. "We are going around the table and I want you to say something positive about each person. It can be an observation, something you admire, a character trait, anything positive."

"Who wants to be first?" Esme asked.

"The first to speak or the first to be humiliated?" Edward asked.

"The exercise in not meant to humiliate, it gives you insight into how others view you. It is uplifting not degrading," Carlisle explained, "So, who wants to be first to hear the great things about themselves?"

"I do," Alice said as she bounced on her chair.

"Okay, let's go around the table, Emmett," Esme nodded.

"You're fierce, Alice. You just command respect," he said with a big grin.

She clapped her hands and looked at Edward.

"You have so much energy," he offered. "When I work out I think about you and push myself further."

"Ahhh," she said.

"Can I go last?" Jasper asked and everyone looked at Rosalie.

"You have great style, you should be a designer," Rose said adamantly.

"I love your laugh," I said. "Even when I am down your laugh can make me smile."

Alice giggled, making us all smile, and we looked at Jasper.

"Allie, you fill the entire room, you fill my entire soul, and you are the biggest little person I have ever known. I know you are here to work on kleptomania, but I am grateful you've stolen my heart."

Alice jumped off her chair and ran over to kiss Jasper passionately.

"What a con," Rose whispered to me.

"Rosalie, your turn," Esme said to punish her for the comment.

I spoke up since I was right next to her.

"I admire how decisive you are, you make a decision quickly, no matter how difficult," I smiled at her.

"I love you legs," Alice sighed, "I would love to have your long legs."

Jasper chuckled and said, "You keep me on my toes in history, I've never met a girl as bright as you are when it comes to remembering dates."

"You try so hard to overcome your…issue. It makes me believe in you," Edward said and Rose's eyes became wet.

Emmett's eyes fell and he wasn't able to look at her as he spoke. His huge body seemed to shrink as he obviously became emotional. "You make me….so….happy," he said as he struggled to keep control.

"Emmett," she called to him. He raised only his eyes to meet her stare. "No matter how I look, or how I'm feeling, you treat me like the most beautiful person in the world. Thank you, Teddy bear."

"Teddy bear, ooohhhh," Edward and Jasper laughed.

"Stop," Esme yelled at them. "Bella continue with Emmett."

"I love your enthusiasm, you are so willing to do anything," I told him.

"You should make me feel like an atom," Alice pointed out, "But you have never made me feel small. You treat everyone like an equal."

"Emmett, you are the smartest jock I have ever met," Jasper offered.

Edward turned and looked at the big guy sitting next to him and said, "You say what you are thinking, and that is rare in the world. And, I would give you an hour of Eddie love, anytime."

"Thanks, snookem's," Emmett teased. "I wish you were on my football team, you have so much strength and your skills on the speed bags are impressive."

I looked at Edward in surprise. He never made an issue about his athleticism and I assumed he was just not that into it.

"Edward, you've been a good friend, you've kept my secrets and have been there for me to confide in, but if you ever come near my junk, I will kill you," Jasper confessed.

"I don't share," Emmett said loudly and poor Carlisle looked at the guys with confusion.

"Edward," Rose began, "I am so jealous of your hair. I would give anything to have your hair."

Alice cleared her throat and smiled at Edward causing him to smile back. "I think you know what I like about you, you are always prepared, and I can't thank you enough," she giggled.

"You still owe me," Edward said as he folded his arms in front of him.

His eyes moved to me and I felt a chill run down my spine. I stared at him, having no idea how to sum up how I felt in a small amount of time. I forgot about everyone else in the room and spoke directly from my heart to his.

"I was nothing and you made me special. You made every ugly thing in my life disappear, the memories, the feelings, the words, and replaced them with love and music. I will always love you, Edward Masen."

Edward sat forward, resting his elbows on the table and covered his mouth with his hands. He was blinking quickly, trying not to cry, and his leg was bouncing furiously, shaking the whole table.

I reached out and put my hands on the table. He put his arms over mine and held them tightly with his hands.

"I can't breathe without you, Bella; I can't be me without your support. I have learned more about myself in my short time with you, than I learned my entire life without you. And when you sing..," he shook his head back and forth and closed his eyes, "You're perfection."

"Get a room," Rosalie moaned, snapping us out of our trance. I pulled back and Edward let out a loud breath.

"I like your spirit, Bella," Emmett said, "You're a fun chick."

"I like your smart ass mouth," Jasper laughed. "You can sure give shit."

"There is a side a Bella you guys don't know," Rosalie said as she put her arm around me. "She watches out for others. She is there when you need her, no matter what's going on in her life."

"Thanks," I mumbled and looked down in embarrassment.

"Bella is the queen of evil, and I mean that is a positive way," Alice laughed. "She does some really sneaky crap to make you face things. And she is so low maintenance."

"Thanks Alice, I think," I said as I shook my head.

"You are a unique group," Carlisle pointed out. "We usually have partnerships switch around through the group, or some kids hating others. I thought Bella and Edward were going to be the ones fighting all the time, but they've adjusted quite well."

"Yeah, because Edward can do it for a solid hour," Alice giggled.

Carlisle looked at Edward and asked, "Are you taking pharmaceuticals?"

Edward gave an awkward chuckle and looked at his food. "For the last time," I yelled, "It was a misunderstanding."

"I heard you say Edward lasted an hour in your panties," Emmett defended. Everyone sat quietly for a moment and a very disturbing image rose in their minds. They begin looking around the table at each other until Alice screamed in understanding.

"Oh my God, you wore her panties," she yelled.

I turned bright red, confirming their suspicions and made it much worse by saying, "Only because I accidently licked something disgusting on him."

Edward dropped his head into his hands and everyone roared in laughter. I tried to fix my statement, but nobody would let me speak. I finally gave up and let my own head drop down. I was dreading school on Monday and worried about the reputation I was now going to have.

We finished eating and everyone helped Esme clean up without being asked. It made her so happy and we felt a bit more mature. In the loud confusion Edward touched my arm and motioned for me to follow him. I walked behind his perfect body to his bedroom.

"Carlisle will get mad," I told him.

"I just want to tell you something, when you come for Valentine's, I don't expect anything," he looked emotional and I stepped closer and hugged him tightly. "I don't like them thinking…stuff, about you," he whispered.

"They are only joking, and it only matters to me what you think," I assured him.

"I think you are the love of my life," he said tightening his hold on me.

I was ready to confess something; I gained courage from the darkness of his room, and told him something I wanted him to know. "I want to put memories of you in place of him. I want you to make love to me, Edward. I want you to make me forget all about him."

He turned his face to kiss my neck tenderly and inhaled deeply. I felt goose bumps run down my body and I moaned at the sensation. He placed his hand behind my head and held me gently as he pushed me back, holding me suspended in the air as he kissed the exposed skin on my chest.

I had my eyes closed and gave in to the passion I was feeling for him. "Touch me," I whispered and his mouth moved to my breast over my shirt. I felt his hand begin to shake and he quickly lifted me back up. I thought it was muscle strain his arm was feeling, but when I looked at him I could see his mouth shaking, too.

I reached up and ran my fingers over his trembling lips and felt a tear land on my hand. "What's wrong?" I asked him.

"This is too much," he said softly. "This is too deep for two teenagers. I want you so badly, but not in some classroom or in some car. I want you to be in my bed, in my life, forever. Is it because I'm messed up?"

"No," I told him, hoping I was right. "Let's talk to Carlisle or Esme, see what they say."

"I don't want to jeopardize our weekend. I'm afraid they will stay if they think I want you in my bed."

I couldn't believe the predicament we were in. We were two juniors at a school for troubled kids, finding trust in a couple other than our parents, and consumed by love bigger than any teen hormonal crush. There wasn't a chance in the world this could work, but we were too blinded by love to accept it.

17

I couldn't even tell you what movie we watched. I was cuddled up to Edward's side and my entire focus was on him. I studied the length of his arm, the curve of his chin, the smell of his every breath. He pulled my leg over his lap and held it tightly, needing to feel me over him.

He would turn to face me and we would stare into each other eyes for long spans of time, never tiring of the intimacy we were feeling. His thumb moved slowly, back and forth over my inner thigh. I felt incredibly happy while feeling totally distraught. The contrasting emotions made me exhausted by the end of the night.

When it was time to leave I stood and waited for the others to leave the room first. Edward stood and pulled me into his arms and I began to cry. "Shhh," he said while rocking me back and forth. I was glad Esme didn't ask me to tell her what I was feeling, because I didn't even know.

I made my way to the van and sat against the side with my eyes shut. Nobody bothered me and I went right to bed when I got to the room. I was lying with my back to the room and felt someone crawl onto my bunk.

I sat up, hoping it was Edward, but it was only Angela. "Can I talk to you?" she asked.

"Sure, Ang, what's up?"

"Ben is trying to get me to go back to him," she whispered.

"Do you want to go back to him?" I asked.

"I don't know. I think I just want to take him from Tanya, or I want to throw him in my dad's face, but then when I really think about it, I want someone better."

"You deserve someone better, Angela."

She shook her head and looked at her hands. "I think I'm not a very deserving, of good things."

"You are probably the most deserving person I have ever met. Don't go back to Ben; some guy is going to be so lucky to win your heart."

She smiled and said, "I'm glad you found love, after what you've been through, you deserve it."

"It scares me, Angela. I love Edward so much, but we have everything against us. We don't even live in the same state."

"I thought he lived with the Cullens?"

"For now, but he will make up with his dad eventually, and then what?"

"Well, you need to become a rich singer, so you can go visit him all the time," she said as if she solved my problem for me.

I laughed and shook my head, "I think I ruined that opportunity."

"I want to give you something, Bella, but don't yell at me, okay?"

I nodded and she reached into her pocket and handed me a razorblade. I looked up at her, and she refused to meet my gaze. "I was feeling hurt, by Ben, and I just wanted to feel better."

"Did you use it?" I asked.

"No, but I really wanted to."

I hugged her tightly, too tightly, and thanked her for being strong. It would hurt so badly to know she cut over someone like Ben. She climbed down from my bed and smiled at me as she made her way to her bunk. Edward wasn't the only one I was going to miss. Angela was someone I would spend my life missing.

Edward and I became so focused on music, each determined it was our way to a future together, although we never actually discussed it. He pushed me to take chances with my writing and his compositions never ceased to amaze me.

He worked hard on his anger management and I gave the victim advocacy group my very minimal attention. We never talked about Valentine's Day, but we both watched the countdown on the posters in the cafeteria. The day before the dance Edward finally told me his plan.

"My cousin James is letting me use his car, so you can leave with me after the dance and I can bring you back on Sunday night. The Cullens won't be back until late Monday morning."

"I'm going to tell Jessica and Lauren I have an advocacy seminar or something, so they don't turn me in." I was playing with my ring nervously and he reached out and took my hand, looking at his mother's ring on my hand.

He exhaled loudly and said, "Are you sure you want to do this?"

"I'm terrified," I whispered and his head snapped up to look at me as I continued. "How can I leave Sunday? I don't want to be away from you."

He put his hand on the back of my neck and pulled me to his lips to kiss me. He didn't say anything, because there was nothing to say.

That night I packed a pair of jeans and some shirts in my back pack and tried to pick out my most alluring underwear. I had a hard time falling asleep and I finally dreamed of Edward.

The evening of the dance I was a nervous wreck. Alice fixed my hair and Rose gave me make up tips. I wanted to look special for Edward, pretending it was all for the dance, since we missed the last one.

When I walked into the gym my eyes looked everywhere for him, I walked around the crowds of people and noticed Angela talking to Ben. He was kicking the wall with his foot repeatedly and Angela stood with her head down. I instantly worried about being away all weekend.

"You look beautiful," a voice whispered into my ear.

I let my head fall back against his chest and I smiled with my eyes closed. "Oh, Bella," he sighed as his mouth moved back and forth over my ear.

I turned slowly as a song began to play and everyone paired off. He looked amazing. His hair was gelled to perfection and he was clean shaven. "You play dirty," I teased him.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"You look so handsome, how can I keep my hands off of you?"

"I am seriously hoping you can't," he laughed. He pulled me onto the dance floor and we rocked back and forth without actually turning.

"How long should we stay?" I asked, anxious to be alone with him.

"Long enough for people to believe we aren't going to see each other for two days," he said looking around and nodding to people who acknowledged him.

Emmett led Rose closer to us and said a little too loudly, "You aren't licking anything, are you, Bella?"

Edward tensed and I brought my hand to his arm and flipped off Emmett.

"I'm missing some panties, have you seen them, Edward?" Rose asked.

"Yeah, Emmett gave them to Tanya," he responded making Rose flip him off.

Jasper and Alice showed up and we all stared at the large red stain down Jasper's shirt. Alice laughed and explained, "We were doing the intertwined arm toast and I got a little too excited."

"It looks like you murdered someone," Emmett observed. "Why didn't you change?"

"It's my excuse," Jasper said, confusing us all.

"If I get caught taking Alice to my room, I plan on using the shirt as an excuse," he explained.

"I don't think they will buy it when the shirt is off of you and Alice is on you," Rose pointed out.

"I don't mean to be rude, but I spend all day with you losers, I was some time with Bella," Edward said and then led me away.

"That was mean," I laughed.

"If we stop talking to them they will take off, and then we can take off," he said, making me smile. We got something to drink and I refused the cookies Edward got for me, I was too nervous to eat anything and kept looking at the clock.

After another hour of dancing and holding each other I was so ready to get out of there. I headed to my dorm room to get my pack and Edward went to his car to wait for me. I threw a brush and my bottle of perfume in my bag, and turned to run out of the room.

I ran right into Angela and knocked her back against the other wall. "I'm sorry," I laughed, and let my eyes follow hers to the floor. The razorblade she dropped was lying in the hallway, shining in the light.

I reached out and grabbed the blade and stood to confront her. Her face was white and she was trembling. I dropped my pack and grabbed her arm. "Did you cut, Ang? Are you bleeding?"

She shook her head back and forth and burst into tears. I pulled her into my arms and listened as she told me she wanted to die, she was begging me to just let her die. I brought her into our room and sat her on Alice's bed.

"Tell me what's wrong, is it Ben?"

She began to cry harder and grabbed onto me. I felt her shaking and I wished Esme was around. "Come on Angela, tell me what happened. Are you back with Ben, did he hurt you?"

"Bella, I'm pregnant," she said in a loud sob. "My father will kill me, and Ben wants nothing to do with me."

I sat in stunned silence. I was so anxious to have sex with Edward and here was a stark reminder as to why that wasn't a good idea. I remembered him sitting in the car, but I was too afraid to leave Angela in this condition.

"Listen," I told her, "you don't need Ben. I'm here for you; I will help you through this. Do you want to keep the baby?" I asked her.

"I can't raise a baby," she sobbed.

"Okay, do you want an abortion?"

"No, I believe it is murder," she said adamantly.

"So that leaves adoption, you can pick a family for your baby, the perfect family for your beautiful baby, okay?" I asked her.

"I have to tell my parents," she sobbed hard again.

"Angela, your father is a minister, he knows all about forgiveness."

She shook her head, discounting my assumption. "He told me I was evil and now he's right."

"You are not evil," I said shaking her shoulders. "Phil told me I was trash, they lie to control us."

"I'm so scared, Bella," she said lying her head on my lap.

The door opened and Edward looked at me with an irritated expression. I shrugged my shoulders and pointed at Angela. "Go ahead and leave," I said to his disappointed face.

"Are you kidding me?" he said in anger.

"I can't leave her," I said forcefully.

"What's wrong with her?" He looked at her with an angry glare and I was glad she wasn't looking at him.

"Edward, just go," I begged, not wanting to tell him and hoping Angela would volunteer the information.

He punched the bunk and exhaled loudly. "Bella, I've been planning this for weeks."

"This is an emergency," I said getting angry.

He looked at Angela and she finally looked over at him. She sat up and turned away from us to huddle on the bed. "Go ahead, Bella," she said in tears.

I stood and pulled Edward to the door. "I can't go, she will hurt herself." I pulled the razor from my pocket to show it to him.

"Then take her to the nurse, she isn't your responsibility," he insisted.

"What is wrong with you? She is my friend and she is in real trouble right now."

He looked at me in total shock. He could not believe I wouldn't just walk out the door with him. "You're going to stand me up, tonight of all nights, because she had a fight with Ben?"

"She didn't have a fight with Ben, this is much bigger, and yeah, I'm going to stand you up, go screw Tanya if you are that determined not to ruin your night." I regretted the words the moment they left my mouth, but it was too late.

Edward backed into the hallway and pointed at me, "You remember you are the one who sent me away."

"I just want you to be understanding," I yelled after him.

"Let's see just how understanding you can be," he said back and left the dorm.

I stared at the empty hallway, feeling like the night which was supposed to be filled with passion, cost me my boyfriend.

I went back into the room to find Angela lying on the floor sobbing hysterically. I knew without a doubt she would try to take her own life if I left. I would have to worry about fixing things with Edward later.

I sat against the bunk and pulled her onto my lap and cried right along with her.

I was up most the night talking with Angela. Everyone assumed I was the one in crisis and fighting with Edward. I let them believe it, because it was true, too. Alice came into the room first and said, "What is up Edward's ass?"

I just shook my head, not wanting to hear he left with Tanya, or he tore the gym apart. Angela and I moved into the restroom after everyone went to bed, so our talking wouldn't keep them up.

"Tell me the worst case scenario, Ang. The thing you fear the most about telling your folks," I asked her.

"My father will kick me out of the family, call me a whore, and tell the whole congregation about his sinful daughter," she cried.

"Okay, let's assume that happens. You can live with me in Forks and take online classes with me this summer and fall, and then we become roommates for college next January. Is that a plan?" I said, hoping she would find a small amount of hope.

"Bella, I am so afraid I will hurt my baby. I'm not cured," she admitted.

"Again, that is where I come in," I laughed. "I will tie you to my side and make sure nothing happens."

"I already ruined things between you and Edward. I can't mess up your life."

"Edward has to learn I am not his whole life, and when things get in the way he can't just freak out about it," I told her.

"Bella, don't be stupid. It's Valentine's Day, I'm sure he wanted to make it special for you. It may be the only one he gets to spend with you."

Her words cut like a knife in my heart. He wasn't just upset that he didn't get to have sex; he wanted to make it special, on Valentine's Day, for me. I was so angry at myself and began to truly worry he went to Tanya.

I grabbed Angela's hand and drug her with me up to Tanya's room. I opened the door, as silently as possible, and looked in. Tanya's bunk was still made and there was no sign of her anywhere. I felt my stomach drop and I had to lean against the wall for support.

"What time is it?" I asked Angela.

"Five-thirty."

"Will you go with me to the Cullens? I have to see Edward."

She nodded, after a bit of thought, and we ran back to our room to get dressed. It was after seven when we finally made it to the Cullen house. I paid the cab driver and worried when I didn't see James' car anywhere.

I rang the door bell, not worrying about waking anyone up, and was shocked when Carlisle answered the door.

"Bella, what are you doing off of school grounds?" he said with a bit of anger.

"I had a fight with Edward, I need to make sure he didn't freak out," I explained. I wanted to ask him what in the hell he was doing home, but that would give away the plans Edward and I had made.

He opened the door wide and let us in before telling me Edward was not home. Esme was dressed in a robe and making coffee in the kitchen. I pulled Angela by the arm to stand in front of Esme. "Ang, you really need to talk to this woman, tell her everything, I promise you will feel so much better."

I turned to Carlisle and said, "Can I talk to you?"

He led me to his office and I noticed how Angela's eyes got wet when I began to leave the room. I trusted Esme to handle the situation better than I ever could. Carlisle sat behind his desk and just as I pulled up a chair the phone rang.

"Excuse me, Bella."

_Hello, Dr. Cullen speaking._

_Hello Chief Swan._

I looked up in surprise and Carlisle smiled at me. I was sure the school saw me leaving and called my parents. I hoped Dr. Cullen would help me out.

_We were wondering what happened to him._

I looked at Carlisle's sullen face and could tell something was up.

_Is Jacob Black as student? Oh, I see._

Now I was beyond curious. I had no idea why my father would call Carlisle about Jake, unless Billy was going to send him to the program for some reason.

_Do me a favor, lock him up, I will come get him tomorrow_.

Carlisle hung up and looked at my startled face. "Seems we have found Edward," he said sternly.

"My dad arrested him?" I gasped.

"He was with a local boy; they trespassed on private property and destroyed a vacant building."

"Jake's a great kid," I told him. "If he was with Jake he wasn't doing anything wrong."

"Well, Mr. Ateara disagrees," Carlisle said firmly.

"He's a jag, he gets upset over any little thing. Jake can tell you," I demanded.

"I will let Edward explain, tomorrow. Now what did you want to talk to me about?"

It was hard to concentrate after knowing Edward was locked up in the Fork's jail, and by my father, no less. I wasn't sure where to start and wanted time to think things through.

"So tell me about your fight with Edward," Carlisle prompted.

"Oh, um…we got in a fight at the dance and I thought he might have gone off with Tanya, because I yelled at him and told him to go be with her," I felt ashamed of myself just repeating the words.

"Bella," he chuckled as he shook his head. "What is the one thing Edward hated his father for doing?'

"Cheating on his mother," I whispered.

"Do you really think he would be capable of doing what he hates so much about his father?"

I never considered that, but Carlisle didn't understand the whole situation. I looked at my lap and said, "I haven't slept with him. I want to, but…"

"Is Edward pressuring you?" he asked softly.

"Not at all, we both feel the same way, it isn't something we want to sneak around and do, like at school or in a car," I confessed.

"That is very mature of you both. I have to caution you, Bella, there are issues to consider because of your past. I'm not sure Edward is ready to handle something like that."

"I know, and he is fully aware of that, we have moved very slowly and I have never once had a post traumatic response. He makes me feel….loved."

"That makes me very proud of him," Carlisle said with a smile.

"Proud enough to go get him out of jail?" I pushed.

"He must learn consequences, Bella."

"But you don't know what happened, what if he has a good excuse…"

"Excuses don't always get you out of trouble. If he went onto someone's land to destroy something, he will suffer the consequences."

"But if Jake took him there, it wouldn't be his fault," I tried to defend Edward.

Carlisle only smiled and refused to talk about the situation any further. I sat back in my chair and sulked so he asked about Angela.

"She's pregnant, and her father is a minister, so she thinks she doomed to hell. I stayed up with her all night to make sure she didn't cut, but I can't stay awake forever. I'm really worried about her."

"You did the right thing to bring her here. Why don't you stay here for the day, get some sleep and we will work out a plan with Angela," he suggested.

"Okay, can I sleep in Edward's room? Since he won't be using it," I said with the saddest face I could muster.

"Sure, but respect his privacy and stay out of his diary," he said as a warning.

"Edward, keeps a dairy?" I gasped.

"No, I was only joking," he laughed and stood to walk me from the room.

I heard mumbled voices down the hallway, but headed right to Edward's room. I was surprised to see roses in a vase and candles around the room. He had planned everything to the last detail and I ruined it for him.

I lay on his bed and pulled his pillow tightly into my arms, wishing it was him, and noticed an envelope underneath it. It wasn't addressed to anyone and I didn't feel right opening it, even if it was possibly meant for me.

I inhaled deeply, basking in the pure smell of Edward, and drifted off to sleep.

I woke up to the wonderful smell of homemade bread and felt someone in bed with me. I turned to see Angela lying away from me, sleeping deeply. I crawled from the bed as quietly as possible and headed toward the wonderful smell.

Esme was beaming and gave me a huge hug as I entered the kitchen. I loved the way Esme hugged; she gave the best hugs in the world, next to Edward.

"You did the right thing bringing Angela here," she said to my smiling face.

"I came to see if Edward had a girl in his bed, so don't heap the praise on too thick," I admitted.

"Well, we came back for the same reason," she admitted.

"You thought Edward brought me here for the weekend?" I asked, trying to sound shocked.

She eyed me accusingly and I knew there was no way we would be able to pull something over their eyes. I finally sat down in a chair and huffed.

"Esme, Edward and I want to have sex, but not some quickie, or in a school closet. I want to take it really slow and wake up in his arms. Is that wrong of us?"

"No, not wrong, just not now. There is a huge responsibility that comes along with a sexual relationship, as you can see with Angela's situation. If you don't have the place for sex, you probably shouldn't be having it."

"But so many other couples are, and they seem happy."

"You and Edward have a unique situation. Your past makes it impossible for you to have sex without being immersed in love. And, Edward feels the need to belong to someone, possessing them completely before having sex."

"Can we get him out of jail?" I begged, wanting nothing more than to see him and hold him in my arms.

She laughed loudly and leaned in to say, "Carlisle is there right now."

I felt so much relief and chuckled as I put my hand over my heart in gratitude. I also hoped Charlie didn't get to rough with him, and gave him some slack for saving me in Arizona.

"Is Angela feeling better?" I asked.

"Yes, I'm going to set up a meeting with her parents. We need to get this into the open right away, so we can move forward with plans."

Esme cut a large piece of warm bread and spread some strawberry preserve on it before setting it in front of me. I couldn't help but think what a great mother Esme would be, and instantly decided to bring up the subject with Angela. There was no better woman to raise her baby than Esme.

I was just about finished with my bread when Carlisle and Edward walked through the door. Edward looked ashamed, and I noticed his hands were bandaged. Esme cut him some bread and motioned for him to sit. He didn't acknowledge me verbally, but he did sit right next to me.

"Your father says hi," he finally mumbled causing me to laugh.

"He's going to believe all you do is punch things," I said to tease him. He glared at me to show he was not in the mood for teasing.

"Jake knows better than to go on Mr. Ateara's property," I said, hoping he would clue me in as to what happened.

"Somebody wrote something about Leah," he said in explanation.

"Well, if it was that she is a sleazebag, skank of a whore, they were right."

Edward looked at me in shock and said, "You know they are dating, don't you?"

"No way, why would Jake date her?" I yelled.

"I'm sure it's because he can't have you," Edward grumbled.

"So if someone wrote something truthful about Leah, why are your knuckles bloody?" I asked him.

"First of all, it wasn't true what they wrote…"

I raised my eyebrows at Edward, showing him I didn't share his opinion, but he ignored the challenge.

"And I saw something I didn't like," he said softly.

I didn't ask him what he saw because it really didn't matter. The old shed had graffiti all over it from years of kids hanging out there. There was nothing so bad that Edward would have an excuse to bloody his knuckles.

"Edward, you can't keep doing this. You have to grow up sometime," I said angrily.

"I know," he said with his head down.

"Well, I owe you an apology," I admitted and he looked up in surprise.

"Man, I need some sleep, I thought I just heard you say you apologize," he said sarcastically.

"You're lucky I didn't come back with you last night," I whispered. "We would have been caught."

"I already told Carlisle, you don't need to whisper," he informed me.

"What?" I yelled.

"They have been very generous to me, I'm not going to lie to him," he said angrily.

"Was he mad?"

"No, he was…helpful."

I gave Edward a funny look and waited for him to explain. He took a bite of his bread and licked the lingering jelly from his lips, making me have very inappropriate thoughts. I finally huffed loudly to get his attention.

"What?" he asked with a full mouth.

"How was he helpful?" I said in exasperation.

"He told me to take you to a hotel," Edward said out of the side of his mouth.

"Should I call you Lauren, because you are such a liar," I said, hoping desperately he was not lying.

"Well, he said a lot more stuff, something about you needing to be eighteen, but the hotel was the only part I remembered," he chuckled, making me laugh, too.

"I thought you were with Tanya," I said softly.

He rolled his eyes at me and took another bite.

"I saw the flowers and the candles," I said.

He shrugged and continued chewing, so I said something to get his attention. "There's a girl in your bed right now."

He looked at me and picked up his plate to head down the hallway. I followed behind and watched as he opened the door to see somebody obviously in his bed.

"Who is it?" he asked.

"She told me she was the love of your life," I teased.

"Oh, her," he said nonchalantly.

I kicked his leg and he smiled while setting the plate on the dresser. He pulled me into his arms and laid his forehead on my shoulder as he sighed loudly.

"Tired?" I asked.

"Yeah, Charlie wasn't too accommodating."

"Was Billy mad at Jake?"

"Not really, he understood."

Angela heard us talking and sat up. Edward raised his head and looked over to see who was lying in his sheets. I turned around and leaned into Edward and smiled at her. "You're in my boyfriend's bed, I should scratch your eyes out," I said in jest.

She smiled shyly and began to climb out, so Edward put his hand up, "No, stay. I can go down the hall."

I pulled out of Edward's arms and held my hand out for Angela, "Come have some of Esme's bread." Angela stood and walked past Edward saying, "Sorry, the bed is all yours."

He walked over and fell face first into the warm covers.

Angela was eating some bread and chatting with Esme when the phone rang. I looked at the caller ID and saw it was Jake, so I answered.

"You're dating Leah," I said without a hello.

"Bella, did you bail Edward out?"

"No, Carlisle did. Did my dad really arrest you guys?" I asked.

"Not really arrest us, just tried to scare us a bit. He softened when he heard why Edward leveled the place," he said seriously.

"Well, my dad doesn't know everything written about Leah is true," I said in disgust.

"There wasn't anything written about Leah," Jake said angrily.

"Then why did Edward help you tear the shed down?"

"Because there was stuff written about you."

18

I didn't ask Jake what was written on that old shed about me. I could figure it out for myself. I wanted to feel grateful for Edward's willingness to defend me, but I felt sick that he had to know the gossip a small town produced.

I told Jake I would have Edward call him and snuck out of the room as Esme shared with Angela how to make homemade bread. Edward was asleep and even snoring softly when I entered his room. I looked at his bandaged hands and sighed.

I climbed in his bed and he moaned and turned over, so I snuggled up behind him and wrapped my arms around his waist. I closed my eyes and felt my body relax. I was aware the door opened, but I didn't open my eyes and nobody spoke, so I continued drifting off.

The door remained open and it was close to dinnertime when Edward's stirring woke me up. I felt him stretch and I tightened my arms, so he wouldn't leave. He turned to face me and smiled. "Am I dreaming?" he asked.

I nodded to the open door and he groaned loudly.

"I'm starting to think the top of the piano wouldn't be too bad," he said, and I wasn't sure if he was joking or not.

I took hold of his hand gently and kissed his knuckles. "I'm sorry you had to see that," I told him, speaking of the shed.

He tensed and his jaw tightened.

"Jake told me," I explained. "It's a small town, and people can be narrow minded."

"I think you are very brave, and I love you," he said seriously.

"Even though I ruined our night?"

"We'll have another one," he promised.

"I learned something this weekend, I trust you unconditionally," I told him.

"And you didn't before?"

"Trust is not something that comes easily for me, but you prove yourself over and over again."

"So now that you trust me, can you tell me what is going on with Angela?" he asked.

"She is pregnant," I said and watched his face react with shock.

"Ben?" he asked.

I nodded and he blew out a deep breath, "Wow," he said and ran his hands threw his hair.

"I'm so afraid she is going to take her own life. I think that is why the Cullens are letting us stay here today."

"Not for my benefit?" he asked with a fake pout.

"The door is open for your benefit," I laughed. "Can I ask you about the envelope under your pillow?"

His eyes looked at me warily and I quickly assured him I didn't open it. He looked nervous or flustered but finally said, "Yeah, I wrote to my father."

I only nodded. I didn't want to think about him making amends and going back to Chicago. I wanted to believe he would live with the Cullens forever and be close enough that we could make a teen relationship work.

He could tell I was thinking about something sad, so he reached over and kissed my cheek. I smiled and he ran his hand through my hair. The sticky tape around his bandages became stuck in the long strands causing pain for both of us.

"Ouch," I yelled as he hissed loudly.

"Don't move," he instructed.

"Stop pulling it," I cried.

"My skin is raw, and stuck to the tape," he said with a grimace.

"Well, you're not cutting my hair," I demanded.

"Just let me pull your hair up, so I can see the tape," he said as he pulled harder.

"Ow, that hurt's."

"Stop being a baby."

"You stop being a dick," I yelled.

"Carlisle," Edward screamed loudly, "Bella's talking about my dick."

My mouth fell open in shock and I tried to push him, but it pulled on my hair and I yelled in pain instead.

"Esme, help me," I screamed as loud as I could.

We were both stunned when nobody came to the room. Edward called out for both of them loudly and we strained to hear the sound of anyone else in the house.

"I think we're alone," Edward laughed.

"Great, we're stuck together," I cried.

"I can always cut it," he offered.

"I can always re-bandage your hand," I countered.

"You want me to rip skin from my body, so you don't have to cut your hair?"

"I'm not walking around looking like Tanya. Try to cut the bandage and not my hair," I finally agreed.

"Okay, roll over onto me and reach in the drawer," he instructed as we began to move slowly together.

I found the scissors and handed them to him. "Shit," he said in frustration. I can't cut with my left hand.

"Where's Angela when you need her," I said in disbelief.

"That was an awful thing to say," Edward laughed.

"You're laughing, not me," I pointed out.

"I have an idea, we can get the tape wet and it will come loose from my skin," he suggested.

"You want me to stick my head in a sink?" I said angrily.

"Oh, um…I was thinking shower," he said gaining my entire attention.

"We won't be able to get our shirts off," I pointed out.

"Not at first," he smiled and my heart began beating wildly.

"I don't have another shirt."

"And how is that a problem?" he laughed.

"I can't leave here naked," I said rolling my eyes.

"I have one you can wear."

"It will probably sting," I pointed out, thinking of the hot water on his raw skin.

"I'll be gentle," he said with a smirk and made me blush.

I bit my lip for a moment and finally said, "Let's do it."

We made our way awkwardly to the bathroom and removed our jeans and underwear. I tried not to stare at Edward, and his long shirt made it difficult to actually see him, but my short tight tee left nothing to the imagination for him.

He worked on his hand, pulling the tape in small steps, and we were both breathing heavy by the time he was finally free. I saw his blood running down the drain and looked at his poor wounded flesh. I unbuttoned his shirt and carefully removed it before pulling my shirt quickly over my head.

I reached back and up hooked my bra and let it fall from my arms. Edward stepped back and looked me up and down, making me fold my arms in embarrassment.

"No, don't be embarrassed," he said with a thick voice. "I love your body, you're beautiful Bella."

I felt tears form and I tried to keep the words from spilling out, but they just needed to be said, "He said I have a repulsive body."

I watched Edward's eyes come up to meet mine and he smiled at me. "You didn't tell me he was mentally retarded."

I let out a loud laugh and let my arms fall to my sides. "I wish I could be…untouched…for you," I confessed.

He stepped towards me and placed his bleeding hand gently on my back. I wrapped my arms around his waist and put my head on his chest. "Bella, you are perfect just the way you are," he assured me.

We tried not to get out of control and kept our touches light and exploratory. As soon as I was finished soaping Edward's body and washing his hair, he climbed out and left me to shower alone. I stood under the hot spray and visualized every inch of Edward's body with a huge grin plastered on my face.

When I entered the kitchen to find him sitting with fresh bandages, and his own huge grin, my heart leapt with joy. "That is now my favorite shirt," he said as I walked over to put ointment on his knuckles.

"You aren't getting it back; I plan on sleeping in it nightly."

I took a Q tip and gently coated each knuckle. He watched me carefully and finally whispered, "Bella, you really do have great breasts."

"Better than Tanya's?" I asked.

"There is no way in hell I am even acknowledging that comment," he laughed.

"You are a brilliant boy, Edward Masen. And, thank you."

We heard the garage door open and got busy with the bandages, hoping they wouldn't read too much into the fact we both had wet hair. Angela walked in first, holding a bottle of juice, and Esme followed with watery eyes.

"Everything okay?" I asked.

"Great," Angela assured me. "Are you ready to go back to the school?"

"Are you?" I asked her, meaning the need to cut.

"Yeah, Carlisle is waiting in the car."

I was anxious to get Angela alone and find out everything Esme told her. Something changed her dire mood into the elated girl I was looking at. But leaving with Angela meant being away from Edward.

I looked at him sadly and leaned over to kiss him goodbye. He watched me walk to the door and then called out for me.

"Bella, you can keep it, if I get to keep what you left," he said with a smile.

I thought about my simple tee, but then realized he was talking about my bra. I laughed and nodded my approval, so he winked at me. I turned to leave again when he called my name. I looked back and he had such a loving expression on his face.

"Thank you, for making Valentine's Day so perfect," he said sincerely.

"It was, wasn't it?" I responded with tears in my eyes.

He nodded and said, "Just what we both needed."

I was floating on clouds all the way back to the school. Carlisle parked the car and got out to walk with us. When I turned to head to the dorms Carlisle and Angela headed to his office.

"Ang, are you okay, do you need some support?"

She smiled a big smile and shook her head. "We're calling my parents; I'll be back in a second."

I watched her walk away with pride and couldn't believe how brave she was. When I got to the room Alice jumped up, "Where have you been?"

"At the Cullen's," I said honestly. "I wanted to spend Valentine's Day with Edward."

"Where's Angela?" Jessica asked.

"She went with me."

"Well, Ben has been looking for her and he is pissed," Jessica said with wide eyes.

"Ben's an ass, if he shows up again tell him to head upstairs to the virus," I said in anger.

"No, you don't get it; he is out of control pissed. He was ranting about not letting her ruin him and he had like war paint on his face…"

"War paint?"

"Yeah, like black and green camouflage shit."

I shook my head in disgust and was so happy Angela was no longer mixed up with him. I climbed onto my bunk and began looking over some homework I needed to focus on when I remembered why Ben was here. He had killed some kittens, and Edward told me his father was some supremacist psycho.

I felt panic rise in me and something in my gut told me Angela was in trouble if Ben found her alone. I threw my papers and ran from the room. I was screaming for Carlisle knowing full well he couldn't hear me so far from his office.

I slipped on the wet cement and fell to the ground, so I crawled on my knees to the door, holding on tightly to the glass to stand. I got the door open and ran at full speed toward the end of the hallway. I didn't see anyone and didn't hear a sound behind me, but I was suddenly pushed with a great force forward and sprawled onto the floor.

My knees and elbow burned as I slid on the tile, tearing the tender flesh. My forehead made contact with the ground and I could feel warm blood flowing from a wound. Just when my body stopped its forward progress a huge weight landed on me.

I made a loud grunting noise as air rushed from my lungs, but I couldn't suck in enough air for another breath.

I heard a familiar voice speak into my ear, "Don't move, Bella, and be very quiet." The weight on my back shifted and I sucked in a huge breath. My head ached painfully and I rolled to my side.

"What the hell, Emmett, you could have killed me," I said in struggled breathes.

"Shhh," he demanded and pointed to the stairway.

I saw Jasper leaning against the wall listening for someone or something coming down the stairs. I reached up to wipe the blood from my forehead and worried about getting Edward's shirt bloody. I glanced at Emmett's tense body and got suddenly very scared.

"What's going on?" I asked in a hushed voice.

He put his finger up to tell me to be quiet and then whispered louder than me, "Ben's gone crazy. The police are on their way."

I looked over at Jasper and he waved his hand to Emmett. The giant guy walked stealthily to the opposite side of the wall from Jasper and pressed his back against it. I could hear loud steps coming from the stairway and I crouched into a ball.

Jasper moved away from the wall about two feet, and when Ben stepped into the hallway he casually said, "Hey, dude."

Ben's attention was solely on Jasper and Emmett grabbed him in a bear hug holding him securely. Ben began thrashing, but nothing could get him out of Emmett's strong arms.

I saw men in uniform, moving in a formation throughout the school. I opened the door and called for help, sending a line of officers running towards me. Ben was quickly contained and a school official began checking my wounds.

My head felt like someone hit me with a hammer and as my adrenaline leveled off the pain progressed. Someone held an ice pack to the cut on my forehead and I screamed out in pain.

"Did Ben do this to you?" I was asked.

"No, Sasquatch over there body slammed me," I said glaring at Emmett.

"I saved you," he countered.

"You sure about that?" I questioned, as I shut my eyes from the pounding pain in my head.

"I think we should take you to the hospital and make sure you're okay," I was told.

I tried to nod in agreement, but any movement hurt my head. Emmett came over to see I was really hurting and he began apologizing profusely. I waited for an ambulance and had a hideous neck brace placed on me, before being rolled in all my glory through the crowd of students.

Esme showed up at the hospital moments after me and insisted on a MRI to check for any swelling on my brain. I just wanted some pain meds and a dark, quiet room. I heard Edward before I saw him. He was seriously losing control and I wished I had the ability to tell him to shut the hell up.

He came running into my room, as if he expected to see me receiving last rites, and grabbed my hand, rubbing my raw elbow against the stiff sheets. I tried to yell, but that hurt my head and caused me to cry.

"What happened?" Edward yelled at someone entering my room.

I was terrified that someone would tell him Emmett hurt me and Edward would head out to take him on. I heard Carlisle speaking calmly to him, explaining Ben had a psychotic episode and Emmett pulled me from his path.

The pain medicine in my arm began to finally take the edge off and I called for Edward, before I fell too deeply under.

"Are you okay?" he asked me.

"I was squished," I slurred, making Edward laugh.

"Well, Emmett could certainly squish you," he agreed.

"Can I get in the shower with you?" I asked, unaware of what I was saying.

"I think you should just rest for now," he advised with a chuckle.

"You have such a great ass, I love your ass," I said as I drifted away.

I woke up to a dark room with blinding pain in my head. I moaned and felt an arm move from around my waist.

"Bella, here's a pain pump, press this button if you are having pain," Edward said, placing my hand on a plastic device.

I pushed it greedily and tried not to move my head. Edward was lying in bed with me and ran his finger up and down my arm soothingly as he hummed me back to sleep.

The next time I woke up I instinctively reached out for the button, only finding empty space, and felt tears fall from my eyes. Within seconds the door opened and someone came into the room. I called out for Edward, but I heard a sickening chuckle and heavy breathing.

"You can't get away from me, Bella, I know where you are and I'm coming for you," Phil said.

I tried to scream and rolled away from him, smashing into the railing of the bed.

"Bella, Bella, what's wrong?" Edward said as his arms tightened around me.

"It's Phil, he's here, he knows I'm here," I cried as I tried to push Edward away.

"No, love, you're safe, you're in my arms. He's dead, remember."

I grabbed onto Edward's shirt, and pulled myself against his chest as I cried from the dream, which felt so real. "Don't let him touch me," I sobbed.

"Never, Bella, I won't let anybody hurt you, ever again," he promised.

"Don't leave me," I begged. I knew he would assume I was talking about the darkness of this particular night, but my heard was begging him to stay with me forever.

"I'll be here all night, and your parents are coming first thing in the morning," he explained.

I calmed down and let him comfort me in his arms. "I love you, Edward. I know that sounds so…small, but I don't know any other way to say it."

"I know exactly what you mean; I can't imagine a day without you. When I found out you were hurt…" He stopped talking and I tightened my arms, knowing how easily Edward turned to rage. I could imagine how out of control he was and didn't want to see his knuckles.

"I have no idea how Rose has sex with him without being crushed to death," I said without humor.

"I think he had a football flashback when he tackled you," Edward teased.

"How's Angela?" I asked.

"She's with Esme, just for added security in case this makes her want to cut."

I felt like I had at least done one thing right by introducing Angela to Esme. I had faith Esme would keep her safe, and I was really hoping Angela would see what a great mother she would be. But I had managed to ruin the perfect Valentine's, and it was pissing me off.

"Well, doesn't this suck," I said in disgust.

"It could have been worse," he pointed out.

"I doubt it, I get you alone in a bed and I can't move without excruciating pain," I complained.

"This is enough, just holding you in my arms and keeping you safe is heaven for me."

"You are the sweetest guy in the world," I said, as I felt the pain meds coming for me again.

"God, I love you," he whispered with his mouth against my head.

The door opened and my parents rushed in. My mom was hysterical and my dad looked at Edward like he was going to remove his arms if he didn't get them off of me. Edward moved to get out of the bed but I held tightly to him.

"Are you okay, honey," my mom asked ignoring Edward completely.

"Yes, I feel stupid. I was yelling for Carlisle loudly, sending Ben right for me," I told her.

"I don't know if you should return to that school, I didn't think dangerous kids would be there," she said in a panic.

"Mom, I'm a dangerous kid," I pointed out.

"You are not," she defended me.

"I set someone on fire; Rosalie wanted me gone the first day. It is a school of messed up kids, of course there are going to be issues. And dad, that was really mean to arrest Edward for defending my honor," I added.

I wanted to get that out in the open before the ability to speak left me.

"He broke the law," Charlie said as he glared at Edward again.

"Mr. Ateara is a freak and you know it," I said angrily.

"Bella, please," Edward said uncomfortably. He stood from the bed and excused himself to give us, as he called it, 'family time.'

I looked at my parents and asked, "So how's the reunion working out?"

My mom smiled and looked lovingly at my dad, causing Charlie to rub his neck in frustration. "So how do you want us to act, Bella? Do you want us to be all lovie dovie around you or not?"

"I don't care how you act," I said in shock as I fought the dizziness

"Well, when we told you we were working on our relationship you got pretty angry," he pointed out.

"You just don't understand," I cried. "I'm so angry, and frustrated, and scared, and it has nothing to do with you guys. I have my own life to navigate through, so do whatever you want."

Charlie stepped closer to the bed and leaned over tenderly to kiss my cheek. "You're my baby girl, and I did go hard on Edward. I'll apologize to him."

"Thanks, dad," I said as I began to fade.

The doctors told me I had to rest for two weeks, so my parents insisted I come home. I stayed in my room, missing Edward and worrying about Angela. My parents acted like teenagers, giggling and chasing each other around the house. If I wasn't so hurt, I would have been sick to my stomach.

Jake came by to see me one day and I welcomed the change in the monotony. "Are you really dating Leah?" I asked first thing.

"Yes, and she's really nice when you get past her bitchy exterior," he laughed.

"I only have one question, why?"

"We have a lot in common, Bella. We share a heritage and our families have known each other for a long time. What makes Edward so special? You guys have nothing in common."

"What does that mean?" I pushed.

"He just tells me stuff," Jake shrugged.

"Like what? You're freaking me out here, Jake."

"Do you know what he wants to be?" Jake asked and I felt horrible that I couldn't answer, but we had never talked about stuff like that.

"I thought maybe a composer," I said quietly.

"No, and he really wants to work stuff out with his dad."

I felt tears form and knew I would be losing Edward at the end of the school year. I just had to prepare my heart to let him go. I didn't know if I wanted to make him my first, well my first willing partner, or if that would be too painful.

"Jake, what was written on the shed about me?" I didn't really want to know, but Edward had read it, so I needed to know what was in his head.

"You know how petty people can be," he said looking away from me.

"I want to know, Jake, and you are the only person I would want to hear it from," I pleaded.

"Um…okay…it was something about…um..like hell and stuff," he was obviously uncomfortable.

"Word for word, Jake," I pressed.

"It said, 'Bella will burn in hell, along with all the daddy's she fucks.'"

I lowered my head and looked at my shaking fingers. I knew information made its way around small towns quickly and the fact I was going to the school I was, would give them reason to gossip, but I didn't realize they knew the reason I was there.

"Thanks," I whispered.

"Bella, I really respect Edward for what he did. He didn't tell Charlie why, I had to tell him. Charlie let him go after hearing it."

I nodded and tried to smile, "I'm lucky to know Edward."

"He can't fish worth shit," Jake laughed, making me laugh, too.

"He has other talents," I sighed and Jake gave me a sideways glance, so I offered more, "I mean he writes beautiful music."

"I wasn't implying anything," Jake laughed, "and he already told me your guys aren't doing to horizontal hump."

I looked at Jake in total shock. "What did he say?"

"I mean he wants to, but it's not working out….shit, Bella, don't make me rat out a friend," he complained.

"I was your friend first," I yelled at him.

"You were the annoying girl my dad made me play with, and then became the hot girl that rejected me, so when were we exactly friends," he laughed.

"You just met Edward, and only because of me," I pointed out.

"Are you jealous I'll steal him away?"

"No because obviously you like the whorish type," I said referring to Leah, but cutting down myself in the process.

"I'm leaving," he said in anger and left my room as I sat there sulking.

I knew I was being so immature by picking a fight with Jake, but I just couldn't seem to control my emotions where Edward was concerned. I picked up my guitar and began playing around with different lyrics I was working on.

The phone rang and I answered on the first ring, "Edward?"

"Hi, how are you feeling?" he asked with the sweetest voice ever.

"I feel like I should be at school, I miss you," I complained.

"Angela wanted me to tell you her father is coming to town next week, will you be back?"

"Absolutely, how is she?"

"Great, um, man, I don't know how to say this," he said with trepidation.

I felt my body tense and wanted to beg him to just stop talking. Something bad was coming, and quite frankly, I wasn't sure how much more I could take. I remained silent, listening to his breathing over the phone. He finally just came out with it.

"I'm going home."


	7. Chapter 19 thru 21

19

I stared at the blue, too much blue. Angela's father had blue eyes, a blue suit, a blue tie, and sat in front of the blue bulletin board. I was already feeling blue with Edward gone and this did not help.

Edward tried to get me to understand. And I tried to understand, but it didn't help the ache in my heart. I wanted his father to love him, and want to build a relationship with his son. But why did it have to be so far away?

I considered staying home. My mother was bound to let me stay far from the danger she felt I was in, and then I could talk to Edward on the phone. But the 'attack' by Emmett left me with nightmares of Phil, and I knew I needed more help.

And then there was Angela. Her father kept putting off his visit, maybe God was telling him to stay away from his sinful daughter, or maybe he just put everyone else's needs ahead of hers. He finally showed up the week before spring break.

Esme was holding Angela's hand as her counselor talked about her recovery and how well she was doing. I didn't see the point; we were not gathered here to talk about Angela's cutting. I finally interrupted and asked the good reverend, "If I made a mistake and had sex with my boyfriend would God forgive me?"

He looked startled by my question and cleared his throat before saying, "God forgives everyone. He wants you to accept him into your heart and sin no more."

"What about Esme? If she did something wrong would he forgive her, even though she is supposed to help kids?"

"Absolutely," he smiled.

"What about you? You teach people about right and wrong, if you sinned would he forgive you?"

"Bella, I use God's grace every day," he said in a sweet voice.

Okay, but does Angela get forgiven too, even though she is a preachers daughter?" I asked giving her the perfect opening.

He looked at his daughter and his eyes narrowed. My questioning was beginning to make sense and he was growing nervous.

"Yes, it includes Angela," he said softly.

"Good, because I don't believe she needs His grace every day. She is the kindest, sweetest, most giving person I have ever met. And somebody has made her feel evil. That person needs to ask for forgiveness."

I stood and left the room so Angela could confess to her father. I was halfway down the hallway when Esme called out for me. She ran to catch me and gave me a big hug. "That was a wonderful thing to do," she smiled.

"Am I a coward for leaving the room?" I asked her.

"No, it is a family matter now," she assured me. "Just be there for her when he leaves."

"Have you heard from Edward?" I asked.

"No, but no news has to mean good news," she said, trying to convince herself.

I nodded and looked at the ground, so she wouldn't notice the resentment written on my face. I let her lead me to group and sat alone in the semi circle with the others.

Carlisle had another 'game' for us. We had to stand and let the group guess our career choice. The purpose was to get input from others on what they viewed as our strong points and see if they coincide with our personal goals.

Alice stood first and Emmett yelled, "Bank Robber."

Carlisle glared at him, sending him sliding low in his chair.

I raised my hand and offered, "I think you would be a great kindergarten teacher. You have so much energy and your size would make the kids feel secure."

Alice smiled, but Rosalie disagreed, "I think she should be a designer, she has great style."

Jasper said, "She should be an event planner, like set up an inaugural ball for a new senator."

She winked at him and then suddenly frowned, "I'm not planning a party for your tight ass wife."

Jasper looked at Emmett and said, "Tight ass, nice."

Alice stomped her foot in protest and then announced. "I want to be an editor of a fashion magazine."

We all shook our heads and agreed it would be a good fit. She sat back down and then moved her chair away from Jasper as he laughed.

Emmett was next and we yelled, "Pro football player."

He looked sad and shook his head. "I want to coach high school football and be a teacher. I don't care what subject; I just want to encourage kids to learn."

"Try not to tackle them in hallways," I said, pointing to the small scar on my forehead.

Jasper stood and we yelled, "Senator," except for Alice. She yelled, "Historian at the Smithsonian."

He winked at her and announced. "I want to write biographies of Great War hero's."

"I thought you wanted to go into politics?" I asked him.

"I need to get a better reputation first, plus I'm too good looking to become a Senator just yet."

We all laughed and Rose stood to let us consider her. "Stripper," Emmett yelled, and I expected her to hit him, but she smiled and said, "Thanks, babe."

"Model?" I said hesitantly.

"No," Alice said, "It has to be something fierce, something most women can't do. I know, Navy SEAL."

"Get real," Rose said, rolling her eyes. "I am not wearing camouflage."

Jasper looked at her for a moment and said, "Mayor."

She smiled and thanked him profusely. "I actually want to be a lawyer…and then maybe mayor."

I could see Rosalie arguing in front of a jury. They would be captivated by her beauty and then swayed by her no nonsense argument.

When it was my turn I was nervous. I didn't want to hear their rude comments about possibly being a prostitute, but they shocked me.

"A therapist," Alice yelled.

"No, a cop," Emmett threw out.

"I can see her working here, helping other kids," Rosalie suggested.

"No, it would have to be bigger," Jasper said looking at me seriously. "Plus she has a dirty mouth, so she can't work with kids."

I laughed and surprised them all when I said, "I want to be a reporter."

"Really, I think you would make a better therapist," Alice said sincerely.

"No, she would be an awesome cop," Emmett said loudly.

"No, she should be a singer," a soft voice came from behind me. I spun around to see Edward standing there and I was frozen to my spot. His body became blurry from my tears, but I still couldn't move.

"Edward needs to be a cage fighter," Emmett yelled.

I shook my head and whispered, "Edward is a composer."

"I want to be a lawyer," he whispered back.

"You can't Rosalie is being the lawyer," I said softly with a smile.

"I want to be your everything," he said walking towards me as the others threw out jobs for him.

His arms came around my waist and he hugged me tightly as I whispered, "You already are."

"Edward, will you step in my office," Carlisle asked, taking him out of my arms. I watched him walk away and hurried over to my own chair. Esme continued on with the session, but my attention was gone. I was dying to know what happened in Chicago and wondered if he made things right with his father.

It didn't make sense to come back for one week, just to return for spring break, unless his father kicked him out. I was biting my nails and looked back at the office door as everyone spoke around me.

The group was finally dismissed and Esme asked me to please check on Angela. Was she freaking kidding me? Edward was right behind that door and she wanted me to leave. I tried to protest and she assured me Edward would be busy for awhile. I begrudgingly left the room and headed for the dorm.

Angela was packing her stuff and I quickly asked her why she was leaving. "My dad wants me to come home. He wants me to choose a family from our congregation to adopt the baby and move in with them."

"Angela, you need further help, you know you will cut if you do this."

"He insists," she said sadly.

"You have options, don't do this because you feel backed into a corner," I said getting very loud.

"What options?" she asked.

"You can stay here, you can live with me, you can live with the Cullens, and you can choose whoever you want to give the baby to. Esme can't have children; she would be an amazing mother."

"I thought about that, but my dad said it has to be a Christian family."

"Esme is Christian," I said angrily.

"Active church going Christian," she emphasized.

"Oh, I see, like your family, because that worked out wonderfully for you," I sneered and walked away. I was angry, and hurt, and knew Angela was in jeopardy. She was going to make the wrong decision and it was going to cost her possibly the life of her baby.

I went searching for Edward and found the door still closed. I sat in a chair and waited for him. It was over an hour before the door opened and Edward stepped out with a tear-stained face and swollen eyes.

He smiled at me and held open his arms. I ran to him and clung to his chest as I cried. I was crying because I had missed him so much, and because he wanted to be my everything, and because I felt like nothing without him.

"How's the head?" he asked as he remained buried in my neck.

"As screwed up as always," I said truthfully. "How was Chicago?"

"As screwed up as always," he said with a sigh.

"Are you back, to stay?" I asked,

He pulled back and gave me a big smile, "Yeah, the Cullens are letting me stay."

"For the school year?" I asked hesitantly.

He looked around the room and then took my hand and pulled me with him. We went to the music room with the bean bag and my heart went into overdrive. I didn't care if Alice stole his condoms or if a bean bag was not a fancy bed, I wanted him too badly to think straight.

"Bella, I turn eighteen in June. I'm taking my GED and starting college in the fall, right here in Washington. And I have you to thank," he said pulling out an envelope and handing it to me.

"What's this?" I asked, taking it into my hands.

"It is our future…together," he smiled.

I opened it up to find a complicated contract. I had no idea what it was; unless Mr. Masen was having the Cullens adopt Edward. I shook my head in confusion and Edward took the papers from my hand.

"I sent three of our songs to a record label. All three were picked up and one is going to be used by Landon Davis."

"Are you kidding me? I love him," I screamed, and then got a little pissed. "You didn't ask me, Edward."

"I didn't want to get your hopes up in case my father refused to represent us. This is unheard of Bella, nobody gets results this fast. You are truly talented and the music industry recognizes it. Now you have songs published it will get easier for you to be heard for your own voice."

My head was spinning and I tried to grasp what he was telling me. I plopped onto the bean bag as I worked through my thoughts, and Edward added more to think about.

"I know we are young Bella, but you'll be eighteen in the fall and we can get a place together."

"This is crazy," I laughed as I looked at him in disbelief.

"Look at us, we are crazy," he laughed. "I want you to come with me to Chicago next week, for spring break, sign some contracts and meet my father."

"Edward, I don't know what to say, I'm…just…."

He sat next to me and pulled me into his arms, "Say you'll come, say you love me, and say you'll let me love you."

I pulled him onto me and kissed him like I had been dreaming about for several weeks. There was no slow building of our passion. We picked up easily where we had left off and our hands were everywhere. He chuckled when I unfastened his pants, but he didn't stop me. I was going to have him, finally.

"The door suddenly threw open and Alice yelled, "Bella, come quick, it's Angela."

There was only one thing in the entire world that would get me to leave Edward's arms and that was Angela in trouble, well, maybe my father's gun, too. I ran as quickly as I could, leaving Edward to work on his jeans alone.

I could picture Angela's bloody body lying dead on the ground and my anger was reaching Edward's level of rage the closer I came to the dorm. I broke through the crowd of students in the hallway to find Angela standing perfectly healthy in front of her father.

"What's wrong?" I asked her as I tried to catch my breath.

"My father feels he knows what is best for me and my baby," she said with anger, well, it was angry for Angela.

"Are you the one filling her head with fantasies?" he said hatefully to me.

"I gave her options," I corrected.

He took a step towards me and I was grateful when I felt Edward's arm come defensively around me. "This is none of your concern. You are just another misfit in a place that harbors society ills," he spit at me.

"And you are just a Pharisee, pretending to be better than others; shall I call you Saul or Paul?" I said just as hatefully. Angela raised her eyebrows and laughed loudly. "I went to Sunday School," I said in my defense.

Angela's father was turning purple he was so mad, he took another small step towards me and Edward pulled me behind him, and said in warning, "You are about to cross a very definite line, and seeing how I am one of society's ills, I will break your jaw if you as much as look at her wrong."

"We are leaving, step aside," he warned Edward.

"I'm not going, father," Angela said decisively.

At that point Carlisle and the school detention officer came running up. "Mr. Weber, please come with me, let's talk this out in a civilized manner," Carlisle begged.

"I am taking my child out of here, and I will sue you for letting her become pregnant under your care," he threatened.

I laughed, bringing the focus back to me and noticed how Carlisle gave me a warning glare. "Sorry," I offered as I lowered my head, "But Ang got pregnant at home, not here."

Her father slowly turned to look at his defiant daughter and she nodded in the affirmative. His jaw tightened and he said very softly, "You are dead to me."

He walked away and I screamed after him, "You hypocrite, you are puffed up with pride, you don't deserve a daughter as wonderful as Angela. If I had your blood running through my veins I would try to get rid of it too. You are noth…"

A hand clamped tightly over my mouth and Edward spoke into my ear, "Let him go. His mind is too thick for your words to get through."

"I wasn't finished," I said angrily to Edward.

"Okay, let me rephrase, shut up, Bella."

"Don't tell me to shut up," I said with shock.

"Shut up, Bella," he said with more force and I stormed off to find Angela in my room.

He followed and I tried to slam the door but he just stuck his foot out to stop me. "Get out of my room," I insisted.

"Man, I thought I was the one with a temper," he laughed.

I looked up to see Esme behind him and stepped aside, letting Edward enter the room just so Esme could come in, too. Angela ran to her arms and I watched with teary eyes as Esme comforted her.

Edward took hold of my arm and pulled me from the room. As soon as we were in the hallway I jerked my arm away from him. "I need a cigarette," he said as he walked toward the outer door. I ran after him so he could see the disapproval on my face.

"If you smoke, I'm going to smoke, too."

"You make me smoke," he said as he headed to the covered patio.

He pulled a pack from his pocket and I reached out to grab it from his hand. "Give it to me," he said angrily.

I stuck it in my bra and folded my arms in protest. "Don't blame your bad habits on me!"

"You really think I won't rip your shirt off?" he said in anger and I tensed at his words. I stared at him in shock and watched as his face change to understanding.

"I'm sorry; I didn't mean it like….shit, Bella. I'm tired; I'm so tired of wanting you and trying to figure all of this out. I want you to come home with me Saturday and not just to meet my father or sign contracts. I want to stop this cat and mouse shit and become a real couple."

"Carlisle said to take me to a hotel," I teased with a shy smile.

"I'm doing one better, I'm taking you to my home and to my bed, are you coming?"

"Carlisle said to wait until I was eighteen," I said to torment him.

"If I wait until you're eighteen, I will be dead," he said in frustration.

I laughed and walked over to hug him. "Do you think we will stop fighting once we start…you know."

"I seriously doubt it, but that is what makes you so damn interesting," he kissed me deeply and leaned into me, arching me backwards. I let my head fall back, anticipating his kisses moving to my neck, but instead he grabbed his cigarettes from my bra.

"That wasn't nice," I complained.

He lit the stick and handed it to me, "We'll share."

I saw Esme and Angela walk from the dorms toward the office and nodded to Edward, "I think you're getting a baby brother or baby sister."

He looked over at them and watched for a moment before turning back to me. "Do you ever want kids?"

"I don't know, I guess, not for a long time. Do you?"

"No, I don't want to lose my wife like my father did," he said sadly.

"Edward, your mother was not well, the way she raised you probably had something to do with her tumor. Don't judge other women by your mother. That would be like me thinking my husband would touch my daughters."

He took a long drag from the cigarette and blew the smoke from his lungs slowly, as if he was enjoying it, before saying, "I get too angry to be a father."

"Right now you do, but you're getting help, right?"

He shrugged and looked at his battered, scarred knuckles. "Do you think anyone comes out of here fixed, or just patched up?"

"I don't know, and I don't think we will know for years. It is most likely one of those perspective things," I laughed.

"So what if I get so angry at you, that I hurt you," he said painfully.

"Don't be stupid, you know why I am here, right?"

He chuckled and nodded.

"If you..um…not that you would, but if you ever hurt me…"

"I wouldn't," he said forcefully.

"I know, I just want you to know that if you did.."

"Stop it, Bella, I wouldn't, period."

I nodded and looked out into the darkness. I always felt odd talking about the future with him since we were so young, but the truth was it needed to be done to truly know him.

"Tell me about your father," I asked.

"He's a lawyer, he writes contacts…"

"No, tell me _about_ your father," I pushed.

"He is tall, quiet, doesn't laugh much. He is social, or at least within the context of his job he socializes. Always going to the theatre or the symphony with some pretty girl on his arm," Edward said with a tight jaw.

"Did you guys talk about it?"

"A little, can we change the subject," he said as he finished the cigarette.

"It makes me nervous to come to Chicago," I admitted. "I don't want to end up refereeing a fight."

Edward gave me a disgusted look and stood. I looked at his beautiful face, so obviously in pain, and wasn't sure what to say, so I decided to be honest and mature.

"Sit down, Edward; we need to have a talk."

"Later," he said and began to walk away.

I watched him leave with my mouth hanging open. I was stunned he would walk off without even a goodbye, and as the night wore on, the angrier I became. The next morning he showed up for class and I made sure to be sitting where he couldn't sit next to me.

We acted this way all day until we reached the one class we could hide in the crowd. I walked into music to find him playing on the piano. I picked up my guitar and began working on a song I was writing. He finally stopped and listened to me, so I stopped. "You going to steal this one, too?" I asked.

"If it's worth anything, and I can't steal my own music."

"Does that contract make us partners, because I didn't agree to that," I pointed out.

"It says you agree to be surgically attached to me," he said without any humor whatsoever.

"Like hell," I mumbled.

"Can I ask one favor?" he said in a soft voice.

I sat my pick down and looked at him, waiting.

"Don't sell 'Edward's song.' You should be the only person to sing it."

I crumbled, I couldn't stay mad at him any longer and I jumped up and into his arms. He began kissing me forcefully and I responded with just as much force. My chin was red and irritated when we finally broke apart to talk.

"I'm sorry I make you so angry," I told him.

"No, it is my stupid fear that gets in the way. Talking about my father and kids, it just freaked me out a bit," he admitted.

"I need you to tell me where you see our relationship going. I get too afraid to think about it and I need to know if we feel the same way."

"You don't love me?" he asked in shock.

"Yes, I do love you, but we're kids, Edward."

"Bella, I don't mean to hurt you, but in all honesty, your life left kid behind long ago, you are more mature than most adults I know."

I looked down and he used his finger to lift my chin. "I want us to go to college together, to write music together, and to spend our lives together. That is where I see our relationship going," he said.

"Do you think we are too messed up to make it work?" I asked.

"Probably, but most couples are. We will just have to love each other that much more and make sure to keep our problems out in the open."

I chewed on my lip for a second and then smiled softly, "You stole Jake from me."

"What, I thought you weren't dating?"

"We weren't. He was my friend and now he is your friend, and it kind of pisses me off."

"You can't be friends with someone who wants to screw you," he pointed out.

I laughed and said, "I'm telling him you said he had beautiful long hair."

"I already told him, when we snuggled on the camping trip," he teased.

"Stop! I told you girls don't get turned on by that," I laughed and covered his mouth with my hand.

"So are you coming to Chicago?" he asked softly.

"I'll call my parents tonight and see if I can get a ticket."

"I have your ticket already, I just need you," his voice deepened and his eyes looked down my body for a second.

"Will your father let me stay, like with you?"

"Yes, moral values are not high on his list of priorities," Edward said shaking his head.

"Or he just got very lonely over the years," I said softly.

Edward looked at me and finally nodded; opening himself up to the possibility his father may have been more of a victim than his mother.

It seemed like the very next instance we were landing in Chicago and Edward was leaning over my body to point out area landmarks. The city made him come alive in a way I had never seen before. He seemed confident and walked a bit taller.

A car was waiting for us with a driver in uniform. I had never been treated this way and it made me laugh. "I feel like I'm dating Richie Rich," I teased.

"It is all a façade," Edward said sadly.

I gasped when I saw the large estate we pulled in front of and suddenly wished I had ball gowns packed in my bag, instead of outfits put together by Alice.

We walked through a front door larger than the whole front of my house and I felt very small. Edward could tell I was getting nervous or intimidated so he dropped his bag and pulled me into my arms. "It is just stuff, Bella; to hide the fact a real family didn't live here."

He led me to the kitchen for a drink and noticed a note pinned to a bulletin board. He pulled the paper harshly and then crumpled it in anger.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"My fucking father, he left for three days."

I wondered if Mr. Masen just didn't want to meet me, or if the thought of fighting with Edward scared him off. But something else began to dawn on me at the exact same moment it worked its way through Edward's brain.

He turned slowly to look at me and a smile grew on his face along with mine. "We're alone," I said.

"We're alone for three days," he added.

20

Who in their right mind leaves two horny teenagers alone in a mansion for three days? And where do said teenagers even begin? Edward and I stood there staring at each other like we were part of some prank. He finally whispered, "I think I need a cigarette."

I shook my head back and forth, feeling downright euphoric, and said, "I think you need much more than a cigarette."

He rubbed his hand on the back of his neck and then locked his hands together to look at me. "Do you want a tour of the house?"

"Hell no," I laughed a little too loudly, making the room echo.

"Do you want a tour of my room?" he smiled.

"Hell yeah," I smiled back.

He held out his hand and I took it quickly. Instead of pulling me from the room he pulled me into his arms. "I planned on making everything just perfect; I didn't anticipate being alone first thing."

"So, are you saying you want to wait?" I asked, praying he was not saying he wanted to wait.

"No, not at all, I just have to come up with a new plan," he chuckled.

"Tell you what, show me your room and I'll come up with the plan."

He kissed me passionately and my plan was very close to throwing him onto the countertop, when he finally began walking backwards from the room. When we got to a huge staircase he pulled away and led me by the hand. I looked around, gawking at the expensive decorations and furniture.

I was looking behind me when Edward stopped in front of a dark wooden door. He seemed hesitant and I began to wonder if he was afraid. The only girl he had been with was during a drunken party.

"Edward," I said softly, "It's just me."

He shook his head and said adamantly, "It will never be _just you._ You are everything in the world to me and the only girl I will ever love."

I smiled and ran my finger over his lips softly, "Show me," I whispered.

He opened the door to reveal and huge four poster bed, which I would most likely need help climbing on, and the most amazing room I had ever seen. A television rose from the foot of the bed and beveled glass windows brought in light from every direction.

A bathroom was just off the side of the room with a shower containing more sprays than people had body parts for. The bathtub was huge, with black claw feet holding it high off the ground. I was so stunned I couldn't speak. I couldn't imagine a hotel being any better than this, and the best part was it belonged to Edward. It was his bed and he was mine.

I laughed and put my hand over my heart, "Oh my God, Edward, this is amazing."

"So did you get inspired with a plan?" he asked nervously.

"Absolutely, bath then bed," I said looking at the large tub.

Edward reached for a remote and metal shutters began closing over the windows, plummeting us into darkness. Music began playing on the television and soft lights rose in sconces above the bed.

I spun around in a circle taking it all in and felt Edward's arms come around me. I stopped and looked into his eyes as I began to unbutton his shirt. "Just one second," he said and pulled away. I was just about to protest and yell at him for interrupting my seduction plan, but he began filling the tub, so I gave him some slack.

I unzipped my skirt and let it fall to the ground, but Edward yelled out for me to stop. "That's my job," he smiled as he came back into the room.

He knelt down and removed my heels, one shoe at a time, and then pulled my layered shirts from over my head. I was standing in just my bra and panties. I wasn't too nervous yet, we had seen each other naked before.

I began removing his clothes and he pulled me into the bathroom so he could watch the tub. When I had him completely undressed I wanted to smack myself for coming up with the tub idea in the first place. He stepped into the huge cast iron bath and held his hand out for me. It was amazing and I began to relax in the deep hot water.

Edward did anything but relax. He was nibbling on my neck and shoulders and pulling me tightly against him as he panted. I finally decided to put him out of his misery and stood to pull a towel off the rack. The towel was heated and I wondered if it was hard for Edward to give up so much luxury.

He helped me from the bath and wrapped the huge towel around me before hugging me tightly. He didn't bother with a towel, and let me dry him with my hands as we pushed me backwards to the bed.

Our kisses were getting frantic and I pulled him roughly over me as I leaned on the tall mattress. He finally pulled away and opened a drawer grabbing a stack of condoms and coming back to the bed, which I had climbed up on.

"Are you bragging or hoping," I laughed as he tossed the condoms on the bed.

"You get to pick," he smiled.

I looked at the scattered squares and grabbed one. "This will match your eyes," I said causing him to fall over in laughter.

"Please tell me you are not color coordinating my dick to my eyes."

"When I repeat this story it will add a certain sophistication," I told him.

"Well, when I repeat this story it will have you naked on the doorstep and condoms won't even be mentioned."

I laughed and then my eyes fell, "Edward, don't tell Jake about this, please."

"Bella, I was only joking. I wouldn't tell anyone, I promise."

"He told me what was written on the shed," I admitted and watched as Edward's jaw tightened. He backed up and I had to reach out and stop him from getting out of the bed.

"You're not ready," he said sadly.

"What?" I asked in shock. I was sitting naked in his bed, how was I not ready.

"If that came into your mind, I don't want to touch you."

"It came into my mind because I love you for defending me. I am so sure about this, because you read that, and still love me," I said as tears began to fall.

"Of course I still love you, that was garbage, written by garbage," he said sweetly and tried to wipe away my tears.

He scooted back against the headboard and pulled me onto his lap. I felt beautiful, and sensual, and in total control. I kissed him confidently and he let me lead in every way. I never felt like I was the experienced one, taking his virtue. I felt like we were equals, sharing ourselves with each other.

He grabbed my face with his hands and stared at me with wide eyes, making contact at the most intimate time. He was looking at me, loving me, and I was the only person in his thoughts. My head fell back as I screamed his name, amazed at the feelings he produced in me. He followed right behind me and I began to cry with overwhelming love for him.

He struggled to steady his breathing and looked at me with fear, "Are you okay?" he said after swallowing hard.

"Edward," I cried and pulled my face into his neck, "That was…I mean I never….what was that?"

He chuckled and tightened his arms around me, "That was me loving you, that was us," he explained.

"Don't ever leave me," I cried, having no idea why I was so emotional but certain I would die without him.

"Never, love, never."

He went to the bathroom to dispose of the condom and then crawled under the thick covers to hold me. We were both smiling and everything seemed new. My fingertips touched his face like they were sensing it for the first time. He ran his hands through my hair, unable to take his eyes from mine.

I finally said, "Edward that was perfect, thank you."

"To hear you scream my name like that was worth the wait," he smiled.

"School is going to be torture now," I moaned.

He smiled and leaned over to kiss my nose, "We'll manage."

I ran my fingers down his chest and he raised his eyebrows when I kept going. "You're more addicting than cigarettes," I said in a sultry voice I didn't know I had.

He moved his hands under the covers and said, "Let me show you a song I wrote."

I screamed when I felt his fingers on my body, making him laugh. He rolled over me and played beautiful music written only for me.

We became ravenous and not for each other. Edward stood and pulled on his jeans, telling me to wait for him. I grabbed his shirt, buttoning it all crooked and ran downstairs to find him. I couldn't stand to be out of his sight for even a few minutes.

I watched him from the doorway as he gathered ingredients to make sandwiches. I felt the tears fall and I felt like such a girl. He caught sight of me through his peripheral vision and smiled. "It looks better on you," he said.

"What do you do around here, I mean when you were here for three weeks what did you do?"

"That wasn't a pleasure trip. I was getting my father to help me with the music contract."

"Did you guys talk about personal things?"

"Why do you think I'm smoking again," he said sadly.

"Anything get resolved?"

"A little, nothing earth moving, but he worked on the contracts so that was a start."

"Did you ever apologize, you know, for the fight," I ask hesitantly.

I noticed how his jaw tightened and he began placing the meat harshly on the bread.

"He's a married man, it wasn't right no matter what," Edward said angrily.

I decided to drop the subject and took the sandwich he offered me. He picked up his and motioned for me to follow him, offering me a tour of the house. I gaped at the many rooms, loving the music room the most.

When he got to the door next to his room he passed right by it, so I stopped. "What's in there?"

"Oh, um nothing, that was my mom's room," he said uncomfortably.

I reached out and opened the door as he headed down the hallway. The room was perfectly preserved, as if she would come walking out at any moment. The entire room was a shrine to Edward; I laughed awkwardly and turned to see him glaring at me from the doorway.

"I could help you pack this up, I'm sure it is uncomfortable for your father."

"He was able to forget her years ago, and no, I don't want the room touched," he pressed.

"Edward, this isn't healthy. I mean look at this, it is like an Edward Temple, God, how did she let you go away to school," I laughed.

"Come on," he said nodding for me to leave the room.

"Edward, I want to talk about this, surely you see the absurdity of her obsession with you, I mean, look around."

"This is none of your business Bella," he said harshly.

"It most certainly is," I yelled.

"How so?"

"This is why you don't want children, Edward, so it does include me. And if you think this is how true love should be, I can guarantee you I won't be setting up rooms devoted to you."

"Bella," he said in that dangerous calm, "don't."

I looked at him and walked closer to speak directly into his eyes, "This is crazy, Edward. And I'm packing the room up."

"You touch one thing in here and I'm throwing you out," he threatened.

"You're going to hurt me?" I asked in shock, and then realized we were truly alone in the house.

He began pinching the bridge of his nose and breathing heavily, so I stepped away from him. "I asked you a question Edward. Are you going to hurt me?"

"Of course not," he screamed at me.

"But if I touch one thing in here, you're going to throw me out," I reminded him.

He turned and stomped from the room. I walked around and really looked at every picture. They were always of Edward and his mother, not one picture of his father in the entire room. Edward's baby shoes, several pairs, were on every surface, along with pacifiers, blankets, rattles. It was so creepy.

I looked in her closet to see her clothing still hanging as she left them. There were boxes on the shelves and each box was full of pictures and articles of Edward and his accomplishments. I heard a noise and turned to see Edward standing just outside the closet.

He looked sad, and so young. "Bella, I need this. I have to know somebody loved me. Can you understand that?"

"Edward," I whispered, "This isn't love. Can you understand that?"

He shook his head back and forth and let the tears fall down his face. I walked over and pulled him to me, holding him tightly. "This is love Edward."

He took a deep breath and let his hands come around me. "Show me," he whispered, "Show me how much you love me."

I pulled him back into his room and pushed him back onto the bed. I poured out all the love I could, hoping to fill his entire soul, so he could let all the distortions in his life go.

I was standing with the refrigerator door open, drumming my fingers as I searched for something to make for us to eat, when the back door opened.

A man, who looked an awful lot like Edward, stepped into the kitchen and I realized I was dressed in only a small t-shirt and panties. I pulled the fridge door in front of me as I backed into the cold storage.

"You must be Mr. Masen," I said with a red face.

"Yes," he said quietly and looked around the room nervously."Are you with Edward?"

"Yeah," I chuckled, "Sorry, um, I'm not really dressed, I mean I am dressed just not, oh shit," I exclaimed making everything so much worse.

"I'll give you some privacy," he said with a soft voice and left the room.

I ran with a speed I didn't know I had back to the bed we had spent three entire days in. "Edward, your father's home," I exclaimed with shallow breathes.

He moaned and pulled more of his covers up. I began to shake him furiously. "Edward, did you hear me?"

"Yes," he said with irritation, "My father's home."

"I just had a conversation with him in my underwear," I said with total shame.

"Take them off and you can have a conversation with me," he said with a slight smile, still refusing to open his eyes.

"Get up, or I swear I will flush every condom in this place," I threatened.

He finally sat up and looked at me with sleepy eyes. I could feel my body shaking and Edward looked me up and down. "You look hot," he teased.

"I said 'shit' to your father," I confessed.

He laughed loudly and said, "He's heard the word before, he actually uses it quite often."

I began wringing my hands and pacing back and forth. "I feel awful, Edward. I've been screwing his son senseless in his home, and then I stand in front of him in my underwear and cuss. He must think you dug me out of some brothel."

"Screwing me senseless," he laughed loudly again. "I've been in my right mind the entire time, thank you."

"I want to go home," I announced. "I knew this was a bad idea."

Edward finally got serious and reached his hand out for mine. I let him pull me close and he looked at me with worried eyes. "Are you okay? Did he make you feel uncomfortable or threatened?"

I knew what he meant and I felt even more awful for making him think such a thing about his own father. "No, nothing like that, I just wish I had on pants for our first introduction."

"Let's shower and we'll go meet him officially," he smiled and I gasped.

"I'm not getting in the shower with you, what will he think?"

"Bella, he is not like Charlie, I can promise you that. He doesn't care." He stood and pulled me with him to the bathroom. "Take off your shirt or I'll do it for you."

I was torn, going back and forth between wanting to get in the shower and wanting to get the hell out of there. Edward removed his boxers, making the decision so much easier. We showered and got dressed for the day, and feeling jeans on my legs felt really weird.

Edward led me to his father's office and knocked lightly on the door. "Come in," he said in a soft voice. I wondered if he always spoke so softly and I got my answer quickly.

Edward opened the door and I saw Mr. Masen sitting behind a grand old desk. "Dad, this is Bella. She is a bit embarrassed by your first meeting." I squeezed Edward's hand in anger.

"Welcome to our home, Bella. I am Edward Masen, Sr."

"Hi," I said, for lack of anything more appropriate to say.

"Bella wants to pack up mom's room," Edward announced and I was stunned as to why he would say something like that first thing.

Mr. Masen chuckled and looked right at me. "Good luck, I doubt Edward will let you touch the mausoleum to his honor."

"Go to hell," Edward said hatefully and then sat in a chair, leaving me to wonder what was going on.

"This is still my office," Mr. Masen yelled loudly. "I can ask you to get out if you speak to me in that manner."

"Both of you stop it, I'm a guest in your home and you are both being disrespectful to me," I pointed out.

"Pack up the room, if you like," Mr. Masen said in his soft voice again.

Edward shook his head and let out a disgusted breath.

"What do you expect him to say, Edward? You brought it up," I said getting in the middle of their pissing contest.

"He never disappoints," Edward laughed.

"Maybe because you never stop baiting him, I know a little about that habit of yours," I said angrily.

I heard Mr. Masen chuckle and I spun around to confront him, "And you're the father for heaven sake. Act like one."

They both dropped their heads in the exact same manner and it made me laugh, "God, you two are so much alike."

I left the room and Edward came running after me. "Where are you going?" he asked.

"I'm going to pack up the damn room, neither one of you are man enough to do it. You can watch or you can go cry to your daddy," I said angrily. He stopped following me and I grabbed the newspaper off the table in the entryway and began wrapping up the photographs.

I looked at each one as I carefully wrapped it up. I heard a noise and looked up to see Mr. Masen staring at me. I turned a photo around of Edward and Mrs. Masen sitting on an elephant. He smiled and came over to sit next to me.

"It was his first birthday, well actually the day after his first birthday. We rented a circus and Edward slept through the entire party, so we brought them back the next day for pictures."

"Wow, that must have been expensive," I laughed.

"She would have spent every dime on him, if it would have made him happy," he mused.

I picked up another picture of Edward holding a baseball. "Ah, my one outing with my son, we went to a Cubs game, but he caught a cold and I wasn't allowed to take him anymore."

"Why didn't you fight her?" I asked him for Edward. "He was your son, too."

"We lost so many babies, when he was born healthy she was terrified of losing him. What if something I did endangered him or made him sick, I couldn't do that to her," he said sadly.

"Did you love her?" I asked him.

"More than she ever understood, and much more than she ever loved me," he said with tears in his eyes.

"Can I ask you something difficult?"

He looked into my eyes, and I saw Edward, my Edward. He finally nodded so I asked, "Why did you hurt him in the fight?"

His head fell and he stared at his twirling fingers. "He was always in the way, always in the spot I wanted so badly, and he hated me. He knew what it felt like to be loved by her. I went from woman to woman looking for something remotely like it, but I never found what he had. When he told me I didn't deserve her, I snapped."

I reached out and took his hand and held it tightly in mine. "She wasn't well, and she messed Edward up really badly. You need to fix it, for her. You and Edward need to find that love together, so her life can mean something."

He looked past me and I turned to see Edward standing in the doorway. I didn't know how long he was there so I began picking up photos again and asking about each picture. Soon Edward joined us and began sharing his own memories of his mother.

Mr. Masen began sharing stories of when he met Elizabeth and how he moved to America as a child from Ireland. Edward was mesmerized and I could tell he had never heard these stories before. The day passed quickly and we finally decided to go out for dinner.

"Have you taken her to any of our favorite restaurants?" Mr. Masen asked.

Edward laughed and I turned red. "No, pick whichever one you like," he said, sparing me by not telling him we spent three days acting like rabbits.

"I'll reserve a table, while you dress for dinner," Mr. Masen said and left the room.

"Dress for dinner?" I asked, worrying about the lack of ball gowns again.

"A skirt is fine," Edward assured me.

I looked through my outfits Alice put together and found a simple black dress. I instantly wondered where she had stolen it, but it fit perfectly. I worked extra hard on my makeup and came downstairs to see Edward dressed in slacks and a blazer. He looked better than James Bond.

"Wow," Edward said when he saw me.

"Is it okay?" I asked.

He walked over to me and took my hands, "It is so perfect I want to rip it from your body."

"I'm starving, so rip in a couple of hours," I smiled.

A driver took us downtown and dropped us at the Saloon Steakhouse inside a gorgeous hotel. Everyone we passed seemed to know Mr. Masen and greeted Edward with surprise. I wondered just how much they knew about his school in Washington.

A pretty waitress came to our table and gave Mr. Masen a kiss on the cheek, "It's so nice to see you, Edward," she said to Senior.

My Edward tensed and I noticed how tightly he gripped the menu.

"Thank you, Roeschelle. This is my son, Edward, Jr. and his friend, Bella."

I smiled at the woman, but Edward refused to acknowledge her. "Can I get you some drinks?" she asked.

"You can get the hell out of here," Edward said, never looking up from his menu.

I gasped and smacked his arm hard. Mr. Masen's jaw tightened making him look even more like Edward. "We'll both have a Coke," I said, trying to be extra sweet.

When she walked away I grabbed the menu from Edward's hands. "Grow up or I'm leaving, right now," I demanded.

"Did you have to bring us here?" Edward said to his father. "Is throwing her in our faces for my benefit?"

"You always liked their steak. I came here for you," he explained. "Would you rather I take you to Chuckie Cheese."

"I'm sure you've fucked the help there, too," Edward said hatefully to his father, and then moved my hair from my shoulder and began kissing my neck inappropriately. I tried to scoot away but his arm held me tightly against him. I felt cheap and like I was being used to make a point.

I stared back and forth between them and something suddenly dawned on me.

"Oh my God," I said in disbelief. "I get it now, Edward. It never made sense that you would love someone like me, but it all just locked into place."

I turned to look at his father, both men tightly wound with anger, "I'm here for your benefit, sir," I said as tears filled my eyes.

"What are you talking about, Bella?" Edward said angrily.

I continued to speak to Mr. Masen and let my tears fall freely.

"I'm the lowest denominator he could find at our school. I am payback for all the waitresses, salesgirls, and secretaries you have shamed the Masen name with. This is supposed to hurt you, but you're too busy trying to hurt him, that you don't realize the damage Edward is trying to inflict on the family name. So you both ended up hurting me."

"Bella," Edward said trying to take my hand, but I pulled it harshly away.

"I had sex with him, in your house Mr. Masen, it was supposed to be the coup de grace. Well played, Edward. I never saw it coming."

I ran from the restaurant and jumped into a cab just as Edward emerged from the hotel. He looked up and down the sidewalk never seeing me pull away.

I had the cab stop by the house and I grabbed just my purse and ticket, leaving my clothes for Edward to deal with. I went straight to the airport and switched my ticket to the next flight for Seattle. I called my mom and made arrangements for someone to pick me up.

My phone rang, so often I finally shut it off. When I landed in Washington I was shocked to see Jake waiting for me.

"You flew in that?" he said motioning to my attire.

"Yeah, now please don't speak to me," I begged and walked quickly a few steps in front of him.

"Edward is going crazy looking for you, can I at least tell him you're home?" he asked as he caught up and put his arm around me.

I stopped walking and looked into his beautiful dark eyes. I held my hands to his cheeks and kissed him deeply. He pulled back and tried to smile, but he was too suspicious to let it fully form.

"I want to be alone with you Jake; I want you to love me, okay?" I asked as I watched him swallow and look around for someone or something.

"Bella, you don't mean it," he said softly.

I grabbed the front of his shirt and began pulling him toward the parking garage, "Like hell I don't."

21

We got to Jake's car and I pushed him against the door and kissed him again. This time he pushed me away and looked at me with a hurt expression. I knew he was dating Leah, but I didn't care. This was the Bella everyone expected, I was finally the girl they all thought I was.

"This is really a mean thing to do to me, Bella," Jake said angrily.

"Having sex with you is mean?" I challenged him.

"You know I have feelings for you, pick someone else to make Edward mad," he said and climbed into his car.

I went around to the other side and got in the car. I turned to face him and said, "This is not about making Edward mad, this is about me and you."

"So if I drive you to the cove, you're going to have sex with me?"

"Yes," I said with a strong voice.

"In that dress?" he asked.

"No, out of this dress," I clarified.

"I'm taking you home, if you still want to have sex tomorrow, call me."

I sat back in the seat and felt the tears begin to fall as Jake drove from the airport toward Forks. He finally reached over and took my hand. "Don't cry," he said softly.

I pulled his hand between my legs and cuddled up against his extended arm. I rubbed his arm gently and kissed the taut bicep. He finally pulled his arm away and said with a thick voice, "Bella, you're driving me crazy."

"I need you Jake," I pleaded.

He looked at me and had to shake his head to clear his thoughts.

"What happened in Chicago?" he asked. "Edward is going postal."

"Edward and I are not a good combination. He's the guy that needs too much from me, and I'm the girl he can throw in his father's face."

"I think he really loves you, Bella. He is trying so hard to figure out a future for the both of you, together."

"Because being with Edward is a twenty-four seven job. He consumes people and if you don't make him your entire life, he breaks things."

"So who am I?" he asked cautiously.

"You're the guy who's always there for me," I said and leaned against his shoulder.

"You don't have a clue who I am," he said with a hurt voice. "I'm the guy who gets hot and bothered when you sing, and I'm the guy who wants to brag to his buddies that I finally get to bed you. I'm not the guy that loves you, that is Edward."

"It's enough," I said softly.

"So now you're going to pass up love for a fuck buddy?"

"Sure, why not," I answered dryly.

He slammed on the brakes and pulled the car off the road. "Do you hear yourself, Bella?"

"Jake, I don't belong in their world. They are rich and mean and they use each other as pawns in some sick battle that I don't understand. I can't take it anymore. I can't watch Rose head to the bathroom and wonder if she is vomiting her lunch. I can't dress in Alice's creations and wonder who she stole it from. I can't worry about Angela killing herself because her minister father taught her God hates her. I'm done, and I just want to go home."

"Bella, look what you just asked me to do. Do you think you are ready to come home? Are you really over Phil if you are willing to throw yourself at me just to forget Edward?"

I began to cry and Jake held me tenderly. "I didn't deserve this," I cried out.

"You're right, you didn't. Can I call Edward, please?" he begged.

I nodded and he pulled out his phone. I listened as he told Edward I was fine and he was taking me home. He glanced at me and I shook my head so he told Edward, "Not now, maybe later."

"Jake, can you take me to the Cullens house first, then home," I asked him.

"Sure, just give me directions."

I knocked on the door and Esme answered with a big smile. "How was Chicago?" She looked past me for Edward and was shocked to see Jake.

"Can I talk to you?" I asked in tears.

She pulled me to her office and offered Jake a plate of cookies. Instead of sitting at her desk she sat next to me and pulled me into her arms, "What happened, dear?"

"We had sex, and it ruined everything," I cried.

"Were you hurt?" she asked with concern.

"No, it was wonderful. But his family is so messed up and I think he brought me there to hurt his father. That is worse than anything Phil did to me. At least Phil didn't pretend to love me."

"Bella, Edward loves you very much, and maybe it was the fact you love him he wanted to throw at his father."

"I just don't get their whole dynamic. Why do you want to hurt people you love?"

"Because they want each other's love so badly, but each is too stubborn to give in first.

"Esme, his mother really did a number on him. You should have seen her room," I said.

"Carlisle did see it," she told me. "That was why we had him living here and not at the school. So he could see the bond between a married couple comes first, before children even."

"I can't fix him just by loving him, I have to let him go," I cried.

"He has to fix himself, Bella, and you are both too young to worry about the future just yet."

"I asked Jake to have sex with me," I admitted. "I wanted to hurt Edward, by becoming the girl everyone thinks I am."

"Bella, nobody thinks of you that way, dear. Everyone thinks you are loving, and giving, and so strong. They depend on you so much."

"I feel like I'm swimming, and the water just gets deeper and deeper. Everyone is expecting me to drown and I keep swimming, just to prove them wrong. But, I'm tired of swimming and I'm ready to drown now. I don't care that everyone will say, 'I told you so.'"

"Instead of swimming why don't you go under and pull the plug. Drain the water so you don't have to swim ever again," she suggested.

"Why did he do those things to me?" I whispered, not wanting my own self to hear the words.

"Because it made him feel powerful to push you down, but you have all the power now, Bella. You decide who touches you."

"Is that why I wanted Jake to touch me, so I could feel powerful over Edward?" I asked her honestly.

"Edward hurt you, letting Jake touch you would hurt him back. I would say that would feel pretty powerful, until you realize getting even makes everyone lose, and then you would feel pretty weak."

"I'm having nightmares of Phil, it started when Emmett tackled me," I finally confessed.

"Are you still taking your anti anxiety medication."

I shook my head back and forth and she told me to get right back on it.

"Having sex with Edward will most likely bring up added anxiety, too. You have to remember you chose to have sex with him. You were not coerced in any way. You hold all the power, remember that."

"He was so gentle and so loving," I cried.

"Bella, honey, Edward isn't treating you like a normal teenage boy treats his girlfriend. He didn't take you into an empty room at school or out into the woods. He brought you into his life, into his home, as if you are his to keep. I'm sure it was wonderful, but it was not something a young man usually does."

"Carlisle told him to take me to a hotel."

Esme's eyebrows raised and I could tell the news shocked her, so I quickly added, "He also told him to wait until I was eighteen."

"I'm sure his suggestion was to keep the place on neutral ground. So Edward didn't feel like you were all his by bringing you into his childhood bed."

"Tell me what to do?" I begged her.

"All I can say is what I have been saying all along. Go slow, focus on your own dreams and goals, and allow Edward to do the same. Time passes Bella, it really does."

"How's Angela?" I finally asked.

"You can ask her yourself, she is staying here."

I jumped up rudely, anxious to see Angela and even more anxious to see if she made a decision about the baby.

Esme took me to the kitchen where Angela was sitting with Jake. I ran to her and we hugged each other tightly. "Look at that tiny bump," I laughed.

"It's the cookies," she insisted.

"How are you feeling?" I pushed.

"Great, I found out what the baby is," she said with a smile.

I crossed my fingers tightly as I waited for the news. "A girl," she announced.

I screamed and jumped up and down. "I knew it, a little Angela, not a little Ben."

"And I also asked Esme and Carlisle to adopt her," she added.

I covered my mouth to keep the loud sobs from breaking free and let the tears fall freely. Angela pulled me into her arms and said, "You were right, Esme would be the perfect mother."

"How's the other stuff…the cutting," I asked awkwardly.

"I feel strong, Bella. My child will know I loved her, and that gives me strength."

"I am so proud of you," I said hugging her tightly.

"How was Chicago?" she asked.

I groaned loudly and said, "I asked Jake to have sex with me, so you can imagine how it went."

"Hey," he protested. "I'm sitting right here."

We all laughed and I sat on Jake's lap, "I meant I needed a real man after spending time with Edward."

"That's better," he mumbled.

I stood and began to pull Jake up when Carlisle walked into the room and asked to speak with me. I followed him down the hallway and sat across from his large desk.

"Bella, I just spoke to Edward. I advised him not to return to the school but to seek counseling along with his father in Chicago."

"He's not coming back?" I asked in a small voice.

"No, I think it is better for you both to make a clean break."

"Did I ruin his recovery?" I asked.

"No, dear, you helped him see the work he has in front of him. He accomplished as much as he could here, the rest needs to be done with his father. You were able to place a bridge between them. You helped quite a bit," he said with pride.

I nodded and felt my body turning numb.

"It seems the one thing you did not accomplish was the reason for the visit in the first place."

I looked at Carlisle with confusion. Edward and I wanted to be alone and have sex, and that was accomplished many, many times.

"You didn't sign the contracts," he explained.

"Oh yeah," I said as I shook my head.

"They will be sent to the school. We have a notary on staff who can watch you sign. You really accomplished something great, and you will be able to pay for your own college," he said with a smile.

"I don't feel too great right now," I admitted.

"It will get better, you'll see."

I stood and walked numbly to the front door as Jake followed. "I'll see you Monday," I told them all and walked out into the dreaded Washington rain.

"You okay?" Jake asked as he drove away.

"Edward's not coming back to school. He's staying in Chicago," I explained.

"He doesn't think I slept with you, does he?" Jake asked in shock.

"No, and it wouldn't matter anymore. We're over."

I turned and looked out the window at the dark wetness passing by. The forest was so old, and so constant, and I was so envious. I met a great guy at the lowest point of my life, but it was too soon. We were fragile saplings trying to establish our roots, so one day we could stand tall among the others in the world and our tears were like rain, nourishing us.

I took a deep breath as I headed right for the bottom, to pull the plug on the deepening water. I was going to get well, and never have to swim again.

I pulled my suitcases into the hallway of the dorm just like we were instructed to do. It seemed like another lifetime that I came here in anger. It had been the most significant year of my life and I was terrified to move on.

"Thank God for these gowns," Angela said, pulling the gold fabric away from her stomach.

"You don't even look pregnant," I told her.

"I feel better knowing all the parents won't be able to pick me out from the crowd. The poor pregnant preacher's daughter," she complained.

"I think they will be looking for your dripping scars anyway," I teased.

"Look how fat I am," Rosalie complained.

"Oh shut up," Ang and I said at the same time. "You could gain fifty pounds and still not be fat."

"I love you guys," she said and threw her arms around us.

"I want in on the hug," Alice said and jumped in the middle of us. We all squealed and jumped up and down. When we pulled apart Alice held up a watch, making us all look at our wrists.

"It's mine," she yelled and rolled her eyes, making us all laugh.

Jessica walked into the room and I stood in front of her. "I am begging you to tell me what you came into the room for all the time."

"Since it's the last day," she said walking over to her bunk. She reached up and pulled something from a small hole in the mattress above her.

"What is that?" I asked in confusion.

"It is a digital pet. I have kept it alive for two years," she said proudly.

"You cockblocked me constantly, for a stupid computerized pet?" I yelled.

"At least you didn't end up like Angela," she said to anger me.

"At least her baby is real, how old are you, eight?"

"I know something else Jessica has that is battery operated," Lauren lied.

"Are you using a dildo?" Rosalie asked in feigned shock.

"What's that?" Jessica asked.

"Do you have a battery operated penis?" Rose clarified.

Jessica looked at Lauren in disgust and yelled, "That's a lie."

"I don't lie anymore. I'm fixed," she said as she winked at us.

"I thought I heard weird noises at night," Alice said to add to the fray.

"I hate you all," Jessica said as she stormed from the room.

"Come on Jess, I know they're lying, you would have two dildo's, not one," I yelled after her and we all fell to the ground in laughter.

"Actually she is doing much better, look at her shoes facing different directions in her suitcase," Lauren pointed out.

"So who feels fixed," I said as I raised my hand. Slowly each girl lifted her hand high.

"Who feels we will stay fixed," I asked and each hand slowly fell back down.

I took a deep breath, "I guess it is up to us from here on out. To us, ladies," I said placing my fist in the middle of us.

Each girl added hers and Angela said, "To society's ills."

We all yelled the cheer in unison and headed to the ceremony.

I sat on the Dias and looked over the large crowd. I found my parents and nodded to them. Jake was sitting next to my dad and I smiled at him, slightly embarrassed.

I searched the students, all dressed in gold robes, for each one from my group. Emmett was taking up almost two spots so he was easy to find. Jasper was staring back at me, offering me his calming presence. Edward's place was empty and my heart ached as my mind pictured him there. His long legs would be extended forward and his arms would be crossed over his chest. His hair would be in his eyes and he would run his hand through it constantly to move it out of the way.

Alice was bouncing in her seat and smiled largely at me. Rosalie looked at me and then quickly looked away as she wiped a tear. I was so angry and full of hate the day I arrived here, but I was leaving grateful and full of love for the people I met along the way.

The program began and I waited patiently for my turn to speak. I had entered a contest for this privilege and instead of writing an essay, I wrote a song. So this was my moment I had been waiting for. My named was called and both Carlisle and Esme stood to hug me as I made my way to the podium.

I sat my notes down and looked up at the waiting audience.

_Good Afternoon,_

_Most people wouldn't understand the pride we feel today, because they can't begin to understand the hard work we put in to be here in front of you, dressed in the gold of winners. Each one of us came here as losers. We had failed in life, and not due to our own weaknesses. We are here because we let others weaken us. But we persevered and we became strong. We are now the captains of our own vessels and we control the course of our lives._

_We came from all over America and we will return to places like, Tennessee, New York, Kansas, Georgia, and Illinois. But a part of Washington goes with us. Every time we cry, it will remind us of the rain. Every time we feel green grass beneath our feet, it will remind us of the great forests. And every time life tries to push us down and we rise above it, we will be reminded of this school._

_We left a mark here too; the school will forever remember us. We left our hearts in the session rooms, our tears in the rage therapy, and our pride in the dorms which will hold more students next fall. We teased each other over individual issues, but we strengthened each other when times seemed dark. We protected one another with brute strength and offered choices when none seemed available. But most of all, we loved one another, when we felt there was nothing worthy to love._

_This place will be a shadow I carry all my life; when I look at my reflection, these hallways will shine back at me. Only time will tell if our paths ever cross again, but we will carry those we met here in our hearts forever. To those wearing the gold robes this day, I love you, I will miss you, and I wish for you all the best life has to offer._

_Thank You._

The crowd erupted into a huge roar and I turned to grab onto Esme as I collapsed in tears. She hugged me tightly, but her own tears made it impossible to speak. Carlisle held us both and whispered into my ear, "You did it. I told you there would be a big difference by May."

Our names were called out one at a time and we were handed a certificate. It wasn't graduation, but it was something to show we made it through this difficult process. When the ceremony ended I made my way through the crowd to my parents.

"We're so proud of you, Bella," they said with tears. Jake stood awkwardly behind them and I reached out and punched his arm.

"Great speech," he said with a smile.

"I bored you to death, admit it," I joked.

He reached out to give me a hug and whispered in my ear, "At least you didn't ask me to have sex with you, it would have been awkward."

"You had your one and only chance," I informed him.

Emmett came over to introduce his family and I felt like I was a Lilliputian in the land of Gulliver. He gave me a big hug and then gently kissed the small scar on my forehead. "Stay in touch," he said with wet eyes and turned to walk away. I ran and jumped onto his back and kissed his neck before saying, "I love you, Emmett."

He laughed with his big booming voice and I noticed Rosalie standing to the side. "Take care of her," I said to him and he nodded emotionally. I walked over to hug Rose and we had no need for words.

Jasper was talking to my parents when I returned and I quickly interrupted him. "If he is selling something, you're not buying."

"Darlin, I'm discussing the needs of our unappreciated men in uniform," he said, proving he indeed had a career in politics.

I saw Alice sitting in tears, staring up at everyone moving quickly around her. I walked over and sat next to her. "I don't want to leave," she said in tears.

"Come to Washington for college, and we'll be roommates," I told her.

Her face lit up and she looked into my eyes. "Do you mean that, Bella?"

"Of course I do, it's a plan," I said and hugged her.

"Now I need to talk Jaz into it," she said and ran to find him.

I laughed and made my way to Carlisle and Esme. They were talking with Angela and her parents so I made my way back to my own parents. We grabbed some food and punch and chatted with other people until I noticed the Cullens were free.

"Only one thing missing," I said trying to smile.

"What would that be?" Esme asked.

"You know," I said rolling my eyes, "Edward."

Carlisle placed his hands on my shoulders and turned me to see Edward and his father talking with Tanya and her parents. I put my hand over my mouth and watched as Edward senior was captivated by Tanya and Edward junior looked around the crowd, as if searching for something.

I automatically walked toward him and when he caught sight of me he began coming in my direction. I was shaking like crazy and felt like my legs would give out when he finally reached me and pulled me into his arms. I began to cry and could hear him crying in my neck.

We couldn't speak and the rest of the world fell away. I molded myself to him and arched back as he leaned over me. But realization began to fill me that this would be the last time I would ever see him. I pulled back and took his hands in mine, staring at the scars on his knuckles.

"Why didn't you sit with the students?" I asked.

"I didn't earn it," he said.

"Edward, yes you did, you changed me," I said honestly.

"Bella, do you regret us?" he asked and my heart broke.

"No, I cherish my time with you."

"My father has something for you, a check from the songs."

"How are you two doing?" I asked.

"We're working on it, it's been…difficult. But I agreed to go to school in Chicago, so we can continue."

"That is a great idea, Edward."

"Bella, I never meant to hurt you," he said staring into my eyes.

"You did the best you could, and that means the world to me," I told him.

"I know what I need now," he said as he bit his lip. "There was a time you were my only need, it was wrong."

"I will always love you," I whispered.

He pulled me into his arms again and kissed my neck. Jake walked up at that point and Edward shook his hand and hugged him awkwardly.

"Take care of my girl," Edward said.

"You know it," Jake replied.

I looked over to see Mr. Masen hand my father an envelope and I walked over to them. "Hello Mr. Masen."

"Bella, I gave your father a check for you," he said.

"Yeah, Edward told me."

"It's good to see you again. And thank you for giving me back my son. It has been a great feeling, getting to know him."

"You're taking a piece of my heart," I admitted.

"I'll keep that in mind," he said.

Edward and Jake joined us and Edward walked me to my parent's car. I stood there shaking and staring into his eyes as I cried.

"Esme told me time passes," I said, "Maybe when enough time has passed we'll see each other again."

"Maybe I'll be normal enough to want a piece of your life and not all of it," he said with a sad smile.

"Edward, you are…amazing," I said and pulled him to me, kissing him with everything I had.

He opened the door for me and I sat down, putting my hand on the window as he did the same. My heart broke into pieces as we backed up and headed off of school grounds.

Edward stood in the parking lot to watch the one thing he truly needed drive away.

**The End.**

The sequel is "All That I Am." It follows the group into adulthood.


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